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House Transcripts
It's like Clinic Duty for the transcribers
House MD - 6.14 5 to 9 
15th-Mar-2010 06:21 pm
Doc On Duty
Originally Aired: February 8, 2010

Written by: Thomas L. Moran
Directed by: Andrew Bernstein

Transcribed by: Tammy (beckston)


DISCLAIMER: We don't own "HOUSE." It's owned by FOX and NBC/Universal, and produced by Heel and Toe Films and Bad Hat Harry Productions. This transcript is unofficial, and should UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be copied or distributed, especially for commercial use.



[The scene opens on an alarm clock that says 4:59. It changes to 5:00 and begins to beep. A hand reaches from the darkness and fumbles to turn off the alarm. Soft, peaceful music plays as the camera pulls slowly back to reveal a copy of Ines of my Soul by Isabel Allende lying on the night table and Lisa Cuddy waking up to a new day. She rolls over and feels the pillow next to her, discovering that the bed is empty. Lucas is not there.

The music changes to the very fast-paced Break up the Concrete by the Pretenders, which will continue throughout the opening scenes of Cuddy preparing for her workday]

♪ there was a red brick road where I grew up on ♪

♪ and a pretty stone wall around a fragrant lawn ♪

♪ fish in the pond that sparkled in the dawn ♪

♪ but it ain't no more ♪

♪ it's all gone gone gone ♪

♪ whoa ♪

♪ ram it cram it grand slam it ♪

♪ break up the concrete ♪

♪ prod it sod it metal-rod it ♪

♪ break up the concrete ♪

♪ deg-deg-deg-deg ♪

[Cuddy picks up her cell phone to check for messages and then gets out of bed. She is in the middle of her yoga routine when she hears Rachel crying on the baby monitor. She goes to the nursery, takes the fussy baby out of her crib and looks at the nursery clock, which says 5:45.

She uses a ball syringe to clear Rachel’s stuffy nose and then takes her temperature. Still needing to shower, she places the naked, crying baby on the floor of the large shower stall with some toys while she showers. Wiping the steam from the shower wall, she sees that it is now 6:25.

Out of the shower, she texts something on her phone, dresses Rachel, and attempts to calm her by giving her the phone to play with. The sick baby is not appeased by either the phone nor the toys in her playpen. Cuddy dries her hair and gets dressed, all while trying to comfort the baby. It is now 6:50.

The nanny arrives and takes over Rachel’s care, allowing Cuddy to put on her makeup and take care of some phone messages.

At 7:30 Cuddy is packing her briefcase, when Lucas walks in the door. The nanny has Rachel in her highchair and is feeding her breakfast]

♪ break up the concrete ♪

Lucas: Hey. Slow down, sister.

Cuddy: (putting on her coat) Actually, I need to speed up. Rachel woke up early with a fever and she's been terrorizing me all morning. (buttoning her coat) I'm already late.

Lucas: Sorry, stakeout went longer than I thought. Have you ever been to a rave?

Cuddy: (reaching for her briefcase) Bye.

Lucas: (stopping Cuddy and backing her up against the wall) You're already late and Rachel's sick. Neither of which can be solved by you leaving right this second.

Cuddy: The entire hospital is depending on a proposal I've yet to finish, and need to present at 8:30.

Lucas: (pulling off her scarf) It's 7:30.

Cuddy: It's 7:37.

Lucas: I'll have you on the road in ten minutes. Come on, you don't want to go into your meeting all tight and stressed out, do you? (Cuddy smiles)

[Break up the Concrete by the Pretenders resumes and the scene shifts to Cuddy and Lucas, both still dressed, having sex in the bedroom. Cuddy’s cell phone rings]

Lucas: That's yours. (picking up the phone) It's House.

Cuddy: Ignore it.

Lucas: It says "emergency page."

Cuddy: I said ignore it.

Lucas: Sweet.

[The clock now says 7:44]

♪ break up the concrete ♪

♪ break up the concrete ♪

♪ break up the concrete ♪

♪ deg-deg-deg-deg ♪

♪ dega-dega-dega-dega ♪

[Cut to the clock, which now says 7:46. Cuddy and Lucas are lying side by side on the bed, both panting]

Lucas: I'm sorry. It's hard to pace yourself when you've been thinking about it for ten hours straight.

Cuddy: That's great. Now I'm late, stressed out, and frustrated.

Lucas: Sorry. If you give me a minute, I can –

Cuddy: It'll wait. (she gets off the bed and looks at herself in the mirror) You can do it.

Lucas: Do what?

[Cuddy sighs]

♪ break up the concrete ♪

♪ break up the concrete ♪

♪ break up the concrete ♪

OPENING CREDITS

[Cut to Cuddy walking through the front doors of PPTH. Nurse Regina is standing at the main desk]

Nurse Regina: I thought you were coming in at 7:30.

Cuddy: Rachel woke up with a fever and then I...Just couldn't get here any sooner.

Nurse Regina: There's a problem in the pharmacy.

House: (approaching from behind) Hey, boss lady! You don't answer emergency pages anymore?

Cuddy: (to Regina) Tell them all I'll be by as soon as I can and tell him (nodding back in House’s direction) I assumed it was either about the wolf again or the procedure I refused to approve yesterday.

House: (following Cuddy toward her office) Turned out it wasn't a resistant staph, but I still say that if it had been, infecting him with malaria –

Cuddy: (turning to face House) Seriously, House, I don't have time for this. (She continues toward her office)

House: (still following) You're lying.

Cuddy: I have a meeting in 20 minutes.

House: Not talking about your meeting. I'm talking about the phone call.

Cuddy: (entering her office) I didn't ask what you were talking about, because I don't care.

House: (catching the door with his cane and following her into the office) I was with your boytoy on a stakeout last night.

Cuddy: (hanging up her coat) You were with Lucas?

House: He needed someone who could diagnose a soft tissue injury from across the street. Apparently he doesn't know any good doctors.

Cuddy: (unpacking her briefcase) Or the ones he does know actually have lives outside of work.

House: Things got a little slow, so we made some wagers. One being whether I could get you to stop the miscegenation with an emergency page.

Cuddy: What made you think we'd –

House: He said you guys do it every morning.

Cuddy: Everybody lies. Remember?

House: So you weren't actually –

Cuddy: Good-bye, House.

House: I'm gonna need a definitive answer before any money changes hands.

[Nurse Regina enters the office]

Nurse Regina: Sorry to interrupt, but the GRC called about the budgets, the pharmacy is still waiting, and your 8:30 just arrived on campus. He should be here in ten minutes.

Cuddy: Figured this would be the one day he comes early. (handing Regina some papers) Can you proofread this for me?

Nurse Regina: When are you gonna find your own assistant?

Cuddy: Not today. Thank you. I'll be back in five.

[Cuddy hurries out of her office and meets up with Claudia in the lobby]

Claudia: (walking along with Cuddy toward the elevator) Dr. Cuddy.

Cuddy: I know we're usually fine with two CS reps, but I want a few extra hands today just in case. And have IT recheck the network. I don't want to hear later that the new lines can only dial out or the computer crashed.

Claudia: What's going on?

Cuddy: (stepping into the elevator) Hopefully nothing. Just make sure you're ready if people start calling.

[Cut to the pharmacy. The clock on the wall reads 8:38. Cuddy enters]

Cuddy: You wanted to see me?

Oscar: Hey, Dr. Cuddy. Yeah, uh, I wanted to let you know there's a problem with one of the orders that came in last night.

Cuddy: Which is?

Oscar: They sent double the amount of meds we ordered.

Cuddy: Did you call and ask why?

Oscar: Yeah. They insist it's not a mistake.

Cuddy: So fax them the original PO.

Oscar: Yeah, that's what I was planning on doing, but, um... I can't find it. Actually, I can't find any of them.

Cuddy: Oscar, I don't have time to straighten out your paperwork. Where's Stan?

Oscar: He doesn't get in till 9:00 and it's actually not my paperwork. It's Gail's paperwork, and she's out sick today.

Cuddy: So put it on her desk and let her figure it out when she comes back.

Oscar: All right, but it's not my problem if –

Cuddy: Oscar, not today, okay? (she pauses) Was it the whole shipment or just one med?

Oscar: It's just one.

Cuddy: Vicodin?

Oscar: No, 25 milligram ephedrine tablets.

[Cuddy pauses, thinking, then looks like she has figured out the problem]

Oscar: What?

Cuddy: Call Gail. Tell her I want to see her in my office ASAP.

Oscar: But she's sick.

Cuddy: This place is full of sick people. Just get her in here.

Nurse Regina: (entering the room) Dr. Cuddy, your 8:30 is waiting in your office.

Cuddy: (looking back at Oscar) Now.

[Cuddy’s cell phone rings]

Cuddy: Oh, I got to make a quick trip upstairs. (to Regina) Can you get the guy in my office a cup of coffee? I'll be right back. (as she leaves the room) I've gotten you coffee before.

[Cut to an OR observation room. Dr. Hourani is down below in the OR]

Cuddy: (pushing the intercom button) What's wrong?

Hourani: It's freezing in here. I can hardly feel my fingers.

Cuddy: Please tell me you didn't send a 911 page to tell me the heater's broken.

Hourani: It's not broken. House bribed the physical plant to turn on the AC so I'd hurry up.

Cuddy: So hurry up.

Hourani: This man's abdomen is wide open. His core temp is down to 95.

Cuddy: Fine. I will deal with it.

Hourani: You better or I'm gonna file –

[Hourani looks up to find that Cuddy is gone]

[Cut to Cuddy talking on her phone while rushing down a hospital corridor]

Cuddy: (talking into her phone) I don't care what he told you. Turn it back up now.

[House, who is standing in the hallway, intercepts Cuddy and walks with her down the hallway]

House: Thought you had an important meeting.

Cuddy: You're an idiot. What are you gonna do the next time one of your patients needs a liver transplant?

House: Go talk to Wilson about something completely unrelated and see what happens. Mystery infection guy is now covered in boils and has an abscess big enough to put your fist in. He needs to get into an OR tout suite.

Cuddy: (stopping at the elevator) Hourani will be done soon.

House: Good. I'll have some hot chocolate waiting. (House walks away)

[The elevator bell dings and Cuddy’s cell phone rings. She answers it as she gets into the elevator]

Cuddy: Marina, hey. How's she doing? She vomited? Give her some more ibuprofen and put her in the bath for a bit. And call me in a half an hour if it doesn't go down. (Her cell phone beeps) Sorry, Marina. I have another call. Just call me in a half an hour either way.

Cuddy: (answering the other call) Hey. What's up? Tell him I'm halfway there. He's the one who insisted on the early meeting. I – all right, I'm coming.

[Cut to Cuddy taking a file from the clinic desk and heading into her office]

Cuddy: Morning Eli. Sorry about the wait.

Eli: (who is sitting in front of Cuddy’s desk) Oh, it's all right. I hear you got a sick kid. Yeah, I know what that's like. Or, I should say my wife does.

Cuddy: (sitting down behind her desk) So you guys ready to give some ground so we can make this deal?

Eli: Why would we do that?

Cuddy: We've been going at this for eight months.

Eli: Soon as you decide to get reasonable.

Cuddy: I'm the one that's unreasonable? You've taken weeks to respond to every proposal I've presented.

Eli: Atlanticnet Insurance is the largest healthcare provider in New Jersey, and you're not the only hospital whose contracts are up. So is your team ready to come back to the table?

Cuddy: Yeah. We're not going to. (handing him a file) This is our final offer. We're willing to go with a capitated structure, but we need at least 12% increase in reimbursements across the board.

Eli: Well, the good news is I can give you a quick response. (rising and handing her the file) Not a chance. But as always, nice talking to you. Say hi to your sister for me.

Cuddy: If you don't accept the offer, we're gonna terminate the contract.

Eli: Gonna be hard to keep this place open if all your patients have to pay cash. Princeton Plainsboro is the smallest hospital in our entire network.

Cuddy: We're also the best.

Eli: Doesn't matter. We are responsible for covering 13 million people. We don't have enough cash to buy them all Maseratis.

Cuddy: I know what you paid Bergen, Newark Beth Israel, Robert Wood Johnson –

Eli: 'Cause they have leverage. You can be expensive or small, but you can't be both.

Cuddy: I've engaged Jones/Curtin to handle the PR, and I'm prepared to make the announcement at 3:00 p.m. today.

Eli: First lesson every good poker player learns is don't get emotional. You don't have the cards. And the sooner you realize that, the sooner a reasonable contract will get signed.

Cuddy: You have until 3:00 p.m. to change your mind.

Eli: I always did like your style. Gonna be sad to see you go.

[Eli leaves and Cuddy sits there wondering whether or not she just made a mistake.

[Cut to Cuddy typing on her laptop. Regina enters]

Nurse Regina: They're waiting for you in the conference room.

Cuddy: (getting up) Thanks. (handing Regina a file which was sitting on the corner of her desk) Uh, take this up to the call center and tell Claudia to give one to each CS rep and to start going over the answers to each question.

Nurse Regina: (taking the file) Okay.

Cuddy: And under no circumstances is any of this info to go outside that room. The scripts are numbered and I want a list of every person she gives one to.

Nurse Regina: Got it. Anything else?

Cuddy: No.

[As she leaves her office, she runs into House, who appears to be waiting for her at the clinic desk. He follows her to the elevator]

House: If you really wanted to make a deal, you should have ditched the push-up and gone with a demi. Nothing makes a guy wanna close like high beams.

Cuddy: What have you heard?

House: Your meeting with the weasel lasted less than five minutes, which means you either agreed to a completely sensible 30-day extension or one of you issued a completely ridiculous ultimatum.

[Cuddy stops in front of the elevator, pushes the button and turns to look at him, confirming his suspicions]

House: (with a childish look on his face) Oh, goody. You or him?

Cuddy: Me.

House: Way to go, boss.

Cuddy: You said it was ridiculous.

House: Ridiculous to make, fun to watch. As long as it's not just a bluff. Please tell me it's not a bluff.

Cuddy: It is not a bluff, and it is not ridiculous. Just because we're not some huge –

[The elevator arrives. Taub and Thirteen get out, and Cuddy gets in]

Taub: (to House) Mr. Pluta started hallucinating before we could put him under.

Thirteen: His BP is plummeting. He has an elevated heart rate. Looks like congestive heart failure.

House: Interesting.

Cuddy: (pushing the elevator door open) I don't care how interesting it is. You are not infecting him with malaria.

Taub: Since when is malaria a cure for heart failure?

House: It's not. It's not congestive heart failure. It's gotta be...

[The elevator door closes]

[Cut to Cuddy approaching Dr. Thomas in the hallway]

Dr. Thomas: Just got off the phone with Hourani.

Cuddy: I'm sorry, Dave. I don't really have time right now –

Dr. Thomas: Think I had time to listen to him go for 20 minutes about the damn temperature in the OR?

Cuddy: I took care of it.

Dr. Thomas: It's not an "it." It's a "him" you need to take care of. You got the entire staff catering to House's every whim, and I can't get approval to hire a replacement for the surgeon he stole from my department? A doctor I only took on in the first place because of pressure from you?

Cuddy: So you didn't want Chase, but now you're pissed you can't have him?

Dr. Thomas: You want to convene a search committee and start looking for a new chief of surgery?

Cuddy: No, Dave.

Dr. Thomas: Then you better stop spending all your time putting out his fires and start doing your damn job.

[Cuddy looks exasperated]

[Cuddy enters the boardroom. The hospital board are all assembled around a large table]

Dr. Simpson: There a problem with Dr. Thomas?

Cuddy: No, just refereeing a dispute about the OR. So, we don't yet have a contract with Atlanticnet.

Sanford: We gave you an extra week and you assured us you'd have a deal by today.

Cuddy: We could have a deal, just not the deal we deserve.

Female Board Member: So what do you want, approval for an extension?

Cuddy: We've been at this for eight months. An extension isn't gonna change anything.

Sanford: So what’s your plan?

Cuddy: I presented a final offer. I told them that we would agree to a capitated structure if they increase reimbursements by 12%.

Female Board Member: A final offer? What does that mean?

Cuddy: If they don't accept it by 3:00, we're gonna terminate.

Dr. Simpson: Are you out of your mind? If we don't accept Atlanticnet insurance, we'll lose 80% of our patients. We'd be lucky to last three months.

Cuddy: We're not asking for anything they can't afford.

Sanford: Their last offer was a 4% increase and you're demanding 12?

Cuddy: They're paying even more at some places. Units that have lower ratings than ours.

Sanford: In a perfect world, that would definitely matter.

Cuddy: Sanford, they're all about growth, and they know they don't get new customers by marketing themselves as the biggest. They do it by claiming they're the best, and they can't do that if their patients can't come to us.

Sanford: What was (Eli) Morgan's reaction when you told him?

Cuddy: He didn't give in, but he will. I told him I'd make the announcement at 3:00. He'll call back before then. (long pause) They need us.

Dr. Simpson: No, we need them.

Sanford: We need each other. (The board members look at each other) The negotiation is your responsibility, so we can't stop you if this is what you want to do. But just so we're clear, if we don't have a contract with Atlanticnet, you're not gonna have a contract with us.

[Cuddy tries to look confident as the camera pans to the boardroom clock, which reads 9:45]

[Cut to Cuddy approaching the elevator. She smiles at the people who are stepping out, but when the elevator door closes, leaving her alone, she allows her outward confidence to flag]

[Cut to Cuddy entering the clinic]

Nurse Regina: Guess who didn't show up for clinic duty?

Cuddy: (sighing) Oh, don't tell me. The guy with all the boils needs a liver transplant.

Nurse Regina: No, his doctor needs a nap. You want me to try to find him?

Cuddy: You really need him?

Nurse Regina: I need someone.

[Cuddy sighs]

[Cut to a clinic exam room, where Cuddy is talking to a middle-age, male, African American patient]

Clinic Patient: I have cancer.

Cuddy: Why do you think you have cancer?

Clinic Patient: I don't think I have cancer. I know I have cancer. I had surgery to remove a malignant polyp in my colon six months ago, and now it's spread to my liver and lymph nodes.

Cuddy: So you're under the care of an oncologist?

Clinic Patient: Yeah, but he won't give me the prescription I need.

Cuddy: Do you need more painkillers?

Clinic Patient: No. I need breast milk.

Cuddy: Human breast milk?

Clinic Patient: Yes. It has cancer-fighting qualities.

Cuddy: Well, in newborns, it's been shown to reduce future risk.

Clinic Patient: No, in adults with cancer too. I - I've read studies.

Clinic Patient: Look... I even know a place where I can buy it. I just need a prescription so I can get reimbursed by my insurance company.

Cuddy: They said they'd reimburse the cost of breast milk as a cancer treatment?

Clinic Patient: They reimburse prescriptions, so if you write me a prescription, then they have no choice but to pay.

Cuddy: Well, actually, they have a choice.

Clinic Patient: What are you, some type of shill for the insurance company?

Cuddy: No.

Clinic Patient: Look, I've been paying premiums for 30 years, and I've never been sick a day in my life till this happened. Now I can't work, I got no money. And you want to help them screw me over?

Cuddy: I'm not screwing you over.

Clinic Patient: Well, then give me the script.

Cuddy: It won't help you.

Clinic Patient: Will it hurt me?

Cuddy: No, but –

Clinic Patient: Okay, so it won't harm me, and it won't harm you, but it's this insurance company –

Cuddy: This is not about insurance.

Clinic Patient: (angrily) Then give me the damn script. (pausing, then speaking quietly) I'm sick. I need help. I need something.

Cuddy: I'm sorry.

Clinic Patient: (getting down off the exam table) Bitch.

[Cut to Cuddy exiting the exam room. She sighs]

Cuddy: (to Regina) Anyone call?

Nurse Regina: Yeah. The ER. They said the vascular who's on call doesn't have privileges.

Cuddy: Then why is he on call?

Nurse Regina: Dowd's at a conference and got him to fill in.

Cuddy: Be nice if he got somebody who can actually work here. Call Ereshefsky.

Nurse Regina: Ereshefsky? She's not gonna do it.

Cuddy: She owes me a favor.

Nurse Regina: She's still not gonna do it. All right. Oh, and there's a guy in your office. I think he's a lawyer.

Cuddy: Why is he in my office?

Nurse Regina: Said he didn't want to sit around a bunch of sick people. I tried to stop him.

[Cuddy goes into her office]

Cuddy: Hi. I'm Dr. Lisa Cuddy.

Westbrook: (they shake hands) Ronald Westbrook. I appreciate your taking the time to meet with me.

Cuddy: Hard to avoid since you're already in my office.

Westbrook: Sorry about that, I just got over a wicked cold that didn't want to –

Cuddy: (interrupting) How can I help you?

Westbrook: I represent Martín Acevedo. He's filed a suit against PPH, and Dr. Robert Chase for performing surgery without consent.

Cuddy: Yes, I saw that. I also saw the consent forms. They were all signed.

Westbrook: Yes, but my client was assured that the procedure would just be a few minor sutures.

Cuddy: Wait. Your client accidentally cut his thumb off with a table saw, right?

Westbrook: Yes.

Cuddy: And Dr. Chase reattached it?

Westbrook: Yes.

Cuddy: You're saying he didn't want it reattached?

Westbrook: No, he most certainly did not.

[Cut to Chase and Cuddy talking in a hospital hallway]

Chase: His insurance only covered 60% of inpatient expenses, so he would only agree to the cheapest option.

Cuddy: So what did you tell him?

Chase: I said I'd sew up the skin over the exposed bone. Then I put him under, got his thumb from the paramedics, and reattached it. What's he gonna do? Tell the judge that I harmed him by reattaching a vital digit?

Cuddy: Both he and the insurance company are suing to get out of paying the bill. It's over $80,000.

Chase: It was his thumb. I couldn't just let him toss it in the trash to save a few bucks.

[Cuddy looks at her watch and hurries away]

[Cut to Cuddy entering the clinic, Regina intercepts her]

Nurse Regina: Gail the pharm tech who called in sick is here. She's waiting in your office.

[Cut to Gail and Cuddy sitting in Cuddy’s office]

Gail: He barely even looks at me anymore. We haven't had sex in months.

Cuddy: You don't need pills to lose weight. There are healthier ways, legal ways.

Gail: You don't understand how hard it is. Ever since our second child, no matter what I do. I just wanted to lose ten more pounds and then I was gonna stop.

Cuddy: I'm sorry. Forging pharmaceutical orders, stealing –

Gail: Don't fire me, Dr. Cuddy, please. I'm begging you. If Sam finds out, he'll divorce me for sure, and my kids – I will never do it again, I swear. Just give me a second chance.

Cuddy: I won't report the theft to the DEA... But I have to fire you.

[Gail puts her hand to her forehead and sobs]

Cuddy: Just take a few minutes to compose yourself, then go down to HR and they'll give you your last check.

Gail: (crying) I've been a perfect employee for seven years.

Cuddy: I know, but this is too big. I'm sorry.

[Gail sniffles and leaves the office. Cuddy looks at her watch and sighs]

[Cut to Wilson standing in the cafeteria line. Cuddy approaches]

Wilson: How's it going?

Cuddy: (calling Marina on her phone as she talks to Wilson) Got three hours to save this place from bankruptcy, I just fired one of my best employees, and the woman taking care of my sick child isn't returning my calls.

Wilson: Rachel's gonna be fine, I'm sure whoever he or she is deserved it, and we're not going bankrupt. Are we?

Cuddy: Don't worry. The board will fire me before they allow that to happen.

Wilson: They'd never fire you.

Cuddy: I just told Atlanticnet Insurance I'd terminate unless they gave us a 12% bump.

Wilson: They might fire you.

Cuddy: (talking on her phone) Marina, hey, it's me. I haven't heard back from you. Can you call me as soon as you can? Thank you.

Wilson: You try Lucas?

Cuddy: He's either sleeping or avoiding me.

Wilson: You in a fight?

Cuddy: Not yet, but we're gonna be.

[Wilson walks away. Cuddy pays for a salad and follows him to a table]

Cuddy: What do you think I should do about Atlanticnet?

Wilson: You're asking a guy who paid full sticker price for his last car. You ask House? (Cuddy gives him an “are you crazy” look) He's a master manipulator who always gets what he wants.

Cuddy: This situation is out of control enough already. House is the last person I want to get involved.

[Carrying her salad and texting as she walks, Cuddy returns to her office, where she finds House sitting behind her desk. His feet are propped on the desk and he is using Cuddy’s computer.

Cuddy: Get out of my chair. And the answer is no.

House: You ever noticed how many porn sites have "mom" in the domain name? Hot moms, hungry moms, mature moms. That ought to make you feel pretty good.

[Cuddy pushes his feet off her desk and closes her laptop]

Cuddy: What do you want?

House: Looks like boils, altered mental status, and heart failure was caused by renal cell carcinoma. (handing her a form) I need your signature to start treating it with malaria. Don't worry, I'm giving him chemo too.

Cuddy: What is your sudden obsession with malaria?

House: Just trying to play my part cutting costs. Malaria is the simplest, cheapest method of delivering hypothermia.

Cuddy: Right. The only money you care about – You bet someone you could use malaria as a diagnostic tool?

House: That doesn't sound like me.

Cuddy: Forget it.

House: Okay, let me see if I've got this straight, a bet that puts one patient at minor risk is juvenile?

Cuddy: And irresponsible and dangerous.

House: But going all-in against Atlanticnet –

Cuddy: Is not a bet. That is a carefully considered negotiating position.

House: (putting the form on her desk) I'm gonna put this in your inbox. I just hope it doesn't get lost underneath all the other stuff you're carefully considering. (He leaves. Cuddy sits down at her desk and looks at her watch yet again)

[Cut to Cuddy handing a file to Regina at the clinic desk]

Cuddy: Can you take a look at these per diem schedules? Let me know if you see any conflicts.

Nurse Regina: Got it. Oh, and Ereshefsky actually did come in. You catch her leaving a sponge in a guy or something?

Cuddy: Wasn't a medical mistake.

Nurse Regina: What was it?

Cuddy: Can't tell you now. She came in.

[Cuddy notices Stan entering the clinic and intercepts him]

Cuddy: Hey, Stan! Have you audited the ephedrine orders yet?

Stan: Why? You told me she confessed.

Cuddy: Stan.

Stan: All right, yeah. I'll take care of it.

Cuddy: Today.

[Stan leaves and Cuddy turns away checking her phone for messages]

Nurse Regina: You know he's cussing you out in there now.

Cuddy: I don't care as long as he does it.

Lucas: (entering the clinic) What a bitch.

Cuddy: (to Lucas) What are you doing here?

Lucas: Sounded like you were going to be too busy for lunch, so my specialty, (holding up a brown paper bag) spinach lasagna.

Cuddy: Sure you didn't come looking for more people you could brag about our sex life to?

Lucas: (looking contrite) Okay. Sorry. From now on, I got nothing but bad things to say about our sex life. (Cuddy gives him a look) Or nothing to say.

[Cuddy heads to her office. Lucas follows]

Cuddy: And what's going on with Marina? She hasn't called me back.

Lucas: She was gonna call. I told her I'd let you know everything was okay.

Cuddy: So her fever broke?

Lucas: What exactly does that mean, "when a fever breaks?”

Cuddy: Lucas, I'm very busy. Does she have a fever or not?

Lucas: (noticing the uneaten salad) That was gonna be your lunch? And you didn't have breakfast either. (He puts the brown bag on her desk) No, she doesn't have a fever, and the rash was just, like, a little diaper rash.

Cuddy: (putting the brown bag on the floor) What rash? She has a rash?

Lucas: Little one. (Cuddy picks up the phone to call Marina) Lisa, don't worry. I'm telling you.

[A cell phone rings. Lucas takes a ringing phone out of his pocket]

Lucas: Oh, god. I must have grabbed Marina's cell by mistake. (Cuddy disconnects and starts to dial her home number) And, I turned the ringer off on the home phone so I could sleep.

Cuddy: (hanging up the phone) What are you doing to me?

Lucas: I take it your deal's not done.

Cuddy: (finally sitting down) Not yet.

Lucas: How about I take a quick look into the guy who's in charge of the negotiations? Or better yet, the CEO. If I get some dirt, you can use it as leverage.

Cuddy: There's no time. (She pauses and looks up at him) How do you even find these guys?

[Cut to Cuddy talking to the desk clerk at a restaurant. The clerk points to two men sitting at a table]

Cuddy: Thanks.

[Cuddy approaches the men]

Tannenbaum: (speaking to his dining partner) You should have seen the guy's face. I thought he was gonna have a damn coronary right there in the tee box.

Cuddy: Excuse me. You're Keith Tannenbaum, CEO of Atlanticnet Insurance, right?

Tannenbaum: That's me. How can I help you?

Cuddy: Well, actually, I think we can help each other. I am Dr. Lisa Cuddy, Dean of Medicine at Princeton Plainsboro.

Tannenbaum: Oh, yeah. Well, how are you?

Cuddy: Well, I'm a little unhappy. You're aware that our contract with your company is up this week?

Tannenbaum: Yes, and we have a negotiating team that's working all that out.

Cuddy: Princeton Plainsboro has the highest-rated ER in the state, the most advanced ICU, and the most innovative diagnostic medicine department in the entire country.

Tannenbaum: Good to know. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to –

Cuddy: While Atlanticnet Insurance has a marketing budget that's more than our pediatric ICU’s and transplant units combined. Your PGA sponsorship could pay for our walk-in clinic, and the money you spend to fuel your two private jets could fund our air ambulance service for the next three years.

Tannenbaum: Your point being?

Cuddy: Your growth may be good for your bottom line, but ours allows us to save lives. And I would rather not have to announce to the press how selective your company appears to be when it comes to cutting costs.

Tannenbaum: (Eli) Morgan was right. You are one tough gal. You can portray me as a rich bastard in the press all you want, just as long as I stay rich.

[Cuddy, with a look of disbelief on her face, turns to leave]

[Cut to Cuddy entering the clinic. Regina stops her]

Nurse Regina: Stan is looking for you.

Cuddy: I'm busy.

Nurse Regina: He said it's urgent.

[Cut to Cuddy talking to Stan in the pharmacy]

Stan: I don't understand how it's even possible. I've checked it twice.

Cuddy: How much?

Stan: Ten cases.

Cuddy: Ten cases?

Stan: Going back three years.

Cuddy: What the hell have you been doing Stan? You're supposed to be managing this place.

Stan: All the paperwork I signed was correct. She must have altered the orders afterwards.

Cuddy: Didn't you ever cross-check it with the bills that came in?

Stan: I delegated it.

Cuddy: To whom?

Stan: To Gail. Look, she seemed perfectly trustworthy. How was I supposed to know?

Cuddy: By doing your job.

Stan: I'm sorry.

Cuddy: Have you notified the DEA?

Stan: The DEA?

Cuddy: Jeez, Stan. Hello! You don't steal $50,000 worth of pills because you want to lose weight. She's supplying a meth lab. Just get her back in here.

Stan: All right.

Cuddy: Now.

[Cut to Cuddy entering her office. Eli Morgan is waiting for her]

Eli: Oh, you ever want a job, trust me. He'll double whatever you're making here.

Cuddy: Take it he liked my proposal.

Eli: Enough to tell me to get my ass back over here today. (handing her an envelope) Here. He's willing to go to 8%.

Cuddy: 8?

Eli: We were at 4. Your board's gonna think you walk on water.

Cuddy: (handing the envelope back to him) I want 12.

Eli: You're not gonna get 12. There's just no way.

Cuddy: 8% barely covers our cost inflation.

Eli: But capitated structure should allow you to hold down inflation.

Cuddy: And shifts all your risk onto us, which is why we deserve 12.

Eli: Lisa, come on. The guy who mows my lawn makes more than my kid's teacher. Hell, the two guys whose lunch you interrupted could get fired, and their severance would be more than most of their employees make in a lifetime. It doesn't have anything to do with what you deserve. (putting the envelope on her desk) This is it. Take it or leave it.

[Cut to Cuddy entering an empty stairwell, where she alternately paces and sits, looking decidedly anxious. She finally opens the door to leave and finds House standing in the doorway]

Cuddy: What are you doing?

House: Hey. (They talk as they walk toward Cuddy’s office) Know any good transplant surgeons? Turns out his kidneys aren't the only thing failing. And I know what you're thinking, but malaria wouldn't destroy his liver that fast, especially since we never infected him.

Cuddy: I thought you said –

House: Apparently Foreman now thinks that he has the authority to overrule my orders just because the FDA wouldn't approve. Don't worry. I'll deal with him. If you could just talk to Hourani –

Cuddy: (stopping) What would you do?

House: (turning to face her) If you paged me during sex?

Cuddy: About the contract, with Atlanticnet. I got them to come up to 8%, but we should get at least 12.

House: It's all numbers. Do the math, and nothing else.

Cuddy: It's not about my pride. It's about the principle. They're trying to screw us over because we're small.

House: That's what they're supposed to do.

Cuddy: They should be pressuring other hospitals to be more like us, not trying to make us more like them. It's stupid.

House: (They continue walking) Putting your job on the line in an effort to stamp out stupidity isn't?

Cuddy: You would.

House: Probably. But then I also wanted to try to cure cancer by infecting a guy with malaria to win a $50 bet. You really want to be like me?

[Cut to Cuddy writing on a notepad at her desk. She looks at her desk clock. It is 3:00. She has run out of time]

[Cut to Cuddy addressing a large group of hospital employees in the auditorium]

Cuddy: As you know, for the past eight months, we've been trying to renegotiate our contract with Atlanticnet Insurance. It's been a difficult process, but I wanted to let you all know before we made the formal announcement, that as of 5:00 p.m. today, our contract with Atlanticnet will be terminated. We've doubled the number of customer service representatives in our call center. Current patients will still be allowed to remain in our care for 30 days, but starting tomorrow, we will no longer be accepting patients with Atlanticnet health insurance.

[overlapping dialogue of complaints]

Man: Why weren't we told about this sooner?

[Cut to Cuddy on the phone again in her office]

Cuddy: Come on, Marina. Pick up the phone.

[Foreman walks in]

Cuddy: I'm busy.

[Getting no answer, Cuddy hangs up the phone]

Foreman: We found a liver match.

Cuddy: All right. Get him prepped. I'll straighten things out with Hourani.

Foreman: Hourani's not the problem. House is. Now he wants Chase to do the surgery.

Cuddy: To prove to Hourani he doesn't need him?

Foreman: To prove to Thomas that Chase was his department's best surgeon.

Cuddy: And what does Chase want to do?

Foreman: Chase wants to do the surgery.

Cuddy: And you don't want him to do it because?

Foreman: I don't care who does it.

Cuddy: So what's the problem?

Foreman: In order to get our patient into the OR, we have to get him on the surgery schedule. In order to do that, we need someone to put him there who neither House nor Thomas can overrule.

[Cuddy sighs, grabs her jacket off of her chair and goes to House’s office. The blinds to his office are drawn. She pushes them aside to reveal House getting a massage from a very pretty female masseuse]

Cuddy: What?

House: Would you rather I go back on vicodin?

Cuddy: She's not massaging your leg.

House: She will... Eventually.

Cuddy: Why am I the only person here who cares what happens to this hospital? Get off your ass and get your department under control. At least for the next few days.

House: Its gonna take longer than a few days for a company the size of Atlanticnet to start feeling the squeeze of your PR Campaign. If they ever do.

Cuddy: And you know this how? From all the time you've spent researching them and their other contracts? The way they handle their press relations?

House: I know they have a nascar team. Despite what you may have learned at hebrew school or from Jimmy Cliff, sometimes the bigger they are, The harder they kick your ass.

[Cut to Cuddy’s office where she is talking to Martín Acevedo and his lawyer, Westbrook]

Martín: I'm not trying to be greedy.

Westbrook: But he's also not interested in being forced into a medical bankruptcy.

Cuddy: Mr. Acevedo, I am sorry you're having financial difficulties. But because of us, you still have a thumb. I assume that's something a carpenter might need.

Westbrook: And I assume you didn't ask for this meeting so you could lecture my client.

Cuddy: You have insurance. But by filing this suit, you've caused us to get paid nothing by them either.

Westbrook: That's not our problem.

Cuddy: Actually it is, since he's responsible for any expense we're not reimbursed. But if you drop the suit and make it clear that Dr. Chase was acting in your best interest when he reattached your thumb, then we'll be able to resubmit the claim.

Westbrook: And you'll cover his deductible, attorney's fees, and 50 grand for pain and suffering?

Cuddy: Actually, I was thinking more like we'd cover half his deductible, which means you'd only owe $16,000.

Westbrook: You want him to pay you?

Cuddy: Yes. Do you have any idea how much it costs? How many years it takes to train someone in microsurgery? We gave you back your life. You can still work. You can button your own shirt, hold a fork.

Westbrook: Martín, let's go.

Martín: I'm sorry. I know I should pay, but I just can't. I still cannot work. I'm already underwater on my House, and I have two kids with braces.

Cuddy: You think you'd be in better shape without a thumb?

Martín: Right now... Financially? Yeah. I would be.

Cuddy: Well, so would we. But when you came in, we didn't think about that, we just took care of you, made sure we did whatever you needed to get well.

Westbrook: Yeah, right, all you doctors care about is healing. [a phone rings] That's why there are all those BMWs and Porsches in the parking lot.

Cuddy: (looking at her phone) Damn it.

Westbrook: (to Martín) Come on, we're out of here. (to Cuddy) We'll see you in court.

Cuddy: You're right, you will. (to Martín) You still have a thumb because of us, and like everyone else in this world, we don't work for free. We earn this money. And if we have to take your house to get it, we will.

[Cut to the surgical department where there is a large group of people gathered]

Cuddy: (to a nurse) What's going on?

Nurse: I think they're fighting.

Cuddy: Out of my way. Now. Out of my way.

[She pushes through the crowd to find Chase and Dr. Thomas attempting to hit each other. Thirteen and Foreman are trying to stop Chase and another surgeon is holding back Dr. Thomas]

Cuddy: (to House) What the hell is going on?

House: I told them to use their words.

[Cuddy puts her fingers to her mouth and whistles loudly. The combatants stop fighting]

[Cut to Cuddy preceding Chase and Thomas as they come through the doors of the clinic]

Nurse Regina: That pharm tech is back. She's in your office.

Cuddy: (to Dr. Thomas) You, there. (to Chase) You, over there. I don't wanna hear a word out of either one of you until I get back.

[Cuddy enters her office]

Cuddy: You lied.

Gail: (smiling) So? What're you gonna do about it?

Cuddy: (looking appalled) Well, for one... Notify the DEA.

Gail: Good. I'm sure they'll be very interested to hear how Dr. House forced me to help him steal the meds and the administrator who he's having sex with has been helping him cover it up.

Cuddy: You really think you can lie your way out of this?

Gail: Yeah, I do. Anything else you wanna know... Bitch?

[Cut to Cuddy putting on her scarf and coat as she hurries out of her office and past the clinic desk]

Nurse Regina: (holding out the phone) The hospital board's chairman wants to speak to you.

Cuddy: Tell him I'm busy.

Nurse Regina: I did, but he –

Cuddy: Then tell him I quit.

[Cut to the PPTH parking garage where Cuddy is sitting alone in her car. House taps on the passenger side window with his cane. Cuddy scoots over to open the door and clear the seat of the detritus of her life, including a stuffed animal and some papers. House gets into the car and closes the door. Cuddy sighs and they sit in silence for a minute]

Cuddy: You owe Lucas the money. We were having sex when you called.

House: The breast milk guy finally found a doctor to give him what he wanted. If it works, it's way better than malaria. It’s worth a shot.

Cuddy: I... I thought they were the ones bluffing. No way they'd let us terminate.

House: They're not gonna fire you. And you're not gonna quit.

Cuddy: Why not?

House: Because you're an idiot. (Cuddy looks over at him) This place needs you. And that matters to you.

[Cuddy sighs]

Cuddy: What do you think of that pharm tech, Gail?

House: She's a sociopath.

Cuddy: You knew she was stealing meds?

House: No. But have you seen the way she opens the mail?

Cuddy: Why didn't you ever tell me?

House: Figured it might come in handy one day.

[Cuddy chuckles and then looks over at House with an expression of inspiration on her face]

[Cut to Cuddy’s office. She is talking to Gail]

Cuddy: Gail, I like you. I always have. And I know you must've gotten sucked up into a situation you weren't able to control.

Gail: Really, is that what happened with you and House?

Cuddy: I'm not gonna back down just because you threaten to smear me. Now, if you agree to tell the truth, there are things I can do to help. Think about your husband, your kids. I know you're a good person deep down inside. You can't completely hide everything about yourself in seven years.

Gail: You're an idiot. I started stealing from here six months after you hired me. You still don't even know the half of it, and you never will. You wouldn't have even found out about this if I hadn't gotten sick. And you aren't as tough as you think you are. There's no way you'd let this job get taken away. And if I go down... You're going down.

[Gail grabs her coat and purse and leaves the office. Cuddy looks at a bright red flower in a vase on her desk and smiles]

[Cut to Cuddy approaching Regina at the clinic nurses station]

Cuddy: (holding up the flower) Hey... Can you tell Stan to give this to the DEA agent when he comes by.

Nurse Regina: A flower?

Cuddy: Lucas gave it to me. I thought it might come in handy one day.

[Cuddy pushes a small button on the stem of the flower and a recording of what Gail said in Cuddy’s office is heard. “I started stealing from here six months after you hired me”]

Nurse Regina: (raising her hand for a high five. Cuddy does the same) Nice.

Cuddy: (She gives the flower to Regina) Least I came out on top once today.

Nurse Regina: Where you going?

Cuddy: To hand the board my resignation. Hopefully whoever they hire to replace me can still get the 8%.

[Cut to Cuddy pushing an elevator button. Her cell phone rings. She turns away from the elevator to answer it]

Cuddy: Marina! I've been trying to get in touch with you all day. All right, I understand. Just, how is Rachel? And the rash? Great. I'll be home early (she runs for the open elevator door) – oh! (The door closes before she gets there) Aw! Perfect. (She pushes the elevator button again)

Eli: (coming up behind Cuddy, who turns to face him) You bitch. I didn't think you'd actually do it.

Cuddy: I told you I would.

Eli: Call the dogs off. (handing her an envelope) You got your 12. Congratulations.

Cuddy: (taking the envelope, and yelling out in imitation of the orgasm she did not have with Lucas that morning) Yeeeeesss! Whooo! Yes!

[The camera focuses briefly on Regina who is clearly enjoying her boss’s excitement]

[The following dialogue-free scenes are accompanied by Eric Bibb singing Shine]

[Cut to a grinning Cuddy telling the hospital board of her success. They applaud. It is 5:15p.m.]

[Cut to the hospital auditorium where she is again applauded as she tells a large group of hospital employees about the renewed contract with Atlanticnet Insurance. House has a subtle look of pride on his face]

[Cut to Cuddy in her office, packing her briefcase. She picks up a check, which has been left on her desk. A post-it note says “Mr. Acevedo dropped this off!” She removes the post-it. The check is to PPTH in the amount of $850.00. The memo line reads “thumb surgery, 1st installment.” She tears up the check and looks at her watch. It is exactly 6:00p.m. She drops the torn pieces in the wastebasket and leaves her office, a huge smile on her face]

[Cut to Cuddy lying on her bed and gently rubbing the back of a sleeping baby Rachel. The camera pulls back to reveal Lucas spooning with Cuddy. He puts his hand on her behind. She removes it, then changes her mind and puts his hand back. They snuggle comfortably]

[Cut to a close-up of Cuddy and the baby. Cuddy’s cell phone rings]

Lucas: (unseen) You gonna get that?

THE END

Comments 
28th-Mar-2010 01:12 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much :)
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