doc_on_duty (doc_on_duty) wrote in clinic_duty,

House MD - 2.02 Autopsy

Originally Aired: Sept 20 2005

Written by: Lawrence Kaplow
Directed by: Deran Sarafian

Transcribed by: Fen

Betaed by: Mary Ann

DISCLAIMER: We don't own "HOUSE." It's owned by FOX and NBC/Universal, and produced by Heel and Toe Films and Bad Hat Harry Productions. This transcript is unofficial, and should UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be copied or distributed, especially for commercial use.

[A little girl is singing along with a tape player, the song is Beautiful sung by Christina Aguilera and the girl is giving it all she has. She is putting on a wig, taking her pills (lots of pills), preparing to give herself an injection. This is not a healthy little girl but she isn’t letting it get her down.]

Mom: 10-minute warning

Girl (Andie): I’m fine

Mom: What about your meds?

Girl (Andie): I got it mom.

[As she gives herself an injection everything seems to go crazy, the walls shake, the pipes burst, the music fades and the mirror shatters; bringing her back to reality. Mom rushes in and finds Andie standing in front of the shattered mirror, her hand bloody.]

[Cut to credits. Love the theme music]

[Opens on a closed elevator; we hear a sneeze as the doors open revealing… House.]

Wilson: House! Need you.

House: Uh uh, forget it. I’m going home.

Wilson: Hay fever?

House: Boy, you must be a doctor and everything!

Wilson: Two minutes.

House: No, the purple thingy on the file means that “whoever” is one of yours, which means cancer, which means no way is it two minutes.

Wilson: Fine, I’m lying. 30 minutes.

[House looks like he’s going to sneeze… and then doesn’t]

House: Mystery of life.

Wilson: Benadryl might help.

House: I already did 1000 milligrams. [He sneezes]

Wilson: Steam room?

House: Why Jimmy. We’ll talk about this in the morning.

Wilson: I’ve got a nine year old with cancer. Alveolar Rhabdomyosarcoma. Terminal kid trumps your stuffy nose.

House: Not yet.

Wilson: She’s hallucinating. [He said the magic word]

House: So the Rhabdo’s in her brain. Make her comfortable she’s got about a week.

Wilson: Yeah except there is no cancer in her brain. Pristine CT scan, blood tests, protein markers all negative.

House: The cancer’s in remission? Which means the hallucinations are unconnected.

Wilson: Fascinating huh? And not that it matters but if you fix whatever’s going on in her head you give her maybe another year. Long time for a nine year old.

House: No. It’ll just fly by.

[The ducklings are looking at Andie’s file in the office]

Cameron: Five major surgeries, a bone marrow transplant, 14 rounds of chemo and blast radiation.

Chase: If it was me I’d just stay home and watch TV or something. Not lie here under a microscope.

[A sneeze]

House: Don’t worry, anything happens to you nobody’s is going to lift a finger. Differential diagnosis on your marks, get set…

Foreman: Hallucinations could be caused by…

House: Whoa. Wait for it… [Pause] and go.

Foreman: Latent neurotoxicity from the chemo treatments.

Cameron: No. The patient’s last round of chemo was two months ago. We would have seen it by now.

Chase: Genetic component.

Foreman: No, nothing on mom. Dad split when she was pregnant [ Cameron hands House a cup of tea] his medical history is also clean.

House: What a guy.

Chase: What about graft vs. host disease from the bone marrow transplant? Infection travels to her brain and she has hallucinations.

Foreman: Blood work and LP were clean.

House: [Looking at the scan] But where there’s infection there’s meningial swelling.

Foreman: That CT shows no meningial involvement.

House: True. Get a tox screen and MRI.

Foreman: We can do that if you want to ignore what we just discussed.

House: Sounds good.

Cameron: Toxic exposure doesn’t make chronological sense.

House: Yes, there is a third option — she’s making it all up because she doesn’t want to get in trouble for breaking a mirror. Unfortunately we can’t test for that so… [He looks at Chase] Tox screen, MRI and you [He looks at Cameron] stay away from the patient.

Cameron: What’d I do?

HOUSE: Oh well, you’d just get all warm and cuddly around the dying girl and insinuate yourself; end up in a custody battle. Chase you handle the mom. Tell her that you’d just sit home and watch TV and die, but you’re going to go though the motions of trying to save her daughters life. It’s a doctor thing. [They begin to exit and he sips the tea] What the hell is this?

Cameron: Black walnut and ginger.

House: It’s nice.

[The MRI room]

Chase: Let’s lay you down and I’ll attach this thingamajiggy.

Andie: Sat monitor.

Chase: Oh, a pro. I don’t have to explain anything. I like it. [He’s prepping her and finds her central line]

Andie: Central line for the chemo.

Chase: Yeah. It doesn’t hurt or anything does it?

Andie: No it’s awesome. Instead of an IV; it saves me a lot of time and a bunch of needle sticks.

Chase: Don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say they like their central line before. Alright, can I interest you in a walk in the park? [He turns on the wall monitor]

Andie: No thanks.

Chase: Okay. [He changes the image to a field of butterflies]

Andie: Don’t want any butterflies either; doesn’t matter what the walls look like, you’re still looking for cancer.

Chase: Not today. We’re looking for an infection, but I get your point. You comfortable?

Andie: Yep.

Chase: Alright let’s get this over with.

Andie: A pro. I like it.

[In the clinic]

House: Whoa look at the time I should have been out of here 20 minutes ago.

Nurse: You’ve only been here 20 minutes.

House: Can’t slip anything by you can I.

Nurse: There’s a patient in one.

House: I’m taking a sick day.

Cuddy: Take some Claritin.

House: Everyone’s a doctor suddenly.

Nurse: Patient in one requested a male doctor.

Cuddy: Balls are in your court, Doctor.

House: Union rules. I can’t check out this guy’s seeping gonorrhea this close to lunch.

Cuddy: Exam room one.

House: Well it’s sexist and a very dangerous precedent; if people could choose the sex of their doctors you gals would be out of business.

Cuddy: Exam room one.

[Exam room one]

House: Sore throat? [We see the patient holding an open book in front of him, he removes it to reveal blood stained pants] Well it’s not lupus. Well not everyone can operate a zipper; the up, the down. What comes next?

Patient: My new girlfriend never been with a guy who wasn’t c-circumcised so she freaked and—

House: Aha, and you wanted Rivkah to feel all gemutlicht. I get it it’s a shandah.

[The patient drops his pants as House turns toward him] Gah!

Patient: I got some box cutters and uh…

House: Just like Abraham did it.

Patient: I sterilized them which, uh, I was told you’re…

House: Stop talking. I’m gonna get a plastic surgeon. Get the Twinkie back in the wrapper.

[Cut to the hallway outside the clinic]

Foreman: House. Hey, house. Andie’s MRI and tox screen were clean. No infection. No neurotoxins.

[House hands his bag and tosses his cane to Cameron then takes the test results]

House: Oxygen saturation is 94%, check her heart.

Foreman: Her oxygen saturation is normal.

House: It’s off by one percentage point.

Foreman: It’s within range. It’s normal.

House: If her DNA was off by one percentage point she’d be a dolphin. We’ve got a patient, who for no obvious reason is hallucinating. Since it’s not obvious, I thought we’d go with subtle.

Cameron: It doesn’t matter if her sat percentage is off that means her blood isn’t getting enough oxygen. That’s a problem with her lungs not her heart

Foreman: A lung problem isn’t causing hallucinations.

Chase: But the lungs could lead us somewhere that is.

House: Welcome to the end of the thought process.

Chase: Primary pulmonary hypertension.

Cameron: Maybe PE or pulmonary fibrosis.

Foreman: Could be some bizarre case of kyphoscoliosis. [Chase laughs]

House: I’m going home. While I’m resting you guys get some arterial blood gasses. Once you confirm she is hypoxic I want a plethysmography, Chest X-ray, CT and VQ. And if all that comes back negative then snake a catheter into her lungs. Don’t worry, I don’t sleep in. I’ll get bagels.

[In the test lab]

Chase: You ever had this test before? [Andie shakes her head]

Andie: What’s it for?

Chase: This goes all the way up the vein by your hip into your lung. If I find something up there blocking anything I pull it out. Simple.

Andie: Its gonna be easy. The doctor at Sloan told me I had a great aorta.

Chase: Oh, you have had this test before.

Andie: Sorry. I just like hearing you talk.

[Chase laughs and goes back to work]

Andie: I’ve never kissed a boy.

Chase: There’s time yet for that.

Andie: There was a boy last summer; I was at one of those cancer camps.

Chase: Uh huh.

Andie: I just never had the guts to ask him. You know there’s a good chance I’m not gonna walk out of this hospital. Even if I do I’m nine. There’s not a lot of kissing going on in the third grade.

Chase: You will walk out of here, alright, and you will kiss a boy. There you go. A smile.

Andie: Will you kiss me?

Chase: No.

Andie: No one will ever know.

Chase: I’m… I’m… I’m sorry I can’t.

Andie: I won’t tell anyone.

Chase: Listen, you’re nine years old I’m thirty.

Andie: I just want to know what it feels like. Once.

Chase: This isn’t your last chance for that.

Andie: What if it is? Please kiss me.

[After a moment he kisses her and immediately feels like a big perv]

[Commercial break... buy stuff]

[In the office]

House: Bagels.

Foreman: You didn’t sleep in.

House: Didn’t sleep. Didn’t breathe. I’m dying.

Chase: Pulmonary angiogram of Andie’s lungs was clean. Arterial blood gasses and a CT scan were also normal. Her heart and lungs are fine.

House: Which gives us no explanation for the diminished sat percentage.

Foreman: Yeah oddly enough sometimes normal is normal.

House: Sometime we can’t see why normal isn’t normal. Get her symptoms on the board.

Cameron: Whoa; you’re letting me touch the markers?

House: It’s written down in my advanced health care directive, should I be incapacitated in any way you run the board, then Foreman. Chase you’re just not ready yet. What else?

Foreman: Guys, I know we ruled out infection but if we forget the labs for a minute, there is one infection we didn’t test for because of her age. Neurosyphilis.

Chase: There’s no way.

Foreman: If the infection dipped into her cerebral cortex all peripheral functions could be compromised.

Chase: No she hasn’t had sex, she’s nine!

Foreman: Maybe it wasn’t her idea. I mean she’s been around a lot of adults; all the hospital visits, the counselors at the cancer camps.

Cameron: You think she’s been molested.

Chase: She’s hiding it pretty well if there’s any of that going on.

House: Yeah, all girls who’ve been molested want to talk about it. Break out the rape kit.

Chase: She hasn’t had sex.

House: Why are you so sure?

Chase: She told me she’d never kissed a boy.

House: You read her diary too?

Chase: She asked me to kiss her.

House: I rest my case. A regular nine year old girl does not have sex on the brain, not when a doctor is threading a catheter through her vein.

Chase: But she’s not a regular nine year old. She’s got terminal cancer.

House: Cancer doesn’t make you special. Molestation on the other hand…

Chase: She wanted one kiss before she dies. If she’s never kissed a boy it’s a fair bet she’s never had sex.

House: Tell that to all the hookers who won’t kiss me on the mouth. Hey, here’s a theory, she has been molested, seeks refuge in romantic fantasies with older men with great hair. And I think you left out the punch line, victims of molestation learn to work the angles. Manipulate people. You did it didn’t you. You kissed her.

Chase: It wasn’t sick. [Foreman and Cameron freak out quietly] It was one kiss for a dying girl. One small… one small kiss before she dies. Thank you. Thanks.

House: This is exactly why you can’t touch my markers. Go see if she’s had sex.

Cameron: Okay.

[Exam room]

Andie: No one’s ever touched me.

Cameron: We just need to be sure.

Andie: I like your hair. I used to have really curly hair. I always wanted it to be like yours is.

Cameron: Thank you. Alright, that’s it, you’re fine.

[House throws a pebble at Wilson’s office window, and then another until his friend looks up]

Wilson: With a patient.

House: Is she dying?

Wilson: No.

House: Then she can wait.

Wilson: Would you excuse me, just 2 minutes.

House: If only she’d been molested then we’d have something to go on. [He tries to open a jar of mentholatum] No forced entry.

Wilson: One hallucination; maybe it was just bad pork, maybe there’s nothing…

House: She’s not fine. Her sat percentage dropped another point.

[He keeps struggling with the jar]

Wilson: Which could suggest a tumor in her lung.

House: Lung wouldn’t explain the hallucination. CT scan showed both lungs were clean, which means there’s a tumor in her heart.

Wilson: Not a chance. Give me that.

[Wilson opens the jar]

House: I loosened it.

Wilson: I opened it. We’ve got an MRI and an echo of her heart, there’s nothing there.

House: Give me one other explanation for low oxygen saturation.

Wilson: I can’t. There’s only one condition that simultaneously affects the heart and the brain but she…

House: Perfect let’s go with that.

Wilson: Tuberous Sclerosis in a kid that also has Alveolar Rhabdomyosarcoma. Two different unrelated cancers at the same time is a statistical no no.

House: What’s the rate of cancer in the general population? 1 in 10,000?

Wilson: Don’t, don’t start with the numbers.

House: The way I figure it 1 in 10,000 of them should have another cancer. Little girl won the lottery twice. It happens.

Wilson: So you’re gonna cut her open?

House: Exploratory surgery, gotta find this thing.

Wilson: You’re just going to grope around inside an immuno-compromised nine year old? She could die on the table.

House: I know it's somewhere near the heart.

Wilson: House, you’ve gotta do better than that.

[House is in the locker room, listening to the aria Nessun Dorma from Puccini’s Turandot]

Foreman: Why are we here?

House: Better acoustics. Now listen to this.

Chase: That’s a mitral heart valve.

House: No, get the wax out of your ears. This is the patient’s aortic valve. I downloaded the audio of her echocardiogram.

Foreman: What are we trying to hear?

House: Tumor.

Chase: They tend to keep quiet on account of them not having any mouths.

House: But we could hear an abnormality in the sound of the valve, which would indicate the presence of something; a tumor for example. If we can tell the surgeon where to look this is no longer exploratory surgery it’s a precision strike.

Foreman: Her aortic valve sounds normal.

House: Too bad. Now listen to the dulcet tones of Andie’s tricuspid valve.

Cameron: Normal.

House: And this is her mitral valve.

Chase: I don’t hear anything weird.

House: You guys make me sad. Listen again.

Chase: She’s had one hallucination. Why are we operating on her? Why are we risking her life?

House: Because Wilson thinks it’ll be nice to give the girl a year to say good bye to her mommy. I guess maybe she stutters or something. Now shut up and listen. Tricuspid. Mitral. Again.

Cameron: Wait. There. There’s an extra flap.

House: I’m gonna ask the surgeon to look at the mitral valve first. Chase, I want you there. I don’t like reading surgeons reports, they’re boring.

Chase: I’m not really sure I should be spending more time…

House: She’ll be unconscious you’ll be safe.

[They leave and House goes back to the opera]

Mom: I’ll be there when you wake up.

Andie: I’m gonna be fine mom.

Wilson: Brave kid, she even gave her mom a pep talk.

House: Sure. Brave. She’s a wonder.

Wilson: What’s your problem?

House: These cancer kids; you can’t put them all on a pedestal. It’s basic statistics some of them have to be whiny little fraidy cats.

Wilson: You’re unbelievable.

House: If there’s not one yellow-belly in the group then being brave doesn’t have any meaning.

Wilson: Andie handles an impossible situation with grace. That’s not to be admired?

House: You see grace because you wanna to see grace.

Wilson: You don’t see grace because you won’t go anywhere near her.

House: Idolizing is pathological with you people. You see things to admire where there’s nothing.

Wilson: Yeah, well, we’re evil.

House: You find things to admire where you shouldn’t be sniffing at all; like Debbie in accounting.

Wilson: She’s nice.

House: You shouldn’t know that, you’re married.

Wilson: So the little kid dying of cancer, I shouldn’t like her?

House: If you’re dying suddenly everybody loves you.

Wilson: You have a cane, nobody even likes you.

House: I’m not terminal, merely pathetic; you wouldn’t believe the crap people let me get away with.

[Wilson watches the surgery from the viewing area. Mom waits alone. Chase looks up and shakes his head. They’ve found it.]

Wilson: They found a tumor it’s in her lung extending into her heart. It wasn’t visible on the MRI because it’s growing along the heart wall. Now because of the placement, the surgeon has to temporarily remove Andie’s heart. It’s called an explant. They cut out the tumor and replace any damaged heart muscle with bovine patches. That’s a patch made from cow’s pericardium. It’s a sac that encloses the heart.

Mom: What are her chances?

Wilson: The problem is there might not be enough heart left once they remove all of the tumor. And if the tumor’s metastasized there nothing we can do.

[Chase is giving the girl eye drops and notices something]

Chase: Dr. Murphy.

Murphy: Just let me tie this off.

Chase: Doctor.

Murphy: What?

Chase: She’s got a bleed in her eye.

[Commercials again… Buy more stuff]

House: They got the tumor, repaired her heart but she bled out of her eye.

Wilson: She didn’t bleed out of her eye from a heart tumor.

House: True. The cardiac tumor was benign.

Wilson: That’s impossible.

House: Statistically.

Wilson: Oh shut up. If the tumor’s benign that means it didn’t cause her hallucinations.

House: That’s why I’m mentioning it.

Wilson: So the tumor is a coincidence.

House: This is bad you’re starting to state the obvious.

Wilson: No, you said it would be there, it was there. It can’t be a coincidence.

[They enter the office]

House: A nine year old with terminal cancer gets an unrelated benign tumor growing in her heart why?

Cameron: It’s benign? That’s impossible.

House: Talk to Wilson.

Wilson: And the retinal bleed? Another coincidence?

Chase: A clot could create pressure behind the eye cause the bleed.

Wilson: A clot could explain the eye, but doesn’t explain the hallucinations.

Foreman: A clot could cause mini seizures.

Wilson: Great; another thing that’s not causing the hallucinations.

Foreman: Post seizure psychosis; the brain sort of corrects itself after the seizure by hallucinating.

Wilson: The clot could explain the eye and the hallucinations, but what about the tumor. Tumors the size of an octopus wrapped around a little girl's heart are not just a coincidence.

Cameron: She’s not healthy. She’s never been healthy.

Wilson: What’s the theory here? This girl’s body’s a lemon? Faulty manufacturing? Everything’s falling apart.

House: The tumor is Afghanistan the clot is Buffalo. Does that need more explanation? Ok the tumor is Al Qaeda. Big bad guy with brains. We went in and wiped it out but it had already sent out a splinter cell; a small team of low level terrorists quietly living in some suburb of Buffalo, waiting to kill us all.

Foreman: Whoa, whoa, you’re trying to say that the tumor threw a clot before we removed it.

House: It was an excellent metaphor, angio her brain for this clot before it straps on an explosive vest.

[Cameron and Foreman angio the brain]

House: Angio was clean.

Wilson: There’s no clot?

House: There’s a clot, we just can’t find it.

Wilson: We can’t do exploratory surgery on her brain.

House: Are you sure you’re not a neurologist?

Wilson: [Sighs] Okay, she’s gonna die.

House: Well the clots not gonna to go away quietly. It could blow at anytime. Are you gonna let them know?

Wilson: I guess so.

House; Can I come with?

Wilson: To tell Andie she’s going to die? That’s very un-you.

House: She’s such a brave girl. I want to see how brave she is when you tell her she’s gonna die.

Wilson: Go to hell.

[House watches Wilson tell Andie and her mom from a distance. Mom cries and the girl comforts her. Wilson looks at House]

[In the office]

House: What would you do if you were told you were gonna die?

Foreman: I don’t know, I’d be devastated.

House: You’d cry like a baby, everybody would, but she’s not doing anything. She’s a rock.

Cameron: She’s brave.

House: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why?

Chase: She’s gone through more than most people do in a lifetime.

House: So what? Does that mean she’s ready to die? What if her bravery is a symptom? The clot is causing hallucinations and messing with her emotions.

Foreman: You think her bravery is chemically based.

House: Would tell us where to look for the clot. Where’s the fears center?

Foreman: The amygdala near the hippocampus; it’s a big area and a busy one. You blindly cut in there you’ll kill her. The only time you’re going to see this clot is at autopsy.

[Light bulb moment]

House: Then let’s do that.

[Cuddy’s office]

House: Is it still illegal to perform an autopsy on a living person?

Cuddy: Are you high?

House: If it’s Tuesday, I’m wasted.

Cuddy: It’s Wednesday.

House: I want to induce a hypothermic cardiac arrest. Once the patients on bypass we siphon off two liters of blood then perfuse the brain while she’s in an MRI.

Cuddy: You’re actually talking about killing her.

House: Just for a little while, I’ll bring her right back.

Cuddy: Oh, well, in that case go ahead. Why are we even talking?

House: If we do nothing she’s dead in a day, maybe a week; the kind that lasts.

Cuddy: We need FDA approval for any surgical technique that’s used for diagnostic purposes.

House: Absolutely. If we were doing anything invasive; but there’s nothing invasive. [He almost sneezes] Gah. You know, I’m not cutting into her head I’m just looking for a clot.

Cuddy: Not invasive? You’re killing her.

House: Don’t split hairs, if it works she lives.

Cuddy: Make sure the mom understands that this is a million to one shot.

House: I’ll see that Wilson passes that along.

Wilson: The plan is basically to... reboot your daughter. Like a computer. We shut her down then restart her.

Mom: How do you restart a nine year old girl?

Wilson: We cool her core body temperature to 21 degrees Celsius. Use blankets. Ice.

Mom: Sort of like… like hibernation?

Wilson: Not quite, in hibernation a bear's heart beat is just very slow; in cardiac arrest there is no heart beat.

Mom: So she’s dead.

Wilson: Temporarily yes. By cooling her we limit the risk of damage when we remove her blood. Not all of it, two to three liters.

Mom: Half her blood.

Wilson: Then we put it back. It’s called perfusing the circuit. In this case her brain, and using an MRI we’d have a very brief window to, hopefully, see the outline of the clot. If it's there and if it’s operable, we go get it. And Andie walks out of here.

[House is playing with a card in his office]

Wilson: Signed consent forms.

House: Great. Thanks.

Wilson: You sound better.

House: I stacked a combo of mentholatum, a few vicodin and something else which I can’t remember. Should be able to ride the high for a couple hours; what did Andie say?

Wilson: About what?

House: About this.

Wilson: I didn’t talk to her; she doesn’t need to know the specifics of this procedure.

House: What if you’re right about her? What if she just is that brave?

Wilson: That doesn’t mean she’s mature enough to handle this kind of decision.

House: Either she understands or she’s not brave. You can’t have it both ways. If she does understand… then she deserves to know what’s going on.

[Andie’s room]

House: I’m doctor House.

Andie: I’ve seen you around.

House: Did your mom tell you what we’re gonna try?

Andie: Sorta.

House: Tomorrow’s test could take ten hours, in your present condition you might not even make it through.

Andie: My mom’s done a lot of research.

House: How do you feel about it? If we figured maturity came from how much time you’ve got left instead how long you’ve been here, this would be your call.

Andie: I don’t have a choice right?

House: I could give you one.

Andie: I wanna get better.

House: You’ve got cancer. I fix this…

Andie: I’ve got a year.

House: A year of this. A lot of people wouldn’t want that. A lot of people would just want it to be over.

Andie: Are you asking if I want to die?

House: Nobody wants to die. But you’re going to. The question is how, how much you’re gonna suffer and how long. I’m asking if you want this to be over.

Andie: What would you tell my mom?

House: I could give her ten excellent medical reasons why we can’t do this procedure.

Andie: I can’t just leave her cause I’m tired.

House: But you can’t stay for her either.

Andie: But she needs me here.

House: This is your life, you can’t do this just for her.

Andie: I love her.

[Commercials... go see movies]

[Operating room]

HOUSE: Thank you for joining me for tonight’s dress rehearsal. Playing the part of Andie is Morty Randolph. [He gestures at a cadaver] For his donation to science we give our thanks. Once Andie is cool and goes off bypass we have 60 seconds to get 2 liters of blood out of her body and back into her for the pictures to find the clot in her head. IF our star is bumped tomorrow [He barely touches the cadaver and lights start to flash] while my MRI is on these red lights will go off which will mean we have no useable test results. No test results; its goodbye Broadway. You guys will be wearing bad cat suits in Des Moines. Neurosurgeons here, with a view of the monitors. Cardiac surgeon there, in case we need to open her up. Anesthesiologists, one by the cardiac bypass machine, one by the cooling apparatus. Girls in the chorus if you’re over 5’ 10” stick with me. Okay give me 60 seconds on the clock. Showtime. A five, six, seven, eight… siphon off the blood through the arterial line WHOOSH, sound of blood draining. More whoosh. Glug, glug, glug and we… [Red lights] Kill her. Again.

[Red lights]

Doctor 1: Sorry, my hand slipped.

House: How hard can this be?

Doctor 2: It’s a little busy down here.

House: Again!

[Red lights]

Doctor 2: If we didn’t have to lavage her gastrointestinal…

House: Again!

[Red lights]

House: Again!

Foreman: We could bolt her to the table.

House: Gruesome and low tech. Kiss me I love it. A five, six, seven, eight…

[Fade to Andie on the operating table]

Nurse: Here you go doctor.

House: This’ll make you sleep.

Andie: A lot of people.

House: Big musical number kiddo; a lot of people here to make you look good.

Andie: You’re kind of freaking me out.

Chase: He gets that sometimes.

Anesthesiologist 1: Deep breath honey.

House: Okay go.

[Big scary procedure as described previously by Wilson. With the added task of Foreman bolting the girls head to the table]

Anesthesiologist 1: Body temperature, 37 degrees Celsius.

House: Start the cooling. You. Go.

Chase: She’s shivering.

House: 200 milligrams of vecuronium.

Anesthesiologist 1: 24 degrees Celsius.

Doctor 1: We have A-fib.

[House turns off the monitor volume]

House: What? She’s dead; that’s the whole idea. Go.

Anesthesiologist 2: 1 liter out… 2 liters.

House: Okay put the blood back in; reperfuse the circuit.

[MRI starts to appear on the monitors]

House: Anything people? Anything at all?

Neuro 1: Internal carotid artery and cavernous sinus is fine.

Doctor 1: 10 seconds.

Foreman: Vestibulocolcular nerve intact.

Neuro 2: Middle meningial artery clear.

Doctor 1: 5 seconds.

Neuro 1: Nothing.

Doctor 1: We’re over the limit. We’ve got to start re-warming her or there’ll be permanent damage.

House: Keep looking.

Foreman: There!

House: I didn’t see anything.

Foreman: It was there.

House: Are you sure?

Foreman: 4 millimeters lateral to the hippocampus. I saw it.

Doctor 1: House, she’s out of time; she’s gonna be a vegetable.

Foreman: I saw it.

House: That’s good enough for me.

[Waiting room]

Wilson: They were able to restart her heart. She’s doing as well as can be hoped.

Mom: So they found they clot.

Wilson: We think so. The neurosurgeons are attempting to remove it right now.

Mom: And when will we know if there was any damage?

Wilson: A few hours.

[Mom cries]

[Music montage: Bird York –In the Deep]

[House is playing with a ball in his office… waiting]

[Foreman is in the operating room]

Foreman: 4 millimeters lateral to the hippocampus.

Neuro: That’s where I am. There’s nothing there.

Foreman: You’re not there yet. Keep going.

Neuro: I’m there. Are you sure you saw... there it is. I think I can get it.

[Foreman turns to Chase who is watching from outside]

Andie: Hi Mom.

Mom: Ohh, hi baby. [She cries]

[House is in his office… cutting a white powder on a mirror using a razor blade]

Wilson: You’re treating your stuffy nose with cocaine?

House: Diphenhydramine. Antihistamine. New delivery system; it’s a blood brain barrier thing.

Wilson: It’s all about speed isn’t it? One thing to another; never standing still. You’re pretty good at that.

House: I know my way around a razor blade.

Wilson: It's time.

House: Just a couple more rocks.

Wilson: Andie’s going home.

House: Right, parade of the small bald circus freaks. Sorry, I got a thing.

Wilson: I read the surgeon's report.

House: Oh?

Wilson: Clot was nowhere near her amygdala. Means her fear emotions were working perfectly.

House: Yeah.

Wilson: Yeah. So her bravery was not a symptom.

House: Yeah. I was wrong; she genuinely is a self sacrificing saint whose life will bring her nothing but pain, which she will stoically withstand just so that her mom doesn’t have to cry quite so soon. I’m beside myself with joy. [He does a line] Whoa!

Wilson: She enjoys life more than you do.

House: Right.

Wilson: She stole that kiss from Chase. What have done lately?

House: I’m pacing myself; unlike her I have the luxury of time.

Wilson: She could outlive you.

[Andie hugs everyone goodbye in turn; Cuddy, Cameron, Foreman, Wilson]

Chase: [Handing her tickets to the American Museum of Natural History] In case you want to see real butterflies. [They hug and she kisses him on the cheek]

House: I’m not gonna kiss you no matter what you say. [She hugs him]

Andie: It’s sunny outside, you should go for a walk.

House:[He looks at his cane] Not much for long walks in the park. Now get.

[Closes the way it opened with Beautiful. Sung this time by Elvis Costello]

[House stands on the street looking at some motorcycles, a guy is talking to him but he doesn’t hear it because the song is actually playing on his headphones]

Salesman: Right leg?

[House removes the headphones]

House: Huh?

Salesman: Your right leg? You can still ride. We’ve got excellent financing right now. It lists for 10-8 but I’ll let you steal it out the door for 10-3.

House: No thanks. [He starts to leave and then turns back] Could I test drive one of these things?

[Fade out on House: riding the open road]

Tags: season 2

  • House – 5.24 Both Sides Now

    Originally Aired: May 11, 2009 Written by: Doris Egan Directed by: Greg Yaitanes Transcribed by: Jane (poeia) DISCLAIMER: "HOUSE is…

  • House – 5.23 Under My Skin

    Originally Aired: May 4, 2009 Written by: Pamela Davis and Lawrence Kaplow Directed by: David Straiton Transcribed by: Jane (poeia)…

  • House MD – 5.22 House Divided

    House DividedOriginally Aired: April 27, 2009 Written by: Matthew V. Lewis & Liz Friedman Directed by: Greg Yaitanes Transcribed by: Jane (…

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  • House – 5.24 Both Sides Now

    Originally Aired: May 11, 2009 Written by: Doris Egan Directed by: Greg Yaitanes Transcribed by: Jane (poeia) DISCLAIMER: "HOUSE is…

  • House – 5.23 Under My Skin

    Originally Aired: May 4, 2009 Written by: Pamela Davis and Lawrence Kaplow Directed by: David Straiton Transcribed by: Jane (poeia)…

  • House MD – 5.22 House Divided

    House DividedOriginally Aired: April 27, 2009 Written by: Matthew V. Lewis & Liz Friedman Directed by: Greg Yaitanes Transcribed by: Jane (…