Written by: Pamela Davis
Directed by: Martha Mitchell
Transcribed by: Coby (cobbly)
DISCLAIMER: We don't own "HOUSE." It's owned by FOX and NBC/Universal, and produced by Heel and Toe Films and Bad Hat Harry Productions. This transcript is unofficial, and should UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be copied or distributed, especially for commercial use.
[Guy and girl (Addie) are sparring in a karate class, Addie is winning easily. Addie knocks down the guy and the teacher stops them by saying something in Japanese]
GUY: [While picking himself up. Annoyed.] She almost took my head off.
TEACHER: Your fault. You didn't guard your left side. [Gets them started again with more Japanese.]
[Addie knocks the guy down again.]
TEACHER: [Stops them.] Point.
[Guy gets up, teacher starts them off again. They trade punches for a little while until Addie does a big spinning kick and we see blood splatter on the mirror. Addie stumbles and then starts furiously punching at the guy’s head.]
TEACHER: [Having to step in.] Stop, stop, stop! [Addie sits on the ground breathing heavily and coughing up blood.] You're bleeding.
GUY: I never even hit her.
[Cut to House walking out of his office into the Diagnostics Office.]
HOUSE: [Smiling.] Morning. This is funny [Holds up his coffee and starts to read the side.] People don't...
CAMERON: Not done reading, go away. [House goes back into his office. Ducklings continue to read the file.] Most likely she coughed it up, which would mean it's from her lungs. Drugs, toxins, infection?
FOREMAN: No fever, no elevated white count, which rules out infection.
CAMERON: And blood panels found no drugs, no toxins.
CHASE: Bronchoscopy was pristine, so much for the lungs.
HOUSE: [Comes back out.] Good morning.
CHASE: Not yet. [House goes back to his office.]
CAMERON: So then the blood came from her stomach, which would mean it's an ulcer or a GI bleed.
FOREMAN: ER also ran an upper and lower GI. No occult blood in her stool.
CHASE: Which means no ulcer or GI bleed. Which means it's not from her stomach, either. Which means it didn't come from anywhere.
HOUSE: [Comes back out.] You guys get to the point where the blood didn't come from anywhere?
FOREMAN: Rupture in her sinus cavity, dripped through the back.
HOUSE: Not that much blood.
CHASE: Trauma from karate?
HOUSE: No trauma. She kicked the other guy's ass.
CUDDY: Now a good time?
HOUSE: If you can tell me how blood can mysteriously appear in a…
CUDDY: Now. [To Foreman.] This includes you. [All 3 head off towards House's office.]
CAMERON: What's going on?
HOUSE: [Closing the door.] Feel free to speculate amongst yourselves.
CUDDY: [To Foreman.] Are you sure?
HOUSE: He's afraid of turning into me.
CUDDY: Well that's a good enough reason. [Hands Foreman a form.] Sign here.
[Foreman signs, Cameron and Chase watch through the glass.]
CHASE: Doesn't look promising.
[Foreman hands the form back to Cuddy.]
CUDDY: Good luck.
FOREMAN: Thank you.
HOUSE: That's it? You're not going to tell him that we're a family and families don't abandon each other?
CUDDY: You want me to?
CUDDY: [To Foreman.] Would it make any difference?
CUDDY: Good luck, Dr. Foreman. [Hugs Foreman then leaves.]
[House and Foreman go back and join Chase and Cameron in the Diagnostics Office.]
HOUSE: So, where were we?
CHASE: College sophomore coughing up blood.
HOUSE: Not the case, the speculation. The palace intrigue. The rising self-doubts. Did Foreman get a promotion?
FOREMAN: I resigned.
HOUSE: Personally I can't believe I've had the same three employees for three years.
CHASE: Patient could have a heart problem.
HOUSE: Yes. Life goes on. Look at the eager beaver combing his hair.
CHASE: Hyperdynamic heart could force too much blood into her lungs, she coughed up the overflow. Wouldn't leave a trace in her lungs because it's travelling through normal plumbing.
HOUSE: Foreman, go do a stress echo test to see if he's right. Cameron, check out the dorm and redo the ER labs. [Ducklings leave.] [Calling out after them.] I'll get going on Foreman's farewell party. Everybody good with a mermaid under the stars theme? [They all give him a weird look and then continue leaving.]
[Cut to Foreman and Chase watching the results of the stress echo.]
CHASE: So, why are you leaving? Or is it just some sort of power play?
FOREMAN: You can have my parking space, my locker.
CHASE: Is it about House?
FOREMAN: [Sarcastic.] Let me get all sensitive and confide in you. [Pushes the microphone button.] Addie, pedal harder. Need your heart rate at 170. [Addie pedals faster.]
CHASE: Why wouldn't you want to tell me?
FOREMAN: I don't like you. Never have, never will. You want me to share some more?
CHASE: Even if you do hate me, if you found another job you'd tell me. If House did something to drive you out of here, you'd tell me. The fact that you won’t tell me means whatever the real reason is, you're ashamed of it.
ADDIE: Guys? I'm at 170. [Stops pedalling.]
[Chase goes into the room where she is and starts to ultrasound her chest.]
CHASE: Pulmonary artery looks good. [Looks at Foreman through the glass.] It's not a heart problem. [Notices something.] Are you cold?
ADDIE: I'm ok. Why?
CHASE: On your arm.
[Addie looks at her arm.]
[Cut to House rounding a corner in the corridor, Chase and Foreman come from the opposite side and follow him. Cue walk and talk.]
CHASE: Addie has goose bumps.
FOREMAN: Oooh. No recovering from those babies.
CHASE: You don't have goose bumps for no reason. They're a reaction to the body thinking it's cold.
FOREMAN: She wasn't cold her temperature was normal.
CHASE: Her body thought it was, which means…?
FOREMAN: What? A brain problem? Messed up hypothalamus could cause goose bumps but they're not going to cause her to cough up blood. She has no neurological issues. She had a shiver.
HOUSE: I think there's an infection.
FOREMAN: We’ve ruled out infection because no fever, no white count. [They stop in front of Wilson's office.
HOUSE: I think there's an infection. Blood goes where it's needed. Infection likes nice, wet places, her lungs. Start treatment. All that cool stuff for bacterial, fungal and atypical infections. Get a lung biopsy, I want to see the little bugger up close. [Foreman leaves, Chase starts to follow but changes his mind.]
CHASE: Why's Foreman quitting?
HOUSE: He wants to breed llamas. [Starts to walk towards Wilson's office.]
CHASE: Interesting. [House turns around.] You're ashamed of the reason, too. [House smiles and continues on his way, Chase leaves in the direction Foreman did.]
[House enters Wilson's office and shuts the door behind him, Wilson pushes a coffee towards House while writing something.]
HOUSE: [Takes the coffee and sits down.] No one writes tamoxifen like you.
WILSON: Well, I use a G.
HOUSE: Foreman resigned.
WILSON: [Stops writing.] I'm sorry.
HOUSE: It's okay. No biggie.
WILSON: [Rolls his eyes.] Right. He give a reason?
HOUSE: He said he didn't want to end up like me. I had a brilliant retort. Can't remember what it was at the moment.
WILSON: You don't want to end up like you.
HOUSE: Good point. Can I resign? [Wilson yawns.] What's up with that?
WILSON: With what?
HOUSE: You yawned. I just told you something interesting, so you're not bored. It's 11 o'clock in the morning and you're drinking coffee, so you're not tired. I didn't yawn, so it's not a mirror-neuron reaction. Which leaves symptom, vasovagal issue, maybe a heart problem?
WILSON: My heart's fine, I was up late. You're just deflecting having a conversation about Foreman.
HOUSE: I'm ok with Foreman leaving.
WILSON: Either you're lying, or you don't really think he's leaving, or you just jumped right to acceptance. [House yawns.]
HOUSE: Sorry. I yawned because I was trying to communicate boredom.
WILSON: You could try bargaining with him, give him a raise.
HOUSE: How much do you think it would cost to make him want to be like me? [Silence.] Thanks for the coffee. [Leaves.]
[Cut to Cameron looking through the glass at Addie with her parents, Ben and Jodie, in her room.]
CAMERON: She seems fine.
HOUSE: She is fine.
CHASE: She coughed up blood.
HOUSE: Past tense.
CAMERON: She has diarrhoea.
HOUSE: From the antibiotics for the infection.
FOREMAN: Lung biopsy says she doesn't have an infection.
HOUSE: Well, then, you screwed up the biopsy.
CHASE: Or you're wrong about infection.
HOUSE: Well if I'm wrong, then so is her body, because it obviously thinks she's got an infection or it wouldn't have gotten better from the antibiotics. What is pandiculation symptomatic of?
FOREMAN: Yawning is a symptom of fatigue or cholinergic excitation.
CAMERON: Does this have anything to do with Addie?
HOUSE: Lets say yes.
CHASE: Cerebral tumour, epilepsy… Could also be a medication reaction to antidepressants or some meds for end stage liver failure.
HOUSE: Lets say no.
[Foreman laughs. House and Chase both look weirdly at Foreman.]
CHASE: You don't want to leave this job. Three years you've been here and you've never once laughed at anything he's said.
FOREMAN: Because I wasn't kissing his ass.
CHASE: But now you are? No, now you're nervous, uncomfortable about your decision. It wasn't even that good a joke.
HOUSE: Oh crap.
CHASE: Most of your jokes are excellent. [Cameron rolls her eyes.] I just meant in comparison.
HOUSE: Shut up. I think she may not have an infection. You better deal with her before she crashes.
[We see Addie struggling to breathe, monitors start going off, ducklings run into her room.]
JODIE: She can't breathe.
CAMERON: Get off the bed.
CHASE: We need a crash cart.
BEN: What's happening?
CHASE: Let’s get her down, now.
FOREMAN: Pressure is collapsing her lungs. She’s not getting any air.
[They put the bed down and intubate her.]
JODIE: Oh my god.
[Cut to Chase sticking a big needle into Addie's back, which has a circle of iodine on it, and extracting some sort of liquid.]
[Cut to Chase in the lab explaining to the others what happened.]
CHASE: She couldn't breathe because she had a pleural effusion. Thoracentesis revealed low protein count. Effusion was transudative, which means she has cirrhosis of the liver or she's in heart failure.
FOREMAN: Heart was fine, liver enzymes were normal.
HOUSE: [Looking at the chart.] There's something called blued in the pleural effusion. [Looks closer.] Oh, it's not blued, it’s blood. Which is great. Well not for her, but for me. Because it means I think it's an infection.
CHASE: Labs indicated minute traces of blood.
HOUSE: Can't ignore the blood because it's a minority, can you, Foreman?
[Foreman rolls his eyes.]
CAMERON: If we count the traces of blood as significant, the differential isn't just infection. It could be lung cancer, breast cancer, lymphoma.
HOUSE: Great. Go tell her she's got one of those. Or you could tell her we haven't given her enough antibiotics for her INFECTION. Double the dose, and check her lungs.
CHASE: We checked her lungs, they're clean.
HOUSE: [Leaving.] On the outside. She needs an arteriogram.
[Aerial of PPTH, Day.]
[Cut to House entering an exam room in the clinic.]
STEVE: It's about my bowel movements.
HOUSE: What isn't, these days? [Shuts the door. Points to Steve's girlfriend, Honey.] You sure you want to be here for this?
STEVE: We do everything together.
HOUSE: Of course. The toilet can be a lonely place. Drop your pants, I'll suit up.
STEVE: [Dropping his pants.] They float.
STEVE: My bowel movements. Honey says they're not supposed to?
HONEY: I'm a nutritionist. [Smiles.]
HOUSE: Yes, I could tell from the cool toe-loop sandals.
HONEY: Thank you.
HOUSE: You're welcome. [They smile at each other.] And the natural fibre clothing I assume means some kind of vegetarian denomination?
STEVE: We're vegans. At first I was a little concerned about the lack of protein but Honey showed me you can get it from lots of...
HOUSE: Well, whatever floats your poop. And you've been together how long? 6 months?
HONEY: How'd you know?
HOUSE: Because after 6 months poop love fades and if you've been together shorter than that then... I'll explain right after this break. [Leaves.]
[Cut to House walking up to the pharmacy.]
HOUSE: Three 10-milligram pills of your finest amphetamines. [Signs the book.]
[Ducklings come up behind him.]
CAMERON: Arteriogram was normal.
CHASE: Which means her lungs are fine.
[Pharmacist puts the pills in a cup on the counter.]
HOUSE: What if the clear arteriogram is significant?
FOREMAN: It is significant. It means there's no infection.
HOUSE: I think there's an infection.
CAMERON: Infections don't come and go, people don't get better then worse on the same treatment.
HOUSE: Unless her body can't finish off the fight — maybe goes a couple of rounds then gives up.
CHASE: Why would it give up?
HOUSE: Maybe its name is Foreman. [Looks at Foreman, no reaction.] C'mon... where's that smile? That laugh that makes the whole world sunny without contributing to global warming? [Chase laughs, they look at him, he stops and looks down, embarrassed.] Maybe she's missing a protein.
CAMERON: Blood panel and enzymes show her proteins are normal.
HOUSE: You can't have tested for every protein, I can think of at least one you can't test for at all.
CHASE: Complement factor-H deficiency. But if she has that she's dead. No way to fend off bacteria. She'll get one infection after another until her body shuts down.
HOUSE: Maybe we can get ahead of the game. Manage each symptom as it comes up. Give her five miserable years instead of six miserable months.
FOREMAN: There's no diagnostic test for complement factor-H deficiency.
HOUSE: So we isolate the cells that are yummiest for it. Stick a needle in her eye. [Takes the pills and goes back into the exam room.] [To Steve.] You're cheating on Honey.
STEVE: What? No, I'm not.
HOUSE: Oh, yes you are.
HONEY: [Looks disappointed.] It's ok. I get it.
HOUSE: [Confused.] Well I was going to say relax but, oddly enough, you seem pretty relaxed already.
HONEY: You're accomplished. You're funny. You can have whatever you want. Women are going to...
HOUSE: He's not cheating with another woman, he's cheating with another food group.
HONEY: [Angry.] What?
HOUSE: His floaters float because they're full of fat. Probably had a big cheeseburger for lunch.
HONEY: You're eating flesh?
STEVE: It's just a hamburger. Not all the time...
HONEY: You're disgusting.
STEVE: Soy cakes taste like cardboard, unsalted cardboard.
HOUSE: I'm accomplished. I'm funny. Can I have whatever I want? [Steve is shocked. Honey smiles.]
[Cut to Chase sticking a needle in Addie's eye.]
ADDIE: Can we wait a second?
BEN: What's wrong?
ADDIE: I feel good. Do you really need to put that needle…?
CHASE: You felt good yesterday and then you almost suffocated.
ADDIE: And you know that that thing is in my eye?
CHASE: I think it could be. If we find it, our hope is that we can treat it.
JODIE: You hope?
ADDIE: Mom, don't hang on every word.
JODIE: He said he hopes, that means he doesn't know. I just want to understand what's going on.
CHASE: We wont know anything until we do the test. Addie this all looks really scary, but you'll feel nothing, ok?
[Chase starts the test, the camera follows the needle into Addie's eye and we see a big red spot.]
[Cut to House opening the drawers under his desk in his office. He pulls out a mortar and pestle and puts it on his desk. He uses it to grind up the 3 pills he got earlier. He has two coffees on his desk. He pours the ground pills into the coffee on his left. Then rubs his finger around the mortar to pick up any remaining pill dust and rubs it on his teeth. He puts the mortar and pestle away, stirs the coffee with a pen and puts the lid back on, just in time — before Wilson enters.]
HOUSE: You rang?
WILSON: You called me.
HOUSE: I bought you an espresso. [Wilson checks his pocket for his wallet and gives House a weird look.] You've been buying me coffee for a couple of weeks I thought I'd pay you back. [Holds out the coffee on his right to Wilson.] With one.
WILSON: [Suspicious.] How did you walk with the cane and the two coffees?
HOUSE: [Laughs.] Why are you suspicious?
WILSON: Because it's either that, or accept the fact that you've done something nice. And then I have to deal with the horsemen and the rain of fire and the end of days.
HOUSE: [Laughs again.] What, you think I spat in yours?
WILSON: Or worse.
HOUSE: I stacked them. [Puts the left one on top of the right and lifts it up to demonstrate, then puts the left one down again and holds out the right one to Wilson.]
[Wilson is still suspicious but goes to grab the one House is holding out for him. He then grabs the other one, the left one, instead. House shrugs and drinks the one Wilson left behind. Wilson drinks the one he took and sits down.]
HOUSE: What do you think of me hiring a nutritionist instead of a neurologist? I mean, they sound almost the same.
WILSON: I take it you've met a hot nutritionist.
HOUSE: Don't cheapen this. We had an in-depth conversation about proteins and fats. I was about to examine her boyfriend's rectum.
WILSON: You asked for a date while your finger was in her boyfriend?
HOUSE: Got her number.
WILSON: No, no. No way. [House pulls out a piece of paper and hands it to Wilson.] This is an employment application. She doesn't want to go out with you she's looking for a job. Oh, God. She's 26.
HOUSE: But with the wisdom of a much younger woman.
[Ducklings enter the diagnostics office.]
WILSON: Have you spoken to Foreman?
HOUSE: Several times. We laugh...
WILSON: You're going to lose him.
HOUSE: And that will be depressing. But it will only make me appreciate all the good things that I do have. [House goes into the Diagnostics Office, Wilson leaves.]
CHASE: Macular biopsy was negative, which means you're wrong. There's no complement factor-H deficiency.
FOREMAN: Most likely cause of altering blood flow in the brain is a clot or a tumour.
CAMERON: We can rule out a clotting issue because she has a bleeding issue.
FOREMAN: Which means we should be looking for a tumour.
HOUSE: I think there's an infection. Just because the cells in her eye aren't dead yet doesn't mean they're working.
CHASE: So why did we do the test.
HOUSE: Because if it had been positive it would have proved I was right.
CHASE: But negative doesn't prove you wrong.
HOUSE: [Smiling.] That's the beauty of the test.
FOREMAN: She needs an MRI of her brain.
HOUSE: Absolutely. [Ducklings start to leave.] As long as you're scanning, you mind having a boo for an abscess or something caused by an infection? [Ducklings leave.]
[Cut to Addie getting an MRI, Foreman and Cameron are watching the results.]
FOREMAN: I didn't expect House to beg me to stay, but it seems like he's in a better mood since I quit. Nothing in the axial view. You haven't asked me why I'm leaving.
CAMERON: Figured you'd tell me when you wanted to.
FOREMAN: I don't want to be like him.
CAMERON: You're not a jerk.
FOREMAN: [Laughs.] Thank you.
CAMERON: I mean... sometimes you are, but I don't think we can pin that on House. [Smiles.] And you're a better doctor than when you came through the door.
FOREMAN: Better at some things, worse at others.
CAMERON: Again, not House's fault. It's a job. You're supposed to take the good and leave the bad.
FOREMAN: It's easier for you.
CAMERON: Why, because you think I need to toughen up? You think I'm weak?
FOREMAN: Yeah. See? I am a jerk, I've got to get out of here.
[Addie starts making noise.]
CAMERON: What's wrong Addie?
ADDIE: My head hurts!
FOREMAN: Brain's clean, no tumour and no abscess. We're all wrong.
ADDIE: My head. [Starts screaming. Cameron gets her out of the machine.] My head! [The camera pans round to reveal her head. Open. Bleeding. We can see her brain.]
[Cut to OR, Addie is under a general. Foreman is pulling pieces out of her head. House is taping it on a video camera.]
FOREMAN: Looks like massive tissue death.
HOUSE: Who cares? Her head blew up. How cool is that?
CAMERON: It's not pusy.
HOUSE: [Turns the camera on Cameron.] Meaning you don't think it's an infection, and you'd be right, if you weren't wrong. [Puts the camera back on the open head.]
FOREMAN: Here we go again.
HOUSE: She's got infections that come and go, which means...
CAMERON: It means it has to be something else!
HOUSE: Good guess, but no! Means either she's got a leprechaun in her colon which is playing with the doggie door, letting bacteria in and out or... she got complement factor-H deficiency. [Puts the camera on Foreman.]
FOREMAN: You enjoying this?
HOUSE: I'm saving a woman's life. [Puts the camera on himself.] I'm saving a woman's life. [Camera back on the head.] Actually I'm diagnosing her. Technically I'm diagnosing her with something that's going to kill her but, other than that, I'm saving her life. [Turns the camera off.]
CHASE: An autoimmune problem makes more sense.
HOUSE: You can't explain transudative pleural effusion with giant cell arteritis. You'd need three whiteboards and 100 different coloured markers.
FOREMAN: No, it's much more likely she has an invisible protein that allowed bacteria to arbitrarily invade her lungs then arbitrarily invade her pleura then arbitrarily jump into her head.
CHASE: If it's autoimmune she can live, but we have to give her steroids, now, before her heart ruptures.
HOUSE: If you're wrong, and you give her steroids, she dies, now. Foreman, want to run down how it feels to go with your gut and kill a person? You get into the whole spiralling out of control and self-doubt, resigning thing. [To Chase.] Do it. Worst that can happen is you quit. Cameron, want to explain to the parents why you'll be holding paddles while he’s doing it? Because if her heart goes ‘boom’ it'll ‘boom’ right away. [Leaves.]
[Cut to Cameron Charging the paddles in Addie's room while Chase prepares to give her the steroids.]
BEN: She really has to be awake for this?
CHASE: If there is a problem she can tell us what she feels.
ADDIE: [Looks at her mother who is fighting back tears.] Relax.
BEN: We're scared.
ADDIE: I don't want you to be scared.
JODIE: Then get better. Ok sweetie? We love you.
ADDIE: Mom, I'm sorry.
ADDIE: [Takes a deep breath.] Ready.
[Chase starts the treatment. Camera pans around to reveal House sitting in a chair in the hallway watching through the glass. Cuddy walks up to him.]
HOUSE: My patient's about to have a heart attack. [Smiles.] It's going to be massive!
CUDDY: Oh well that's too bad cause I just got tickets to a stroke on the third floor. Have you had a conversation with Foreman?
HOUSE: [Pulls out some money.] Can you do me a favour?
CUDDY: You haven't, because then you would have to confront your own emotions.
HOUSE: Is bile an emotion? Cause I can definitely feel something here [Pushes his gut.] Get me some liquorice. [Shoves the money in the top of her pants.] This is going to be the best heart attack of all time. [Cuddy takes the money and starts to leave.] Oh! Wait, wait, wait, wait. [Cuddy comes back.] She's going to shock her. [Cameron looks at the monitors then puts the paddles away, the dad shakes Chase's hand, who looks relieved. House looks disappointed.]
CUDDY: [Gives the money back.] There's always tomorrow.
[Cut to Wilson in his office, he is bouncing his leg up and down quickly and trying to put a label on a file. Foreman walks in.]
FOREMAN: You wanted to see me? [Wilson puts his hand up to say wait and continues trying to fix the label. Foreman leans over and has a look.] Pretty sure the label is straight.
WILSON: [Sticks down the label. Talking quickly.] Are you really going to leave? Where you going? You lined up interviews yet?
FOREMAN: I'm not sure.
WILSON: You're pissed at House! I get it you're symbolicating killing him. [Foreman raises an eyebrow.] Symbolicating? What? Symbolacolating. Gosh that's a hard word.
FOREMAN: Are you ok?
WILSON: Hey I'm not the one sym, I'm not the one sym, I'm not the one PRETENDING to kill someone what would it take for you to stay? Is it money? He wants you to stay!
FOREMAN: He said that?
WILSON: If I said he said that would that make a difference? [Phone starts to ring Wilson picks it up immediately, before it finishes the first ring.]
FOREMAN: Are you sure you're ok?
WILSON: [On the phone.] Hello? [Looks at his watch.] I'm leaving now. [Hangs up the phone, gets up and starts to leave.] I'm late for... a breast thing. You know he wants you. You know he's good. You know he can make you good. I don't know what I'm saying. You don't… I don't… You know what I'm saying, and you know I'm right. I got to go.
[Cut to Wilson entering an exam room.]
WILSON: [Talking extremely quickly.] Sorry it took me so long to get down here I'm Dr Wilson I guess Dr Stein's gone don't worry about it. I'll talk to him when we're done.
PATIENT: Dr. Stein said they're probably calcium deposits.
WILSON: Well, with your medical history you don't want to take any chances. [Looks at the scans and has great difficulty getting a glove on.] I can't seem to put on my gloves today. It's weird. [Laughs. Eventually gets the glove on.] Ok. Well, that's fine. One's enough. Well, lets have a look. [Starts to feel her breasts.]
PATIENT: You sure talk fast.
WILSON: This is nothing. You should see me when we're busy. [Winks. She gives him a weird look.] I just winked at you. I just… I've never winked at a patient in my life I have no id… I am so sorry. I have no idea what I was thinking.
PATIENT: It's ok.
WILSON: No, it’s not. I was hitting on you, I mean I wasn't-I wasn't consciously hitting on you, but I… What else could you think?
PATIENT: That you were being reassuring?
WILSON: Yeah, that would make sense on the other hand, I… [Starts breathing heavily.] I feel like my hearts going to explode. [Sits down.]
PATIENT: Are you ok?
WILSON: I feel a little sweaty. Am I sweating?
PATIENT: Yeah. [Wilson starts to try and feel his pulse, with his glove still on.] Is something wrong?
WILSON: I can't… I can’t… [Realises his glove is on, takes it off.] I put on gloves to do a breast exam. Perfect. [Takes the heart monitor thing from her finger.] Sorry. [Puts it on his finger and watches the screen. Continues to breathe heavily. The monitor starts beeping. He stands up as he looks at it.] It's 185! 185! [Confused.] 185? [Thinks, suddenly realises what is happening.] Excuse me I have to go kill someone. [Leaves.]
[Cut to Wilson banging on the door to House's house. House opens the door.]
WILSON: You dosed me!
HOUSE: Yes... I did, but only because you didn't trust me! Your best friend.
WILSON: [Walks in] You could have killed me!
HOUSE: Amphetamines aren't going to kill you. [Shuts the door.]
WILSON: You don't know my medical history! I c-c-c-c... I could've... You could've given me a heart attack.
HOUSE: [Laughs.] Well, a heart attack is not going to kill you. You were in a hospital. [Wilson yawns.] Aha! You yawned!
WILSON: Aha! You tried to kill me.
HOUSE: I put you on uppers and you still yawned. Means it's a symptom, of being a big fat liar. [Wilson rolls his eyes.] Yawning is a side effect of some antidepressants, apparently the ones you're on.
WILSON: I'm not on antidepressants I'm on SPEEEEEED!
HOUSE: Well that means it's a symptom of a cerebral tumour. You got six weeks to live. Mr. Well-adjusted is as messed up as the rest of us. Wh-why would you keep that a secret? Are you ashamed of recognising how pathetic your life is?
WILSON: It's not a secret. House it's-it's... it's personal!
HOUSE: How long has it been personal?
WILSON: It's personal!
HOUSE: Yawning's recent so… either you just started or you changed prescription.
WILSON: [Holds out his hands.] This is why I take them.
HOUSE: They're antidepressants, not anti-annoyance-ants. You'd think this would naturally come up in conversation with...
WILSON: Oh don't act hurt. You don't care!
HOUSE: On one of those occasions when you're pompously lecturing me on what to do to fix my life.
WILSON: You wouldn't take them! You'd rather OD on Vicodin or stick electrodes in your head, because you can say you did it to get high. The only reason to take antidepressants is because you're depressed. You… you have to admit that you're depressed.
HOUSE: Give me. [Holds out his hand.]
WILSON: Are you going to admit that...
HOUSE: Nope. I'm going to prove that I'm not depressed.
WILSON: Haha. [Shakes his head]... Well I can't give you my prescription. You've got to meet with a psychiatrist. You need a whole work up. [Breathing heavily.] Give me a Vicodin so I don't stroke. [House chucks him the bottle. Wilson pops a pill. And grabs a coffee cup off the side table. ]
HOUSE: I… wouldn't drink that. [Wilson stares at him.] My leg hurt and I… [points towards the bathroom. Wilson puts the cup down.]
[Cut to House in bed asleep. The phone is ringing. Someone walks in and wakes him up. It's Cameron.]
CAMERON: House. [House is startled awake.] Why didn't you pick up the phone? We’ve been calling.
HOUSE: I was sleeping.
[Cameron turns on the light, House shies away from it.]
CAMERON: What did you do?
HOUSE: Nothing! This is how regular people look when you wake them up.
CAMERON: Chase was wrong. Addie's kidneys shut down. [House half smiles.]
[Cut to Cameron explaining what has happened, in the Diagnostics Office.]
CAMERON: Hemolytic uremic syndrome shut down Addie's kidneys. Peripheral smear of red cells had schistocytes.
HOUSE: Huh. HUS is usually caused by an infection or a protein deficiency. [Sits down and starts going through his mail. By going through I mean looking at the labels and throwing them in the bin.] What coincidence I know a patient with an infection and a protein deficiency. You think it's possible there is a connection? [Gets to the last letter and starts to open it.] I want to hear you say it, Chase. It will please me.
CHASE: Doesn't mean you're right. You predicted cardiac arrest, INSTANT cardiac arrest.
HOUSE: There were only two choices, since yours was wrong, mine must have been right. Either that or we missed the leprechaun.
CAMERON: If you're right then there's nothing to be done. The steroid treatment we gave her means when the next infection hits it'll hit hard. Liver failure, cardiac arrest.
HOUSE: But on the bright side, it confirms my diagnosis. [Foreman and Cameron both shake their heads, House smiles.] Don't you see how incredible this call was? A protein deficiency. Can't be tested, can't be seen. I called it based on coughing blood.
FOREMAN: You're happy about this.
CAMERON: She's going to die.
HOUSE: That's not my fault. She was going to die anyway. Now, thanks to me, at least she'll know why.
CHASE: I'm sure you'll see that gratitude in her eyes when you tell her.
HOUSE: I'm not telling her.
FOREMAN: I'm not telling her.
HOUSE: No one's telling her. Not until we're sure I'm right.
FOREMAN: But we're going to wait for her to stroke or have a heart attack to confirm before we tell her?
HOUSE: Seems like the humane approach. [Leaves and goes into his office.]
[Cut to Montage of Chase, then Cameron then Foreman checking on Addie. While Foreman is there Addie has a heart attack and Foreman starts to shock her.]
[Cut to House watching skateboarding on the TV in his office. Foreman walks in, House reluctantly turns off the TV.]
FOREMAN: Her heart went into V-fib. Brought her back, barely. Congratulations, you have your confirmation. [House gets up and starts to leave, presumably to tell Addie she is going to die. Foreman calls out after him.] What's her name?
HOUSE: Who? The co-ed?
HOUSE: [Thinks.] Dead sophomore girl?
FOREMAN: You know her father's name?
HOUSE: Dad. Her mother's name is Mommy.
FOREMAN: Ben and Jodie are about to lose their only daughter, Addie.
HOUSE: You think they're going to give a crap if I know their names? Five years from now when the father's looking at photographs of his daughter graduating from high school they're not going to remember the nice black doctor who called them by their first name. [Foreman starts to leave, shaking his head.] You don't want to quit.
FOREMAN: You saying you don't want me to quit?
HOUSE: Didn't sound like I said that. I'm saying that suddenly you're trying to turn me into a kinder, gentler ass. Because you know who you are. You figure if you can make me decent and caring, then maybe there's a hope for...
FOREMAN: You are about to tell a girl she is dying and you think it's about you. God, I hope I'm not you. [Leaves.]
[Cut to House entering Addie's room.]
HOUSE: I'm sorry. Addie you're dying.
JODIE: Are you sure?
HOUSE: Yes. Your infections will get worse. The toxins will spill into your blood.
ADDIE: How long?
HOUSE: Two days, maybe less. You have a condition called...
ADDIE: Does it matter.
HOUSE: It's a very rare protein deficiency that only...
ADDIE: I don't want to hear it.
[House looks at the parents who are crying Addie stares him down.]
HOUSE: Ok. [Leaves but watches through the door as Addie comforts her mother. Then goes back in. Half laughs.] It's what's killing you. This is what's killing you. You're not interested in what's killing you?
ADDIE: Will it make any difference? Will I live any longer?
JODIE: Please, could you just leave?
HOUSE: [Smiling.] What's the point in living,without curiosity? Without craving the...
ADDIE: So I'm screwing up my last few hours because I wont listen to you?
BEN: Get out of here.
HOUSE: [Smiling still.] It's-it's-it's like the... dark matter in the universe...
ADDIE: You're smiling.
HOUSE: No I'm not. You can only diagnose a problem by looking at what's... [Sees a reflection on himself, smiling.] missing... Oh, God. I have to go. [Leaves.]
[Cut to House barging into Wilson's office, waking him up. He was asleep on the couch with the lights off.]
WILSON: [Startled.] Ahh.
HOUSE: [Loudly.] 19-year-old didn't want to hear the coolest explanation of why she's going to die. [Shuts the door, loudly]. Begged me to shut up. [Turns the light on.]
WILSON: If you can't shut up at least talk quietly.
HOUSE: Amphetamine withdrawal's a bitch. She thought that I was happy.
WILSON: [Sits up.] You were happy?
HOUSE: No! I was hazy. I don't get hazy on Vicodin, or anything else I throw down. Which means I was throwing down something I didn't know I was throwing down. Which got me to wondering, why didn't you give me those happy pills?
WILSON: I told you. You got to be checked out by...
HOUSE: No, you just didn't want me double dosing. [Wilson starts looking guilty. He knows the game’s up.] You dosed me! Those coffees...
WILSON: They worked! You've been smiling, relaxed, happy!
HOUSE: A dying girl thought I was happy. A moron thought I was happy. Who the hell doesn't want to know why she's dying?
WILSON: House was happy.
WILSON: Oh, right. A dying girl mistook hazy for happy, because dying people see happiness everywhere. She's miserable.
HOUSE: She wasn't miserable.
WILSON: Of course she was miserable you just told her she was...
HOUSE: She was no different then she’s ever been. [Epiphany.] She was no different than she'd ever been.... Oh, God. I got to go. [Leaves and slams the door behind him, much to the dismay of Wilson who cringes and rubs his face.]
[Cut to House walking into Addie's room.]
HOUSE: Need a minute with your daughter.
BEN: Dr. House get out of here before...
HOUSE: She's going to live. Does that help? Now get out.
JODIE: Are you jerking us around?
HOUSE: Get out! [Parents leave, House shuts the door.] You... have got leprechauns in ya. [Said in an Irish accent.] Depression manifests in lots of different ways. Some people can't get out of bed all day. Others have serial relationships and become oncologists.
ADDIE: I'm dying, I'm not depressed.
HOUSE: Wrong and wrong. You tried to kill yourself by throwing down kitchen cleanser. Now most normal suicidal morons would have just drank the stuff, burned the hell out of their mouth and throat. Painful, but not deadly. But being a college-educated, suicidal moron, you wrapped it in gel caps or gum. [We follow the gel cap along its path down the throat and into the intestines where it dissolves and starts burning a hole.] Which left no trace but burned a hole in your intestine. But the body can repair almost anything, which is cool. In your case, scar tissue closed up the hole but it also formed a bridge between a vein and an artery. [We see the bridge being formed.] Now, veins are supposed to help the intestine flush bacteria away, but the bridge allowed the bacteria entrance to the artery. [We see the bacteria crossing the bridge.] Where they got a free ride… everywhere.
ADDIE: [Starts to cry.] Can you fix me?
HOUSE: Surgery to fix the bridge will take about 2 hours. Psychotherapy is going to take a little longer. Why'd you do it?
ADDIE: I don't know. I've just… never been happy. [Crying.] Please don't tell my parents. They'll blame themselves and it's not their fault. Please, you can't tell them.
HOUSE: Technically, all you have to do is promise me that you wont do it again. Then, legally I can't tell them.
ADDIE: [Composes herself.] I promise.
HOUSE: Yeah, sure.
[Aerial of PPTH, Day.]
[Visual of Addie in surgery. Parents are waiting outside the OR. House walks up to them. They smile when they see him.]
JODIE: We can't thank you...
HOUSE: Your daughter tried to kill herself. That's why she's here. Legally, I'm supposed to keep that between me and her. Which makes sense, she's obviously an adult, capable of her own well-reasoned decisions.
BEN: You're sure?
HOUSE: If she doesn't die in the next couple of hours, yeah, I'm right.
JODIE: How could she hide this?
HOUSE: Everyone has secrets.
BEN: We'll take care of her, figure it out.
HOUSE: You'll make her happy?
BEN: We'll get her into therapy.
HOUSE: [Nods.] Might want to try some meds, too. [Starts to leave.]
JODIE: [Follows him.] Can we call you? [House turns around.] If we have any questions? [Smiles.]
HOUSE: No. [Jodie is shocked. House leaves.]
[Cut to Cuddy watching Addie's operation from the observation deck, Foreman walks in.]
FOREMAN: What's up?
FOREMAN: You wanted to see me?
[Foreman looks at surgery.]
FOREMAN: House's patient.
CUDDY: Yeah. The one that would have died if not for him.
CUDDY: Thanks. You're really scared you'll turn into him?
FOREMAN: Don't tell me I'm better than him. Don't tell me to take the good, leave the bad. Cameron already tried.
CUDDY: I'm telling you there are worse things to turn into.
FOREMAN: It's not worth it. [Leaves.]
[Cut to House walking into a bar. He sits down next to Honey.]
HONEY: I didn't think you were going to show.
HOUSE: Sorry. Surgery went a little late.
HONEY: So you really think I have all the necessary qualifications?
HOUSE: I can't discuss this with a dry mouth. What have you got there?
HONEY: Peppermint tea.
HOUSE: [To the barman.] I'm going to have a mug of peppermint tea please.
HONEY: This isn't a job interview, is it?
HOUSE: It's some kind of interview. You're judging me, I'm judging you.
HONEY: You have the upper hand. I don't know anything about you.
HOUSE: I'm on antidepressants because a doctor friend of mine thinks I'm miserable. I don't like them they make me hazy. I eat meat, I like drugs, and I'm not always faithful to the women I date.
HONEY: You don't seem depressed.
HOUSE: You do realise you just skipped over several deep character flaws that most women would run screaming from?
HONEY: You told the truth.
HOUSE: Yeah... I don't always do that, either.
HONEY: Well, how miserable can you be saving lives, sleeping around and doing drugs? [Smiles.]
HOUSE: Were you on the debating team in high school? [Barman pours House's tea.] Also... [Picking it up.] I hate tea. [Drinks it, then smiles.]