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House MD – 5.09 Last Resort

Originally Aired: November 25, 2008

Written by: Matthew V. Lewis & Eli Attie
Directed by: Katie Jacobs

Transcribed by: Jane (poeia) and Tammy (beckston)


DISCLAIMER: We don't own "HOUSE." It's owned by FOX and NBC/Universal, and produced by Heel and Toe Films and Bad Hat Harry Productions. This transcript is unofficial, and should UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be copied or distributed, especially for commercial use.



[Open on the shot of PPTH. Cut to the clinic waiting room. A guitar is twanging individual, repeated notes as people go about their business in slow motion.]

[Sandra and her husband, Bill, sit together. She is very pregnant and is eating something while Bill reads a magazine. As people walking past separate, Jason can be seen sitting next to Mitch. Jason is wearing a suit. He is staring straight ahead, holding his hat. His briefcase is on the floor next to him. Mitch is wearing khakis. He is staring at his knee.]

[Oliver sits by the window. He’s slumped in his seat, listening to his iPod. His messenger bag is in his lap. Nikki sits two chairs away. She’s wearing a purple knit cap, a purple and black striped sweater and purple striped leggings. Over by the exam rooms, Larry leans against a wall and looks at his watch.]

[The camera returns to the various patients. Oliver rubs his face. Sandra rubs her belly and looks at Bill. Jason and Mitch continue to sit. Oliver looks at Nikki who is reading. Larry rubs the side of his head. Jason looks glum. The shot widens as the scene speeds up to normal time.]

Larry: [to Thirteen as she comes from an exam room] Excuse me. I've been waiting here for over an hour. All I need is a refill on my migraine medication.

Thirteen: We'll get to you as soon as we can.

Larry: You can get to me now. It'll only take you two minutes.

Thirteen: You're not an emergency.

Larry: This isn't an emergency room.

Thirteen: And it's not gonna go any faster by pissing me off.

[He makes a rude but not obscene gesture as he gives up and walks off. Foreman approaches.]

Foreman: Got a minute?

Thirteen: No. [to the nurse in charge] A routine checkup can wait. What else you got?

Foreman: I'm consulting on some clinical trials that involve CNS compounds.

Thirteen: While it's true that no sometimes means yes, in this context…

Foreman: One's a new Huntington’s drug. Phase three trials are showing real results delaying neuronal degeneration. Probably get you in.

Thirteen: [turns to face him] No, thanks. [walks away]

Foreman: [following her] Are you doing anything about your disease, following any kind of program?

Thirteen: No. Nor am I looking for a consult.

[She walks off. Foreman walks away, revealing Jason who is still sitting there while the people mill around him. He looks to his right and sees “Lisa Cuddy, M.D. Dean of Medicine” on her office door. House is there, behind her desk.]

[Cut to Cuddy’s office. There’s a rap on the door glass. House, who was leaning over the desk drawer, sits up. Jason enters.]

Jason: Excuse me, I'm looking for Dr. Cuddy.

House: Well, she's either not here, or she's under the desk. Either way, you're gonna have to wait outside until I'm finished.

[Jason starts to leave then turns back.]

Jason: Do you know when she'll be back?

House: Yes, which is why I need you to get out and leave me alone. [He grabs a pack of Post-Its from the desktop.]

Jason: Sorry. [He closes the office door behind him.]

[Cut to Jason approaching the nurse’s desk. He stands there as the sounds around him begin to sound distorted. He reaches under his overcoat and pulls a gun from his waistband, behind his right hip.]

[Cut to Cuddy’s office. The door opens. Thirteen enters, followed by Nikki, Sandra and Bill, Oliver, Mitch, Larry, Regina (a nurse), and, lastly, Jason.]

House: Nice try. Love to help.

Jason: Shut up! [He closes the office door behind him.]

[House sees the gun.]

House: [calmly] You wanted to see doctor —

Jason: I said shut up. I'm sick, and I want to know why. I want the best doctor in this hospital here, now… Or I'm gonna start killing people.

[The hostages on the left side of the room — Sandra, Nikki, Oliver and Sandra’s husband — are breathless, almost hyperventilating. Those on the right — Larry, Mitch, and Regina — are breathing better but are more fidgety. Thirteen, who is with the group on the right, is calm. She is the nearest to House and she looks at him.]

House: [conversationally] What seems to be the problem?

[Opening Credits]

Jason: [gesturing to Mitch with the gun] Close those blinds. [to Larry] You, push the sofa in front of that door. [to Sandra’s husband] You, move that table in front of the other door. [shouts] Now!

Sandra’s Husband: Okay, okay. [to Oliver] Just move it. [As he and Oliver move the table] You know, you don't have to point the gun, man. We're gonna do whatever you want.

House: [not moving and not looking away from the gun] No, we're not.

[Jason turns to point the gun at House.]

Thirteen: House…

House: That's a bathroom you're barricading. It might come in handy, especially since you've cleverly decided to take a bunch of sick people hostage.

Jason: [pointing the gun again] Do it! [He pulls a file about 8” thick from his briefcase.] My medical records. I need you to read them.

House: [standing, very slowly] You really think that reenacting "Dog Day Afternoon" is the best way to get diagnosed? I'm sure you've been waiting for hours in an uncomfortable chair, but you should watch the movie all the way through.

Jason: I've been to 16 doctors in the last two years. Had three full-body CTs and two MRIs, seven blood panels, and one homeopathic consult.

House: And all that was missing was the threat of violence. [He starts slowly approaching Jason.]

Jason: What's missing is an answer! I can't breathe! I'm tired… all the time. I get skin rashes, and heart palpitations, and insomnia.

House: That's a cool constellation of symptoms. It could be something minor. At least compared to life in prison, which is what you seem to prefer to seeing 16 more specialists.

Jason: Shut up and do your job.

[He shoves the file at House and takes the cane, which he tosses to one side.]

[Cut to the lobby. PPTH’s crack security team is herding people out the door. Some patients are being wheeled by nurses. Against the flow, Cuddy enters, holding a cell phone.]

[Cut to Cuddy’s office. Jason is sitting down. House is listening to his chest with a stethoscope.]

Jason: You barely looked at the file.

House: No need. Symptoms — those are the things you keep whining about. Tests — negative, or you wouldn't be here. History — shy, quiet kid. Kept to himself. Collected comic books and missing children.

Bill: Excuse me, my wife feels sick to her stomach.

House: Next time pack some heat, and maybe we'll look into it.

Sandra: [quietly] I'll be okay.

[The phone rings. Jason jumps up. House leans to one side, out of the line of fire. Jason goes to the desk, picks up the receiver and hangs it up again. He grabs the phone and heads back to House.]

House: If you ask me, keeping an open line of communication is the best way to resolve conflict. [Jason puts the phone on the chair next to him.] What kind of breathing problems?

Jason: Shortness of breath. And sharp pain when — when I inhale. [He sits, keeping his hand on the receiver.]

House: So you figured your wife left you because you couldn't breathe, right? Me, I rarely kidnap someone unless I've got a serious health problem. Since you're not almost dead, it means you're armed because you're blaming something other than your health on your health.

Jason: I've never been married.

House: Oh. Got a match?

Jason: Why?

House: Because I'd rather not stand here while you try and negotiate a hostage trade for an incentive spirometer.

Thirteen: I'll look in Cuddy's desk.

House: Stay out of the desk! Cuddy doesn't smoke. But he does. [gestures toward Mitch]

Mitch: No, I — I don’t.

House: Right. You just brush your teeth with coffee grounds.

Mitch: [placating, to Jason] Look, sir, I've never smoked in my life, okay? [mutters] Jerk.

Jason: [rising and pointing his gun at Oliver who is reaching into his jacket pocket] Hey!

[Oliver puts both his hands in the air.]

House: You figure that two people snuck weapons into the clinic today?

Oliver: I'm sorry. It's just… I got a lighter.

Jason: Slowly.

[Oliver gives the lighter to House who gives it to Jason.]

House: Hold it out as far as you can. Try to blow it out. [Jason wheezes as he blows. The Bic flickers but doesn’t go out. The second time, it doesn’t even flicker.] Decreased lung volume. Heart palpitations, fatigue, stomach pain. An intermittent rash — could be 100 things. If you add on that final symptom, it can only be pulmonary scleroderma.

Jason: What final symptom? Those were all my symptoms.

House: Last one is the 16 doctors who missed it. Simple alkylating agent, case solved. See you on visitor's day.

[Everyone stares. The phone rings. Jason backs up. He hands the entire phone to House who answers it.]

House: Crime scene!

Cuddy: [at the front desk] House, what's going on in there? Is everyone all right?

House: About to be. Assuming he's not lying. But he seems like a pretty straight arrow to me. [He winks broadly at Jason who pushes the speakerphone button. House speaks louder and hands the receiver to Jason.] I'm gonna need some propofol to prove that it's pulmonary scleroderma. Then we all get to go home.

Cuddy: Propofol? You sure —

House: Have one of the guards bring it in.

Jason: No, no guards. No cops.

Mitch: Uh, I'll go get it.

Jason: No one is leaving. [He sees a picture of Cuddy on the bookshelf.] She's not a cop? Dr. Cuddy brings in the drugs. Alone.

House: She might be armed. I'd have her deliver it shirtless.

[Cut to later. Most of the hostages are lined up behind the desk. House is in a chair, rubbing his thigh. Jason is standing behind Regina with the gun barrel resting on her shoulder. She sobs quietly. There’s a soft knock on the door. Jason turns the gun on House.]

House: Who is it?

[Cut to House walking through Cuddy’s secretary’s area and unlocking that door. Cuddy can see Regina and Jason through her office door.]

Cuddy: Oh, God, House. Maybe we should wait for —

House: Guys with even bigger guns?

Cuddy: Who know how to talk to armed —

Jason: [calling from the office] Say good-bye or I shoot her.

[Something rustles as House takes it from Cuddy. He closes the door and locks it.]

[Cut to the office. House fills a syringe and taps it twice with his fingernail.]

House: Roll up your sleeve.

Jason: Give it to someone else first.

House: You're the only one who needs it.

Jason: Give it to someone else. If it goes in okay, you can give a second dose to me. I don't care who. Just pick someone.

House: Again, had your brilliant plan included a roomful of hostages that don't have fetuses, bacterial and fungal infections, leaving their immune systems too weak to deal with the metabolic strain, or are already on pain killers that have fatal interactions…

Jason: [pointing the gun toward Larry] He's not on pain killers. I heard him tell her in the clinic.

Larry: Aw, come on, man. Don't take it out on us. You got a problem with doctors? Take it out on the doctors. [points to Thirteen] Give it to her.

House: She's sick. [to Larry] You are a very large creep. Take off your shirt. [He injects Larry, who grunts.] Satisfied?

Jason: [standing] Fine.

House: [to Jason] Roll up your sleeve.

[Jason starts to do so. Larry keels over in the background.]

Jason: You think I'm an idiot? Huh? That's what you think?

House: I thought I had a little more time with a guy that size. [Jason primes the gun and points it at House.] You're not gonna do anything. You still need me.

[Jason turns and points the gun at Mitch, who crouches.]

Mitch: Hoh. Come on!

House: What are you doing? He didn't do anything.

Jason: You're right. I need you. I also need you to know you can't screw with me.

[He shoots Mitch in the hip. Mitch grabs his hip and howls. He looks at his hand, which is covered with blood. The phone rings. Everyone freezes.]

House: [to Jason] It's for you.

[Cut to the office, later. Mitch is on the sofa with his leg on the coffee table. Thirteen is tending to his wound. The phone is ringing. House is playing with a baseball cap while Jason decides whether or not to answer. He reaches for the phone and hangs it up. It immediately starts ringing again.]

[Cut to the lobby. A police officer approaches Cuddy who is on the phone.]

Bowman: Lieutenant Bowman, Princeton SWAT.

Cuddy: Dr. Lisa Cuddy, Dean of Medicine. We just heard a gunshot, but I haven't been able to make contact.

Bowman: [taking the phone from her and hanging up] We'll handle that once we secure our perimeter and set up our positions.

Cuddy: By "perimeters," I assume you mean snipers? We have to put an end to this.

Bowman: Got a husband in there or a loved one?

Cuddy: Uh, no.

Bowman: Don't worry, we'll decide when to start shooting. [He hustles her away from the desk.]

[Cut to double doors opening on a hallway lined with patients. Chase, Taub, Kutner and Cameron are working.]

Taub: House is gonna get someone killed.

Kutner: The guy's ready to kill for a diagnosis, I can't think of a better doctor to be trapped in there with him.

Cameron: How 'bout someone who's not gonna keep pushing the whack job's buttons until he cracks?

[Kutner’s beeper goes off. He looks at it.]

Kutner: It's House.

[Cut to the office. House’s cell phone rings.]

House: Joe's Bar and Grill.

[Intercut with the Diagnostics Conference Room. Both the old and new teams are there.]

Foreman: It's Foreman, and every fellow you've had in the last five years.

House: [turning on the speakerphone and putting the phone on the desk] What causes low lung volume, heart palpitations, fatigue, stomach pain, insomnia, and a rash?

Chase: This is pathetic. If I strap a bomb to my chest, do I get seven doctors attending to me?

House: Dr. Robert Chase. On the off chance you have some brilliant escape plan and are the vengeful type.

Chase: Do you think he's the only guy in New Jersey with an unsolved illness and a pistol? I'm not playing this game.

House: Seriously? You're walking out?

[Chase leaves.]

Cameron: No, he's just kidding. He's right here.

House: [taking a picture off the wall and gesturing to Oliver] Throw me that marker, will you? [He does.]

Foreman: Chest pain, the lung problems, fatigue, rash. Sounds like chronic lung infection.

Thirteen: Heart palpitations and fatigue — could be a cancer that's spread from the lungs.

House: [writing on Cuddy’s wall] Next!

Cameron: If his diaphragm's not working, maybe his nerves are freezing up.

Regina: [referring to Mitch who is stretched out on the floor] I think he's going into shock.

House: First rule of triage: Guys with guns go first. Next!

Kutner: The shortest distance between stomach pain and insomnia is bad circulation. Plus troubled breathing. Could be a heart defect.

Bill: You needed to write four things down to remember 'em?

House: It's not my wall. You're gonna get some special deliveries. Foreman, we're gonna draw blood. Run tests for infection and cancer. Cameron, comb through his medical records. See if any of his past 900 medications could have screwed up his heart. Taub and Kutner, go to his apartment, check for neurotoxins.

Jason: 873 Marshall, South Brunswick. Back window's unlocked.

House: Giving out your address. Clearly you're not going back there. Means you do have an end game.

[Cut to the lobby. The phone rings. Bowman answers.]

Bowman: I'm Lieutenant Bowman. How's everyone doing in there?

[Regina is drawing blood from Jason.]

House: Got one lower limb flesh wound, another guy unconscious. Unfortunately, not the guy we hoped. We're gonna need someone to deliver his blood. [Jason disconnects the call.] It's gonna be hard to play doctor —

Jason: Shut up. [He gestures to Nikki with the gun.] Open that blind. Just a few inches.

Nikki: Why me?

Jason: Just open it. Open it!

Nikki: Why me? Anyone can do it. Why pick me?

[He points the gun at her again. She promptly leans over and pukes behind the desk. Thirteen goes to the blind and pushes it open slightly. Members of the SWAT team can be seen in the courtyard.]

Jason: Get back! Get back! [He runs to the wall next to the window Thirteen is in front of.] I will kill her unless you back the hell out of there now!

House: Interesting. Anybody else hear those guys outside? [pause] Anybody? He's got hyperacusis.

Jason: What does that mean?

House: It means we have a favorite. It's nerve related.

Thirteen: Amped-up hearing could be linked to nerve palsy.

House: Puff out your cheeks. Come on. [House demonstrates and Jason imitates him.] Now big mug shot smile.

[Jason grins. Only the right side of his mouth goes up.]

Thirteen: Left side facial weakness.

House: Seventh nerve palsy. Plus intermittent rashes. Plus migraines. It's post-herpetic neuralgia.

Jason: Herpetic? You think I have herpes?

House: I'm not judging here. This thing is just as likely to be caused by chicken pox.

Jason: I need proof now.

House: There is a test. It's dangerous and painful while the treatment is safe and painless. But you make a good point. You need proof now. I'll order up the test. If you have neuralgia, you won't feel it going in.

Jason: It only hurts if your diagnosis is wrong?

House: Win-win.

[The phone rings. Jason gestures for House and Thirteen to move out of the way. He picks up the receiver. In the lobby a policeman nods to Bowman who picks up the phone on that end.]

Bowman: Jason, don't hang up the phone again.

Jason: You're gonna send in… [He gestures to House with the gun.]

House: Capsaicin. 200 micrograms.

Jason: And two syringes this time.

Thirteen: And we'll give you the blood and his records.

Bowman: No more meds, Jason, and no deliveries without something in return. You've gotta give us a hostage.

Jason: You can have two.

Bowman: Great. Then I'll send an officer right in with the transfer.

Jason: Everything gets brought in by Dr. Cuddy.

Bowman: Jason, I'm not gonna let her do that.

House: First — don't use his name so much. It doesn't sound reassuring, it just sounds creepy. Second — come on, he's not gonna shoot the one person he trusts to bring in his medication. He's gonna shoot the hostages if she doesn't bring it in.

Bowman: I'll get back to you.

[He and Jason both hang up. Bowman turns to Cuddy.]

Bowman: The guy's demanding that you do all the transfers.

Cuddy: [quietly and slightly breathless] Okay.

Bowman: Okay?

Cuddy: What am I supposed to say?

Jason: You're supposed to say no. It's not your job. If you got a conflict here, if you have stakes in this that you're not telling me about, then I can’t trust you.

Cuddy: Got it. I'm okay. Can you tell him I'm coming in now?

[Cut to time-lapse of Cuddy pushing a wheelchair into her outer office. Cuddy and House exchange medicine and records. Thirteen and Regina are also there. They have put Mitch in the wheelchair. Cuddy wheels Mitch out. Larry stumbles alongside. As soon as they reach the lobby, a police office helps him walk. In the outer office, House, Thirteen, and Regina turn back in.]

[Cut to the office.]

Jason: Who's taking the first dose?

House: [talking through the cap of the syringe which is in his mouth] Anybody here got a long-standing case of neuralgia that's killed their nerves so this won't hurt at all?

Oliver: How bad does it hurt?

House: You're looking to be the hero?

Oliver: Well, I've been beaten up a lot, and I can handle pain.

Regina: How old are you?

House: The guy's got a gun. I think that covers the parental consent issue.

Regina: And that stuff can also cause nerve and muscle damage.

[Oliver seems to have second thoughts. After a moment, House mashes his nose with his finger. Oliver, Nikki, Sandra and, with a sigh, Regina follow suit. Sandra whacks Bill in the arm.]

Bill: Ah. No way am I taking that crap. Come on.

House: You have to. It's the rules.

Thirteen: I'll do it.

[Cut to House injecting Thirteen in the upper gluteus maximus. He talks quietly to her.]

House: This is a level of risk taking beyond anonymous girl-on-girl action.

Thirteen: They're patients. I'm a doctor.

House: With a degenerative, drug-unfriendly illness.

Thirteen: Everything's not some fascinating character flaw.

House: This is a genetic flaw. This is your Huntington’s speaking. This is you waving a white flag at the world.

Thirteen: Yes, I have a shortened life span. Another reason why I'm objectively the right choice. [She gasps and doubles over in pain.]

House: Wow! I would have laid money you had herpes. [to Jason] Your turn. So why are we here? We've ruled out immediate risk of death, lost love. That just leaves… work? You're defined by your work. But you kept seeing doctors, kept missing time. Couldn't focus. [injects him] Maybe you made a huge mistake… got fired.

Jason: I just want an answer.

House: I know. I'm asking why.

[Jason sits down, grunting in pain. House goes to the wall and draws a line through “nerve paral.”]

[Cut to Jason’s apartment. Taub and Kutner enter through the door. A policeman waits in the hall.]

Taub: Guy knew he wasn't coming back. Everything's laid out for us. I'll check for toxins in the kitchen. [He puts on gloves.]

Kutner: [looking at Jason’s desk] He must have $6,000, $7,000 in unpaid medical bills.

Taub: I've got debt too — you don't see me acting like a lunatic.

Kutner: There's no excuse for what he's doing, but you've got millions of people, thousands of dollars in debt because they're sick — At least one of them's gonna do something inexcusable. Especially if it works.

[Cut to the lab. Foreman and Cameron are doing the labs.]

Foreman: White blood cell count's normal. It's not infection.

[Cut to House drawing a line through “lung infection.”]

House: So either his heart's on the fritz, or he's got cancer.

[Intercut between the office, the lab and Jason’s house.]

Kutner: Found a picture of his mom. She's got a droopy eye, fat face, thick neck.

Cameron: Classic signs of an upper-lobe tumor.

House: Or she's just ugly.

Kutner: There are also classic signs of an adrenal problem.

Thirteen: [sitting on the floor, near Jason] It's his heart.

House: You can't be sure what —

Thirteen: His neck. Distended jugular.

[She leans on a chair to stand. House limps over to Jason and reaches for his neck.]

Jason: What are you doing?

House: I am going to try to strangle you faster than you can pull a trigger.

Thirteen: He needs to check your pulse.

House: It's racing. 160.

Thirteen: We need to get paddles.

Bill: Or maybe we could just do nothing.

Jason: If I get any weaker… And they don't fix it… I'll shoot… you!

[He points the gun at Bill. Bill and Sandra hug each other.]

Sandra: Don't. He didn't mean to —

House: Shut up! All of you. [He listens to Jason’s heart with the stethoscope then removes it and reaches for Jason’s neck again.]

Jason: What are — what are you doing? What are you doing?

House: Carotid massage… gotta slow your heart. It's 200.

Jason: Well, get the paddles.

House: Uh-uh. Whole point of those things is to make your muscles contract. They don't discriminate against trigger fingers.

Jason: Nobody gets my gun. [He yells toward the phone, which is on speaker.] Send in paddles!

House: [equally loud] Don't!

Jason: Get the damn paddles! Or I'll shoot you.

House: Threatening to shoot the guy who's diagnosing you makes a lot of sense. Actually doing it, not so much.

Regina: Give him your gun so he can save you.

Bill: Just let him die.

Sandra: Bill, stop.

Thirteen: We can cardiovert chemically.

House: If we don't know what kind of heart rhythm it is —

Thirteen: If we don't try something, he's gonna kill someone. I'm gonna get the drugs.

Jason: No one goes anywhere!

House: If she doesn't come back, you've got plenty of other people you can shoot.

Jason: [gesturing toward Oliver] You… come here. [to Thirteen] All right… 30 seconds.

[Cut to Thirteen running into the clinic. She unlocks a drug cart and pulls out the syringes she needs. In the background, two members of the SWAT team knock on the clinic door. She starts and looks around.]

[Cut to the office.]

House: She's gonna go.

Regina: She's gonna come back.

House: She should go.

Regina: [referring to Oliver] He'll kill him.

House: But not her.

Regina: That your version of morality?

House: If you don't think your life is worth more than someone else's, sign your donor card and kill yourself.

[Jason keeps checking his watch. All the remaining hostages look especially nervous. At the end of 30 seconds, he takes aim at Oliver who bows his head and covers his ears.]

Regina: [impulsively] Shoot me.

Jason: You really want —

Regina: Yes.

[He turns the gun on her. House watches, fascinated.]

Regina: No, no! She just needs time! She just needs more time to find you the right — the right drug — time, she needs time.

[The door bursts open.]

Thirteen: It's me. [She closes the door.]

[Oliver and Regina both look extremely relieved.]

[Thirteen gives House the syringes. Jason gestures nervously toward her.]

Jason: She takes it first.

House: Adenosine slows the heart. Which is fine, if it's beating fast like yours. Not fine if it's normal, like hers. Following the math on this?

Jason: She takes everything I take. I don't want anything that cross-reacts.

[Thirteen has tied a tourniquet on her arm. She injects herself and removes the tourniquet. She collapses on the floor. House kneels down beside her, as does Regina]

House: The martyr's heart is beating dangerously slow. Are we good to go? [He injects Jason while Regina tends to Thirteen.] [House feels for Jason’s pulse.] Your heart's back to normal. No tachycardia. No sign of a heart defect at all. [pause] But you're sweating.

Jason: I nearly had a heart attack. You're surprised I'm sweating?

House: On one side of your face, but not the other.

Jason: What’s that mean?

House: A tumor is pressing on your sympathetic nerves. You have lung cancer.

[Cut to the office, later. Thirteen is on the couch. Regina is next to her.]

Regina: Pulse is down below 50.

House: So's her IQ. Help her up. Get her heart going faster. [He looks at Oliver who goes over to help.]

Jason: I need proof it's cancer.

House: Of course you do!

[He dials his cell phone as Regina and Oliver start walking Thirteen around the room.]

[Cut to an ICU or recovery room. Wilson is checking on a patient. His phone rings. He takes it out, looks at the caller ID and answers.]

House: It's gotta be a Pancoast tumor. Patient's got dyspnea, seventh-nerve palsy. He's sweating on one side of his face.

Wilson: Everything okay in there?

House: Take your time. It's not like I've got a gun to my head.

Wilson: Lung cancer usually shows up lower than the seventh nerve. Did you check his throat?

House: [to Jason] Spit on the floor.

Jason: What?

House: If I do it, I can't tell Cuddy that it was medically necessary. I'm gonna ask you to piss on her chair next. [Jason tries to spit. Nothing comes out. He coughs.] Dry mouth. His parotid glands aren't working.

Wilson: If there's swelling, it's a Pancoast tumor that's metastasized.

[House hangs up and goes to Jason. He puts his hand under Jason’s jaw.]

House: Feel that. Right there.

Jason: [feeling it] If it's cancer, there must be a test.

House: You just did it.

Jason: What about an X-ray or something?

House: Good idea. Oh, damn. I left my CT machine in my other pants.

Jason: How many hostages do you think it would cost me for a trip to radiology?

[Cut to the lobby. Nikki and Sandra come out. The cops hustle them away.]

[Cut to the office. The remaining hostages are tying themselves together. Thirteen looks unsteady.]

[Cut to the now empty lobby. The remaining hostages — House, Thirteen, Regina, Bill and Oliver are tied in a circle around Jason. They shuffle across to the elevator. House pushes the button]

House: So… what made you snap? HMOs?

Jason: Shut up.

House: Nah, you saw 16 doctors. How bad could they have been?

Jason: Shut up!

[The elevator arrives and they shuffle in.]

House: Humiliation? Doctors treating you like a piece of meat? Too many fingers and tubes up your holes. You hate doctors. You want to take back control. If so, I apologize for the fact that you are a piece of meat.

Jason: I just want an answer. That's all.

[The elevator arrives. Time lapse photography as they shuffle down the empty halls. Electric doors open as they approach and close behind them.]

[Cut to Radiology. Jason locks the door.]

Jason: Everyone stays in here with me.

[Cut to the SWAT team creeping down the halls the hostages just traveled.]

[Cut to Radiology. The hostages are no longer tied together. Jason checks the observation booth.]

Jason: If you need anything from in there, get it now.

[House, with a look at Thirteen, limps to the booth. He puts a monitor and other equipment on a cart and rolls it out. Jason is on the CT bed. He gestures toward Oliver, Regina and Bill.]

Jason: Move around. [He lies down with his head in the headrest.] Anyone moves… I fire.

[House starts the computer and nods to Thirteen who starts the CT.]

House: That's not all. Curiosity's not enough. There's gotta be a deeper reason.

Jason: You never did anything just because you had to know?

House: Never shot anyone.

Jason: You're not me. This is my body. This is my life. And there's a truth out there. I'd rather rot in jail knowing than… I can't handle not knowing. [The gun, which is facing Regina, quivers.]

House: Yeah.

[House looks at the monitor and makes a face. He stops the CT and jerks his head toward Thirteen to reverse the carriage and bring Jason out. House picks up a pad and writes on it. He hands the pad to Oliver.] Hold that. [to Jason] You want your answer, you gotta give me the gun.

[Jason looks at him. House turns the monitor around. There’s an image of the interior of the CT with bright white streaks all over in, radiating from a central point.]

House: What's this?

Thirteen: Starburst artifact. The metal from the gun is ruining the image.

House: [to Oliver] Show him.

Oliver: [turning the pad around] Starburst.

House: Now, unless you think we pre-arranged that, just in case we were ever held hostage by a guy who needs a CT, we're not lying. So you have two choices. You can give me the gun and get your answer. Or you can shoot me.

[There’s a long pause as Jason thinks. He points the gun at House.]

Jason: I'm not gonna give you the gun.

[Cut to the clinic waiting area and shots of all the chairs the hostages were sitting in at the beginning of the episode. Their hats and coats are still on the chairs]

[Cut to the hallway outside Radiology. There are SWAT team members on both ends, mostly behind the desk at the far side. The doors open. Bill and Regina run out. They run toward the desk. Cuddy goes to Regina.]

Cuddy: Why did he release you?

Regina: House got him to give up his gun. We just ran.

[Cut to Radiology. House is typing on the keyboard. The gun rests on the table next to him. Oliver comes up behind him. The phone starts ringing.]

House: [looking back at Oliver] Why are you still here?

Oliver: Curious. It's safe now, right?

[House types a little more. Thirteen reverses the CT carriage and Jason comes out and sits up.]

Jason: They’re gonna be through that door any moment. Just show me the tumor.

House: There isn't one. I don't know what you have.

[Thirteen goes behind House to look at the screen herself.]

Jason: So… It's over. Thanks for trying. [He hops off the CT bed and puts on his suspenders.]

[House puts his hand on the gun. He thinks for a moment then stands and gives Jason the gun. Oliver and Thirteen look on in disbelief.]

[Cut to later. Jason is on a chair. Thirteen is sitting on the CT bed with her legs dangling off. House is pacing. The phone is still ringing.]

Jason: You had four theories. You ruled out four theories. Maybe no one can cure me.

[House grabs the phone.]

House: He overpowered me and got the gun back. [He hangs up.]

Thirteen: [to House] You're a coward. You need to know everything because you're afraid to be wrong. You're so afraid of being ordinary, of being just another doctor, just another human being, that you'll risk other people's lives.

House: I'm arrogant. You're the coward. You're terrified of death. You just want to cheat it by making it come sooner. Gives you the illusion of control.

Oliver: [standing in the corner behind Thirteen] Can I go?

House: Sorry. We might need you. [The phone starts ringing again. House picks it up and slams down the receiver.] How do they expect me to think?

[Cut to the desk. Cuddy and Bowman are talking.]

Bowman: Is he lying?

Cuddy: Why would he do that?

Bowman: Over time, hostages start to root for the captor.

Cuddy: House isn't the rooting kind.

Bowman: No, he's the obsessive, defiant kind. [into his communications headset] Mic the door. Get a frame charge. [to Cuddy] I hope your boyfriend knows what he's doing.

[Cut to House’s office. Wilson is leaning against the wall. Foreman and Taub are pacing. Cameron is sitting next to the desk. Kutner is in the Eames chair. The phone rings. Wilson puts it on speaker. Intercut between House’s office and Radiology.]

Wilson: Are you insane?

House: He's quick for a sick guy. Dyspnea, anemia, seventh-nerve palsy, tachycardia. [He puts his cell phone on speaker and drops it on the counter.] Long passes. Anything. Go.

Foreman: I don't believe it. Chase was right. You're gonna kill someone. I don't want to be a part of it. [He leaves.]

Taub: Loa loa filariasis.

House: You ever been to Cameroon or on the Ogowe River? Next.

Cameron: Could be Q fever if he's had exposure to goats.

Jason: No goats.

Kutner: [getting up and approaching the desk] Histiocytosis X explains the lung involvement and —

House: [getting up and approaching Jason] Whoa, whoa, whoa… We have a new symptom. He is turning his head, favoring his left ear. Means he's partially deaf in the right.

Wilson: Three hours ago, he had superhero hearing.

Cameron: Cushing’s causes fatigue, breathing problems, fluctuating hearing.

Kutner: Even increased aggression and risk-taking.

Jason: I'm doing this by choice. It's not a symptom.

House: We'll keep that between us till you talk to your lawyer. [He picks up the wall phone and pushes the intercom and speakerphone buttons. He speaks to Bowman] I need dexamethasone and enough time to provoke a respiratory reaction and confirm Cushing’s syndrome.

Bowman: [voice over] You need more time? House, we're not negotiating with you. Actually, we're through negotiating.

Jason: [standing up and shouting] I've still got three hostages left. I'll give you one.

Bowman: And no more testing drugs on the sick doctor.

Jason: Fine. Send in the drugs.

[Cut to the door. Oliver rushes out the door past Cuddy who is giving House the drugs. A member of the SWAT team calls to him.]

Cop: Son, come here, come here.

Cuddy: House, you can't —

[He closes the door in her face. The lock clicks.]

[Cut to Radiology. House prepares a syringe.]

House: If you have Cushing’s, this will slow your breathing.

Jason: Give it to her first.

House: Those were not the terms.

Jason: [pointing the gun] I lied. These drugs could be fake.

House: Why would I do that? I gave you back the gun!

Jason: You wouldn't. They would.

House: She has Huntington’s. If these drugs are real, it could screw up her liver.

Thirteen: [grabbing the syringe and injecting herself in the hip] The chances are slim. Chances of him shooting one of us, on the other hand —

House: Don't do —

[House glares at Thirteen.]

Jason: How long do you have to live?

Thirteen: Eight, ten years.

House: Killing her is your chance to get personal?

Jason: Huntington's doesn't have — [He gasps as House injects him.] doesn't have a cure?

Thirteen: No.

Jason: So if we get out of here —

House: If she were clinging to hope, she wouldn't be standing in line waiting for you to order up more drugs. [He puts on a stethoscope and goes to Jason.] Take a deep breath.

[Jason takes a couple of breaths.]

Jason: Not knowing what was wrong with me… made me miserable. Maybe that's insane. Doing this… Yeah. Insane. But I had something to gain. You can't take risks with no upside at all.

House: [removing the stethoscope] I can't decide which is riskier, taking crazy risks or taking advice on crazy risks from a crazed risk-taker. [He goes to Thirteen and feels for her pulse.] Heart's racing. Fever. [He lays her down on the CT bed and turns to Jason.] And your breathing's unchanged.

Jason: Does that mean she…

House: Means I was wrong. Her kidneys are shutting down because of the meds you made her take.

[Cut to Radiology, later. House touches Thirteen’s side and she cries out in pain.]

House: We have to get her out of here. [He opens his cell phone.] The dexamethasone is making Thirteen's kidneys fail, but not the patient's — why?

[Intercut between House’s office and Radiology.]

Cameron: This guy's been on 50 different medications. Maybe his kidneys should be failing, but something's protecting them.

House: [to Jason] I need to slap you. For diagnostic purposes. [Jason points the gun at him.] Seriously. If I was jerking you around, I'd say I needed to kick you in the groin. [Jason lowers the gun and House slaps him across the face.] That twitch is Chvostek's sign. Don't ask me how Chvostek discovered it. [into the phone] He has calcium deficiency. Drugs that block calcium tend to shield against kidney damage.

Cameron: He's been on protein pump inhibitors for years for his stomach pain.

House: Those drugs have been protecting his kidneys for years. He has something that has a long incubation period. Something that should have wrecked his kidneys. Something that explains breathing problems, heart problems, jumpy nerves, and weak blood.

Taub: Leishmaniasis.

House: Would make perfect sense if our patient was an Arabian Bedouin.

Cameron: Melioidosis. Bacteria gets into the lungs, spreads to the heart. It explains everything.

House: Except that if you read the history, you'd know that our patient has never been to a tropical climate!

Cameron: Is he absolutely sure of that? Mexico. Costa Rica. You've never been —

Jason: I've never been anywhere south of Florida.

[House turns slowly. In the office, Cameron, Taub and Kutner all look at each other.]

House: You idiot.

Jason: Florida counts?

House: Well, not to the Supreme Court. But it's warm enough for germs. [He closes his cell phone and walks over to the wall phone.] You keep blaming doctors when you can't even give a halfway decent history.

[He pushes a button on the wall phone. Bowman answers.]

Bowman: Negotiation's over.

House: It will be as soon as you get us three grams of ceftazidime.

Bowman: He comes out, he gets all the medicine he wants.

Jason: You can have Dr. House.

House: [disconnecting the call] Why are you getting rid of me?

Jason: I need to trade you for the answer.

House: You're gonna give her the meds.

Jason: No…

House: Come on, give 'em to me instead.

Jason: [apologetically] She's taken everything I've taken. The combination of meds could knock me out.

House: [angrily]Her kidneys are failing. You give her those drugs, she'll be dead by the time they get the cuffs on you.

Jason: I need my answer.

House: Your obsession is gonna kill her!

Jason: Your obsession gave me back the gun! [He points the gun at House.]

House: [calmer now] It is pointless to give her those drugs. Even if they are screwing with you, this is your last diagnosis.

Jason: Only if you're right.

Thirteen: [pushing herself to a semi-sitting position] House, get out of here.

House: Shut up. I'm not leaving.

Thirteen: Who's the martyr now? Either the drugs kill me or he kills me. Doesn't seem to make a lot of difference.

[Cut to the desk. Cuddy gives the drugs to a cop. He and a backup creep down the hall. The door to Radiology opens. House comes out slowly. The cop tosses the meds in. The door lock clicks.]

[Cut to Radiology. Thirteen prepares the syringe.]

Thirteen: You really don't feel bad about killing me?

Jason: Not if you don't feel bad about killing yourself.

Thirteen: I don't want to die.

Jason: Yeah, you do. You just don't have the nerve to actually do it. You just want it out of your control. Well, it is. 'Cause I've got a gun. [He points it.]

[Insert of the hallway. The SWAT team moves into place, setting the frame charge.]

[Cut to Thirteen getting ready to inject herself. She stops.]

Thirteen: Don't do this.

Jason: Either I do this with you alive, or…

[Insert of SWAT team connecting wires.]

Thirteen: Please. Sometimes you just have to trust people.

[Insert of SWAT team finishing the job.]

[Thirteen gets ready to inject herself. Jason keeps the gun aimed at her. His hand is shaking.]

Thirteen: I don't want to die! I don't want to die!

[Insert of SWAT team member pushing a button.]

[Jason grabs the syringe and injects himself as the far wall blows apart. He and Thirteen are thrown to the floor.]

[Cut to House still standing in the hallway. The camera returns to slow motion. He winces as the blast blows open the doors behind him. Cuddy, behind the desk, straightens up as the blast blows her hair around.]

[Cut to Radiology. All the dust from the blast makes it look foggy. Two flashlights shine. They turn out to be lighted scopes on the SWAT team’s rifles. One of them reaches Jason and turns him over.]

[Cut to the hallway. House turns and enters Radiology.]

[Cut to Radiology. The camera returns to real time as House limps to Thirteen and turns her over. The cops cuff Jason and take him out.]

House: Why are you still alive?

Thirteen: He didn't make me take it.

[Cut to House and many cops in riot gear getting off the elevator in the lobby. Cuddy is leaning on the front desk. She straightens up when she sees him. House takes a pill. Jason is behind him with some cops. House takes a deep breath with his hand on his diaphragm. Jason takes the hint, straightens up and takes a deep breath. House nods imperceptibly and Jason smiles slightly at him. The cops take Jason away.]

[Cut to Thirteen’s hospital room. Foreman is at her bedside.]

Foreman: A week of temporary dialysis, your kidneys will be okay. [she sighs] I'm sorry I backed out of the differential.

Thirteen: About that Huntington’s drug trial… [She smiles at him.]

[Cut to Cuddy’s office. She looks around at all the destruction; the writing on the wall, plants and books, knocked over, blood on the floor. House, wearing his coat, limps in, looking around for his cane.]

House: Test confirmed melioidosis. Easy to miss on a stain. [He retrieves his cane.] Scans and X-rays vary widely.

Cuddy: Is that all you care about? A moron storms the clinic, bullies his way into life without parole, you enabling him every step.

House: If he hadn't done what he did, he'd be dead. Good thing you enabled my every medical move. [He moves to stand closer to her.]

Cuddy: You think I handled this differently because you were in here?

House: I don't know. Let's try it again without me.

Cuddy: This is why you and I can't be a… thing.

[Cuddy turns around and walks back behind her desk.]

House: If you're suggesting that you screwed up because of a non-relationship with me, I don't know how I can help you. 'Cause the only change you can make from a non-relationship is…

Cuddy: You want a relationship?

House: God, no. Just trying to follow your logic.

[She looks at him. He starts to leave. She sits at her desk, pulling out the center drawer, which House was booby-trapping at the beginning of the episode. House hesitates at the sound, and gives a satisfied grin as the drawer breaks apart and everything falls out. House strides out of the hospital.]

[Cut to aerial view of PPTH at dusk]

[The End]

Tags: season 5
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