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House MD – 5.05 Lucky Thirteen

Originally Aired: October 21, 2008

Written by: Liz Friedman & Sara Hess
Directed by: Greg Yaitanes

Transcribed by: Tammy (beckston)


DISCLAIMER: We don't own "HOUSE." It's owned by FOX and NBC/Universal, and produced by Heel and Toe Films and Bad Hat Harry Productions. This transcript is unofficial, and should UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be copied or distributed, especially for commercial use.



The Kills is playing. Two women can be seen in the background. They appear to be making out. Scene shifts to an extreme close-up the women. They are kissing and undressing each other. Sixteen seconds into the scene it is revealed that Thirteen is one of the women]

[Cut to sometime in the immediate future. Thirteen and the other woman are now lying in Thirteen’s bed. They are naked, but discreetly covered with the sheet]

Spencer: Wow.

Thirteen: Yeah.

[Thirteen gets out of bed, puts on a long white button-down shirt and goes into the bathroom where she stands in front of the mirror]

Spencer: Come back to bed.

Thirteen: Gimme a minute.

Spencer: You get 20 seconds.

[Thirteen turns on the water in the sink and again looks at herself in the mirror]

[A crash is heard in the bedroom and the scene shifts to show Spencer falling out of the bed, knocking a lamp over in the process. She is having a seizure]

Thirteen: Hey, what are you—

[Thirteen turns and realizing what is happening, rushes toward Spencer who is now seizing violently on the floor. Thirteen calls 911]

[Cut to outside the ER at PPTH. Spencer is being wheeled into the ER by the EMTs. Thirteen is with her and Cameron is talking to Thirteen and one of the EMTs]

EMT: Female, late 20s, tonic clonic seizure.

Cameron: Duration of the seizure?

Thirteen: A little over three minutes.

Cameron: Does your friend have a history of epilepsy?

Thirteen: She never said.

Cameron: (to Spencer) My name is Dr. Cameron. You're in a hospital. We’re gonna take care of you. (to Thirteen) What’s her name?

Thirteen: I don't know.

OPENING CREDITS

[Scene opens in House’s office. House is peering expectantly out the window toward Wilson’s office window. Cameron walks in]

Cameron: House.

House: (putting up a finger to stop her) Eh.

Cameron: (walking toward him) I have a case I think you might be interested in.

House: (turning quickly and heading out of his office) Not now.

[Cameron looks out the window trying to figure out what House was looking at, then turns and runs after him]

Cameron: A 26-year-old woman had a tonic clonic seizure.

House: What about me speeding away says to you "let's chat"?

Cameron: History of fatigue, and two years ago she had a retinal vein occlusion.

[They are now in the hallway outside Wilson’s office]

House: She’s diabetic.

Cameron: No, she's not. And she has no history of hypertension. (She holds out the file to House, which he ignores)

House: (approaching Wilson’s office) It can wait.

[He looks at Wilson’s office door and then back at Cameron]

House: I knew I should've set up a video camera. Stay there.

[Cut to House entering Wilson’s office grinning gleefully]

House: Oh, my goodness. I played a practical joke on my best friend, and he's badly injured.

[House closes the office door, then pulls something out of his pocket and tosses what looks like a chair caster to Wilson, who is lying on the floor]

House: I wish I had learned this valuable lesson earlier. I was waiting by my window for an hour. Why are you late?

Wilson: I had a breakfast meeting at Mickey’s Diner with the Mercy people to tell them… (Wilson sees a donut on a plate and a carton of milk behind the bookshelf) I’m coming back to work here. (He pulls the plate and the milk toward himself) Sorry if it interfered with your plan to maim me. (pause) Donut’s a nice touch. (He takes a bite of the donut)

[House gestures to Wilson as if expecting a different reaction. Wilson just lies on the floor eating the donut]

House: (turning and opening the door to leave) It’s my way of saying "welcome back." (House leaves. Cameron is still waiting in the hallway)

Cameron: The seizure could be the result of dehydration or something neurological. (She holds out the file again which House takes this time)

House: (looking at the file) Or the ecstasy you found in her system.

Cameron: According to Dr. Hadley, the patient took the drugs about five hours before the seizure, so…

House: (obviously curious) What does Thirteen know about it?

Cameron: Uh, apparently she was with the patient last night.

House: (looking at the file again) At 3:00 AM? (Cameron shrugs)

House: (lecherously) Oh, yeah! Penthouse forum meets medical mystery. Maybe there is a God. (He heads back to his office)

[Cut to the conference room. The entire team is present]

House: Empty transient sex? (to Thirteen) I’ve been waiting for you to spiral out of control, ever since you got your Huntington’s diagnosis, but this is more than I dared hope for.

Thirteen: Patient’s seizure resulted from dehydration, which resulted from a cocktail of alcohol and ecstasy. Mystery solved.

[Foreman is standing against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest]

Foreman: (to Thirteen) Wait. Were you doing drugs?

Thirteen: Not diagnostically relevant.

House: Depends what we're trying to diagnose. It’s how steep of a spiral you're on.

Taub: Our patient hemorrhaged into her eye two years ago.

Thirteen: Also not diagnostically relevant. Retinal vein occlusion was fixed. Her doctor said it was a venous anomaly.

House: Is he in this room? Because if he's not, I don't care what he thinks. Unless he's a she and she was there last night too, in which case I care very deeply.

Foreman: What if the eye problem wasn't with her vein, but with her blood? Would explain why she seized, why she's always tired.

Thirteen: She parties till 3:00 AM. That’s why she's always tired.

House: Yet you seem fine.

Thirteen: (defensively) She’s visited four other doctors in the past year. None of them found anything. She’s a hypochondriac who drank too much.

Kutner: Blood clots could explain everything.

Taub: Makes sense. Bone marrow’s in overdrive. Too many platelets. (to Thirteen) Sorry.

House: Thirteen, go stick a needle in your girlfriend's pelvis. And no, that one wasn't a metaphor. Suck out some marrow. That one was.

[Thirteen gets up to leave, House follows her. She pauses and looks back, wondering why he is following her]

House: I like to watch. (He follows her out the door)

[Cut to Thirteen preparing to draw some bone marrow from Spencer. House is watching]

Thirteen: I can handle this alone.

House: You’ve already handled it. That’s why you need a chaperone. Of course, I’m a very permissive, understanding chaperone. So feel free to ignore me.

House: You know, if you're in the mood to start kissing, or groping, or showering.

Thirteen: (to Spencer) You’ll have to excuse Dr. House. He mistakes immaturity for edginess.

Spencer: You’re Dr. House?

House: I assume my name came up last night in the form of a moan. You had sex, then a seizure. Could be a particular position or activity that set it off. (to Thirteen) That sounds like a valid medical theory, doesn't it?

Thirteen: I’m really sorry. Just ignore him.

Spencer: Whatever you think we did, we — we did. And then some.

House: Lights on or off?

[Thirteen looks uncomfortable]

Thirteen: Do you have a medical rationalization for that one?

House: Light sensitivity.

Spencer: On.

House: Figured she had more shame than that. Did she talk dirty, or did you rely on vague hand signals? (House is writing something on a clipboard)

Spencer: She’s, uh, pretty direct about what she wants.

House: I’m learning so much.

[Thirteen is just about ready to insert the biopsy needle]

House: Okay, score the score. Scale of one to ten.

Thirteen: (as she inserts the needle) Don’t answer.

Spencer: (wincing from the pain) Seven.

House: (holding up a piece of paper with a large number 7 written on it) Finally got one right. (Thirteen looks thoroughly disgusted)

[Cut to House and Lucas talking in the hospital cafeteria. Lucas is eating, House is not]

Lucas: You want to investigate him because he ate a donut?

House: He claimed he had a morning meeting at Mickey’s Diner. Wilson loves Mickey’s Diner. He has the French toast tower whenever he sets foot in the door. There’s no way he would've come to work wanting more carbs. He lied to me. I need to know why.

Lucas: What do you think you'll find out?

House: I’m worried that he might be, a spy.

Lucas: He’s been gone four months. You're worried the friendship has changed.

House: I’m just not sure if he's working for Hirohito or the New England Patriots.

Lucas: You played a practical joke on him. He didn't laugh.

House: I need something to lord over him, a lie —

Lucas: He didn't try to retaliate. He moralized.

House: He always moralized.

Lucas: He always moralized and got even. He hasn't fired back.

House: Things always change.

Lucas: And that sucks.

House: Yeah. Find out where he was. (House gets up and leaves)

[Cut to Spencer’s hospital room]

Thirteen: (to Spencer, accusingly) Should’ve known it wasn't a coincidence. (Throwing some letters down on the bed table) Found your letters. You recognized House's name. And you're the first patient I’ve seen who actually enjoyed being accosted by him. (She folds her arms across her chest)

Spencer: I would've told you, but —

Thirteen: What exactly would you have told me? That you slept with me to get to House? That you've been trying to get him to take your case for over a year?

Spencer: I’m sick. No one even wrote back.

Thirteen: You used me.

Spencer: You used me.

Thirteen: My motives were clear.

Spencer: You might've figured out my motives faster if you bothered to ask my name. (pause) I followed you to that bar because I wanted to talk to you. See if you'd help me get to House. I didn't expect you to be so aggressive.

Thirteen: Was that seizure even real?

Spencer: Why would I fake a symptom? It would just make it harder for House to diagnose me.

Thirteen: There’s nothing to diagnose. Your biopsy results are negative.

[She turns and pulls Spencer’s clothes out of a drawer]

Spencer: Then it's something else.

Thirteen: Get dressed. (She throws Spencer’s clothes on the bed) I’m discharging you.

Spencer: House admitted me. He obviously thinks —

Thirteen: House is using you as an excuse to stick his nose in my personal life.

Spencer: I’m tired all the time. Some nights I fall asleep at 10:00 and wake up at noon, still tired. Every doctor I see tells me there's nothing wrong.

Thirteen: And that proves what, exactly? That they're wrong, or that you're wrong?

[Spencer starts wheezing]

Thirteen: Oh, come on. You expect me to believe — (She rushes to Spencer) Sit back. Deep breaths. Try and relax.

Thirteen: (to the nurse who just ran into the room) Get the paddles. She’s gonna crash. Damn.

[Cut briefly to Spencer in her hospital bed and then to the conference room. House and the team are running a new differential. It is nearing the end of the day]

Thirteen: We had to use paddles to stabilize the patient's heart.

House: Eye issue, brain issue, now a heart issue. Sounds like a real case to me.

Thirteen: Yeah, I get it. I was wrong. Can we move on?

House: You’re just upset… Because the whole time she was with you, she was thinking of my huge, throbbing… Diagnostic skills. Drugs would explain everything.

Taub: This morning, you rejected drugs.

House: That’s when I thought that Thirteen was right and was just jerking her around. Cardiac arrest means she could be a serious user.

Thirteen: Great.

Foreman: What?

Thirteen: That means that something she did at my place set this off. Either she brought drugs in, or she grabbed something from my medicine cabinet. And that means my place needs to be searched. Now, I’d be happy to do that myself, but unfortunately that would be far less titillating for House, so he's about to come up with some convoluted medical reason why I have to stay here while he goes through my stuff.

House: Patient’s dad had bypass surgery. Means she's a candidate for atherosclerosis. She needs an ultrasound. That was much less convoluted than what you just said.

Thirteen: I’m not giving you my keys. If you want to do this, I’m going.

House: Who could pick a lock?

Foreman: I’ll go. Make sure he doesn't steal any underwear.

[Cut to a shot of Foreman trying to pick the lock on Thirteen’s apartment door]

House: You’re a disgrace to your stereotype. Move over.

Foreman: Think you can pick a lock faster than me?

House: No need to pick. (House shows Foreman a key and uses it to unlock the door)

Foreman: Nice. Steal from your employees.

House: Never. I had my dick make keys when I hired him to dick up the team.

[They enter the apartment and look around]

House: Always imagined she'd have a sex swing in the living room.

Foreman: Give me my key.

House: Don’t have your key.

Foreman: You expect me to believe that you hired Lucas to investigate everyone except for me?

House: Waste of money.

Foreman: I already know everything about you.

House: (pointing with his cane) Thirteen had her purse. That’s gotta be the patient's. Check it for drugs. I call shotgun on the bedroom.

[Foreman starts toward the purse and House heads to the bedroom]

Foreman: You know that I stole a car when I was a teenager. You know that my mom has Alzheimer’s. You know nothing else. (Foreman has put on latex gloves and is searching the purse)

House: Want me to have you investigated? When did you get so needy?

Foreman: Not needy. Just don't buy it. You always want more information about people. Look where we are.

[House is in the bedroom now. He puts his hand on his heart and looks at the unmade bed with envy]

Foreman: Purse is clean.

[House hooks a sweater with his cane while Foreman looks in the refrigerator]

[House is now sitting on the bed. He opens the nightstand drawer and peers inside]

House: Last night wasn't the first time that Thirteen brought home some strange.

Foreman: You found her diary —

House: No toys. You sleep with the same person over and over, that's when you need accessories. First time is plenty exciting on its own. (He takes something from the drawer) Unless…

[Foreman is done searching the kitchen and has now joined House in the bedroom]

House: You think an asthma inhaler could be used as a sex toy? (He gets up of the bed and gives the inhaler a squirt)

Foreman: There are ways of getting to know people without committing felonies.

House: People interest me. Conversations don't.

Foreman: Because conversations go both ways.

House & Foreman together: (both are smiling) Like Thirteen.

[Cut to a shot from under the glass table in the conference room. House puts a small speciman container in front of Thirteen]

House: (to Thirteen) Brown recluse. Found it at your apartment. Their venom can cause seizures and heart problems. Unless the ultrasound showed anything —

[The camera has panned up to show that the rest of the team is gathered around the table. House and Foreman are standing]

Thirteen: No. What room did you find it in?

House: Bathroom. Nice bidet, by the way. Very refreshing.

Thirteen: I don't have a bidet.

House: Oh. Spider’s not the only interesting thing I found. (He pulls the inhaler out of his jacket pocket)

[The team looks expectantly to House wondering what he found]

Thirteen: Yeah, my inhaler is fascinating. It’s got its own extensive online following.

Taub: You have asthma?

Thirteen: When I was a kid. It started acting up again when I moved into my new place.

Kutner: You moved?

Thirteen: Who cares?

House: He doesn't. He’s just surprised he didn't know. You withhold things other people would never bother to. The move, a little wheeze, whatever you thought was in my pocket instead of your inhaler. Maybe I should make a return trip to your place.

Kutner: Spider bite doesn't explain anything unless the patient was actually bitten by a spider. (He stands up) I’ll do the exam.

House: Don’t be ridiculous. That would be inappropriate. It’d be better if a woman gropes her. There’s no sexual tension that way. (Thirteen stands to go do the exam)

[Cut to Spencer’s hospital room. Thirteen is closing the blinds]

Thirteen: I need you to stand up and take off your gown.

[Spencer gets out of bed]

Spencer: I think I would've felt a spider biting me.

Thirteen: Not necessarily.

[Thirteen put on latex gloves while Spencer takes off her hospital gown]

Spencer: (talking about the gloves) You really need those after everything we did the other night?

Thirteen: The other night I wasn't your doctor. (She lifts Spencer’s arm and starts looking for a spider bite)

Spencer: How long are you gonna stay mad at me?

Thirteen: How long are you going to be here?

Spencer: Oh. Okay, then.

Thirteen: (while continuing the exam) Look… I really had no intention of ever seeing you again.

Spencer: So… Having me end up here is a little less than ideal. I get it. But… We just met. How’d you know you didn't want to see me again?

Thirteen: It’s nothing personal. I’m just really not that into repeat performances.

Spencer: I figured I wasn't the first girl you cruised.

Thirteen: Why is that?

Spencer: You’re awfully good at it.

Thirteen: You’d think with all that experience that I’d be better than a seven. (She examines Spencer’s shoulders, then moves her hair aside to look at her neck)

Spencer: We just met. We were both drunk. Not like there wasn't potential. (pause) Little more practice for the both of us, I’d say we're looking at a nine. Easy. (She looks back at Thirteen, they are very close) But that would require a repeat performance. (Spencer moves in close, intending to kiss Thirteen) You didn't have to move your hand.

Thirteen: I didn't. My hand's on your hip. You don't feel that? (The mood has been broken)

Spencer: No. What does that mean?

Thirteen: It means it's not a spider bite.

[Cut to the corridor outside House’s office. House has just left when Thirteen catches up to him. House is wearing his leather jacket. They talk while walking down the corridor]

Thirteen: Blood test confirms low potassium levels. Explains the numbness in her hip. It’s not good, but I think we've got time for at least one or two comments about my personal life.

House: Which you just wasted with that comment about my comments. Low potassium means her heart problem was a symptom of a kidney problem. What caused the kidney problem?

Thirteen: Could be IgA nephropathy.

House: Not without blood in the urine.

Thirteen: PSAGN?

House: Not with normal blood pressure.

Thirteen: Renal tubular acidosis. Her kidney's don't filter acid out of the blood. Excess acid drives down potassium, causes kidney calcifications.

[They stop walking]

House: If it's RTA, all she needs is sodium bicarbonate for the acid and surgery to remove the calcifications. CT her kidneys. If you find calcifications, we have our diagnosis. (House continues on down the corridor, Thirteen heads back to Spencer’s room)

[Cut to a shot of Lucas looking through a pair of binoculars]

House: What’s he doing now?

[Short shot of Wilson’s apartment window and then to a shot of Lucas’ car. He and House sitting in the car watching Wilson through the window of his apartment]

Lucas: He’s playing that carjacking video game. He’d get a lot farther if he didn't stop at all the red lights.

[The scene changes to Lucas and House inside the car]

House: Maybe he was doing something he thinks I’ll mock him for.

Lucas: Like…

House: Just about anything.

Lucas: You don't think it's that.

House: I don't think it's just about anything?

Lucas: You don't think it's about anything trivial. If you weren't worried, you wouldn't be sitting in my car.

House: Maybe he's seeing a shrink.

Lucas; That does not look like a pizza delivery. (A woman is walking up the front steps of the apartment building)

House: Doesn’t matter if it isn't. Wilson doesn't buy his “pizza.” There’s eight units in this building. There’s got to be a pervert like me living in at least one of them.

Lucas: Yes, because you represent one out of every eight people living in this country. (The scene shifts to show Wilson moving toward his front door. The woman is standing at the front door of the building) Apparently he has developed a taste for pizza. (The door of the building opens and the woman goes in)

Lucas: Ah, things change.

[Cut to an OR where Taub and Chase are removing calcifications from Spencer’s kidneys]

Taub: CT shows one more calcification near the superior pyramid on the left kidney.

Chase: See it.

[The camera pans up to the OR observation room. Thirteen is there. Foreman walks in. They stand side-by-side, not looking at one another]

Foreman: That, um, thing, you were hoping House didn't find at your place. I, uh, I found it. (He pulls a folded piece of paper from his pocket and hands it to Thirteen who puts it in her lab coat pocket)

Foreman: You did the CAG test two weeks ago. A number this high means you have less time than you thought. It’s understandable you'd be upset. Doesn’t mean you have to self-destruct.

Thirteen: It’s not noble for you to protect me from House if you're just gonna judge —

Foreman: There are things you should be doing. Working out, improving balance and coordination.

Thirteen: Yeah, that sounds like a blast. I’m having fun. Cramming as much life into my life as I can.

Foreman: You’re doing drugs. (They now turn to face one another) Staying up all night, having sex with strangers.

Thirteen: It sounds fun to me. Good night. (She leaves)

[Cut back to the OR where Chase and Taub are finishing up]

Chase: Close the incisions.

Taub: She won't even have a scar.

[A machine starts beeping]

Chase: Her 02 stats are dropping.

Taub: Did you nick something?

Chase: Procedure was clean. BP's strong.

Taub: Well, she's not breathing. We need to intubate. (Taub pulls the oxygen mask off of Spencer’s face and prepares to insert the endotracheal tube)

[Cut to the conference room, where House, Taub, Kutner, and Foreman are viewing a scan of Spencer’s lungs]

Taub: The breathing problem started after we fixed her kidney problem. Means the RTA isn't the underlying cause.

House: Where’s Thirteen?

Foreman: Traffic’s bad. She’s probably just —

House: Not here.

Taub: It’s not her lungs. No masses, no infiltrates.

House: Her lungs are working, but she still can't breathe.

Kutner: Distribution plant can't distribute if it's not getting deliveries. If her lungs are fine, maybe the problem's in the supply line. Airway collapse.

Taub: That could signal autoimmune or some kind of dystrophy as the underlying cause.

House: There’s only one way to find out if her airway failed. Make it happen again. Stick Thirteen's carpet cleaner on a treadmill. Methacholine challenge. And someone find the carpet. (The team leaves)

[Cut to an exam room. Thirteen is lying on an exam table with an IV in her arm. There is a knock on the door]

Thirteen: Exam going on. 15 minutes.

[Cuddy enters. Thirteen sits up quickly looking guilty]

Cuddy: Good morning, Dr. Hadley.

[Cut to House just getting into an elevator. Foreman comes up and prevents the door from closing, but he does not get in the elevator]

Foreman: Just spoke to my brother.

House: And by brother, you mean?

Foreman: I mean my parents' other son.

House: Wow. Same dad.

Foreman: Got a call last week from your PI. You lied. You did have me investigated. You’ve been taunting the team with what you've learned, but you never came after me. (grinning) Means you couldn't find anything.

House: You’re right.

[Foreman smiles satisfactorily and turns to leave. The elevator door starts to close but House stops it with his cane causing Foreman to turn back toward House]

House: That’s because you haven't done anything stupid, spontaneous, or even vaguely interesting since you were 17. And that's just sad. (The elevator door closes)

[Cut to Cuddy’s office where she has brought Thirteen. House enters]

Cuddy: (to House) I found her in the clinic giving herself IV fluids.

House: At least you could've let her finish. She looks terrible.

Cuddy: She has a fresh nightclub stamp on her wrist. She’s in no condition to practice.

House: Unless this is a prelude to an actual spanking, there's no reason for me to be —

Cuddy: I want her to take a drug test.

Thirteen: You can't make me do that.

Cuddy: But I can suspend you until you do.

House: (to Cuddy) Because she went to a nightclub in her free time? Or because she had sex in her free time? Patient was undergoing routine surgery for RTA. Didn’t need Thirteen here for that. And I don't need you making my employees punch a clock or pee in a cup. (to Thirteen, nodding his head toward the door.) Let’s go. (Thirteen hesitates)

House: (opening the door) Come on. (Cuddy looks stunned)

[Thirteen gets up and follows him out]

Thirteen: (as they walk into the clinic area) Thank you.

House: By the way, (they stop) the surgery was not routine, patient stopped breathing and you missed a differential. You’re fired.

Thirteen: What? You just defended me.

House: No, I just prevented you from getting a drug test. Probably saved your career. I’m already taking responsibility for one doctor with a drug habit. (He pops a Vicodin)

Thirteen: I don't have a drug habit.

House: The slutty party girl is fun till she pukes on your shoes. Then she's just a pain in the ass. (He leaves Thirteen looking confused)

[Cut to House entering Wilson’s office, without knocking. He closes the door and sits down on the couch]

House: I haven't sat on this couch for four months. It remembers my cheeks. I miss this.

Wilson: Me too. Me trying to work. You interrupting.

House: Oh, come on. Your patients can wait five minutes. Get me caught up. Come on, what did you do? Travel? Did you get a new hobby? Did you meet someone?

Wilson: Actually, yes. I sort of, started, dating someone.

House: Great. What does she do? Is she… an actress?

Wilson: No. Why would you think that?

House: I just figured you'd want something a little more… Exciting…

Wilson: She’s not… You’re gonna find out anyway because you're gonna meet her. She’s… a prostitute. Used to be. She made some mistakes. Single mom, had some drug issues. But… she's so smart. She wants to go to law school. And… I told her I’d help her with tuition.

House: How long have you known her?

Wilson: I knew you'd be like this.

House: I asked a question.

Wilson: House… You are a drug addict. You go to prostitutes. You can't be judgmental.

House: And yet.

Wilson: Please, don't do this to me. I was hurting, and I wanted to feel good. I didn't expect it… to go this way. I… Amber… Said that she wanted me to move on. That she wanted me to… Be happy. And — Debbie, makes me happy.

House: If you're happy, I’m… (He gets up suddenly and disappears out the door, leaving Wilson looking puzzled)

[Cut to the Radiology viewing room. Thirteen is looking at scans. Foreman enters]

Foreman: I heard.

Thirteen: Yeah. I’m looking for my ticket back.

Foreman: Sorry if I upset you. I didn't want to invade your privacy.

Thirteen: It wasn't your fault. Can you get me caught up?

Foreman: Think you're gonna find something we didn't?

Thirteen: It’s good for the patient. Good for me.

Foreman: Films are clean. We ruled out hypertension. Guys have her on a treadmill running a methacholine challenge. And I still think you've been acting like an idiot.

Thirteen: I know. Did you talk about whether this lung field looks a little dark?

Foreman: It’s probably just over-exposed.

Thirteen: Or her diaphragm's a little flat. Could be a sign of hyperinflation.

Foreman: Suggests a pulmonary obstruction.

Thirteen: Lung cysts. They wouldn't show up on an X-ray. Treadmill test isn't gonna close her airway. It’ll make her lungs explode.

[Thirteen rushes out of the room as machines start beeping]

[Cut to Taub and Kutner trying to deal with an unconscious Spencer]

Kutner: Her throat's fine. We made her airway collapse, but it's not collapsed.

[Thirteen rushes into the room]

Thirteen: You ruptured a cyst! Her lung collapsed. (She quickly pulls something out of a cabinet)

Taub: Breath sounds on both sides.

Thirteen: Move. Trachea’s deviating to the left.

[Thirteen stabs a syringe into Spencer’s lung to inflate it. Spencer coughs]

Foreman: (who followed Thirteen) Nice.

[Cut to a close-up of House, then the camera pulls back to reveal the team congregated around House’s desk]

Kutner: Chest CT confirmed multiple lung cysts, one of which burst during the treadmill test.

Foreman: Luckily, Thirteen figured out the problem and was there to re-inflate her lung.

Thirteen: Lung cysts plus all her other symptoms could be amyloidosis, which we can manage. Or pulmonary fibrosis which —

House: Thank you. My employees can take care of it from here. (He sits down behind his desk) We need to biopsy the cysts.

Thirteen: You fired me because I screwed up. I just proved I can pull my weight.

House: All you proved is you know how to make an entrance.

Foreman: House, she deserves another shot. She found the cysts, saved the patient.

House: Who wouldn't have needed saving if Thirteen had shown up at the differential in the first place.

Taub: Give her her job back, House.

House: Or what? You’re gonna quit? Go do the biopsy. (Taub and Kutner leave)

Foreman: (to Thirteen) I’m sorry. (He follows Taub and Kutner, leaving Thirteen standing alone in front of House)

House: How much clearer do I need to make this? (Thirteen looks at House and then, clearly upset, turns and walks out of his office)

[Cut to House and Lucas sitting on a bench outside PPTH]

Lucas: What does that even mean, "dating a hooker"?

House: He’s an idiot with a messiah complex. Savior to all who need saving. That’s why his first wife had a wooden leg. Second wife was Canadian. He’s the one who needs to be saved.

Lucas: From you or the ho?

House: The ho's just using him for his money. Wait. Bad example.

Lucas: Normally in these situations, I’d follow the girl, find out something embarrassing about her to show him. But since that's our starting position…

House: Proceed directly to the leg-breaking.

Lucas: I’m not breaking her legs. She probably has a pimp. Or, at least, an older brother. Or a younger brother. Or overprotective sister.

House: Find her, find her family, find client number nine. Just get me something I can use to force her to back off.

Taub: (approaching the bench) Sorry to interrupt your meeting, Mannix. Here’s the result from the lung biopsy.

[He hands the file to House who opens and reads it. From the looks on both House’s and Taub’s faces, the test results appear to have given them the answer]

[Cut to the doctor’s locker room. Thirteen is cleaning out her locker. House comes in carrying Spencer’s file]

House: Why not men? You’re bisexual. If you were just being self-destructive, you'd be having random sex with men. Better chance of getting assaulted, catching a disease. If this were just about getting laid, it'd be a lot easier to pick up men. Or ugly girls. This woman's hot. Which means you like the challenge, the conquest. It’s the control that gets you off. And controlling women is as close as you can get to controlling what's gonna happen to you.

Thirteen: Here I thought I was just into boobs.

House: Instead of getting sweaty with a stranger, why don't you try taking it to the next level? Play God. (he hands Thirteen the file) Tell a girl that she's got ten years to live. She has LAM. (Thirteen looks down at the file)

Thirteen: (closing the file and looking up at House) Okay.

House: This is not a test. You’re not getting your job back if you can —

Thirteen: I know what it's like to get this news, and no one should have to get it from you. (House leaves)

[Cut to Thirteen entering Spencer’s hospital room. Spencer, who is reading, puts down her book]

Spencer: Hey.

Thirteen: The biopsy of your lung cyst showed smooth muscle cells. That’s indicative of a disease called LAM.

Spencer: What do you do for that?

Thirteen: Surgery to remove the cysts. But… They’ll come back. Little by little, the cysts replace healthy lung tissue until your lungs stop working.

[Spencer looks up at Thirteen, her eyes asking if what Thirteen is saying means what she thinks it means. Thirteen does not deny it]

Spencer: I’m gonna die.

Thirteen: Yes. I’m so sorry.

[Cut to audio of Thirteen talking to Spencer while the visual scene is of Spencer’s surgery, then to Spencer’s hospital room after the surgery. Thirteen is sitting in a chair pulled close to the bed]

Thirteen: They removed all the cysts they could. That should help you breathe better.

Spencer: How long until the cysts come back?

Thirteen: We don't know exactly. I’m sorry.

Spencer: Stop saying you're sorry.

Thirteen: I know you're scared.

Spencer: I don't know what I feel.

Thirteen: You’re gonna be numb for a few more days. Then you'll go home and cry for a few weeks. And then you get angry. Start telling yourself nothing matters anymore. You start doing stupid things. Maybe you go out to bars and pick up a bunch of women.

Spencer: You’re… (Thirteen nods) How long do you have?

Thirteen: Maybe a little more than you. Maybe a little less. I’ll race you. (She gets up to leave)

Thirteen: I was thinking maybe I’d come back later.

Spencer: Sounds good.

[Thirteen smiles and then pauses as she notices some blood leaking through the bandages on Spencer’s chest]

Spencer: Oh, God. What’s going on?

[Cut to the conference room. House is looking out the window, and the rest of the team is also present]

Thirteen: All her blood counts are down. It’s a new symptom. Aplastic anemia.

House: Does the word "fired" have some whole other definition that I’m not aware of? (He turns to face Thirteen)

Thirteen: I don't work for you. Fine. Don’t pay me. Just let me finish out this case.

House: So you like her now that she's dying. What happens if she stops dying?

Foreman: There’s no danger of that right now. If we don't figure out what's wrong with her, she's got days, not years.

Taub: Aplastic anemia takes LAM off the table. Unfortunately, none of our other choices are any better. PNH with some sort of respiratory infection.

Thirteen: Best case gives her 12 years.

Kutner: Or fast-moving Langerhans.

Thirteen: A few months.

Foreman: Or mastocytosis, which can cause systemic shock and kill her in days.

House: Go. Test for everything. (Taub, Kutner, and Foreman leave) (to Thirteen) Not you. You’re just a visitor.

[Cut to Foreman performing tests in the Pathology lab, Chase enters]

Chase: How’s your patient?

Foreman: She doesn't have Langerhans.

Chase: That’s good.

Foreman: Actually, a cancer diagnosis would be good news right now. (he pauses) Do you think… I’m boring?

Chase: Yes. (He pulls a tray out of the lighted cabinet)

Foreman: You’re saying that just to screw with me.

Chase: Yeah. Why would you expect anything else?

[Chase has put the tray down on the table. He sits down in front of a microscope]

Foreman: I expect House to pull my strings. I expect Cameron to make me feel better. I expect the new team to kiss my ass. And I expect you to be honest, 'cause you don't give a crap.

Chase: Yes, you're boring. That speech was boring.

Foreman: Thanks so much. (He peers into a microscope)

Chase: You don't let other people's problems affect you. You don't let your own problems affect you. And it's the screw-ups that make us interesting. You’re never out of control. Which is good, and… boring. Never losing control also means you're never putting yourself out there. Never pushing your limits. On the other hand, you do have a tattoo, so… Maybe I’m wrong.

[They both look into their respective microscopes]

[Cut to Spencer’s hospital room. There is very little dialogue in this scene and it takes place with the song Can We Survive by Joseph Arthur as the backdrop. The scene opens with Thirteen sitting at the bottom of Spencer’s bed. She scoots up until she is sitting beside Spencer. She puts her hand on top of Spencer’s hand and Spencer puts her other hand on top of Thirteen’s hand. They look at one another then Thirteen lies down on the bed beside Spencer. At first she lies on her back. Then she turns on her side so that she is facing Spencer, and they put their hands together again. Spencer turns to face Thirteen]

Spencer: I’m glad you're here.

[Thirteen kisses Spencer]

[Cut to a close-up of House with a stern look on his face. The camera pulls back to reveal that he is standing outside Spencer’s hospital room, watching Thirteen and Spencer. He raps the window with his cane. Thirteen looks up and comes out of the room as House walks away from the room and stands by the nurse’s station. Thirteen approaches House]

House: She needs a bone marrow transplant.

Thirteen: Test results are back? What’s she positive for?

House: Nothing. But we've got a donor match.

Thirteen: Jumping to a transplant when we don't know what she —

House: I know she has a blood disorder. Could be PNH. She needs a bone marrow transplant. Or leukemia. She needs a bone marrow transplant. Or thalassemia. She needs a bone marrow —

Thirteen: Yeah, I get it. But she'll never survive total body irradiation.

House: So we don't radiate her. Her marrow's nearly wiped out already. Counts almost zero.

Thirteen: "Almost" being the key word. The new marrow would attack the old marrow. She’ll die from graft-versus-host.

House: You got a better idea? She trusts you. Go get her consent.

[Cut to a close-up of House’s office door. Lucas can be seen sitting in House’s chair bouncing a ball against the wall. House enters. House looks at him questioningly and Lucas puts a white trash bag on the desk]

Lucas: Sometimes I find out things you'd rather not know. (House opens the bag to reveal a used syringe) This was in his trash. He’s using. (House grins)

[Cut to House entering Wilson’s office. As usual, he did not knock]

House: You’re back.

[He tosses the trash bag onto Wilson’s desk]

House: Genius.

Wilson: Damn. I knew the fake works was too much.

House: Well, you had no choice. (He closes the door and sits down on the couch) Where were you gonna go after fake hooker girlfriend? How did you know he was outside?

Wilson: Cane prints. I’m actually kind of insulted. No way I’m a drug addict, but you completely buy that I fell in love with a prostitute?

House: You played to your strengths. By which I mean you played to your weaknesses. (House suddenly realizes something) Oh, my God. You invoked your dead girlfriend's name to sell me. You’re my hero.

Wilson: Best $30 I ever spent.

House: It’s $30? Did you keep her number?

Wilson: Unfortunately, I killed her and buried her in the basement.

House: Shame. Hungry?

Wilson: Yeah. (Wilson gets up)

House: So, seriously. Where were you the other morning?

Wilson: Ugh, don't make me do this again. It has nothing to do with you.

House: Then tell me.

Wilson: (putting on his jacket) We’re going bowling on Monday. I’m coming over to play poker this weekend. Nothing’s changed. You have to trust that.

House: (too compliantly) Okay.

[Wilson has opened the door to leave, but he pauses and turns to look at House]

Wilson: You’re gonna keep following me, aren't you?

House: It’s what we do.

Wilson: Be outside my apartment at 8:00 tonight. (House gets up, grinning triumphantly)

[Cut to Thirteen waiting for House in his office. House enters and walks around to stand behind his desk]

Thirteen: She said yes to the transplant.

House: Good. You’re in a downward spiral of destruction.

Thirteen: I can stop.

House: You’re gonna keep spiraling. Keep screwing around. Slashing away at every person who tries to help until no one tries to help anymore. Till you hit bottom. Till you're dead. Until then… I can use you.

Thirteen: You’re hiring me back?

House: You did good work.

[Thirteen starts to leave, then pauses and turns back toward House]

Thirteen: I did good work yesterday, and I was still fired. What changed? (with sudden realization) You wanted me to spend time with her. See if I could still make a connection.

House: You connected with a diagnosis, not with her.

Thirteen: You’re trying to save me, trying to control me. You’re doing exactly what you think that I’m —

House: (noticing something) Cracks. You’re lips are cracked. (Thirteen puts her fingers to her lips) You been using your inhaler lately?

Thirteen: Allergies. Don’t deflect. You always deflect.

House: (thinking) Did she cry? When you told her that she was gonna die, did she cry?

Thirteen: She… got upset. She —

House: Were. there. tears?

Thirteen: No.

[House has his epiphany]

[Cut to Spencer’s hospital room. House puts an onion on a cutting board down on the table in front of Spencer and cuts into it]

House: Chopping an onion releases a mist of syn-propanethial-s-oxide, a chemical irritant (House holds the cut onion in front of Spencer’s nose while trying not to tear up himself) which causes people to have a very predictable reaction.

Thirteen: She has no tears.

House: It was either this or put on Brian’s song. I didn't have time to stop by Wilson’s. (House puts down the onion, reaches for a tissue and wipes his eyes) She has Sjogren's. It attacks the glands that produce tears and saliva. Also, by the way, causes lung cysts and RTA.

Thirteen: It doesn't cause bleeding.

House: It’s like you and men. Just 'cause you usually don't, doesn't mean you can't.

Thirteen: And it doesn't cause cracked lips in other people.

House: Lack of spit makes her mouth a breeding ground for a fungus like Candida. (House picks up the cutting board and the onion and moves it aside) Your asthma inhaler did the same for you. Wiped out your mouth's immune system.

Spencer: So she's got what I’ve got.

House: Just the opportunistic infection, not the underlying condition. Another life saved by girl-on-girl action.

[Spencer looks up at Thirteen, who shrugs]

Spencer: I’m gonna be okay?

Thirteen: You’re gonna be okay.

House: Methylprednisolone to get the Sjogren’s under control. And some artificial tears to maximize the visual impact of this moment. (He holds up his hands as if framing a camera shot. Thirteen smiles hesitantly)

[House swivels around on his stool and gets up, leaving Thirteen with Spencer]

[Cut to an aerial view of PPTH at dusk and then to a shot of Thirteen in the doctor’s locker room. Foreman enters]

Foreman: Spencer’s gonna be fine. And I hear you got your job back. I’m gonna keep standing here until you say something.

Thirteen: (closing her locker and pausing) I feel alone. And, she hasn't gone anywhere.

Foreman: She gets to live.

Thirteen: (sighing) I’m gonna go home. I’m tired. (She leaves the locker room)

[Cut to Wilson entering a shop which sells baby items. Cuddy is already there, standing by a crib. Wilson walks toward her]

Cuddy: What do you think?

[House comes into the shop wearing sunglasses and trying to pretend that he normally shops in a store such as this]

House: Oh, my God! You guys shop here too? Best nipples in Princeton.

Cuddy: Why are you here?

House: (taking off his sunglasses) Because he ate the donut.

Wilson: I’m so sorry. He must've followed me.

Cuddy: (not believing Wilson) I’m sure.

House: Well, you're clearly not pregnant, so either you're buying this as a gift, or this is some kind of weird "if you build it, they will come" moment.

Cuddy: I’m adopting a baby.

Wilson: She asked me to be a character reference. That’s where I was the other morning. I’m sorry. I couldn't betray her confidence.

Cuddy: I didn't want anyone else to know in case I didn't get approved. Today, I did. (She smiles broadly)

[Dark Road by Annie Lennox starts playing in the background]

[Wilson smiles also until he sees that House is not smiling. House looks shocked and a little hurt. He swallows]

Cuddy: Are you gonna congratulate me?

House: If you're happy, I’m —

[House puts on his sunglasses and leaves the store]

[Cut to a close-up of Thirteen in her apartment. Her shoulders are bare. Another woman enters the scene. She is only wearing a bra. She kisses Thirteen’s shoulder and neck. Thirteen turns and they kiss]

END

Tags: season 5
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