Written by: Lawrence Kaplow
Directed by: Greg Yaitanes
Transcribed by: Tammy (beckston)
DISCLAIMER: We don't own "HOUSE." It's owned by FOX and NBC/Universal, and produced by Heel and Toe Films and Bad Hat Harry Productions. This transcript is unofficial, and should UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be copied or distributed, especially for commercial use.
[The scene opens with the explosion of a star in space. The camera pulls back to show a sky full of celestial bodies, including an asteroid and a planet. Panning down, it is revealed that the place is actually a round auditorium full of high school students on a field trip to a planetarium]
Mr. Damon: It's estimated the observable universe is 93 billion light-years across. It's probably more accure...
[As the teacher continues on in the background, the camera pans over to Abby and Nick, sitting together in a back row of the dark auditorium. They are not paying attention to their teacher]
Abby: I'm gonna be so far away.
Nick: I don't care. I don't want to break up. I'll come on the weekends.
Abby: Stanford's on the other side of the country.
Nick: My dad has, like, ten million frequent flyer miles. He won't care.
[The kid next to Nick passes him a thermos. He takes a drink from it and hands it to Abby, who also takes a sip and coughs loudly]
Abby: (coughing) Oh.
Mr. Damon: Are we all right over here?
Abby: Uh, yes, Mr. Damon. I just had something caught in my throat.
Mr. Damon: Abby, you know you're not supposed to have any food or drinks in here.
Abby: Oh, it's just water. I have a cough. I didn't want to disturb anyone.
Mr. Damon: We can only observe 4% of the universe. The rest of it is unaccounted for.
[Nick and Abby continue to ignore the teacher who can still be heard talking in the background]
Nick: I never knew you were such a good liar.
Abby: Well, a little more vodka, and you might find out some more things you didn't know about me.
Mr Damon: Nicholas.
Nick: Yes, sir?
Mr Damon: What conclusions can we draw from the incredible number of stars?
Nick: That the movie's either gonna be really good or really bad.
[The other students chuckle]
Mr Damon: I was thinking more about the implications for extraterrestrial life.
Nick: Well, I guess if there's an infinite number of stars, odds are there's at least one galaxy with life other than our own
Mr Damon: Or
Nick: Or... not?
Mr. Damon: Or our solar system is somehow unique. The question then becomes, "in what way?"
Nick: (quietly to Abby) The question then becomes, "could you possibly teach us anything more useless?" (looking over at Abby who is staring straight up with unblinking eyes) What are you looking at? (He follows her gaze and then, looking back at her, sees that she has red, foam oozing out of her mouth) Nick: Abby? (He gets out of his seat and shakes her gently) Oh, my God. Something's wrong. She's not breathing. Abby?
[Mr Damon rushes over to them]
Mr. Damon: Call 911.
[The scene transitions from the planetarium’s sky into the opening credits]
[The scene opens on a close-up of House sitting on the orange sofa in Wilson’s apartment and pouring cereal into a bowl. He picks up a milk carton and pours in some milk. Wilson approaches from behind the couch and the camera pulls back a bit to reveal House in his pajamas and bathrobe, eating a bowl of cereal. There is a piece of toast on the couch beside him. Wilson is fully dressed in a suit and tie]
Wilson: Would you mind at least putting a napkin under your jelly toast?
House: Get a table, and I won't eat it on the couch.
Wilson: (putting on his overcoat) Yes, you will.
House: But I won't have a good excuse.
[A wide camera shot reveals a room, empty, but for the orange couch, the flatscreen TV, and a few smaller pieces of furniture in the kitchen area]
Wilson: Why don't you go get a table?
House: Not my condo.
Wilson: You have my permission. Pick out whatever you want.
House: Then it would be a reflection of me, not you. That wouldn't be right.
Wilson: (He picks his keys off the counter and packs his briefcase) No, it would be a reflection of the fact that the guy who's been mooching off of me for as long as I can remember, isn't a complete ingrate.
House: (pausing) You've never furnished a home.
Wilson: I have furnished a bunch of homes.
House: No, you've married a bunch of women, who furnished a bunch of homes.
Wilson: You want to eat off something? Fine. Move your piano in here and eat off that.
[House rises from the couch to face Wilson]
House: You're afraid.
Wilson: Of a dining table? You know, they don't actually come to life when you put a knob off your bedpost on them.
House: You are what you sit in. Your friends, your job, your furnishings — it all defines you.
Wilson: You don't really believe that. You just don't want to do the shopping.
[Wilson starts to leave, when House challenges him. House’s words echo off the empty walls and floor of the apartment]
House: Buy some furniture, or admit that you're empty inside.
[Wilson opens the door and leaves]
[Cut to the diagnostics conference room at PPTH. Chase, Thirteen, and Foreman are seated around the table reviewing a patient file]
Chase: X-rays confirm the fluid that almost suffocated her to death was from pulmonary edema.
Foreman: Means the problem's either in her heart or lungs.
Thirteen: Tox screen's clean for everything except the alcohol, and her B.A.C. was barely .05.
[House walks into the room]
Chase: That means she only had one or two drinks, tops.
House: And there's no sign of trauma.
Chase: How'd you know?
[House props his cane on a chair, then takes off his backpack and coat]
House: Because if there was, Cuddy wouldn't have needed me to take the case.
Thirteen: How do you know Cuddy…?
House: Foreman's the only one with the balls to take a case without checking with me, and he's still working on breakfast. Which means that the... (He takes up the patient file and puts it on his forehead as if he has the power of telepathy) 18... no, 17-year-old honor student —
Thirteen: Cuddy has a soft spot for smart girls, and they don't start drinking until second semester, senior year.
House: So either you think that smart women look out for each other, which means you're an idiot, or you think Cuddy's not smart, which means... well, I guess it's the same both ways.
Thirteen: Then how did you —
House: Picture fell out of the file. She looks smart. Where's Taub?
[Thirteen picks up the photo of the patient, which has fallen on the floor]
Thirteen: You don't already know?
House: Yeah, he's at home in a fight with his wife. I'm just curious what he wanted me to know.
Chase: His car has a flat tire. He's waiting for a tow truck.
Foreman: What about rising blood pressure from binge drinking? It could set off a hypertensive crisis, cause heart failure.
Chase: Two drinks is hardly a binge.
House: (reading the file) Certainly not if you're an Aussie. But when an American schoolgirl has two drinks before 10:00 am, it's a pretty sure bet that the plan is to have a lot more. Probably wasn't the first time she had that plan.
Chase: We'll get a C-13-pyruvate MRI to check for cardiac lactic-acid levels.
House: Someone call Taub. Tell him to cut the ball and chain on his own time.
[Chase prepares to go do the test. House picks up his cane and backpack and heads to his office]
[Cut to Taub and his wife Rachel arguing in their bedroom at home. Taub has his cell phone in his hand. He looks at it briefly, then puts it in his pocket]
Taub: We're arguing about couples yoga?
Rachel: No. We're arguing over the fact that we don't ever do anything together anymore.
Taub: We don't ever do anything together?
Rachel: Chris, I love you, but I swear, if you start talking to me like I'm on the witness stand again, I'm gonna break your neck.
Taub: Honey, we do stuff together all the time.
[Taub grabs his suitcoat off a chair and puts it on]
Rachel: Really? Like what? Besides sleeping, watching tv, going out to dinner, what do we do together, just the two of us?
Taub: We... You don't like going out to dinner? All right, I'll do the yoga.
Rachel: Forget it.
Taub: Now you don't want me to do it?
Rachel: Just go to work.
Taub: No. I'm not leaving until we work this out.
Rachel: I'm fine. Please, just go.
[Taub leaves for work]
[Cut to Taub standing in the elevator at PPTH. Nick and his father are in the elevator also. As the elevator reaches their floor, all three men get off. Taub goes to the desk and picks up a file. Nick and his dad are looking into the rooms. Not seeing Abby, Nick turns to Taub]
Nick: Where's Abby Nash? I'm Nick, her boyfriend. (nodding toward his father) This is my dad.
Taub: You can wait in —
Nick: Where is she? Is she okay?
[Taub sighs and glances at the file]
Taub: She's having some tests run.
Nick: Is she okay?
Taub: (sighing and reading from the file) We think her drinking may have damaged her heart.
Nick: Her heart? No, she doesn't drink, not that much.
Taub: Just when she's at school?
Artie: Nick, what's he talking about?
Nick: It was a field trip. One of the kids had a fake I.D. But dad, you know Abby. Tell him.
Artie: Well, I know what she's like when the two of you are around me, but...
Taub: If you're right, the tests will come back negative.
Nick: Can you give her a message? I brought her homework... and I love her.
[Cut to Abby inside the MRI machine as the platform rolls into place. Taub enters the control room. Chase is sitting at the control panel]
Taub: Sorry I'm late. (He keys the mic and speaks to Abby) Nick loves you. (He sits down beside Chase)
Chase: House doesn't believe you got a flat tire.
Taub: What does he think I was doing?
Chase: Fighting with the wife.
Taub: Why would I lie about that? (Chase shrugs and Taub sighs) She wants me to do yoga.
Chase: (looking at the monitor) We need thinner cuts.
[Taub enters the command on the keyboard and turns back to Chase]
Taub: When you and Cameron had disagreements —
Chase: I'm probably not, the best guy to go to for marital advice.
Taub: Sorry. It's just —
Chase: Punch in to the mitral valve.
Taub: All right, I get the message.
Chase: (looking at the monitor) No — no, I'm serious. What is that?
[The camera zooms into the view on the monitor and then the shot transitions to the film on the lit wall of the radiology viewing room. The team is viewing the MRI results]
Thirteen: Could be a fungus.
Foreman: E.R. drew blood cultures — all negative, no parasites, no fungus.
Taub: It could be fastidious enteric bacteria.
House: You think she's been eating your wife's cooking? Hey, I'm on your side, man.
Taub: I am not fighting with my wife. I had a flat tire. It's in my trunk. You can go look at it if you want.
House: Don't need to. Face tells me you're bluffing. (Taub looks at him questioningly) Not yours — Chase's.
Foreman: If she was infected through the intestinal tract, she'd have intestinal symptoms.
Taub: There are other ways to get enteric bacteria into the bloodstream.
Chase: She's not an intravenous drug user, she has no tattoos, and she doesn't have any scars that would indicate she's a cutter.
Thirteen: Transesophageal Echo could give us a better idea of what we're looking at.
Taub: If that valve is about to dehisce, echo could trigger a heart attack.
House: So come up with a better idea or have a crash cart ready.
[Cut to a procedure room where Taub and Thirteen are performing the Transesophageal Echo on Abby, who is sedated]
Thirteen: Why are you lying to House? Chase told me. What's the big deal?
Taub: Maybe we can talk about this another time... or never.
Thirteen: I really don't think she's gonna tell anyone.
Taub: If I admit we're fighting, he's gonna want to know what about.
Thirteen: So tell him, or tell him it's none of his business.
Taub: This is easier.
Thirteen: Really? Because it seems much harder. What do I know? I'm not a guy.
Taub: Yes... If only I could be as open about my emotional life as you are.
Thirteen: It's not about the yoga.
Taub: Really? I thought it was, since we spent an hour talking about yoga, but what do I know? I'm not a girl.
Thirteen: My guess is she thinks you don't want to spend time with her because you're spending it with someone else.
Taub: If she thinks I'm cheating, she would ask.
Thirteen: Because you'd tell the truth?
Taub: I'm not seeing anyone else.
Thirteen: Doesn't matter. You have a history. And that's not her fault.
Taub: So what am I supposed to do? I can't prove a negative.
Thirteen: That is a problem.
[Thirteen has inserted the scope into Abby’s esophagus. Taub and Thirteen are looking at the image on the monitor. Abby is choking slightly]
Thirteen: There's the heart.
Taub: Valves look fine — no vegetations, no myxomatous changes.
[Abby continues to choke]
Thirteen: Can you give her a little more sedative?
[Taub moves to give Abby the sedative, when the machine start beeping and Abby starts gagging]
Thirteen: She's dissecting.
Taub: She's rupturing. Get the scope out.
[Thirteen pulls out the scope. Abby is writhing in pain]
[Cut to Abby being rushed down the hall on a gurney. Abby is screaming]
Thirteen: This doesn't make sense. Her B.P. is normal, and her heart rate was controlled.
Taub: We'll figure it out later. We've only got about 30 seconds to get her open.
[Cut to Abby undergoing emergency surgery. Her chest cavity is open and her heart is exposed]
Taub: No leakage from cannulation site.
Taub: Let's see if she'll start up.
Thirteen: Cardiac paddle.
[A nurse hands Thirteen the paddles and she places them on either side of Abby’s heart]
Taub: Charging. (The machine whines) And go. (machine zaps)
Taub: Come on.
Thirteen: Again. (machine whines)
Taub: Go. (machine zaps)
Taub: Pushing five ccs adrenaline. (He pushes the syringe) Zap her again.
[Thirteen puts aside the paddles and begins to manually massage Abby’s heart]
Taub: It's not working. Clear. (Thirteen does not move aside) Clear.
[Thirteen opens her hands to reveal a beating heart. The monitor begins beeping]
Thirteen: Normal sinus rhythm.
Taub: Thank God.
[Cut to post-op room. Abby is still unconscious and hooked up to a lot of machinery. Nick, his dad, Artie, and Abby’s mom, June, are gathered around her bed]
[Cut to the diagnostics conference room where House and the team are running a new differential]
Taub: T.E.E. and intra-operative visualization showed no vegetations on the valves, no structural abnormalities.
Foreman: The dissection means we were wrong about alcohol causing a hypertensive crisis.
House: And by "we" you mean "you."
Foreman: Yeah. You were the one who didn't have any better ideas.
House: It's not my fault. I was busy trying to judge Taub.
Taub: Since we already ruled out trauma, the dissection's probably a genetic defect.
Foreman: We're running the tests. She's not marfanoid.
Thirteen: What about an allergy? A severe enough one could set off a systemic immune reaction, cause fluid in the lungs, and inflammation that could weaken the aorta.
Chase: If it was an allergy, she'd be getting better in the hospital, not worse.
Thirteen: Unless it was inside her.
[Cut to Taub and Thirteen talking to Nick and his father in the hallway]
Nick: You want my sperm?
Thirteen: We think a severe allergic reaction could be causing systemic breakdown.
Artie: To my son's sperm?
Taub: Actually, his semen is more likely the problem, which, I realize is not what you were reacting to.
Thirteen: When's the last time the two of you had unprotected sex?
Nick: Never. I use a condom.
Taub: You always use a condom... For everything?
Nick: (hesitantly) Well, for most everything.
Nick: The night before she collapsed.
[Cut to Abby’s hospital room. Abby’s mom is with her. Foreman is also in the room]
Chase: I'm placing a drop of Nick's semen protein onto the skin. Then I'll abrade it with a needle, check for a rash in an hour or so.
Abby: Mom, come on... we've been dating for three years.
June: Look, I'm not mad, sweetheart. I'm just, confused.
Foreman: A systemic reaction can be triggered by the protein in semen. In most cases, the reaction is fairly minor. But in rare cases, repeat exposure can trigger a hypersensitivity response.
June: Repeat exposure? Ugh, I know, I know — three years.
Abby: Is it supposed to hurt?
Foreman: The reaction should take longer than...
Abby: No, it's not that. Ow.
Foreman: Abby, what's wrong?
Abby: My stomach.
[Abby starts groaning]
Chase: Blood in the urine.
Abby: Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Help me! Aah!
[Cut to the diagnostics conference room. House and the team are running a new differential]
Foreman: No allergic reaction. On the other hand, now her kidneys are failing.
Taub: Could be some kind of neuropathy. Syphilitic lightning pains?
House: It's not syphilis. VDRL and enzyme immunoassays were negative.
Thirteen: What about a blood clot?
House: While she's on anticoagulants from the aortic surgery?
Taub: Interstitial nephritis?
House: Wouldn't cause the edema or dissection.
Chase: But cancer could.
House: Would you care to be a little more specific?
Chase: If I could, I would have.
Foreman: We could do a full-body scan.
House: We hate full-body scans.
Foreman: And by "we" you mean "you." We also hate when a patient dies before we figure out what's wrong with them.
House: Do the scan.
[Cut to Taub and Foreman doing the full body scan]
Taub: How can you convince someone you're not cheating on them?
Foreman: Don't cheat. After a while, they'll catch on.
Taub: What if I don't want to wait that long?
Foreman: Take them with you wherever you go for 24 hours a day. So your wife's a little insecure. Is that so bad? At least you know she still cares.
Taub: I know she cares. What I want is, for her to be happy. (Foreman looks as though he doesn’t believe him) What? You don't think I want my wife to be happy?
Foreman: Sure... As long as it makes you happy.
[Cut to House entering Wilson’s condo. He sees a modern looking bowl sitting on a table in the entryway. He walks into the main room, which is now completely furnished with a blue overstuffed sofa, loveseat, and chair]
Wilson: (coming into the room) What do you think?
House: I think you work quickly.
Wilson: Piece of cake, you give them money, they give you furniture. Not bad, huh?
House: Nope. It's not “bad” at all.
[House walks away, leaving Wilson wondering what House really thinks]
[Back to the hospital where Abby is still in the imaging machine]
Abby: It's taking a really long time.
Foreman: Just hang in there and try not to talk unless you really have to. It can affect the images.
[Abby hears a sound like the wind blowing]
Abby: What was that? Hello? Are you still there?
[She is feeling the machine shake and rumble]
Abby: I think there's something wrong with the machine.
Foreman: It's not the machine. It's an earthquake. Hold on. We'll get you out.
Abby: (pulling out the nasal cannula) Get me out now.
[She hears rattling and looks up to see other pieces of medical equipment rolling and bumping into the imaging machine. She hears and feels wind and the medical equipment is pulled toward the wall opposite the imaging machine. The wall bulges, then explodes outward pulling the medical equipment into a black hole. Abby, herself, begins to slide toward the black hole. She tries desperately to hold on to the sides of the imaging machine]
Abby: Aah! Ugh!
[Other debris is flying through the machine past Abby as she is gradually pulled toward the black hole. She grunts and groans as she tries to hold on to the end of the imaging machine]
Abby: Ugh! AAAaaagh! AAAaahhhhh!
Abby: Oh, my God! I can't hold on!
[She finally cannot hold on any longer and is pulled back into the spinning black hole]
[The thunk and whine of the machine can be heard as Foreman slides the platform out of the machine. Abby is staring straight up as if in a daze]
Abby: It's a black hole.
Foreman: She's hallucinating.
Taub: I certainly hope so.
[Foreman pulls out a light scope and checks Abby’s eyes]
[Cut to the diagnostics conference room. The entire team is assembled]
Thirteen: Hallucination means brain problem.
Chase: Brain problems don't split your aorta.
Foreman: A vascular problem could explain both. Inflammation in the blood-vessel walls leads to dissection in the aorta and could cause an aneurysm in the brain that could cause the visions.
[The camera has pulled back to reveal Taub texting on his phone. House is watching him]
Thirteen: It's a bit convoluted, but brain and heart function are susceptible too.
Taub: (texting to Rachel) Whatcha doing?
House: If there was any sign of inflammation of the aorta, that would make sense.
[Cut to Taub’s wife Rachel texting while grocery shopping]
Rachel: (texting back) groceries.
[Rachel’s cell phone chirps]
Text message on Rachel’s screen: What r u wearing?
Rachel: (texting) U don’t want to know.
Text message on Rachel’s screen: Take off your shirt.
Rachel: (smiling and texting back) R u nuts?
Text message on Rachel’s screen: Touch yourself.
[Back in the diagnostics office House is seen holding Taub’s cell phone up out of Taub’s reach and texting to Rachel. He is holding Taub back with his other arm. Taub is flailing, like a small child trying to get a favorite toy back from a sadistic big brother]
Taub: House! It's not funny. I got enough problems already.
House: Trust me. This is gonna help.
[Foreman grabs the phone out of House’s hand and gives it back to Taub]
Foreman: An aneurysm explains the hallucinations. And it's the one thing we haven't excluded from the differential.
[Taub is busily texting his wife, probably trying to explain the previous messages]
House: (to Taub) Your texting does not prove you're faithful. It just proves you know she thinks you're unfaithful. Can't force trust. (turning back to the case) What did she hallucinate?
Thirteen: The content of the hallucination isn't relevant.
House: Not usually.
Foreman: Not ever.
House: We know nothing, brain knows all. You get an ulcer, you don't know it, but the brain increases mucin secretions. It knows what the problem is, knows where the problem is.
Foreman: It's a big logical jump from a body's immune response to the brain giving subconscious diagnostic clues.
Chase: What about dreaming about waterfalls, running streams if you need to go to the bathroom?
Foreman: Sure. That's the same as the brain shouting, "you have pancreatic cancer."
House: Her subconscious is trying to tell her something. We need to eavesdrop.
Taub: She was screaming she was being sucked into a black hole, so, we should look for a tumor in her anus?
House: We need the whole story. The cognitive pattern recognition program might tell us what's going on in her head.
Foreman: Or we could act on something based in science, not science fiction. Get an MRA with contrast to see if she has an aneurysm, unless you think Cuddy's gonna go for the mind reading.
House: Fine. Do the MRA. When it comes back negative, we can move on to the... crazy but possible ideas. (the team leaves)
[Cut to Wilson entering his condo after a run. He is sweaty and breathing heavily. He walks into the main room and stands there, looking at the room, which is now empty except for the TV]
[Cut to House eating in the PPTH cafeteria. Wilson approaches and sits down. For a moment, he just stares at House accusingly. House stares back, pretending to have no clue]
Wilson: (clearing his throat) What did you do with the furniture?
House: I returned it.
Wilson: You told me to buy it.
House: But you didn't buy it. You rented it. You made one phone call to (reading from a business ad) Economy Furniture Supply — "we get it done so you don't have to."
Wilson: So what? We had a table, chairs —
House: But no clue what any of it meant.
Wilson: Fine. I'll hire a decorator.
House: Perfect. Another woman to tell you who you are.
Wilson: I'll hire a male decorator.
House: Step inside one furniture store and find one thing you like.
Wilson: I like, not doing this.
[Cut to a close-up of Abby’s eye. She is just waking up]
Nick: (in a voice that sounds distorted) Abby
Abby: (looking over at Nick) Hi. Where's my mom?
Nick: She went down to get some breakfast. How are you feeling?
Abby: Well, besides the fact that I can barely breathe and I ache all over, not good.
Nick: Anything I can do?
Abby: Just don't go.
Nick: I'm not going anywhere.
[Nick gets up an gently kisses Abby. Taub and Foreman can be seen outside the door to the room]
Nick: Been a while since we've gone more than a day without doing that.
Nick: (as an hallucination in Abby’s mind) I'm not going anywhere.
Abby: What'd you say?
Nick: I've been thinking.
Nick: (as an hallucination in Abby’s mind) Been a long time since we went more than a day without doing that.
[Abby knows that something is wrong. The room goes quiet and she now sees a younger version of herself standing at the bottom of her bed]
Hallucination of Young Abby: We have a secret.
Nick: Now, you don't need to answer right now, but... (he opens a ring box) Abby, I want to marry you.
Hallucination of Young Abby: Tell him the secret. It's okay.
Abby: Something's wrong.
[Foreman and Taub who have been giving them their privacy during an intimate moment, now come into the room]
Foreman: Abby, what are you feeling?
Abby: I don't know.
Hallucination of Young Abby: Your secret is killing you.
Abby: I see, um... maybe it's all the medication. I'm just — um...
[The hallucination of young Abby is now standing beside the bed and shaking Abby’s arm]
Taub: Abby. Can you hear me?
Hallucination of Young Abby: You deserve to die.
[Abby starts to seize]
Foreman: (to the nurses) We need four milligrams lorazepam.
[The monitor is beeping rapidly]
[Cut to close-up of a print-out of Abby’s brain waves. The camera pulls back to reveal that it is House holding the print-out. He and the team are sitting around the diagnostics room conference table]
Taub: She seized for over a minute.
Foreman: Inner-ictal E.E.G. showed no synchronous discharges.
House: And the MRA?
Foreman: No aneurysms or arterial or venous malformations in the brain.
House: As predicted. What did we say we'd move on to?
Thirteen: Out-of-body experiences can be induced by sensory overload in the temporoparietal junction.
Foreman: Temporoparietal junction was clean on MRI, MRA, and whole-body scan.
House: Which just leaves us with the question of, what happened during the out-of-body experience?
Taub: If I say her blood pressure shot up over 200 and she bit her tongue, would that be a satisfactory answer?
House: Sure. If you then went on to answer the following — Did she float above her body? Did she see Jesus? Did she bathe in the Ganges?
Foreman: No, no, and no. Can we get back to the medical science?
Taub: She claims she emerged from her body as a younger version of herself and started talking. She couldn't remember what was discussed.
Foreman: But I'm sure it wasn't a differential. House, cognitive pattern recognition is 50 years from being a useful diagnostic tool.
Chase: Even if we can get the equipment, it takes hours for the initial mapping. If she has another seizure, she could stroke out.
House: Coincidentally, she could also have a stroke if we do nothing.
Foreman: I'm not telling a mother who's scared out of her mind that our best shot is a magic trick.
House: It's not magical. It's experimental. Just like washing your hands after pooping once was. And technically, it's not our best shot. I'm pretty sure it's our only shot.
[Taub, Foreman, Chase and Thirteen all look at House, but say nothing]
House: Perfect. So, Foreman, go get her consent. The rest of you go down to the cog sci lab. Equipment should already be there.
[The team leaves the diagnostics office. As they exit, the elevator dings and Taub looks up to see his wife getting off the elevator]
Taub: I'll catch up.
[Taub approaches Rachel in the hall and they kiss]
Rachel: Thanks for the invite. I'm not sure I'm up for the hospital food.
Taub: Good, 'cause I wasn't planning on lunch.
[Cut to Foreman talking to Abby, her mom, Nick, and his dad in Abby’s room]
Foreman: While you watch video clips, a computer maps how your brain processes the images.
June: How long will it take?
Foreman: Six hours. But that's really just the prep. Once the computer maps how she processes the information, we'll put her under twilight sedation, use the same equipment to monitor her unconscious thoughts.
Foreman: Hopefully, it'll spit out a very basic video of whatever's going on in her head.
Abby: And what will that tell you?
Foreman: Hopefully, it'll give us a clue as to where your brain thinks the problem is.
Artie: A lot of "hopefullys."
Nick: Could it hurt her?
Foreman: We're at a diagnostic dead end. We've got to try something.
[June takes the clipboard from Foreman to sign the consent form]
[Cut to Taub and Rachel making out in a car in the PPTH parking garage]
Rachel: This is much better than lunch.
Taub: I agree.
Rachel: What made you think of this?
Taub: I missed you.
Rachel: No, I-I mean this — car, in the parking lot. I just don't like feeling like maybe this isn't the first time you've done this.
Taub: It's the first. I love you. You know that, right?
Taub: I want you to be able to trust me.
Rachel: And I want to, but —
[There is a tapping on the car window. Taub rolls it down to reveal House standing outside the car. He leans down and looks in the window]
House: Inspiration point doesn't open till after dark. Got a real cool magic show about to start. Also, I'm gonna need to check your spare.
[Cut to Abby in the cog sci lab. She is sitting in front of a monitor, which is flashing a variety of images. The seemingly random images flash rapidly one after another. The team is in a glassed-in control room]
[The camera focuses briefly on Taub, then on Abby’s ring finger, and back to Taub. Abby is wearing the ring Nick gave her. Taub is looking at the ring]
Chase: Abby, can you think of something specific?
Abby: Like what?
Chase: Doesn't matter. Just make it a single image.
[The team watches in amazement as the image on the monitor starts to form into a recognizable image of a person swinging a baseball bat]
Thirteen: (to Abby) What are you thinking?
Abby: About Nick playing baseball.
Taub: Holy crap.
Chase: That's amazing.
Foreman: Yeah. Now all we have to do is read her subconscious and hope that it's completely rational and went to med school.
Chase: Does anything get you excited?
[Taub, Thirteen, and Chase all look at Foreman who seems nonplussed]
[Cut to Wilson examining a wooden dining table in a furniture store. A saleswoman approaches]
Saleswoman: Can I help you with something?
Wilson: Yes. Uh, I was wondering if you could tell me a little bit about this dining table.
Saleswoman: It's made of wood, and you eat off it.
Wilson: So you're paid by commission?
Saleswoman: It's furniture. Find something you like. Let me know, I’ll ring it up.
Wilson: Thank you so much.
[What follows is a montage of Wilson trying out various pieces of furniture. He seems to be attracted to the more unusual and modern pieces. He walks by one overstuffed armchair and sitting down in it, finds himself sinking down further than he would like]
Wilson: Okay, that's — that's not the one. (He gets up immediately)
[Cut to Wilson looking underneath a table which appears to be made of cast iron with a marble top. A different saleswoman approaches]
Gabiella: That is a remarkable collection, if I can show it to you. I'm Gabriella.
Wilson: I'm really just looking for a nice dining room table.
Gabriella: I see. You're daring.
Wilson: Yes, I do that sometimes, but... right now, why am I daring?
Gabriella: You're not constrained by rules. What else attracts you in the patio section?
Wilson: Wait, this is a patio table — for outside? (He walks away from Gabriella)
[Back to the cognitive imaging lab. House has joined the team in the control room]
Foreman: Well, it's taken us just over an hour to prove that she has a very boring subconscious.
House: Anyone ever tell you you can be a real buzzkill?
All but Foreman: Yes.
Taub: (looking at the monitor) Stars? Maybe that's a stripe?
House: It's the sky. She's thinking about the moon and the stars and the sky.
Foreman: She's going to Stanford to study physics. It's not a big revelation that she'd think about the sky.
Chase: Or, star could be a white blood cell. Leukemia?
[The image on the monitor begins to form into the shape of a person. House leans down to look at it more closely]
House: Who's that?
Thirteen: Her dad? He died when she was eight.
House: What did daddy die of?
Thirteen: Um, private-plane crash — no connection.
Foreman: Stars, moon, sky, white blood cells, heart valves, black holes, or anus, or a million other circular passageways into the body, and her dad.
Chase: (looking up at House) What do you think it means?
House: She likes school, and she has daddy issues — Neither of which helps us.
[Cut to the diagnostics room. The team in gathered around the conference table. House is holding and examining the model of a human brain as if it will give him answers]
Chase: So now what do we do? Start over? We obviously missed something.
Thirteen: What about the liver?
Taub: What about her left toe? Oh, sorry. I thought we were randomly picking out body parts that had nothing to do with her symptoms.
Thirteen: Liver's responsible for proteins, immunological effects, production of red blood cells. Might be able to explain the lungs, the hallucinations.
House: (still examining the model of the brain) Not the aortic dissection.
Chase: Kidneys are also failing. We add in polycystic disease, could explain the dissection.
House: So that's one imperfect theory, plus a rare complication of a second theory, which gives us a complete explanation. Don't polish the notion, Foreman.
Foreman: Pineal gland is calcified.
Taub: It's supposed to be calcified. Happens after puberty.
Foreman: What if it's obscuring a tumor? It's the only place we couldn't look inside.
House: Get a better look at her pineal gland with three tesla fast spin echo MRI. (The team leaves to do the test)
[Cut to Cuddy sitting behind her desk. Wilson is pacing]
Cuddy: You're pacing my office 'cause you're buying furniture?
Wilson: No, I'm pacing your office because I'm physically incapable of buying furniture.
Cuddy: For Amber's old place?
Wilson: (hesitating guiltily) Yeah. Uh, it needs some new —
Cuddy: I know you bought the place I wanted. You're a jerk. Let's move on. Hire a decorator.
Wilson: I'm supposed to find, me.
Cuddy: Backpack through Europe. (she starts writing something on a notepad) I know it's hard to believe, but you know what says even more about who you are than your furniture? The fact that you are letting House tell you how to buy furniture. (tearing off the note she wrote and handing it to Wilson) Call Beatrice.
[Cut to House’s office. He is rewatching the images from the cognitive imaging lab. Foreman walks in and House looks up]
Foreman: MRI revealed no remarkable features on her pineal gland. But there were slightly elevated levels of lactate dehydrogenase isoenzymes.
House: Which we would expect to see if there was an allergic reaction happening.
Foreman: There's definitely no allergy.
[House sighs and rubs his forehead in frustration]
Foreman: Parasite? There's this Middle Eastern parasite —
House: (angry because they have reached a dead end) How exactly do you want to be shot down? On the basis of the fact that she's never been within 6,000 miles of the Middle East, or on the basis of the fact that all our scans and urine samples came back clean? (sighing) And yet she’s still failing, system after system. (sighing again) So, either we find the answer at autopsy or...
House: I got nothin'.
[A quick camera cut to Abby in her hospital bed and then a transition shot to House standing over the results of the full body scan in the radiology viewing room. The camera pans up to reveal the light-box walls covered with other film images. The scene time-lapses as House paces, sits, and lies down on the viewing table. He spins and twirls his cane, and occasionally pauses to examine scan results. Taub walks in, jerking House out of his thoughts as he leans over the full body scan results]
Taub: I was gonna head out. If there's any change, I assume you'll page me?
House: Are you having an affair? Does it bother you that your wife doesn't have the guts to actually ask that question, and I do?
Taub: On both ends, yes.
House: Difference is, I'm not afraid of the answer. And I might believe you.
Taub: I'm not having an affair.
House: But you want to.
Taub: No, I don't. I'm through living like that.
House: Why? What, you finally got to the point where half your age plus seven just isn't young enough?
Taub: Talk to you later, House.
House: Or is it because you now really are old enough to be their — (He pauses as the answer suddenly comes to him) The dad. Does he travel for work?
Taub: What do you mean, "does he"? He died almost ten years ago.
House: Not hers, her boyfriend's. He's the one in her visions.
[Cut to Nick’s dad Artie standing in the hallway outside Abby’s room. Nick and Abby’s mom, June are in the room with Abby. House approaches]
House: I'm your son's girlfriend's doctor.
House: It's a mouthful, but probably not as tricky as your title.
Artie: Um, okay. Is Abby gonna be all right?
House: Do you travel a lot?
Artie: Yeah, I have a food-import business. Why?
House: Where'd you go?
Artie: All over — France, Italy, the mediterranean. Why?
House: I think you exposed her to a parasite.
Artie: Oh. I thought the scans didn't show any.
House: Because she doesn't have any.
Artie: But you just said —
House: It's cool. My theory is that her body was able to kill off the parasite, but what it couldn't do was get rid of the shell, which doesn't show up on the scans. That little piece of microscopic garbage set off an allergic reaction called cerebellar schistosomiasis delayed hypersensitivity allergy, or cusdehaaa. Risky, unpleasant treatment, but completely curable.
Artie: Well, that's fantastic.
House: You'd think so, wouldn't you? Only thing is, did you ever have sex with your son's girlfriend?
Artie: Where the hell do you get off asking —
House: Shut up! See, I can't treat this unless I can confirm it, and the only way she could have been exposed to this parasite is sexually, which means she's gonna die very soon unless you admit that you slept with her.
[The room door opens and Nick and June join House and Artie]
Nick: Dad? What's going on?
House: (walking around behind Artie so that he is now facing his son) Gee, this is bad, because you now have to choose between her living and the truth becoming public. And frankly, given what the truth is, it's a tough call.
Artie: (rationalizing) You'd broken up.
House: (to Nick) Your girlfriend is not allergic to your semen. She's allergic to the Egyptian parasite swimming around in your dad's semen.
Nick: You slept with Abby?
Artie: I was drunk. We both...
House: No need to explain. Technically, she was legal.
[Nick looks angry and betrayed as he turns and walks away from his father. June just looks plain angry]
Artie: Wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait!
House: Hey... All things considered, it's actually great news.
[House slaps Artie on the shoulder and leaves him to deal with the mess he has gotten himself into]
[Cut to House walking into the main room of Wilson’s condo. There is new furniture, two rather modern off-white sofas with lots of pillows, and a glass coffee table, sitting on what looks like an oriental rug. There is also a dining table in front of the kitchen island. Wilson walks in from the other hallway]
Wilson: So what do you think?
House: You wussed out, and used a decorator.
Wilson: Why can't that be me — The wuss who loves decorators?
House: 'cause it's not.
Wilson: Okay. It's not. But don't return it. I can't keep doing this.
House: You have to. You can't keep letting other people define you.
[House notices a large, cloth covered piece of furniture standing in the corner and walks over to it]
House: Not another elephant.
[He pulls the cloth off to reveal an organ. He smiles and plays a few notes of Bach's Toccata & Fugue in d-minor]
House: Decorator didn't pick this.
Wilson: You're gonna have to buy your own cape.
[House leans his cane against the wall and sitting down on the bench, plays a few notes from Phantom of the Opera (overture]
House: (turning to look at Wilson) I like what this says about you, Wilson.
[Wilson looks pleased. House turns back to the organ and begins to play Procol Harum’s A Whiter Shade of Pale. The camera moves away from House and into the PPTH operating room where Abby is undergoing surgery, as the music transitions from House playing the organ to Procol Harum performing their own song]
[As the music continues to play, the camera moves to show Artie, sitting with Nick in a hospital hallway, and trying to make things right with his son. Nick leaves his father and the scene transitions to Rachel and Chris Taub’s wedding album]
[The camera pulls back to reveal Taub, sitting on his couch at home, looking through the album. Rachel joins him as they continue to look at their wedding pictures]
Rachel: (pointing to a picture) I don't remember him at the wedding. Do you?
Taub: I don't remember most of the people who were at our wedding. (He closes the album, puts it down, and gets down on his knees in front of his wife) Which is why... I thought I'd ask the love of my life to marry me. (He opens a ring box and presents it to Rachel)
Rachel: We're already married.
Taub: I want to be better at it.
[He takes the ring from the box and places it on his wife’s ring finger next to her wedding ring]
Rachel: Oh, it's beautiful.
[Taub and Rachel kiss and with the A Whiter Shade of Pale still playing, the camera cuts first to an external shot of PPTH and then inside to the hallway outside of Abby’s room, where Taub is talking to Nick. Nick goes into Abby’s room. Taub watches through the glass as House approaches]
House: What'd you tell him?
Taub: That it doesn't mean she doesn't love him.
House: And he bought it?
Taub: (seriously) It's true.
House: Your wife say yes?
Taub: How did you know —
House: Monkey see, monkey do. At least he has the young and stupid excuse.
Taub: She said yes.
House: (sincerely) Good for you.
Taub: Thank you.
[Taub walks away and House looks into the room where Nick and Abby share a kiss. He turns to see a blond nurse put her hand on Taub’s shoulder as they walk away from the nurses’ station together. House’s expression suggests that he is not completely sure of Taub’s commitment to his wife]