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House MD – 5.01 Dying Changes Everything

Originally Aired: September 16, 2008

Written by: Eli Attie
Directed by: Deran Sarafian

Transcribed by: Jane (poeia)


DISCLAIMER: We don't own "HOUSE." It's owned by FOX and NBC/Universal, and produced by Heel and Toe Films and Bad Hat Harry Productions. This transcript is unofficial, and should UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be copied or distributed, especially for commercial use.



[Open on a close up a red ant’s. The camera pulls back to show it walking on a metal honeycomb — the wall of an elevator — until it gets swatted with a newspaper by Lou. She and Patty are in an elevator. Patty is non-stop texting.]

Patty: Who picked this dump?

Lou: You suggested it.

Patty: I suggested you look into it.

Lou: Sorry. The online reviews —

Patty: Were obviously written by some geek in their own marketing department. Next time, call someone you know. Stop relying on a computer to do your job for you.

Lou: Bright Size Apparel. Eight sexual harassment suits in two years.

Patty: Who asked for the meeting?

Lou: They did.

[As they reach their floor, Patty sneezes. Lou pulls a handkerchief out of her purse as she follows Patty off the elevator.]

Patty: Patty Michener, president of Women's Majority. [They’re in a boardroom. The men around the table are leafing through copies of a report.] And wow — do you guys need me! Nine men. No one thought it might be a good idea to put a suit on one of the gals from the steno pool to make it look like you give a damn?

CEO: We've made it a priority to promote more women, but…

Patty: Well, from now on you have me standing beside you, which is good. [Lou slaps her neck and makes a face when she sees it was an ant crawling on her.] Because your problem is a national problem.

CEO: With all due respect, Miss Michener, I'd hardly call a few isolated incidents a national problem.

Patty: Six out of ten victims never even report harassment.

[Lou looks at the folder she’s holding. Several ants are crawling over it. She checks her front and finds several more inside her shirt and bra.]

Patty (continues): This is bigger than just eight women.

Flunky: That still only means 20.

[Lou looks at her hand, which has about a dozen ants on it. As Patty speaks, she starts pulling at her clothes as she feels them crawling in her shirtfront, on her back and her neck.]

Patty: Not enough for you? How many asses does your corporate policy allow you to grab? Tell you what you're gonna do. You're gonna settle with anyone you haven't settled with. You're gonna fire any man who’s even been accused.

[Lou drops the folders and starts unbuttoning her jacket.]

Lou: Somebody help me! Please help me. I can't get 'em off! Please help me! Help me, please! Somebody help me! Get 'em off.

[She rips her blouse open and slaps frantically at her skin while the men gape.]

Patty: You gonna call an ambulance, or are you just gonna sit there and stare?

Lou: [screaming] Help me, please!

[Opening Credits]

[Cut to Coma Guy’s room. House is playing a video game on the TV. Coma Guy’s hand is doing duty as a cup holder. Cuddy enters.]

Cuddy: Wilson's back. You gonna say —

House: He's been gone two months. He can wait till I finish slaying a guy in a skullcap and a pair of tights.

Cuddy: On a video game you stole from the pediatric ward?

House: On advice of counsel, I assert my privilege pursuant to the fifth.

[Cuddy unplugs the TV. House looks annoyed as he stops playing.]

Cuddy: When was the last time you talked to him?

House: Uh, I think it was after... When did his girlfriend die? He wanted time alone. I considered being a horrendous pain in the ass, but I didn't want to tread on your turf.

Foreman: [enters] We got a case.

House: I've gotta remember to close the blinds.

Foreman: Just got a call from Patty Michener from Women's Majority, the women's rights —

Cuddy: We know who she is.

House: I dated her. Well, not really dated her. More metaphorically raped her by having a penis. [to Foreman] You did too.

Foreman: Her assistant flipped out. Ripped off her clothes in front of a room full of businessmen.

House: Well, either she cracked under the whip, or she started to realize that her evolutionary purpose is to arouse men, not to castrate them. Send her to psychiatric.

Foreman: Anemia, bradycardia, and abdominal pain aren't psychiatric symptoms.

House: Then it's the latter. Send her to my apartment. [He reaches for the file.]

Cuddy: I'll give it to Segal.

Foreman: House actually wants a case, and you're saying no?

Cuddy: House has more important things to do.

House: Sorry, can't help you. You need a specialist to remove those kind of warts. Preferably one with experience spelunking.

[House and Foreman leave. Cuddy removes House’s cup from Coma Guy’s hand.]

[Cut to Diagnostics Conference Room. House is pacing while doing the DDX.]

House: Hallucinations, possible memory loss. Tests show anemia, slow heart rate, and a stubborn refusal to shave her pits.

Taub: Have you seen Wilson?

House: Nope. But I have seen the patient's frequent flyer balance. Eastern Europe, Asia, third-world countries. Sometimes more than one a day.

Thirteen: No fever means it's not a tropical disease.

Kutner: If it's not where she went, maybe it's the work hours. Could be amphetamine abuse. She's probably popping them like breath mints.

Foreman: You haven't been by his office?

House: Is Wilson hallucinating ants crawling all over him too? Tox screen's cleaner than the windows she won't do. [His pacing brings him to the windows for the second time. He looks out.]

Taub: Her job keeps her constantly on the road, probably living off of airline peanuts and diet soda. Severe B12 deficiency could cause all her symptoms.

Thirteen: Why is everyone leaping to conclude a strong career woman's been made sick by her strong career? It's not B12, it's an insulinoma in her pancreas. It's making her hypoglycemic.

House: [big sigh] Great. Now everyone knows.

Taub: You knew the patient had cancer?

House: Is that what she said? I thought she said, "I am suddenly and irrationally defending the patient's strong career, even though in reality she's just a glorified grunt, because I'm trying to convince myself that it's okay not to have a life because I don't have a life, because I was tested for Huntington’s, and my life span's been cut in half." Been waiting two months for her to say that.

Thirteen: Hallucinations, anemia, bradycardia —

House: Hyper segmented polys says that Taub's right. Pump her full of B12. See how a strong career woman's been made sick by her strong career.

[Thirteen leaves as Taub, Foreman and Kutner start standing up.]

[Cut to hallway. The men catch up with Thirteen at the elevator.]

Kutner: Are you okay?

Foreman: Could be years before you see any symptoms.

Taub: Why wouldn't you tell us?

Thirteen: I don't have Huntington’s.

Kutner: Are you lying to us… because it's none of our business?

Thirteen: If it's none of your business, then I shouldn't have to answer these questions. And I wouldn't have to, except House doesn't want to answer questions about Wilson. He's deflecting his own problems onto me.

Kutner: Are you deflecting now?

Thirteen: Time for the B12 cocktail and my life lesson.

[She steps into the elevator and pushes a button. The doors close, leaving the men behind.]

[Cut to Lou’s room. She’s on the phone.]

Lou: No, Patty’ll do the hearing. She just needs to be the leadoff witness so — Okay, I'll lock it down today.

Thirteen: [enters] I need you back in bed.

Lou: My boss has a big Beijing trip. I've been planning it for months. I was just tired and dehydrated and —

Thirteen: Yeah, whenever I lose some shut-eye, I pound my legs, clawing at imaginary ant colonies. You have a severe B12 deficiency. Get back in bed. [Lou gets in bed. Thirteen gives her an injection.] I'm sure your boss can do without you for a few days.

Lou: It's not about her. It's about me. I want to be there. I want to matter.

Thirteen: Yeah, I mean, without you, who knows how much starch they'd put in her shirts? [Lou looks annoyed as Thirteen picks up and drops a laundry ticket from Lou’s bed table.] I'm sorry, I'm sure your boss depends on you for —

Lou: I need to get up.

Thirteen: No, you need to stay in bed.

Lou: Please, where's a bed pan? Oh, my God, I'm sorry. I just… I just had a bowel movement.

Thirteen: It's okay, B12 deficiency can cause sudden — [She lifts the sheet. There’s blood everywhere.] That's not a bowel movement.

[Cut to Wilson’s office. House enters without knocking.]

House: My patient is still fighting in the feminist trenches, but the war is over. Yesterday's sluts are today's empowered women. Today's sluts are celebrities. If that isn't progress —

Wilson: I'm leaving.

House: What, are you gonna take another two months? Boy, you're really milking this bereavement thing, aren't you? [pause] I mean, good for you. You take all the time you need.

Wilson: I'm resigning. Maybe moving out of New Jersey. I don't know yet.

House: Okay. That's an understandable reaction.

Wilson: It's not a reaction. It's a decision. I'm writing Cuddy my resignation right now. I'm just back for the week to wrap up my clinical and administrative duties.

House: You of all people should know, this is bereavement 101. You think that a change of venue —

Wilson: Well, that spares me decades of psychoanalysis.

House: I'm not saying you're not in pain.

Wilson: You're saying my pain's a cliché.

House: I'm saying that pain fades.

Wilson: Did yours?

House: Physical pain is different.

Wilson: I'd rather have my leg chopped off.

House: Well, you don't know that 'cause you haven't felt —

Wilson: Neither have you.

Thirteen: [enters] Sorry, patient's got a rectal bleed.

House: Busy.

Thirteen: We need you to —

House: Actually, as you can see, I’m not busy. It's just a euphemism for "get the hell out of here." [She leaves. House turns back to Wilson.] This is your grief talking. And, yeah, it is a bit textbook. So before you give away all your possessions to the Salvation Army —

Wilson: My girlfriend's dead. I'm glad you've read that book before. I haven’t. I'm late to meet Dr. Olin to brief him on the cases I’m handing over. Bye.

[He leaves, closing the door behind him. House is alone in his office.]

[Cut to Lou’s room. She’s sedated and on her side. Taub is doing a colonoscopy.]

Thirteen: It doesn't bother you that House wouldn't take just two seconds to talk about the patient?

Taub: Wilson's dealing with a lot.

Thirteen: And our patient may be dying.

Taub: She was bleeding out her rear. We're looking up her rear. You think we needed House's expertise to set us on this course?

Thirteen: Her heart rate's slow—bleed should have made it faster.

Taub: And it can wait till after we know where it came from, and after he's done dealing with personal issues.

Thirteen: Yeah? That the way it works around here? We get cut slack while we deal with personal issues?

Taub: [gives her a long look] You're not the boss. Boss gets to make the rules. Boss gets to ignore… She's bleeding from... nowhere.

[Cut to nurses’ station. Taub and Thirteen are reporting to Foreman.]

Foreman: You did an endoscopy?

Taub: And a colonoscopy.

Foreman: CT scan?

Thirteen: Ordered, but it shouldn't show anything the endoscopy didn’t.

Kutner: [approaches] We can't do a CT scan.

Foreman: Why not?

Kutner: We don't need a CT scan. We don't need House.

Taub: Stop grinning and talk.

Kutner: One of the routine pre-procedure tests was positive.

Taub: Which one?

Kutner: The one that, if it's positive, would explain a hormone imbalance that could screw with heart rate and blood flow.

[The others make “ohhh” expressions as the get it.]

Thirteen: Guess she does have a life beyond her career.

[Cut to Lou’s room. Kutner and Thirteen are with her. Kutner is setting up an ultrasound.]

Lou: I'm pregnant?

Kutner: You want me to call the father and let him know?

Lou: Soon as you do some DNA testing. Let me know.

Thirteen: Must be hard to have a real relationship when you —

Lou: Are you making excuses for me?

Thirteen: I'm just saying it's understandable.

Lou: You only have to understand something if it needs an explanation. I have needs. I met my needs. End of explanation.

Kutner: How recently were you... needy?

Lou: Oh, it's been two or three months, at least. [She looks at him.] What? What is it?

Kutner: Nothing.

Lou: Tell me.

Kutner: It's actually nothing.

[He swings the monitor around so Thirteen can study it.]

Thirteen: The ultrasound shows no trace of a baby at all.

[Cut to Diagnostics Conference Room. Everyone is standing. House stands in his office, not even looking at them.]

Thirteen: Positive pregnancy test, no pregnancy.

Taub: B12 deficit rectified, but her heart's slowing even more.

Kutner: And a bleed should speed her heart rate.

Foreman: House, this is the kind of case you love. [House looks over.] Contradictions piling up left and right.

House: [sighs] Two false positive pregnancy tests, bradycardia, lower GI bleed. Go.

Thirteen: Choriocarcinoma — would’ve triggered pregnancy hormones.

House: Also would have shown on a sonogram.

Kutner: Immunoglobulin "A" deficiency.

House: No urinary bleed. [He looks through the closed blinds on his window and starts walking out of the office.]

Kutner: If she's had beta HCG injections, they can cross-react with...

House: Keep going.

[Cut to Wilson’s office. Wilson is packing up his stuff. House flings open the door.]

House: You're being an idiot. You're gonna blow up your career. And six months from now, when you've moved on from Amber to burnt sienna, you're gonna be stuck in a mobile oncology truck in Pewaukee, Wisconsin.

Wilson: I'd need a flow chart to explain all the ways in which that was ridiculously insensitive.

House: You can't hide from misery.

Wilson: This isn't your business.

House: My skull was cracked open trying to save her!

Wilson: Then we all need a little tea and sympathy. I'm through discussing it.

Thirteen: [in doorway with the other fellows] Uh, we have a patient.

House: Who's obviously not going anywhere with a bloody rectum.

Foreman: Great to have you back.

Wilson: Actually, I'm —

House: Actually, he’s about to thrust a tantō into the belly of his career.

Wilson: I'm leaving the hospital.

Thirteen: I'm sorry, this is obviously a terrible time —

Taub: Why are you leaving?

Wilson: I just need a change of scenery.

House: Buy a plant.

Thirteen: Rectal bleeding, two positive pregnancy tests.

Foreman: There's nothing we can do?

Wilson: You could ask House to be a grown-up and respect my decision.

House: I respect things that deserve respect. This decision, on the other hand, is a dog wearing a cape!

Thirteen: Hallucinations. Heart won't respond —

House: The patient tested positive for pregnancy because the patient is pregnant.

[He leaves, his staff follows.]

[Cut to Lou’s room. House slams his cane on her bed tray, waking her up. He grabs the ultrasound gel and opens her gown to squirt some on her belly. She tries to push him away.]

Lou: Hey, who are you?

Thirteen: [entering] This is Dr. House. He's too brilliant for introductions. [to House] False positive.

House: You're too busy to be running a Day Care Center in your abdomen.

Thirteen: False positive.

House: Not to mention you should wait till at least 30 to punish that pleasure portal with a seven-pound tissue expander.

Lou: I'm 37. And I thought I wasn't pregnant.

House: [looks at her] 37? Impressive. Too bad you’re not passing on those genes. [to Thirteen] Does that look false to you? You were looking in the wrong room. It's more common when the egg lands in the oven. Sometimes it winds up in the fallopian tubes. In rare cases, it plummets through the plumbing entirely. It's using her intestine as a blood supply. It caused the rectal bleed, and now... Junior Miss Steinem’s junior must be pressing on her vagus nerve, slowing her heart to a crawl. Yank the fetus. She survives the surgery, she'll be fine.

[He hands a box of tissues to Thirteen who offers them to Lou. He leaves. Thirteen hurries after him.]

[Cut to hallway by nurses’ station.]

Thirteen: What if she wants to keep the baby?

House: She doesn’t.

Thirteen: What, we can't take two seconds to discuss this? I mean, fetuses have been transplanted before. Whole uteruses too.

House: Just terminating the fetus when it's glued to her intestines is high-risk surgery. Saving it is a fantasy. That was at least three seconds.

[He walks away, she follows.]

Thirteen: She's a 37-year-old woman who deserves —

House: People get what they get. It has nothing to do with what they deserve. And this has nothing to do with her genitalia, and everything to do with your genetics.

Thirteen: You told me to get tested.

House: I didn't know it was gonna color your every medical opinion, every personal opinion.

Thirteen: You didn't think a death sentence would —

House: [He turns to her, angry.] People die! You, Amber, everyone. Don't act like you just figured that out. I gave you a diagnosis. You don't like it, there are exits on every floor.

[Cut to Lou’s room. She looks up as Thirteen enters.]

Thirteen: I'm sorry to be so definitive about this. I know you're still absorbing the news, but we have no choice.

Lou: Remove the fetus. Absolutely. I have no boyfriend, no husband. I'm on the road with Patty all the time. Where do I sign?

[Thirteen nods and gives her the clipboard. She signs]

[Cut to the ER. Cameron is examining a patient’s leg.]

Cameron: You feel any tenderness back here?

Patient: No, not at all.

House: [approaches] Treating professional sports injuries now?

Patient: No, I'm not —

House: Familiar with the concept of sarcasm. Don't sweat it, it's new. [to Cameron] Have you spoken to Wilson?

Cameron: We'll get you an EKG. I'll be right back. [to House] You want me to sleep with him to get him to stay?

House: I put the bisexual chick on that. If you'd like to sit in, so to speak...

Cameron: I spoke to him.

House: What'd you tell him?

Cameron: I didn't tell him anything. I listened.

House: So you could feel good about doing nothing. You gotta tell him —

Cameron: [She rummages through a drawer then heads back to the patient.] I am not your errand girl. Best thing about leaving you —

Patient: The two of you used to be together?

House: She dumped me when I lost the last 85 pounds. Said there was less of me to love.

[Cameron grabs him by the arm and drags him away from the patient.]

Cameron: Grief means different things to different people. Case in point, means very little to you.

House: Grief is Newark. Okay, it's there. You can't avoid it. The idea is to hold your nose, hope the traffic’s not too bad, and get on to Manhattan as quickly as possible, not to buy property.

Cameron: You think that's facing up to things?

House: I'm not the one who's quitting.

Cameron: 'Cause you haven’t lost anything.

House: But you have. He’ll listen to you. What did you do when your husband died?

Cameron: I got a new job and I moved.

House: See how crappy that worked out?

[Cut to OR. Chase is operating on Lou.]

Chase: Separating the placenta from the wall of the large intestine. Sponge. Suction. We've got some bleeding.

Taub: BP's dropping. 90 systolic.

Chase: She's bleeding like hell. Clamp.

Taub: BP's still dropping.

Chase: Amp of calcium chloride, fast!

Taub: Still dropping.

Chase: Shut up! Squeeze her spleen. We need to force some platelets out so her blood clots.

Thirteen: She's in weak shape. Spleen's friable. It could rupture.

[Everyone works silently for a few moments.]

Female Doctor: She's stabilizing. Oozing's drying up.

Chase: I hate visitor’s day. Removing the fetus.

[Cut to Cuddy’s office. She’s just finishing a phone call as House enters.]

Cuddy: Bye.

House: You have to stop Wilson from committing career malpractice.

Cuddy: Talk to him.

House: I already talked to him twice. He threw me out.

Cuddy: Mocking him and insulting him, let's see… Yes, technically those are categories of conversation.

House: Block his references to other hospitals. Tell him he can’t hand off his cases until —

Cuddy: Talk to him. Deal with his grief. Talk to him about what he's going through.

House: That's a brilliant idea. I'll take him out for a beer. That'll make up for the fact that Amber's in a pine box. That there's randomness and chaos in the universe.

Cuddy: Tell him you're sorry.

House: I didn't kill her.

Cuddy: You were drunk and —

House: Yeah, if her daddy hadn’t been drunk, she might never have been born. So —

Cuddy: You called her up in the middle of the night. She was on the bus because of you.

House: I didn't ask her to come out. I wasn't driving the bus. I wasn't driving the garbage truck that hit the bus. And I did not prescribe her the flu meds that killed her.

Cuddy: Yes, I know, that's all true. But... You really don't feel any sense of guilt? You want to keep him, he needs to know he's not alone. Just tell him you feel like crap.

House: It'd be meaningless.

Cuddy: Well, then, find some meaning. And do something.

[He leaves]

[Cut to ICU. Thirteen and Taub are with Lou. Foreman enters.]

Thirteen: She's got a neurological problem.

Foreman: Surgical complication?

Taub: Don't think so. She keeps on blinking.

Thirteen: Her heart's not recovering either.

Foreman: So the pregnancy was a coincidence.

Thirteen: Pulse is down to 39. She's maxed out on atropine. We're installing a pacing wire to... [Lou passes out] …avoid that. We need some help in here!

Foreman: Page House.

Taub: Already paged him.

Foreman: Page him again.

[Cut to Wilson’s office. House puts his phone on the desk. It moves around as it vibrates.]

Wilson: It's for you.

House: If I told you that I was sorry, would it change anything?

Wilson: I wouldn't believe you.

House: If you believed me.

Wilson: It's hard to imagine such a world.

House: I'm going home... [He slides the phone closer to Wilson] …until you agree to stay at this hospital.

Wilson: You can't be s… That's blackmail. And to do your job? Why not hold a gun to your own head?

House: Your conscience bleeds more freely than my head. [The phone buzzes again. House picks it up.] Text. Patient's in cardiac arrest. Ouchy. [He puts it back on Wilson’s desk.]

Wilson: You'd jeopardize a patient because of my —

House: If it keeps you here. Your friendship matters more to me than this patient.

Wilson: I've gotta do what's right for me. You've gotta do what's right for you.

House: Yeah. But it comes easier for me.

[House leaves as the phone continues to buzz.]

[Cut to ICU. Thirteen, Taub and Forman are working on Lou.]

Taub: Where is he? Where is he?

[Cut to shot of House leaving the hospital.]

[Cut to Diagnostics Conference Room. House’s staff sits at the table. Cuddy stands next to it.]

Cuddy: Status.

Foreman: Her heart's stabilized. We have a pacing wire in her, but the bradycardia is not getting any better.

Kutner: House is bluffing.

Taub: I called him three times. He's not picking up. [to Cuddy] What do you want us to do?

Cuddy: The same thing you'd do if he was here.

Taub: If he was here, we'd be asking him what to do.

Cuddy: What are the usual suspects?

Foreman: There aren't any. She had a vitamin deficiency, and we corrected it, an ectopic pregnancy, we removed it.

Kutner: But her heart problem won’t go away, and now something's wrong with her brain.

Cuddy: I have complete confidence in you guys. [She leaves.]

Taub: Who wants to go service House so this patient can live?

Thirteen: We can do this without him. Maybe something happened during the surgery.

Taub: The surgery was on her bowel, not her brain.

Kutner: Anxiety, stroke, Tourette's could all cause eye blinking.

Taub: And cause her heart to beat faster. It's slowing down.

Thirteen: MS. If a lesion took out the sympathetic innervation of her heart, it'd explain the bradycardia and the blinking.

Taub: But not the vitamin deficiency or the ectopic pregnancy. House would want a unifying theory.

Thirteen: House is gone, and so are those symptoms. MS explains everything that’s wrong with her right now.

Foreman: Start her on interferon for MS.

[A knock on a door is heard. Cut to Cuddy in House’s hallway.]

Cuddy: Mind if I come in?

House: Not at all. You mind if I leave?

Cuddy: I told you not to take that case specifically so you could deal with Wilson.

House: And the two ended up dovetailing rather nicely, don't you think?

Cuddy: Is this how you show your friendship? By bludgeoning him with guilt?

House: Because he's my friend, I know what works on him.

Cuddy: Well, I can't let you walk away from a patient.

House: Then fire me.

Cuddy: You're willing to risk your career, but you're not willing to say you're sorry.

House: I told him I'm sorry. He didn't believe it.

Cuddy: Well, make him believe it.

House: I don't believe it.

Cuddy: You don't want to believe it [angrily] Because if you tell Wilson how you actually feel about him, about what happened to Amber, about your part in what happened, and he walks out the door anyway… If you make yourself vulnerable for once in your nerve-deadening, emotionally obliterating... [House swings the door shut in her face and walks toward his piano where he picks up his drink. Cuddy continues her tirade through the closed door.] You're doing the same thing he is. You're running away. Only he's not killing anyone in the process.

[Cut to the ICU. Lou is awake.]

Lou: Where's Dr. House?

Thirteen: He's not feeling well.

Lou: Was MS his idea?

Thirteen: We work as a team. You know how it is. Collaborative. Sometimes it's hard to tell where an idea comes from.

Lou: But you're not… really a team. You work for him.

Thirteen: And you work for Patty. I'm sure a lot of her ideas are actually —

Lou: She would be fine without me. I'd be nothing without her.

Thirteen: Maybe if you just had the chance. I'm… I'm sure you’ve learned a lot.

Lou: Not everybody’s created equal. Does Dr. House think I have MS?

Thirteen: Yes. [Lou shivers audibly.] Did you just shiver? [She feel’s Lou’s forehead.] You're running a slight fever.

Lou: Is that bad?

Thirteen: It means we were wrong about the MS.

[Cut to Cuddy’s office. House walks in.]

House: You had my cable disconnected!

Cuddy: Well, that's quite a leap. Just because I happen to have a 31-person maintenance department, each of whom you’ve personally abused at some point —

House: Why? Did you think I'm okay with letting someone die, but I'm gonna fold if I can't watch celebrity bowling?

Cuddy: That is not an unreasonable theory. Especially with only ten minutes till your favorite soap. Oh, gee, is this the remote from the doctors' lounge?

[House reaches for the remote she’s holding and she pulls it out of reach. Wilson enters.]

Wilson: This is your 911? Good-bye.

Cuddy: Stop! I'm withholding your salary history from every hospital in the tri-state area.

House: You go, girl.

Cuddy: And I'm permanently setting every TV in this building to the pottery channel unless you both sit down. [She sits in the chair next to the couch.] Welcome to couples counseling.

[Cut to doctor’s lounge. The Diagnostics team is watching the film of Lou’s surgery.]

Taub: It's not the surgery.

Thirteen: The timing fits.

Taub: The location doesn't, unless her brain’s in her bowels.

Thirteen: If bacteria entered her bloodstream, it could have caused an infection in her brain.

Taub: The surgery went fine. You were there, you saw.

Thirteen: Peptostreptococcus could explain the blinking and —

Taub: No. You want to watch a grainy video and have an epiphany.

Foreman: Shut up. You're making me miss House's mocking.

Taub: I know you told us it was none of our business, but if House thinks that your Huntington’s is affecting you, maybe it really —

Thirteen: It's not, because I don't have —

Taub: You're desperate to do this without him. You're not trying to cure her. You're trying to prove —

Kutner: Stop the tape. Zoom in. On the anastomosis, that little bump.

Taub: It's a hematoma. A harmless pocket of blood, which is why Chase ignored it during the surgery.

Kutner: Could be a ganglioma, which is why Chase shouldn't have ignored it.

Foreman: It's an abnormal growth of nerves, it could be causing all the patient's symptoms. We have to open her up again. Get a piece of it.

[Kutner, Foreman and Thirteen leave. Taub stays.]

[Cut to couples counseling in Cuddy’s office. Wilson and House are sitting rigidly side-by-side on the sofa.[

House: So what do you want to tell us?

Cuddy: Nothing. Nothing I say is gonna change anything. You guys need to talk.

House: Actually, you should read the psych literature. Repression's gaining a lot of fans. What you don't face can't crush you.

Cuddy: Talk to each other.

House: [to Wilson, pleasantly] How you doing? Good?

Wilson: [equally pleasantly] Fine, thanks.

[They both stand to leave.]

Cuddy: Eh, eh, eh, eh. Sit! [They do.] See, the two of you are friends. Look how you both —

House: Think you're an idiot. We both also eat with forks. That doesn't really prove —

Cuddy: Talk to him! Tell him how you feel about what he's doing.

House: I told him he's an idiot.

Cuddy: Tell him what you think about him leaving.

House: I think he's an idiot.

Cuddy: You're an idiot. He's in pain. And your response is just to emotionally blackmail him.

House: You told me what your position is on that one. You're against it, right?

Wilson: She hasn't told you in front of me. She needs to prove she's on my side.

Cuddy: Go to hell.

House: So much for that theory.

Cuddy: I'm sorry you lost Amber. I cannot imagine what it is you're going through. [Wilson’s face tightens. He stands and walks to the door.] But it will not get better by you walking away from everyone that cares about you. Do you think Amber would want you to walk away?

Wilson: Nobody at this hospital even liked Amber. [He leaves, slamming the door behind him.]

House: [stands] Same time next week?

[Cut to OR scrub area.]

Chase: You want me to do a second major surgery on a patient we almost lost during a first major surgery to see if she needs a third major surgery?

Foreman: We need a piece of the ganglioma.

Chase: Then you're talking about another patient. Yours doesn't have a ganglioma.

Foreman: And if there is one and you missed it?

Chase: Then you're talking about another surgeon. I didn't miss anything.

Foreman: But we're not talking about another videotape. This one showed a bump we need to biopsy.

Chase: A bump? Oh, yeah. My grandfather died of a bump. She can't survive a second round of general anesthesia, let alone a third.

Thirteen: You'd do this for House.

Chase: Yeah.

Thirteen: Then what do you suggest? Because the patient's got a high fever, a low heart rate, and a dim chance of survival if we stand here like idiots.

Chase: Then I suggest you don’t stand there like idiots.

[He goes back to the OR. Thirteen and Foreman start to leave.]

Kutner: How do you get coal out of a mountain when it's someone else’s mountain? If we don't have House, it doesn't mean we can't think like House.

Thirteen: But it does mean we don't have to talk like him.

Kutner: You don't dig down. You go in from the side. We insert a lighted scope through the rectum, move the intestine till we find the ganglioma, then push it to the surface. Where we see the light, we cut.

[Cut to Lou’s room.]

Thirteen: We'll make as small an incision as we can. But unfortunately, it'll be very painful. After your surgery experience, we can't give you anesthesia.

Lou: Can I talk to Dr. House?

Thirteen: No. We can do this. We know what we're doing.

Lou: I don't mean to be insulting, but my former boss didn't insist on me coming here because of you or —

Thirteen: Your former boss?

Lou: I've been replaced.

Thirteen: I'm sorry. You must be —

Lou: I'm fine. She has a big Beijing trip. Ton of work to do. She can't just wait for me to get better.

Thirteen: We've been well-trained. We'll take good care of you. [She starts to leave then turns back.] How can you let her treat you like a footstool?

Lou: The world needs flunkies.

Thirteen: Don't say that. You're better than that.

Lou: I have no problem with it. Why do you?

Thirteen: [angrily] Because... life is short. I mean, yours could've ended in that surgery. You'd have never lived for yourself. What kind of feminist…? We can have anything.

Lou: No, we can’t. We can aspire to anything. But we don't get it just because we want it. I would rather spend my life close to the birds than waste it wishing I had wings.

[Thirteen looks at her then leaves.]

[Cut to treatment room. Foreman, Taub and Thirteen are performing the procedure.]

Foreman: You're through the sigmoid, into the descending colon.

Kutner: Switching on the light.

Thirteen: Advance toward the anastomosis.

[Lou is awake, holding very still but barely holding back the tears.]

Thirteen (continues): That's it. Push the wall of the intestine toward the skin.

[Foreman looks at Lou’s exposed abdomen. The light appears.]

Foreman: There, I see it.

Thirteen: [to Lou] Don't look down.

Foreman: Scalpel.

[Thirteen passes him the scalpel and he prepares to make the incision.]

[Cut to Nurses’ Station. Wilson is going through some files. Cameron approaches.]

Cameron: So your last day is Friday.

Wilson: I'm gonna miss you.

Cameron: You shouldn't go.

Wilson: Did House ask you to talk to me, or are you trying to save the patient? Because there'll always be another —

Cameron: House asked me.

Wilson: And you're doing it.

Cameron: I told him to go to hell.

Wilson: Thanks. [He starts to leave.]

Cameron: But I think he's right. [He turns back.] You think you're making a rational choice. You think the worst is over. And then... Six months later you look back and you realize you didn't know what you were doing.

Wilson: Are you saying the pain doesn’t go away?

Cameron: It gets easier. Not in two months. Not in two years. But no, it never really goes away.

Wilson: Being here… this building… I was just in the lounge. I kept staring at Amber's locker.

Cameron: I saw a guy wearing a scarf this morning. The color reminded me of his eyes. We lived 500 miles from here.

Wilson: I have to do something.

Cameron: Then do it. But don't think it’s the right choice, because... There isn't one.

[Cut to a lab. The Diagnostics staff is there.]

Taub: It's not a ganglioma. The problem wasn’t the surgery.

Thirteen: Abnormally deposited proteins. It's amyloidosis. That would explain the blinking and the low heart rate.

Taub: Only way to treat amyloidosis is to treat whatever’s causing it.

Foreman: It's not as if a lot of things cause amyloid. Rheumatoid arthritis.

Kutner: Familial Mediterranean fever.

Thirteen: Lymphoma.

Kutner: Well, we can't all be right.

Taub: But you can all be wrong. The patient's joints don't hurt, abdominal pain went away when the fetus did, and no palpable lymph nodes.

Foreman: Got anything constructive to say? [He’s probably upset that Taub has taken over his usual role in DDXs of criticizing everyone else’s ideas.]

Taub: Sorry. Sorry. [faux cheerful] Um, she has lots and lots of palpable lymph nodes, joint and abdominal pain. She'll be better by dinnertime. [serious again] If we don't find the cause of the amyloidosis, we never get her off that wire, she never walks out of this hospital. [sighs] But hey, who needs House, hmm? So glad we lost those training wheels.

[Cut to Wilson’s office. Foreman is there. Wilson is looking at Lou’s information on a laptop.]

Wilson: You want me to make the call?

Foreman: There seems to be some disagreement.

Wilson: And this isn't just a pretext to pressure me into staying?

Foreman: Does it look like a pretext?

Wilson: No. She really is dying, isn't she? Inflammation, enlarged nuclei, some mitotic activity. It could be lymphoma.

Foreman: There are no palpable lymph nodes.

Wilson: It makes it less likely, but it doesn't rule it out. I'm an oncologist. I see cancer. Show it to an immunologist, they'll see autoimmune.

Foreman: I already showed it to an immunologist. We'll start her on chemo. [pause] You should leave. House doesn't want to lose his sidekick. Cuddy doesn't want to lose her check on House. No one's talking about what you want.

Wilson: It's not that I want to.

Foreman: Want to, need to. If there's any chance that being away from here will make your life even a little bit easier, do it. That's what everyone else here would do.

[He leaves.]

[Cut to Lou’s room. She’s listening to music with headphones. Thirteen answers.]

Thirteen: Don't expect anything to change too fast.

Lou: Lymphoma was your idea?

Thirteen: Why?

Lou: I feel better.

Thirteen: Sometimes just knowing you’re being treated helps.

Lou: You've given me18 different treatments. This is the first one that made me feel better. I don't think it’s psychological. Thank you.

Thirteen: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten angry at you. Your choices are your choices.

Lou: You're not like me. Maybe you have wings.

Thirteen: I have Huntington’s Chorea. Dozen years or so, my nervous system, my cognitive skills, even my emotional balance... they'll all start to fray. I won't be able to fly. I won't be able to walk. I won't be able to breathe.

Lou: And you want to make sure your life matters.

Thirteen: [nods] I don't want to just... be tightening bolts and following instructions. I want something... to be different because of me.

Lou: I am. Not just 'cause you saved my life. I'm applying for a job at a foundation, running the finance division. And I don't know if I'm gonna get it, but if I don’t... There are other foundations.

[Cut to Nurses’ Station in the lobby by the fountain. Cuddy is going through some papers behind the desk.]

House: It's almost 4:00. Soap time. [He reaches over the desk and grabs something.] Nurses' remote. Works in the doctors' lounge.

Cuddy: Why do you think Wilson’s leaving?

House: How many times do I have to use the word "idiot"?

Cuddy: And that's a good enough answer for you? Whenever anyone does anything out of the norm, you have to tell them what screwed-up process is really at work in their head. That is why I locked the two of you in a room. So you would say something stupid and insensitive, and maybe with a little bit of truth. But you didn’t. So I can only assume that you don’t want to know the reason. You're afraid to know. [pause] You're not listening to me, are you?

House: Try it sometime. You'll see why.

[Cut to Lou’s room. House enters.]

House: You look 37.

Lou: I am 37.

House: You looked 27 last week. Unless I blacked out for ten years. Your skin —

Taub: She's got lymphoma. The chemo's probably —

House: Stop the chemo.

Thirteen: She's getting better. Bradycardia's improving. We didn't need —

House: She have bruising? [He takes a syringe from a drawer.]

Thirteen: She was pounding her legs during the hallucinations.

House: It's not lymphoma.

Lou: Hey, don't — no, no, no.

[House uncaps the syringe and stabs a purple bruise on Lou’s leg.]

House: My bad. Thought no meant yes. Those aren't bruises. They're mycobacterial lesions. She has diffuse lepromatous leprosy. Must have caught it on one of her overseas estrogen tours. Chemo wipes out some of the bacteria, she feels a little better. Wipes out most of her immune system, she gets a whole lot worse.

Lou: Leprosy? Like where my limbs fall off?

House: Actually, this is the flattering one. It's also known as "pretty leprosy." It doesn't disfigure, it makes your skin look younger, smoother. Don't let the girls hear. They'll all want to lick your face. Unless you're that kind of feminist. [to Taub and Thirteen] Blast her with antibiotics and prednisone. She'll be fine. [He looks at his watch.] Damn, it's after 4:00. I'm late. [He leaves.]

Thirteen: Damn.

Lou: What?

Taub: She's happy you’re gonna be fine. But she'd be happier if you were gonna be fine five minutes ago.

[Cut to Lou’s room at night. Thirteen enters.]

Thirteen: Tests confirmed Dr. House's diagnosis.

Lou: Thank God.

Thirteen: When you got pregnant, the physical stress triggered nodosum leprosum. A common complication of leprosy. Inflamed the nerves to your heart. Made it hard to absorb vitamins, scarred your fallopian tubes. It explains everything.

Lou: Better prescribe me some skin cream too, huh?

Thirteen: You might want it for those job interviews.

Lou: I'm going back on the road with Patty. My replacement flamed out. She says I can manage some projects on my own, carve out more of a role.

Thirteen: Do you really think she can change?

Lou: I don't know. The truth is, I’m not sure I —

Thirteen: You can change.

Lou: No. I'm not sure I want her to change. She's reasonable. She's just another employer, then I'm just... another employee. In a weird way, I matter.

[Cut to an almost dark Diagnostics Conference Room. Thirteen is at the table.]

House: I like you better now that you're dying.

Thirteen: I was wrong.

House: You took a shot.

Thirteen: She's going back to work for that idiot. It's pathetic.

House: You thought something would change?

Thirteen: She almost died because of that job. Yeah, I… I thought —

House: Almost dying changes nothing. Dying changes everything.

[Cut to Wilson’s office. House enters quietly. Everything has been packed up. There’s a duffle and one box left on the desk.]

House: I'm sorry. I know I didn't try to kill her. I know I didn't want her hurt. I know it was a freak accident. But I feel like crap, and she's dead because of me.

Wilson: I don't blame you. I wanted to. I tried to. I must have reviewed Amber's case file 100 times to find a way. But it wasn't your fault.

House: Then we're okay? I mean, I know you're not, but... Maybe I can help.

Wilson: We're not okay. Amber was never the reason I was leaving. I didn't want to tell you because… because I was trying, like I always do, to protect you. Which is the problem. You spread misery because you can't feel anything else. You manipulate people because you can't handle any kind of real relationship. And I've enabled it. For years. The games, the binges, the middle-of-the-night phone calls. [He stops and rubs his eyes.] I should have been the one on the bus, not —You should have been alone on the bus. If I've learned anything from Amber, it's that I have to take care of myself. We're not friends anymore, House. I'm not sure we ever were.

[Each time the camera showed House during this speech, his head had dropped a fraction of an inch lower. Other than that, not a muscle moved and his expression didn’t change at all.]

[As he finishes, Wilson picks up the box and opens the door. House turns his head slightly toward the door. Then he turns it fully away from the door. He looks stunned. The camera angle changes to show his hand on his cane. Behind him, Wilson walks away down the empty hallway.]

[The End]

Tags: season 5
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