Written by: Doris Egan & Matt Lewis
Directed by: Greg Yaitanes
Transcribed by: Tammy (beckston)
DISCLAIMER: We don't own "HOUSE." It's owned by FOX and NBC/Universal, and produced by Heel and Toe Films and Bad Hat Harry Productions. This transcript is unofficial, and should UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be copied or distributed, especially for commercial use.
[The scene opens on a tour poster for a band called Pharmacide. The camera pulls back to reveal a line of people waiting to get into the tour kickoff party. The focus is on a group of six teen girls near the back of the line.]
Madison: Sure, lets give up now. It’s no big deal, it’s just Pharmacide, just the tour kick off. Who cares if we miss the most insane party in the world. (She turns to look at Jordan)
[Jordan looks like she is scheming. She grabs the coffee that Madison is holding and squeezing by all the other people in line, heads for the front of the line]
Jordan: Come on Phoebe, victory or death, or possibly cake.
[Her friend Phoebe, looking stunned, follows after Jordan who is now talking on her cell phone]
Jordan: (into the phone) I’m sorry, your caffeine fix is on its way. Will you hold on.
[The two girls reach the front of the line and approach a security guard]
Jordan: Hi, we’re the DJs assistants.
[The security guard lets them through just as the members of the band enter the hotel lobby. The fans, mostly teenage girls, go wild, they take pictures with their phones and reach out to touch the guys. The security guard is rethinking his decision to let them through. He stops Phoebe and Jordan turns back]
Security Guard: Hold on.
Jordan: (to the security guard). No, I said we both work for him.
Security Guard: You mean her. The DJ’s a SheJ.
[One of the band members overhears the exchange and interrupts]
Band Member: It’s OK Dave. She’s my plus one. (Phoebe grabs Jordan’s arm) Make that plus 2.
[Jordan and Phoebe follow the band member as he joins the rest of the band in the elevator. Jordan waves to her other friends as the elevator door closes]
[Cut to later as the four girls who were left behind join Jordan and Phoebe at a table in the hotel restaurant]
Jordan: You weren’t worried were you?
Madison: Yes, and there will be punishment unless you tell us everything.
Avery: You’ve been here all night?
Jordan: After the party we went up to the presidential suite with the band.
Phoebe: It was ginormous, like ten rooms.
Jordan: We had a few drinks, and some weed, and played drummer god on this giant plasma TV.
Phoebe: Which she rocked by the way.
Kaitlin: I think I hate you right now.
Jordan: Colt took me up to the roof, but by then the gate to the pool was locked, so no one was up there. So we just climbed over and jumped down and um, went skinny dipping. (The girls all giggle)
Avery: Did you do it?
Jordan: No. He was so sweet. Later, he played his guitar and he wrote a song for me. (The girls all ooh and aah)
[The camera focuses on Jordan’s foot, which is very swollen. Kaitlin is the first to notice]
Kaitlin: Oh my God.
Phoebe: Jordan, what happen to your foot?
Maybe you twisted your ankle when you jumped. Or it could be your allergies. My aunt was allergic to some cold medication and her hands swelled up like the marshmallow man.
[Jordan is now looking at her hands, which are also swollen]
Phoebe: Jordan, are you OK?
[Jordan collapses to the floor]
[The scene opens on Wilson in his bedroom. He is packing a suitcase. House appears in the doorway. He has his glasses on and is holding his cell phone up, trying to see a picture. He comes into the bedroom]
House: Foreman expects me to read an Xray on this itty bitty screen. He should have emailed me a larger phone. (He takes off his glasses and flips his phone shut) Why are you packing?
Wilson: We’re leaving this afternoon for the conference on Pharmacology and Public Policy.
Wilson: We discussed this. It’s been on your calendar for weeks.
House: So has Ramadan.
Wilson: Think of it as a vacation. Nice healthy Adirondack air. Or not. I don’t care. You’re coming with.
House: You should come with me. State pillow fighting championships. Dollar beers, wet T-shirts. In the words of the philosopher Eddie Money I’ve got two tickets to paradise.
Wilson: House, when you moved in, I promised your therapist I’d be here for you. I can’t be here if I’m there, unless you’re there too. So it’s not a discussion.
House: Fine. (dialing his phone) I’ll let Foreman know that the 16 year old patient with the severe edema can wait. Relax, I’ve got no idea what’s wrong with her. So odds are, not fatal. (Wilson sighs as House leaves the room)
House: (from another room) Still not going.
[Cut to quick exterior shot of PPTH, then to House entering the diagnostics office. Chase and Foreman are sitting at the conference table. Cameron is sitting at the desk in the corner]
House: She’s got rhabdo (rabdomyolsis). Who wants to come to the pillow fighting championships? Rutgers has got a great team this year, so glad their anchor didn’t turn pro.
Foreman: Sixteen year old girl suddenly has the joints of an eighty year old. Think we can we discuss this for a second?
House: It’s rhabdo. Patient gave you the answer. She fell down and went boom. We have to leave in an hour so should we eeny meeny?
Chase: The fall would explain lower leg damage, but not the swollen hands.
House: Hard landing caused crushed muscles, crushed muscles release toxins into the bloodstream, toxins cause swelling of the hands and legs. It’s just another way of saying it’s rhabdo. (looking at his watch) Fifty-nine minutes.
Cameron: She’s a credit card kid. Her parents are architects. They’re working on a project in Shanghai.
House: (Looking back and forth from Chase to Cameron) Could you be sitting any further away from Chase and still be in the same room?
Chase: It doesn’t have to be rhabdo. The swelling could be also caused by deep vein thrombosis.
Cameron: She has allergies. Could be anaphylaxis or some heart condition that we don’t –
House: Can’t really be any of those things, since it’s rhabdo. I know it’s rhabdo, Foreman knows it’s rhabdo, deep in his heart, even Chase knows it’s rhabdo. Isn’t it annoying when everybody in the room knows something you don’t?
Chase: I’ll test for everything. (He and Foreman get up and leave)
[Cut to Chase and Foreman sitting in a radiology control room]
Chase: He’s and ass.
Foreman: (speaking about the test) Contrast is ready.
Chase: She already thinks I’m cheating on her.
Foreman: Maybe this is House’s way of telling her to talk to her.
Chase: Sure. How was your day honey, by the way, I killed someone. If I tell her, that’s dumping a burden on her forever.
Foreman: (looking at the monitor) No sign of obstructions or clots. (He leaves the control room)
[Cut to House entering Cuddy’s office. Cuddy has just pulled a file from the cabinet. She walks back to her desk]
Cuddy: Tell me what you came here for House.
House: I’ve got a legitimate medical reason.
Cuddy: You must be so proud.
[Cuddy is wearing a low cut top, and as she leans over her desk, a good deal of cleavage can be seen]
House: (leering) I forgot. I guess it’s no big deal. I was only using it as an excuse to come check out Patty and Selma.
Cuddy: Oh, I feel bad, I haven’t named your testicles.
House: Word on the street is, you set a new personal best for low-cut.
Cuddy: I don’t know why you chose to give them the names of somebody’s aunts.
House: It’s a compliment. They’re always smokin. Oh, I remember. I need you to authorize the medical discharge of a minor. (holding up a file) That’s why I’m holding this in my hand.
[Cuddy is now leaning over her desk from the side, displaying her derriere in a tight skirt]
House: (unashamedly looking at her derriere) Haven’t finished testing yet, but it rha- (he notices the full outbox on her desk) Your outbox is three times normal size. It’s not a metaphor.
Cuddy: (taking files back to the cabinet) There’s a lot to be done before the weekend.
House: You take papers home with you. (He sits down on Cuddy’s desk) Unless, you’re not going to be home. Unless you were, for example, going to a medical conference.
Cuddy: I’m driving up with Wilson.
House: Me too.
Cuddy: You weren’t on the registration list.
House: I love that you checked.
Cuddy: But Wilson said—
House: That I have a case, yeah. You’re authorizing the discharge right now. (He turns to leave) That was a metaphor. (House leaves her office)
[Cut to House entering a patient room. Wilson is sitting with his patient, Joseph Schultz. He gets up and approaches House]
Wilson: Busy right now.
House: Is he dying?
House: In the next ten minutes?
Wilson: Unfortunately, no. He’s in a lot of pain.
House: I’ve thought about it. You’re right. I should go to the conference.
Wilson: You found out Cuddy’s going.
House: Oh, God no. She’ll ruin everything.
Wilson: We leave in two hours.
[Wilson goes back to Joseph’s bed. House lingers in the doorway for a minute and watches Wilson’s interaction with Joseph]
[Wilson puts the morphine pump control in Joseph’s hand]
Wilson: I’m right here. I’m right here Joseph.
[Cut to Chase entering House’s office]
House: (holding up his ball) Two days away, you think I should pack ball-y? (He throws the ball in the air and catches it with his open backpack)
Chase: You can’t leave. You lit a fuse, you need to watch the bomb go off.
House: The bomb was going to go off on its own, if you’d kept quiet. So now you have to either come up with a convincing lie, or tell her the truth. Your choice. (House holds out his hand for the file Chase is carrying)
Chase: CK levels point to rhabdo.
House: Of course.
Chase: Except for the part where imaging shows no sign of muscle crush.
[House takes the file and looks at the test results. House thinks for a minute and then grabs his laptop computer and walks out of the office]
[Cut to House entering Jordan’s hospital room. He is carrying his laptop computer which is now open]
House: Hi. I'm your doctor. (He puts the open laptop down on the bed table. A music video of Metallica’s Fuel is playing on the screen) This is Lars Ulrich, the greatest metal drummer of all-time. You know the song?
House: Good. (He hands her his cane) Drumstick. (He pulls a funduscope out of Chase’s pocket and hands it to her also) Another drumstick. I want you to rock out to the music the way you did last night.
[Jordan looks confused]
House: Go on. This is a classic medical test. Hippocrates used it. Let's go.
[Jordan reluctantly starts drumming with the cane and the scope]
House: (air drumming in time to the music) Come on, you've gotta keep time! Cross over on the high hat. Let's head bang!
Chase: House, what are you doing?
House: (still playing the air drums) The chart said her potassium's low. Rhabdo elevates the potassium. (to Jordan) And monkey drums. (to Foreman) Ergo... The levels must've been really low last night. Which causes...
Jordan: (dropping her arms to the bed) I can't move them.
[House hits a key on the computer which stops the music]
House: temporary muscle paralysis. Given this rate of muscle fatigue, there's no way she could've climbed stairs and then a fence to the pool. Low potassium means no jump, means no trauma. Tests mean "yes rhabdo.” Ergo, something else caused both the rhabdo and the low potassium. This time start by getting an accurate history. (House gets up and picks up his computer) Be careful. Our patient's a big fat liar. (He leaves the room)
[Cut to sometime later in Jordan’s room. Cameron and Chase are questioning Jordan and Phoebe]
Chase: What did you really do last night?
Cameron: We need to find the cause of your low potassium. You could have a kidney disorder, leukemia, adenoma.
Chase: We need to know about any drugs or alcohol, anything that might have threatened your health.
Phoebe: Come on, Jord. Okay, we didn't spend the night with the band.
Jordan: You can't tell our friends.
Phoebe: Have you heard of Stiletto: Warrior Queen of Space?
Chase: It's a comic book right?
Jordan: Thank you. Yes, and a freaking amazing new sci-fi series, and they're filming the motion picture now.
Phoebe: It's a prequel.
Jordan: The other girls wouldn't get it. Only Phoebe understands my passion. Only Phoebe understands the bushido of the heel.
[The girls perform a formal little bow and chuckle]
Chase: So what actually happened last night?
Jordan: We were with our friends trying to get into the Pharmacide tour party
at the Adams. And then I found out that Jeffrey Keener's gonna be there.
Jordan: I follow his tweets. It's tragic that I have
to explain this. He's the creator of Stiletto issue number one, and the tv show.
Phoebe: He's a god.
Cameron: So did you guys go up to him?
Jordan: God, no. We keep a ten-foot rule. It's not stalking if you don't go up to the person and bother them.
Phoebe: So we just followed him around.
Phoebe: He ditched after half an hour and went down to the hotel restaurant for a late dinner.
Cameron: And you went with him?
Phoebe: We played it so cool. For two hours, we lived his life. We did everything he did. Ate the exact same meal he ate.
[Cut to the diagnostics office where Cameron is taking food containers out of a cardboard box]
Cameron: The rest of their story checks out. The hotel manager says mom and dad were charged for food and a room, three pay-per-view episodes of Stiletto.
[Chase opens a container labeled “oysters” and eats one]
Cameron: Are you trying to kill yourself? It's from the same batch the girls ate.
Chase: They ate what he ate. And what a hundred other healthy people ate. Dig in. Lunch is on the Adams.
Foreman: What if food is the answer? Not this food. Any food. Jordan says she ate all of this. She's 16, all about body image, and she obviously worries about fitting in.
Cameron: Bulimia would account for her symptoms. We should do a barium swallow for mallory weiss tears, start her on nutritional supplements, get a psych consult.
[Cut to House sitting sideways on the passenger side of Wilson’s car, which is parked on a city street. Wilson is standing by the car]
Wilson: Why are you reading my program guide? It's not like you plan on attending any of the presentations.
House: I like to know how much boredom I'm missing. (reading from the program) "Patient perceptions of complications in end-stage chemotherapy." You didn't tell me you were giving a paper.
Wilson: And that was wrong?
House: Last time you presented a paper, you gave me an advance copy and asked for feedback.
Wilson: And you're wondering why I wouldn't want to repeat that experience?
House: (still reading) Oh, look! An '80s party. Just when you think you left a flock of seagulls behind in your rearview mirror, suddenly it's up ahead like an undead hitchhiker.
Wilson: Cuddy's going.
House: (He stands up and closes the car door) Did you pack my leg warmers?
Wilson: If you want her... ask her out.
House: My God, man! She's not some floozy in a bar. She's the floozy I work for. There's gotta be no radical steps here. Gotta be subtle. We happen to attend the same party, the chat happens to turn personal –.
Wilson: Like the frog in gradually boiling water.
House: Exactly. She'll be red and delicious before she knows it.
[They both look toward Cuddy, who is walking toward them on the sidewalk. She is carrying Rachel and laughing]
Wilson: What could possibly go wrong?
[Cut to Cameron and Foreman sitting in a radiology control room]
Cameron: Chase went to the gym five times this week.
Cameron: One of those times I followed him.
Cameron: I followed him. And yes, I know how humiliating that admission is.
Foreman: Where'd he go?
Cameron: The gym, that time. But I know that something's –
Foreman: I'm stopping you right there. This is a conversation you should be having with Chase, not me.
Cameron: I've tried having this conversation with Chase.
Foreman: No sign of tears. It's not bulimia.
Cameron: Is he having an affair?
Cameron: Why should I believe you?
Foreman: You shouldn't, you should believe him.
[Foreman leaves the control room just as Jordan’s parents rush into the radiology room followed by Chase]
Derek (Jordan’s Father): Baby… how are you?
[Jordan tries to sit up then collapses back onto the table]
Cameron: (talking from the control room)Normal sinus rhythm. Heart rate's fine.
Foreman: BP's dropping.
[Cameron rushes in to help]
Derek: What's happening to her?
Foreman: No pulse. (He starts performing CPR)
Michelle: Oh, my God! You said her heart rate was fine.
Chase: Cardiac tamponade. Drain the fluid now.
[The alarms are beeping. Cameron grabs a syringe out or a drawer, Chase puts an oxygen mask on Jordan]
Derek: What is going on?
Cameron: (pushing the needle into Jordan’s chest) She's bleeding around her heart. (She pulls back on the plunger, drawing out blood)
[Cut to the diagnostics office. Foreman, Chase and Cameron are on a conference call with House who is in the lobby of the hotel at the conference]
Foreman: Blood constricted her heart muscle. She's on antiarrhythmics, but we don't know how long we can keep her stable. Seemed to be triggered by stress. Her parents had just –
House: Did her blood pressure drop during the barium swallow?
Chase: Dropped to 50 systolic in three minutes.
House: Rules out chronic conditions.
Foreman: Acute conditions limit us to toxins, infections.
Cameron: Could be anything. A gas leak, arsenic in the wallpaper, fungus in the shower. I'll get samples from her room and the restaurant.
House: Talk to our little gossip girl. You need to know exactly where she's been and what she's done in the last 24 hours. Oh, I think – (He pretends to be losing the connection and ends the call)
[House approaches the registration table where Wilson has just finished registering. He reaches down and takes a nametag with the name Phillip Perlmutter M.D]
Convention Registrar: (She hands House a full bag of conference materials) Welcome to the convention, Dr. Perlmutter.
House: (taking the bag) It's my 25th consecutive year.
[House and Wilson walk away from the table]
House: Perlmutter loves the '80s.
[Cut back to Jordan’s room at PPTH where Foreman has just asked Jordan’s parents to leave for awhile]
Phoebe: Do you need me to leave too?
Foreman: You might remember stuff she doesn't.
Jordan: We didn't do anything we haven't told you about.
Phoebe: We hung out at Jordan's all day. And then we called a limo to go into the city.
Jordan: We stopped at Bruce Springsteen's House.
Phoebe: Jord... don't joke around, okay? You're really sick. Just tell him the truth.
Jordan: Bruce let me play the first electric guitar he ever owned.
Phoebe: My God, why are you lying?
Jordan: How can you not believe me?
Foreman: Turn to your right.
[Jordan turns her head and blood can be seen leaking out of her left ear]
[Cut to the restaurant in the Adams hotel. Cameron approaches Jeffrey Keener, who is sitting at a booth]
Cameron: Mr. Keener, I really appreciate you coming.
Keener: Oh, it's not that much of a hike. My room's only
six floors up.
Cameron: Last night, do you remember two girls, about 16?
Keener: (pointing) That table right there.
Cameron: They made an impression.
Keener: Well, they were hard to miss with the giggling and the staring.
Cameron: I'm sure that happens to you a lot.
Keener: I'm sure that happens to you a lot more.
[Cut to PPTH where Foreman is talking to Phoebe outside Jordan’s room]
Foreman: She can't control it. A bleed in her brain is affecting her thalamus, causing her to lie. We need to know everything. You two were never apart?
Phoebe: Except for when she went to go get ice. But that couldn't have taken very long.
Foreman: You don't know?
Phoebe: It was in the middle of the night. I woke up when she came back into the room.
Foreman: And she told you she went to get ice?
[Cut to the conference hotel. The 80’s party is going on. People in costume are dancing to Safety Dance by Men Without Hats. The camera lands on House who is dressed in a costume from the 1780’s. Cuddy sees him]
Cuddy: House... 1980s.
House: You sure? They weren't specific.
Cuddy: How much did it cost you to rent that?
House: It was in Wilson's bag.
Man at Dance: (He is dressed as a ghostbuster) Dr. Perlmutter, I read your article on neural degeneration.
House: Wait, you didn't really take that seriously, did you? I just wrote that for the money.
Man at Dance: Well, hey there, Jane Fonda, would you care to dancercize?
House: Sorry, we were just about to hit the floor.
Cuddy: Thank you. Your leg?
House: I'm okay. As long as you don't expect rhythm.
[They have just started dancing when the song ends and Cyndi Lauper’s Time after Time starts playing. Cuddy smiles and moves in closer to House, putting her arm on his shoulder]
House: You remember the last time we danced? Med school, the week we met.
House: I saw you in endocrinology. Tracked you down to the hoedown.
Cuddy: I meant, we met before that. In the bookstore.
Cuddy: My third day of school, I hand my syllabus to the guy behind the counter. He barely looks at me. Just skims the sheet and tells me I'm overly ambitious, I have a chip on my shoulder, and I know how to party. (She giggles)
House: (chuckling) I'd forgotten you knew how to party.
Cuddy: (giggling) I said, "you're making that up." And you said, "your class schedule is overloaded, "but none of your classes are before 11:00, "and no one takes Professor Lamb's course unless they have something to prove."
House: Because Professor Siegal covered the same ground and was the easier grader.
Cuddy: I tracked you down. Endocrinology... the party.
House: And one thing led to another.
Cuddy: And then it didn't.
House: I was gonna call you.
Cuddy: Noo...don't do that. There was no expectations. I was just as into it –
House: I was gonna come see you. Figure out where things would go from there. That was the morning I got the call from the Dean and I was expelled
from my first med school, and there didn't seem any point.
Cuddy: (looking upset) I should go to my room and review papers for the infectious disease panel. (She leaves, leaving House alone on the dance floor)
[Cut to House and Wilson’s hotel room. House is still asleep. Wilson is sitting at the table. Wilson’s phone rings]
Wilson: (answering his cell phone) Hello? Yeah. Thanks for telling me.
House: (waking up) It’s 7:00 in the morning. Somebody better be dead.
Wilson: My patient, Joseph Schultz.
House: Oh. (sitting up ) Under the circumstances, that's the best thing that could have happened, right?
Wilson: Yeah. I just wish I had been there. Didn't hear you come in last night.
House: (He takes a bottle of water off the nightstand and gets out of bed) Yes, and it was almost 9:30.
Wilson: (shutting his laptop which was open on the table) Things didn't go as you planned?
House: We've moved on to a new phase. I tell Cuddy that I've always
been interested in her, and she walks out of the room. (He takes a drink of water)
Wilson: (He closes a file and reaches behind him to put it in his briefcase) Well, either she just wasn't ready for that, or maybe she was just surprised and didn't know how to react. What are you doing?
[House is now sitting at the table. He has pulled Wilson’s laptop toward himself and has opened it up]
House: Interesting reflex of guilt just now. Your patient's been dying for six weeks. You couldn't have predicted he'd go this weekend. Or could you?
[He punches a couple of keys on the computer and then looks at Wilson sternly]
House: (reading from Wilson’s computer) "Euthanasia: let's tell the truth. We all do it." That's a great opening line. Are you insane?
Wilson: I didn't want your notes before, and I don't want 'em now. (He gets up and leaves)
[Cut back to PPTH where Foreman, Chase and Cameron are watching a security camera video from the Adams hotel]
Chase: Well, she didn't get ice. She got out in the lobby. She could have gone anywhere. Let's start with for how long. Fast forward.
Chase: Stop. Rewind. Back. Wherever she went, she was only gone for, like, five minutes. She's holding something.
Cameron: It's Keener's journal. He must have left it in the restaurant that night. She went back, claimed it belonged to her. She was looking for an excuse to knock on his door.
[Cut to sunset at the conference resort. Wilson is standing out on the dock by the lake. House walks out to him]
Wilson: I know what you're gonna say. I'm not insane. Doctors are rarely
House: Whoa... I was just thinking of your career. But yeah, if you're one of the doctors occasionally indicted, I guess it could affect that.
Wilson: Someone needs to say what life is really like, now, for people who are dying. What doctors have to go through, the decisions we have to make. Alone. Without guidance.
House: Someone should say that... in an unsigned letter
to the Times.
Wilson: I'd be telling the truth. I'd be saying what we're all thinking.
House: Who cares? The oncology department is subsidized by drug companies. They don't want it run by a murderer.
Wilson: We're all murderers. We just don't have the guts to admit –
House: And once again, who cares? You won't be hirable anywhere.
Wilson: If there's one thing I've learned from you, it's that I should do what I think is right and not worry about the consequences. (He walks back up the dock)
House: Yeah, it's worked out great for me.
[Cut to Jeffrey Keener opening his hotel door to Chase and Cameron]
Keener: Um, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm expecting a notes call from L.A. can we make this quick?
Chase: Did Jordan come to your room the other night?
Cameron: Let me put it another way. We know Jordan came to your room the other night.
Keener: Look, I've tried to be helpful. I don't know why you want to pretend I'm lying to you. But this is getting too weird for me.
Cameron: We need to search your room.
Keener: You don't, because she was never here.
[Keener starts to shut the door, but Cameron stops him]
Chase: Allison, calm down.
Cameron: You would cover your ass at the expense of someone's life? We know she brought up your journal. (Keener closes the door)
Chase: (walking down the hotel corridor) That was helpful. He'd be crazy to risk his marriage for a one-night stand with a teenager.
Cameron: Sensible people only risk their marriage for something more serious?
Chase: I'm not having an affair.
Cameron: We're talking about Keener.
Chase: Fine. He doesn't care about his marriage. What about his career? Statutory rape would ruin it.
Cameron: It's admitting statutory rape that could ruin it. Which is why we'll never hear the truth out of him. Rufies OD explains all her symptoms. We should start treating her with flumazenil.
[Cut to Cuddy sitting on the patio at the resort. Rachel is on her lap drinking milk from a bottle. Wilson joins her]
Wilson: Isn't the MRSA panel going on?
Cuddy: We got kicked out. She started crying.
Wilson: Yeah, well, discussions of urinary catheterization will do that to me too.
Cuddy: The babysitter had an emergency.
Wilson: Oh...how did you like '80s night?
Cuddy: House talked with you?
Wilson: I was being subtle about it. You left suddenly. I know House can be a little much sometimes...
Cuddy: No, he was sweet. I just know better than to rely on that.
Wilson: He's trying.
Cuddy: Yeah. I know. I'm a mother now. I need a guy I can count on every single day. That's never been House. (Wilson nods)
[Short exterior shot of PPTH, then cut to Jordan’s hospital room]
Foreman: It's not rufies. She's bleeding behind her kidneys. We're transfusing another two units packed red cells, but she keeps springing leaks.
Cameron: It looks like a toxic reaction. Keener must have given her something.
Chase: The guy's a comic book writer, not a drug dealer.
Cameron: There's a lot that wouldn't show up in a standard tox screen. But he's never gonna tell us the truth.
Foreman: Not gonna get the truth out of her either.
Cameron: We will if we drug her. Amobarbital would suppress
Chase: She's on antiarrhythmics. Amobarbital could stop her heart.
Cameron: She's already dying.
Chase: You're angry at me. You're taking it out on this guy 'cause you think he's lying to you too. And you're gonna kill our patient in the process.
Foreman: We need to know the truth.
Chase: We should call House.
Foreman: Yeah. He'll recommend we take the cautious approach.
[Cut to House and Wilson’s hotel room. House is sitting at the table eating pretzels and drinking grape soda. He is whistling. Wilson enters the room and takes off his coat]
House: (holding out a bag of pretzels) Pretzel?
Wilson: Those are gonna show up on my credit card at seven bucks a bag. There's an all-you-can-eat buffet downstairs.
House: Studies show that $10 wine tastes better if you're told that it costs $90. I'm sure the same thing must be true of grape soda. (He pours grape soda into two glasses) Have one. We can toast your pending unemployment.
[Wilson sits down, sighs, and picks up his glass of soda]
Wilson: Yes, you can sit here running up my hotel bill, or you can go get the woman of your dreams.
House: I didn't know Angela Merkel was attending the conference.
Wilson: I just spoke with Cuddy. She doesn't think you're reliable. And you will remain friend-zoned until that changes.
House: I can't convince her that I've changed my entire personality in a weekend.
Wilson: Yeah, but you could make the first step.
House: What does she need?
Wilson: Today, a babysitter. What are you thinking about?
Wilson: You see? Seriously. I know this is out of your comfort zone, but don't scheme. Don't – Just do the deed –
House: You tell me that I've gotta show her I've changed, and yet you act like
you don't believe I can. If I can't convince my best friend...
Wilson: I'm sorry. I didn't mean – I didn't mean... I didn't mean... (He looks rather disoriented) You drugged me. She's better off without you.
[Wilson passes out and House catches his head just before it hits the table]
House: Words can hurt, you know.
[Cut to Jordan and Cameron in a testing lab. Cameron has just administered the Amobartital to Jordan. Some kind of a camera (infrared?) is aimed at her. Chase, Foreman, and Jordan’s parents are in the control room listening and watching the monitors]
Jordan: I thought truth serum was only stuff they gave people in lame spy movies.
Cameron: We know you're scared. But we know you want to tell the truth. We're gonna help you do that.
Cameron: What happened between you and Jeffrey Keener the night you went up to his room?
Jordan: I couldn't believe he even talked to me. I told him how much
his work means to me. I figured I must sound like a moron. But he was nice about it. He said I was special.
[As Jordan talks, the scene changes to a flashback of the story she is telling]
Chase: Heart rate's increasing.
Foreman: 140's acceptable. Let her talk.
Cameron: Did he give you anything? A drink, pills?
Jordan: He said it was ecstasy. But it didn't look like ecstasy, and it didn't really
make me feel how ecstasy usually does.
Cameron: How did it make you feel?
Jordan: It just made me really tired.
Cameron: What did it look like? A capsule? Tablet?
Jordan: It was a tablet. Round.
Chase: Could be lithium.
Jordan: He just started touching me. At first it seemed nice. But then... I didn't want to insult him.
Foreman: That's enough.
Jordan: (speaking to her parents, who look extremely disappointed) I'm so sorry. I love you guys so much, and I just – I feel like I've let you down.
Derek: I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch.
Foreman: Before you do that, look here. (He points to the monitor) Increased periorbital blood flow throughout. It means everything she's been saying has been a lie.
Derek: S-so you still don't know what's wrong with her?
[Cut to Cuddy opening the door of her hotel room to find House standing there]
Cuddy: Oh, I thought you were room service. Something going on with your patient?
House: It's quiet in there. Is Rachel asleep? I thought maybe, you could use a babysitter.
Cuddy: Actually, I've got her in day care downstairs.
House: Oh. Great. Maybe later.
[From inside the room a child’s giggling can be heard. House walks slowly into the room and sees Lucas sitting on the floor holding Rachel]
Lucas: Hey, House.
House: Hey, Lucas.
Lucas: This is awkward.
House: A bit. That awkwardness would probably go away if I left. (He turns and leaves the room)
[Cut to Wilson lying across his hotel room bed. The phone on the nightstand is ringing]
Wilson: (barely conscious) Hello?
[He finely rouses and manages to pick up the phone]
Foreman: It's Foreman. I'm trying to update House, but his phone's off.
Wilson: (yelling) House! (talking to Foreman again) He's not here.
Foreman: Patient's losing blood faster than we can transfuse. Cameron did an online search and found out Keener travels with his dog – we're treating for rickettsia. Any idea where he is?
Wilson: (looking at his watch) Oh, no! I was supposed to be giving a paper five minutes ago.
[Wilson gets off the bed, and looking down, realizes that he is not wearing any pants]
[Cut to the conference room where Wilson is supposed to be presenting his paper. House is standing at the podium instead]
House: Dr. Wilson has asked me to tender his apologies for his absence. You'll be hearing my paper instead. Unfortunately, there wasn't time to correct the program schedule.
House: (reading Wilson’s paper) "Euthanasia: "let's tell the truth. We all do it. We just don't talk about it. We play the game. We use other words or we don't use any words at all.”
House: Hmm. Nice phrasing.
[Many of the doctors in the audience were preparing to leave the presentation until House said the word “euthanasia.” Now they are interested, and many look concerned]
[Cut back to Wilson’s hotel room. He is on the phone]
Wilson: Hello? Uh...I don't know what department I want. Uh, I need...pants.
[Cut back to House presenting Wilson’s paper]
House: “Patient S, a 55-year-old man. End-stage lung cancer. His pain was beyond the point where we could even pretend to treat it. I showed him how to use the morphine pump. I told him too much morphine would kill him, but not to worry. The machine only gives out so much. To override it you need to enter a special code. I went to the door and told the nurse, 'the code is 328.' I said it loudly. (He pauses and looks up at the audience. He looks down again and does not see Wilson enter the room) When he first came to my office, I told him I would be with him every step of the way. But I left him alone at the end. I broke that promise. To cover my ass, I failed –"
[House looks up and sees Wilson standing at the back of the room]
House: I was wrong when I wrote that. I've never given any less than my best. I am incapable of turning away from a responsibility. My friends take advantage
of that fact far too often. I know that I gave that man everything I could. And I know that he knew that too.
House: (reading again from Wilson’s paper) "This is a burden no one should have to carry alone. And this is a decision no one should make alone."
House: Because frankly, I don't trust all of you.
[House turns to go out on the hotel patio, but is interrupted by a vocal audience. Only one doctor manages to actually speak to him]
Audience: Doctor? Doctor?
Audience: Doctor? Doctor? Question...
Doctor: Excuse me, Doctor. Not many people would have your courage. Thank you Dr. Perlmutter. (He extends his hand, which House shakes)
[Cut to House exiting to the hotel patio. Wilson follows]
Wilson: Hey. Before I start shouting, Foreman says they're looking at rickettsia.
House: Thanks for the message. Continue.
Wilson: What the hell? You think that little shout-out is gonna make me forget that you drugged me, hid my pants, stole my speech?
House: (taking off his tie) You wanted the paper out there, it's out there. And your job is safe.
Wilson: That was my paper. You don't ask what I want, you ignore my wishes, you drug me.
House: I'm waiting for you to name something new to our relationship. You've got no good reason to be angry with me.
[House holds the tie out to Wilson, who takes it]
Wilson: Oh, really? I should be thanking you?
House: If this was about getting the story out there, then yeah. Of course, if this is actually about something else... Maybe you feeling impotent because patients keep dying and you think you need to make some grand, stupid gesture – You need to be a hero – Well, then, yeah, sorry. I did screw it up.
Wilson: You stepped over the line. This was not your decision.
House: My God, there are 10,000 oncologists in this country. Every one of them loses patients. But only you would feel guilty enough...
[House has an epiphany and reaches into his jacket for his cell phone]
Wilson: Of course, we can't even argue on my schedule.
House: (speaking into his phone) It's House. Take down the bags.
[Cut to Jordan’s room where Cameron has set her phone down on the bedtable. During the conversation, the scene moves back and forth between House and PPTH]
Chase: It's too soon to tell if the meds are gonna –
House: It's not the meds. It's the blood that's killing her. What's everybody doing? You're stunned, right? I mean, blood?
Michelle: She's had internal bleeding. She needs the blood to –
House: Is that the mom? I've got a good comeback if it's the mom.
Michelle: Yes, I'm her mother.
House: Sure, she needs blood, if you want to kill her. Then you'd have nobody left to neglect – great plan. Your daughter has vibrio vulnificus, courtesy of a few scrumptious oysters on the half shell.
Jordan: I didn't eat any oysters.
House: Thus proving that she did. Boy, that's neat.
Chase: 100 other people ate those oysters. I ate –
House: Is that the dad? I've got a good comeback –
Chase: It's Chase.
House: Oh, I thought the dad might've been Australian too. There was nothing wrong with the oysters. All oysters have vibrio. But almost no one has hemochromatosis. It'd give her a unique susceptibility to vibrio, cause the swollen joints. But it got attributed to bulimia, so she got supplements—
Cameron: With iron.
House: Which overcooked the liver, which caused bleeding. More blood, more iron, more bleeding, more blood.
Michelle: Is she going to be OK?
House: Only if we give her high-dose ceftazidime for the vibrio and chelate for the hemochromatosis. Now, Cameron, pick up the phone and give me a dramatic exit. (Cameron picks up the phone and disconnects the call)
[Cut to Cuddy, Lucas, House, and Wilson sitting at a table at the hotel restaurant. The atmosphere is tense]
House: So...how'd you two crazy kids hook up?
Cuddy: I suspected someone in accounting was skimming money, and I wanted to investigate quietly. And since you introduced me to the only detective I know...
House: And one thing leads to another. (long pause) Why keep it a secret? You protecting me in my fragile state? You think I was an unhinged looney who was about to go off the rails at a badly timed bit of news?
Cuddy: I just don't advertise my personal life. I needed help with the baby. Lucas drove up.
Lucas: Yeah. She was worried. A little worried. As a friend. I had to hide
in our room and be the dirty little secret. It kinda sucked. I told her it wasn't necessary. So you had, you had some hallucination about having sex with her.
Cuddy: I don't think we need to talk –
Lucas: I mean, I imagine having sex with women all the time. No big deal. Though I guess if they knew what I imagine, it could get awkward. And I guess
it's different because in the fantasy, she was your savior. But I mean, that was months ago, right? All the work that you had to do to get straight- You've been institutionalized. You've had way bigger stuff to deal with. I should shut up. (sighs) Can I buy you a ginger ale?
House: A ginger ale would be good. With lemon.
[Cut to Jordan’s hospital room]
Cameron: Infection's clearing up nicely. You should be out of here in a few days.
Derek: Oh, that is wonderful.
[Derek’s cell phone rings]
Derek: (speaking into the phone) Jack, how are you?
Michelle: Sweetie, your father and I think we should reward ourselves
with a little time off.
Derek: (speaking into his phone) That meeting's gonna have to wait a couple of weeks. We're staying here.
Michelle: You should think about where you'd like to go.
Derek: (turning to his wife) Honey, they're saying the specs are wrong for the whole foundation. Can you at least come talk to 'em?
Michelle: (taking the phone) Let me see.
Cameron: (to Jordan) You okay?
Michelle: (speaking into the phone) No. Soil engineering report was fine.
Jordan: I'm used to it.
Michelle: (who can be heard in the background talking on the phone) Who are you talking to?
Cameron: (to Jordan) So...about what happened that night.
Jordan: I never even got up the courage to knock on his door.
[The scene shifts to a truthful flashback of Jordan leaving Keener’s journal outside his hotel room door]
Michelle: (still on the phone) Well, you'll have to send me their numbers.
[Cameron sighs, looking relieved]
[Cut to a wide shot of Cuddy, Lucas, and Rachel on the hotel patio. Lucas is lifting Rachel high into the air. She is laughing]
[The camera pulls back to reveal House watching them from an overlooking balcony. Wilson approaches]
[Cut to a close-up of Cuddy, Lucas, and Rachel]
Cuddy: (pointing out a ride-on toy car to Rachel) What is that?
Lucas: (to Rachel, who is now sitting on the toy car) Are you driving?
[Cut to House and Wilson on the balcony above them]
House: He looks like a guy who'd be there every day. Minibar is restocked. I say we grab some pretzels for the road –
Wilson: When you do what I did, it's not enough to tell yourself you did nothing wrong. You need to hear it from someone else. If not God or society, a friend. Otherwise you go crazy. What you said to me up there... Thank you. You're a good friend. Cuddy should know that.
House: Yeah, you should let her know that I drugged you so you wouldn't confess to murder. Let's get out of here. (They turn and begin walking toward the steps)
Wilson: Someone could have recognized you.
House: First U.S. conference I've attended in 15 years.
House: Toronto, all weekend. Airtight alibi.
[Cut to Chase sitting on his couch at home. Cameron sits down beside him]
Cameron: I'm sorry. I don't know why I always suspect the worst. If you say you're not having an affair, you're not having an affair.
[He takes her hand, sighs, and looks at her]
Cameron: Oh, God, you are.
Chase: I'm not.
Cameron: Okay. Sorry. Again. (Chase sighs again and sits up, resting his chin on his hand) If you don't want to tell...okay. But I could help. Whatever this is, it's eating away at you. We could get past it together. I love you no matter what.
Chase: We lose patients sometimes. One of those patients... Dibala... We didn't ac – We didn't actually lose him. I killed him.