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House MD - 3.18 Airborne

Originally aired: April 10, 2007

Written by: David Hoselton
Directed by: Elodie Keene

Transcribed by: Rahul (rahulkudva)


DISCLAIMER: We don't own "HOUSE." It's owned by FOX and NBC/Universal, and produced by Heel and Toe Films and Bad Hat Harry Productions. This transcript is unofficial, and should UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be copied or distributed, especially for commercial use.



[Fran's Living Room. Day. We see a well-decorated living room, with a showcase full of porcelain figurines. There are a few figurines of cats. Someone is knocking on the door. Fran, middle-aged, neat, emerges from her bedroom and makes her way to the front door. She stops by a mirror near the door to adjust her makeup. She looks through the curtained window near the door and sighs. Outside, a well- manicured hand knocks again slowly. Fran opens the door to reveal a lady, late twenties, really pretty, dressed almost business-like.]

ROBIN: Fran? I'm Robin.

FRAN: [eagerly] Please come in.

[Robin enters, smiling. Fran closes the door.]

ROBIN: [looking around] Cute home. Two bedroom, one bath?

FRAN: [brightly] Yeah.

[Robin turns to see the showcase with the porcelain figurines.]

ROBIN: [pointing] Guy I know collects those. Says they're worth a fortune on the Internet.

[Fran sits on the sofa, hugging a pillow.]

FRAN: [whatever] Yeah.

[She smiles nervously at Robin.]

ROBIN: [sweetly] You've never used our agency before, have you?

FRAN: Is it that obvious?

[Robin smirks and sits next to Fran.]

ROBIN: [handing Fran a brochure] As you can see, we offer a full range of services.

FRAN: [looking at the brochure] Round the world?

ROBIN: Our deluxe package. Offers all the services of A, B and C.

[Fran seems stunned, yet ready.]

FRAN: How much?

ROBIN: Thousand dollars. And satisfaction's guaranteed. [gently stroking Fran's shoulder] Twice.

FRAN: I'll get the money.

ROBIN: [seductively] I'll get ready.


CUT TO:

[Fran's Bedroom. She opens a drawer and removes a wad of money. She pulls off the rubber band and closes the drawer. On the top of a chest of drawers nearby sits Harrington, her cat. She starts to walk out, counting the money. Outside her room, she notices the empty basket for Harrington.]

FRAN: Harrington?

[Harrington meows. Fran looks behind.]

FRAN: [going over to Harrington] Harrington. What're you doing up there?

[She gently strokes him. He purrs. ]

FRAN: All right, now don't take this personal, but you're gonna have to go...

ROBIN: [vo] Fran?

[Fran turns around to see Robin standing at the door, wearing a tight low-cut outfit (cut uptil her belly-button, that is).]

ROBIN: Is this okay?

[Fran is speechless and only looks at Robin. However, she's not really feeling turned on right now.]

[FRAN'S POV: Her vision is blurred, as she looks up from Robin's well-toned legs to her face.]

ROBIN: [alluring] Fran?

[She holds the money out unsteadily.]

[FRAN'S POV: Robin sees that all is not well.]

ROBIN: Fran? Are you all right?

[The money falls from Fran's hand and she drops to the floor, unconscious.]

ROBIN: [annoyed] Oh God.

[With a huff, she kneels over Fran and tries to shake her awake.]

ROBIN: Fran?

[No response. Robin looks at the money on the floor. She scrambles over and collects it, sticking it in her outfit at the chest. As she does so, she notices Harrington looking at her, almost judging her. She looks over to the phone and walks over and dials.]

ROBIN: [into phone] Yeah, I-I need an ambulance at 500 North Sycamore.

[She looks at Fran, who's moving her head, but still unconscious.]

ROBIN: [into phone] I don't know. My... friend collapsed.


CUT TO:

[Opening Credits.]


CUT TO:

[PPTH Clinic. Wilson is checking up on Fran, with Robin standing nearby.]

WILSON: And what were you doing when you fainted?

FRAN: [unsure of what to say] We were just...

ROBIN: ... looking for her cat.

[Fran likes the answer and looks at Wilson with a "there-you-have-it" smile. Wilson nods and starts to feel through Fran's hair.]

WILSON: Have you banged your head recently?

FRAN: No.

[Wilson feels something and goes behind Fran's head and pulls off a patch from the back of her head.]

WILSON: Is this a motion-sickness patch?

FRAN: [sheepish] I must have forgotten to take it off. I just got back from a trip.

WILSON: Oops. Scopolamine can cause dizziness and blurred vision. [starts to write] You probably hit your head when you fell and that caused the blackout.

[He helps her up off the table.]


CUT TO:

[Nurse's station/Clinic Waiting area. Wilson, Fran and Robin walk outside.]

ROBIN: I thought those patches were supposed to prevent you from getting sick.

WILSON: Every drug has a side-effect. But it might be a good idea to keep your eye on her for the next few hours. Make sure she's okay.

ROBIN: Oh, uh, actually... I...

FRAN: She has to get back to work.

[Wilson nods.]

ROBIN: Is it important?

WILSON: We just don't like people to be alone after they leave here?

[Robin looks at Fran.]

FRAN: I'm fine. Really, I'm... I'm...

[She stops speaking, looking distant.]

ROBIN: Fran?

[Fran spins and crumples to the floor, convulsing heavily.]

ROBIN: Fran!

[Robin and Wilson quickly kneel beside her.]

WILSON: I got a seizure! Code cart!

ROBIN: What's wrong with her?

WILSON: I have no idea.

[Fran keeps seizing. An orderly inserts a tube into her mouth to suck out her saliva.]

WILSON: Where's House?!


CUT TO:

[On the other side of the globe... Singapore.]

[Serapong International Airport, Aerobridge. House (in a yellow/black Hawaiian shirt) is being wheeled through the 'bridge by a stone-faced steward, while Cuddy walks alongside, trying hard to contain her amusement at House's growing irritation. Behind them a little girl in her mother's arms keeps yelling out "I want my blankie!", only adding to House's annoyance. Other passengers shuffle through the 'bridge.]

HOUSE: Antique vintner's cane. Cost me nine hundred dollars.

CUDDY: It had a corkscrew in it.

HOUSE: Ah! That explains the vintner's reference.

CUDDY: It could be used as a weapon against the pilot.

HOUSE: [looks back the noisy kid] Only if he's stuck in a bottle of Zinfandel.

CUDDY: You'll get it back when we land.

NOISY GIRL: I want my blankie! I want my blankie! I want my blankie!

HOUSE: [has had enough, turns to the mother] Give her twenty milligrams of antihistamine. Could save her life. 'Cause he she doesn't shut up, I'll kill her.

[The mother looks at House, appalled.]

CUDDY: [deadpan] Delivering goodwill to yet another continent.

HOUSE: You only forced me to deliver a speech, not goodwill.

CUDDY: [arguing] You gave a three-minute speech. You know how much WHO accreditation means to the hospital.

HOUSE: Huh, may have been short, but it had girth!

CUDDY: [painful to think about it] And the room service thing was just spiteful.

HOUSE: I was hungry.

CUDDY: Three hundred dollars for a bottle of wine.

HOUSE: I was thirsty.

CUDDY: A hundred and twenty dollars on video services.

HOUSE: I was lonely.

[They reach the end of the 'bridge. The stone-faced steward stops the wheelchair at the door.]

CUDDY: That's five hundred in expenses I can't justify.

HOUSE: [standing] Don't worry, I'll take care of it.

[He limps inside.]

CUDDY: [skeptically] Right.


CUT TO:

[Aeroplane. The flight attendant, Keo, serves a first class passenger a drink. She then goes to attend to House and Cuddy.]

KEO: Welcome aboard. [takes House's boarding pass] Mr. House. You're right here in 2A.

[House takes back the pass and moves to his seat. Cuddy smilingly hands over her pass to Keo.]

KEO: Ms. Cuddy. You're in the next cabin and to the left. 9C.

CUDDY: [surprised] No, I booked two first-class tickets. This must be a mistake.

HOUSE: [sitting comfortably in his seat] No mistake. Just arranged for a five hundred dollar fare reduction. Expense problem solved.

[He gives her a smug smile. Cuddy looks at him in dismay. Wearily, she goes to the economy class cabin.]


CUT TO:

[PPTH. Fran's Room. Wilson speaks to Fran. Robin is nearby, text-messaging someone.]

WILSON: Where did you travel?

FRAN: Duluth. To visit my sister.

WILSON: [skeptically] Really? Is this her artwork?

[He points to a tattoo on her right heel. Robin turns to look. It's an upside-down heart, with angel wings, with a banner across, saying "MÁS-DEL-FUEGO".]

ROBIN: [translating] "Fire... butt"?

[They look at Fran questioningly.]

FRAN: [awkwardly] I was a little drunk.

WILSON: Where were you a little drunk?

[Fran looks at Wilson a beat. Then...]

FRAN: I turned fifty-eight last March. Same age my mother was when she died. Next week I packed a bag and went to JFK. Looked at the big board, took the first plane that went to a warm place.

[Wilson gestures for the name of the place.]

FRAN: [quietly] Caracas.

ROBIN: Oh my God.

WILSON: Did you drink the water? Eat salads? Any raw foods?

FRAN: [embarrassed] Yep.

WILSON: [shaking his head] And...?

FRAN: [closes her eyes in shame] I also did Mescal shooters and, uh, snorted cocaine from a homosexual man's stomach.

WILSON: [oh brother] Did you have sex? [looks like he'll be surprised if she says no.]

FRAN: No. [beat] Not with him. [smiling] I had sex with El Gordo. He was a large man.

ROBIN: [muttering scandalously] Oh my God.

FRAN: [starts to choke up] I never do things like that. I should have gone to visit my sister. It was stupid. It's why I'm sick, isn't it?

WILSON: [unsure] Uhhh... it's... possible.


CUT TO:

[Flight, First Class Cabin. House finishes his wine, while listening to some tunes. The seat next to him is empty. In the aisle, a Korean man, Peng, who's drinking a Bloody Mary, seems a bit under the weather.]

PENG: Uhhh, foof...

[House watches him as he groans slightly and leans back in his seat. Keo comes up with House's food.]

KEO: [cheerfully] Here you are. Rib-eye, medium rare. [places the plate on his tray.]

HOUSE: Thank you.

KEO: Some more Pinot Grigio?

HOUSE: [pulling out a menu] Uh, no. Think I will switch to the... Syrah!

[Keo smiles and leaves. House starts to eat. Peng takes a sip of his drink and groans even louder, appearing more and more uncomfortable by the minute. Keo notices his discomfort.]

KEO: Sir, are you all right?

HOUSE: He's drunk.

[Peng starts to make gagging sounds, with his mouth still closed. Keo, an experienced flight attendant, quickly moves to get him an air-sickness bag. Too late! He lurches forward and throws up multiple times on his food tray. House closes his eyes in irritation and disgust. Other passengers, including a businessman and businesswoman react the same. A sweaty Peng gags a couple of times and falls against his backrest, fatigued.]

KEO: [in Tagalog] Nilalagnat ka ba? [Are you sick?]

PENG: [Korean, strangled] [I’m Korean]

KEO: [urgently] Does anyone speak Korean?

[Peng lurches forward and coughs out some more puke.]

KEO: Is anyone a doctor?

[House looks around, hopefully. Nope! He rolls his eyes.]

HOUSE: Yes!

[He gets up from his seat, limping up to Keo.]

HOUSE: I'll go get her.

[He starts to move towards the economy-class cabin, but stops and goes to his seat to collect his rib-eye, medium rare, and his glass of Syrah. He acknowledges Keo and leaves.]


CUT TO:

[Flight, Economy-Class Cabin. Cuddy sits at 9C, reading a magazine, while some big dude snores loudly on her shoulder. As you can imagine, she's not enjoying a moment of this and probably wondering how many extra hours of clinic duty to assign to House to get back at him. House limps over. [Cuddy doesn't look too happy to see him right now.]

CUDDY: [wearily] What do you want?

HOUSE: Did you really think I was gonna leave you stuck back here for eighteen hours?

[Cuddy is genuinely surprised at House's "generosity".]

HOUSE: Go on, enjoy. With the Vicodin and the wine, I can sleep anywhere.

[Cuddy sighs in relief and gets up, collecting her stuff. Her coat is wrapped around her backrest, on which her neighbour sleeps, snoring away to high heaven. She yanks it off the seat.]

CUDDY: [quietly, grateful] Thank you.

[House nods, a cherubic smile on his face. Cuddy leaves for the first-class cabin, while House sits down, quite satisfied with himself.]


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Hallway. Wilson and the Ducklings walk, discussing Fran's case.]

CHASE: We should put her back on the Scopolamine patch.

FOREMAN: She can't wear motion-sickness patches for the rest of her life.

CAMERON: No, but if it does relieve her symptoms, it'll narrow down our search.

FOREMAN: [throwing a tantrum] Ugh! Anything else you two guys won't agree on?

CHASE: Have a problem with us agreeing?

FOREMAN: No, I have a problem with the other thing you guys are doing, which makes me question your motive for agreeing.

WILSON: [sighing] I'll put her back on the patch. What else?

CHASE: It's gotta be something neurological. We should do a CT. Look for a brain tumour.

FOREMAN: It could also be an allergy or something environmental. We should check her home.

CAMERON: Bit more likely she got sick in Caracas than in New Jersey.

FOREMAN: Right. I forgot, there are no toxins in the US.

[Wilson stops and turns to face them.]

WILSON: I think I'm starting to feel sorry for House. [to Cameron] Get a tox screen, chem 20, STD panel, blood cultures. [to Foreman] Then you run a CT. [to Chase] And you check her house.

[The Ducklings balk at the instructions handed out by the senior, yet less dictatorial Wilson.]

WILSON: Please.

[The Ducklings reluctantly leave to carry out the instructions.]


CUT TO:

[Flight, Economy Class Cabin. The inflight movie plays on the screen. House sleeps blissfully, with the headphones on. Cuddy's hands come into frame, yanking off the 'phones, jerking the Jerk awake.]

CUDDY: Not funny.

HOUSE: Wasn't supposed to be funny-ha-ha.

[Cuddy kneels down next to his seat, whispering softly, yet urgently.]

CUDDY: Fever, headache, severe abdominal pain, and a rash all over his lower back. It's serious. May be contagious.

[Cuddy says the last part a bit too loudly. The passenger in front of House, Joy (early twenties, pretty), turns her head in curiosity.]

HOUSE: Wow! We just attended a symposium on pandemics and you've run right into one on the flight home. Talk about a small world.

CUDDY: If it's meningococcus, half the passengers on this plane could get infected and die before we reach New York.

[Joy turns back to look at House and Cuddy.]

JOY: [loudly] Is someone sick?

HOUSE: [reassuring with a "mind-your-own-business" tone] No!

[A few others turn their heads.]

HOUSE: Someone has a hangover. [to Cuddy] He had a snoot-load of Bloody Marys before dinner.

CUDDY: [turning to Joy] Watch the movie.

[Joy is still suspicious but looks forward anyway.]

CUDDY: [whispering even lower] That booze did not give him the rash. It is textbook meningococcus.

HOUSE: It is also textbook allergic reaction to... pollen... peanuts, semen-stained polyester blanket he's lying on.

[Keo comes up from behind.]

KEO: Mr. Peng's throwing up again.

CUDDY: [to House] We have to turn around.

JOY: [whips backwards again] What? Why do we have to turn a...?

HOUSE: [cutting her off, stern] We don't! You misunderstood. Dr. Cuddy just meant that... he might feel less nauseous if he was facing a different direction. She didn't mean to panic a planeload of people.

CUDDY: [defiant] We're about to head over the North Pole. We don't turn back now, the next ER's fifteen hours away.

HOUSE: He'll be fine. [to Keo] I'm a doctor too.

KEO: You haven't examined him.

HOUSE: Korean male, mid-thirties, 5' 9", one-sixty, bald, scar on the right side of his jaw, medic alert bracelet on his left wrist indicating that he is allergic to, at least, penicillin.

CUDDY: Without any way to do an LP to rule out meningococcus, our only choice is to assume the worst.

HOUSE: Good point. [to Keo] On the other hand, I am a Board-certified specialist in infectious disease. She assigns parking spaces.

KEO: [to Cuddy] Please let me know if he gets any worse.

[She walks away, bumping past Cuddy. Cuddy shoots House an evil look as she gets up to leave. House watches her leave, focusing on his favourite part of her, and puts in his headphones.]


CUT TO:

[Fran's Home, Bedroom. Day. Harrington, the cat, still sits quietly on the chest of drawers. Chase is looking through the drawers. Cameron's in another room.]

CHASE: Think we should feed the cat?

[Outside the bedroom, Cameron is checking on Fran's medications. She looks around and sees a bowl full of cat food.]

CAMERON: Bowl's full. He wants it, he can get it. [focusing on med bottle] Cadmium Yellow? Heavy metal poisoning would explain the ataxia and the seizures.

CHASE: Not unless she was painting with her tongue.

CAMERON: [tossing the bottle aside, entering the bedroom] Is Foreman right? Did you agree with me because of our relationship?

CHASE: Relationship?

CAMERON: You know what I mean.

CHASE: You mean, because of our _lack_ of a relationship.

CAMERON: I mean, because we're having sex.

CHASE: [joking] Yes, Foreman's right. I thought you were completely wrong about the medicine, but agreed with you anyway because I figured that then you'd do me in some old lady's home.

CAMERON: [playfully] Then, well played.

[She advances, grabs his jacket lapels and starts pushing him towards the bed. Chase seems a bit
unsure.]

CHASE: C'mon, we're supposed to be looking for toxins or something.

[She pushes him onto the bed and climbs on top of him.]

CAMERON: [really playful] We agreed it was a brain tumour.

[Chase seems distracted.]

CAMERON: What?

[Cameron sees what Chase is looking at. Harrington sits motionlessly on the chest of drawers, watching them.]

CHASE: [whispering] He's watching.

CAMERON: Haven't you had anybody watch before?

[Cameron gets off him. He still seems conscious of the cat, until Cameron grabs him again and pulls him off-screen, while still on the bed. Cameron giggles.]


CUT TO:

[Flight, Economy Class Cabin. House sits relaxed in his seat. Not so relaxed, however, is Joy, the passenger in front of him. She pulls off her headphones and stands up to look. In the first-class cabin, she sees Peng throw up again into an air-sickness bag help by Keo. Cuddy closes the curtain between the cabins. On the other aisle, the curtain is pulled open by the businesswoman, who is followed by the businessman, who is nauseously holding a kerchief to his mouth. Joy nervously turns to House.]

JOY: Is that guy really sick?

HOUSE: No. He's all better.

JOY: I don't believe you.

[House looks at Joy.]

HOUSE: [pointing towards the aisle] Look that way.

JOY: [slowly] Why?

HOUSE: 'Cause you're gonna throw up and I don't want it on me.

[Joy turns to the aisle, then lurches forward and pukes on the aisle floor. The other passengers get grossed out. She coughs and gags loudly. A young blonde boy, looks back in front in order not to feel nauseous himself. House stands up. Joy hurls again. House jumps away, though by his expression, it appears it wasn't fast enough. Other passengers groan. Keo approaches.]

KEO: [sighing in exasperation] I'll get some towels. [leaves down the aisle]

[Cuddy comes up.]

HOUSE: Give her a banana. Monkey see, monkey barf. You smell vomit...

[Joy stays bent over. Cuddy lifts up the Joy's shirt, to expose a red, horrible-looking rash on her lower back (nice tattoo, by the way). House sees it too.]

HOUSE: Okay, wasn't expecting that.

[Cuddy looks accusingly at him.]


[Commercial Set.]

CUT TO:

[Flight, Economy Class Cabin. House paces on the floor. Cuddy attends to Joy in the first-class cabin.]

HOUSE: I need help!

CUDDY: [mad] Who doesn't?

HOUSE: Need someone to talk to.

[He pops a Vicodin. Then his eyes fall on the same kid mentioned before, the one with the long blonde hair.]

HOUSE: [to the kid] Can you say, [bad Australian accent] "Croikey, myte"?

[As you've probably guessed by now, this kid is Chase's stand-in. We'll call him Air Chase.]

AIR CHASE: [American accent] Crikey, mate.

HOUSE: Perfect. Now, no matter what I say, you'll agree with me, okay?

AIR CHASE: [unsure] O-kay.

[House holds a marker in front of the movie screen (now called, Air Whiteboard).]

HOUSE: Nicely done.

[He points a Middle-Eastern/South-Asian guy, in the second row.]

HOUSE: You... disagree with everything I say.

[That makes the guy Air Foreman. House writes "VOMITING" on the Air Whiteboard.]

AIR FOREMAN: Sorry. Not understanding.

HOUSE: [shrugging] That's close enough.

[Finally, he settles on a really sour-looking lady in the first row.]

HOUSE: And you... get morally outraged with everything I say.

[Guess that makes her... any guesses?]

AIR CAMERON: [peevish] That's permanent marker, you know.

[House, impressed with his choice, turns to look at her.]

HOUSE: Wow, you guys are good. [back to work, writing] We are looking for the simplest way to explain these symptoms.

[He's written "VOMITING", "AB. PAIN", "RASH", "FEVER" one-under-the-other on the board.]

HOUSE: [guessing] Organophosphate poisoning. Some international flights spray pesticides.

[He motions to Air Chase for his thoughts.]

AIR CHASE: [deer in the headlights] Uhh... could be.

[Next up is Air Foreman.]

AIR FOREMAN: Sorry, English not so nice.

[Air Cam, you're up!]

AIR CAMERON: Is this a joke?

[Cuddy enters the Economy Class cabin.]

CUDDY: Just passed the half-way mark. Can't turn around. Nice call.

[Keo comes in through the other aisle.]

HOUSE: No worries. _We_ think it's pesticide poisoning.

KEO: We don't spray these flights.

HOUSE: Dramamine overdose.

CUDDY: Wouldn't explain the fever.

HOUSE: Jet lag.

CUDDY: Wouldn't explain the abdominal pain.

HOUSE: Deep vein thrombosis.

CUDDY: Wouldn't explain the nausea.

HOUSE: Food poisoning. What was on the menu?

KEO: Steak and sea bass in first class. Fettuccine and sea-food kebabs in economy.

CUDDY: [to House] Since when does food-poisoning cause rash?

HOUSE: [ignoring her] Sea bass, seafood kebabs?

[Keo nods.]

HOUSE: He had the sea bass. Please tell me she had the kebabs.

KEO: [nodding] I think so.

HOUSE: Ciguatera poisoning. It's an instant onset toxin. [looking at the Air Whiteboard] Symptoms include "E", all of the above. 'S only found in certain kinds of tropical gamefish, such as...? [motions to Air Chase to finish]

AIR CHASE: Sea bass?

HOUSE: [to Cuddy] Make sure you get a rèsumé from him.

[He pushes her gruffly aside and picks up the receiver to the PA system.]

HOUSE: [over PA system, deep, polite-sounding voice] Helloo?

KEO: [protesting] Excuse me...

HOUSE: [over PA system] Ladies and gentlemen, I have a brief announcement concerning your meals. IF you ate the sea bass or the seafood kebabs, you have ingested a dangerous toxin.

[The passengers start to murmur in panic.]

HOUSE: [over PA system] However, if you proceed to the restrooms both on your left or right or rear of the plane and vomit as soon as possible, the toxic effect should be minimal.

[Many people jump up from their seats in a panic and start rushing towards the restrooms, covering their mouths.]

HOUSE: [can't resist, over PA system] Thank you and have a pleasant flight.

[He hangs up the receiver.]

CUDDY: [sighing] Meningococcus makes just as much sense.

HOUSE: [nods] I know.

[He goes back towards his seat.]


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Lab. The Ducklings are performing the Wilson-requested tests. Cameron giggles, remembering the tryst in Fran's place. Chase smiles. Foreman, however, rolls his eyes. Wilson enters.]

WILSON: What'd you find?

CAMERON: Nothing in her house. Big waste of time.

CHASE: [under his breath] Medically.

[Cameron smiles mischievously.]

FOREMAN: CT was a complete waste. She was negative for tumours, her blood was negative for drugs, heavy metals, tropical diseases, food poisoning and STDs.

[In frustration, Wilson runs his hand through his hair.]

CHASE: Also no sign of lead poisoning or sepsis. Apparently, Venezuelan tattoo parlours have standards after all.

CAMERON: Good to know.

[Chase smirks.]

FOREMAN: [sighs] We sure she's even sick?

WILSON: Two more seizures in the last two hours.

CAMERON: Which is slower than she was having before we put the patch back on.

[Wilson thinks and has an epiphany.]

WILSON: I'm an idiot. She's exposed herself to so much crap, I just assumed it was a... zebra. It's breast cancer.

CAMERON: Since when is breast cancer treatable by motion sickness meds?

WILSON: It's not. But the inflammation caused by the paraneoplastic syndrome caused by the cancer can be reduced by anticholinergics.

[He leaves the lab.]


CUT TO:

[Flight, First-Class Cabin. Peng is reclined sideways on a seat, trembling heavily. Across him, Joy lies the same way, panicking. Cuddy, carrying an icebox, puts a wet towel on Peng's head.

CUDDY: Hey, here you go.

JOY: Is he gonna die?

[Cuddy comes over to Joy to put a towel on her head.]

CUDDY: [reassuring] We're doing all we can. Don't know what's wrong with him yet.

JOY: [scared] Am I gonna die?

CUDDY: No.

[She removes a plastic cup filled with ice chips from the icebox and hands it to Joy.]

CUDDY: Here, chew on these.

[Joy takes the cup. Cuddy walks away, leaving Joy to fearfully watch an ailing Peng. As Cuddy reaches the front row, House puts his hand into the icebox and takes a few ice chips for his drink. He's got his headphones on, and also has a couple of fluorescent yellow noseplugs stuck into his nostrils.]

HOUSE: Good news is, all the pilots are red-meat men. Although I was kind of looking forward to landing this puppy myself.

CUDDY: Peng's getting worse.

HOUSE: [removing his headphones] Ow. That makes sense. First class ate before coach. He digested more of his food before he threw up.

CUDDY: [leaning in] Or you're wrong and we're gonna start seeing neurological symptoms soon. Seizures, paralysis, ataxia.

HOUSE: [looks behind at Peng, then back to Cuddy] We're not gonna see ataxia.

CUDDY: [peeved] You're so sure you're right.

HOUSE: No, it's just hard to show clumsiness when you're lying moaning in the fetal position.

[Peng groans loudly. House sighs and gets off his seat.]

HOUSE: [to Peng, loudly] Hey! S... [removes the noseplugs] Stand up!

[No response from Peng.]

HOUSE: Nobody speak Korean on this flight?

CUDDY: I assumed you did.

HOUSE: I know how to ask him if his sister's over eighteen. I don't think that's gonna help. [even louder, to Peng] Hey! Stand up! [mimicking standing up] Stand... up!

[Peng slowly and weakly starts to get to his feet.]

HOUSE: Don't play the cripple card with me.

[Peng manages to stand upright, although he seems shaky. House and Cuddy watch him hopefully.

PENG: [Korean, fatigued] [My legs!]

[Suddenly, his legs give way and he crumples to the floor. House purses his lips and looks at Cuddy.]


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Outside Fran's room. Fran is asleep. Robin slowly and quietly slides the door shut and starts to walk off, looking at her cellphone. Wilson steps out of the nearby elevator. Robin looks up from her phone to see Wilson standing in front of her.]

ROBIN: Oh, hi. I'm leaving. [beat] Work.

WILSON: Oh, okay.

ROBIN: Important client.

WILSON: Sure.

[Robin nods and starts to leave. Wilson turns.]

WILSON: Um, listen...

[Robin presses the elevator button and turns to Wilson, a bit apprehensively. Wilson walks up to her.]

WILSON: Are you close?

ROBIN: [hesitant] Why?

WILSON: [looks over his shoulder into Fran's room] She needs a mammogram.

ROBIN: [muttering] Oh, God.

WILSON: I know I'm throwing a lot at you. She just has no family in town. And I really think she could use a friend right now.

[Robin looks at Fran, sleeping in her room.]


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Mammogram Room. Fran stands in front of the mammogram, her robe open in front of the machine. Cameron checks on her.]

CAMERON: [pointing] Okay, put your hand here.

[Cameron goes to the adjoining room. Camera pans to show Robin standing next to Fran.]

FRAN: You don't have to stay.

ROBIN: No, it's... no problem.

FRAN: But why? You don't even know me.

ROBIN: You gotta be scared.

FRAN: [nods, choking up] I almost hope it's breast cancer.

ROBIN: [shaking her head] No.

FRAN: Then it wouldn't be my fault.

ROBIN: [supportively] Whatever it is, it's not your fault.

FRAN: That's not true. You can control things. Not everything. But you don't have to take stupid risks. I was being an idiot.

ROBIN: You were having fun.

FRAN: You have regrets?

ROBIN: Yeah.

CAMERON: [over radio, from adjoining room] Robin.

[Fran motions for her to go on. Robin turns and acknowledges Cameron. Then, with an encouraging look to Fran, she leaves to join Cameron.]

CAMERON: [over radio] Hold still.

[The image of Fran's breast comes up on Cameron's monitor.]

CAMERON: [over radio, smiling] Good.

[She goes over to Fran.]

CAMERON: [adjusting the machine] Okay, we're gonna get just one more.

[Fran starts to breathe louder in panic.]

CAMERON: Sorry, I know it hurts.

FRAN: It's not that. It's my eye. My right eye, I... I can't see.


CUT TO:

[Flight, First-Class Cabin. While Joy watches in growing trepidation, House examines the rash on Peng's leg, while he lies unconscious on the floor.]

HOUSE: It's definitely ataxia. It's definitely a rash.

CUDDY: You wanna look at it for five more minutes before concluding it's also definitely a leg.

HOUSE: Thin leg. It's been in a cast.

CUDDY: So?

HOUSE: So it could be radiation poisoning.

CUDDY: From a broken leg?

HOUSE: From the X-rays they took of it.

CUDDY: He could break every bone in his body and still not have enough x-rays to cause radiation sickness.

HOUSE: Unless those X-rays were performed in "Wankoff", North Korea by a third-grade dropout with a 50-year-old imager. [pointing to Peng's bald head] Which accounts for the absence of fur. Radiation poisoning accounts for all the symptoms.

JOY: [butting in] I have hair. I haven't had an X-ray since I got my teeth whitened.

HOUSE: [has enough of her] You're pregnant.

JOY: [wtf] I'm what?

HOUSE: Explains the nausea, abdominal pains, fever. And why you're stuffing your 36Cs into a 34B bra.

CUDDY: And her rash?

HOUSE: PUPPPs. Common pregnancy rash.

[Just so y'all know, it's "Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy".]

JOY: [indignant] I can't be pregnant.

HOUSE: You a virgin?

JOY: No, but--

HOUSE: You're pregnant. Mazel tov. [to Cuddy] Let's get him into the chair.

[House limps over Peng towards Cuddy. Keo comes up to help. Cuddy doesn't look too good.]

CUDDY: [skeptically] Two different diagnoses. I thought you didn't believe in coincidences.

HOUSE: I believe in statistics. Two hundred passengers on the plane.

[With Keo's help, he gets Peng onto the seat.]

HOUSE: Ten should be gay, two should be with child, and one should be incredibly annoying with an extra ass chromosome.

CUDDY: [really uncomfortable] House.

HOUSE: [to Keo] Get him some iodized salt to protect his thyroid. I'm going back...

CUDDY: House!

[House turns around.]

CUDDY: [really looking run down] You're wrong.

[She looks nauseous. Then, she doubles over and throws up on the floor. House slowly comes over to her and lifts up the back of her shirt (he has a medical reason to do so, this time) to expose a very familiar rash.]


CUT TO:

[Flight, First-Class Cabin. Cuddy is now among the sick. House puts his ear to her chest (again, medical reason) to listen to her heartbeat.]

CUDDY: [complaining hoarsely] I said we should've turned back. You should have listened to me. Now we're eight miles over the Arctic...

HOUSE: [looks up] I'm trying to listen to you now, so shut up. [listens into her chest again] Heart's fine. [can't resist mentioning] Breasts are firm.

[Cuddy seems partly annoyed, partly flattered.]

KEO: Is it contagious? A lot of the passengers are scared.

HOUSE: Tell them there's nothing to worry about.

KEO: Is there something to worry about?

HOUSE: Yeah.

HOUSE: Tell them there's nothing to worry about. Gimme a flash light.


CUT TO:

[PPTH, EEG Room. Foreman and Cameron are performing an EEG on Fran. She has many electrodes stuck to her forehead. Cameron hands her something to cover her eye.]

CAMERON: Cover your left eye with this.

[Cameron goes to join Foreman in the adjoining room. A monochromatic pattern strobes on the monitor as she watches it with her left eye blocked off.]


CUT TO:

[Flight, First-Class Cabin. Cuddy's POV: House shines a flashlight into her face. She waves it away irritably.]

CUDDY: Mm... photophobia! Symptom of meningitis! We need antibiotics.

HOUSE: I'll call down to the pharmacy.

[He leans in and starts to smell Cuddy's hair, then her neck.]

CUDDY: [softly] You're creeping me out.

HOUSE: Then get me a lab. [now smelling her stomach] Pseudomonas smell yeasty. Staph smells musty. Some liver diseases smell of ammonia.

CUDDY: House, I'm not in heat.

HOUSE: [results of the smell-test] Citrusy on the nose, with a blush of toasted coconut.

[Cuddy smirks. House lifts up her shirt to expose the rash on her stomach (medical reason, AGAIN!). Cuddy breathes heavily. House starts to undo her belt. That's the last straw for Cuddy. She grabs his hand.]

HOUSE: Need to get a better look at your rash.

CUDDY: Use your imagination.

HOUSE: Fine, shall I go with "Lifeguard Cuddy" or "Mother Superior Cuddy"?

[Keo enters the cabin.]

KEO: Three more passengers are sick.

CUDDY: If we don't get drugs, we're gonna have a lot of dead passengers.

[House contemplates this.]


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Hallway. Robin sits on a couch in the waiting area. Wilson comes up.]

WILSON: Blindness in her right eye indicates it's not breast cancer. It's likely neurological...

ROBIN: [interrupting] I just met her today.

WILSON: Huh... [takes a seat, then] You should go.

ROBIN: She needs someone here.

WILSON: That's not your job.

[Robin knows he's right. She gets up and starts to walk away. She stops near the Nurse's station and writes on a piece of paper. She hands it to Wilson.]

ROBIN: Please let me know that she's okay.

[Wilson nods and watches her leave.]


CUT TO:

[PPTH, EEG Room. The EEG is underway. Cameron is explaining her "relationship" with Chase to Foreman.]

CAMERON: It's just sex.

FOREMAN: There's no such thing. [over radio, to Fran] Other eye.

CAMERON: Are you saying women can't separate the physical from the emotional?

FOREMAN: No one does it well. Women do it worse.

CAMERON: [playfully] You just want us to stop, because you think it's affecting...

FOREMAN: Me. Yeah.

[Cameron smiles. The monitors start beeping.]

CAMERON: Polyspikes over oh-one and oh-two.

FOREMAN: That's her left eye. Burst suppression on every lead.

[Fran is swaying in her chair as she watches the screen glassily. Then her head drops. Foreman and Cameron jump from their seats and rush over to her.]

CAMERON: Fran?

[Foreman flashes his flashlight into Fran's eyes.]

CAMERON: She's comatose.


CUT TO:

[Flight, Economy-Class Cabin. It's shakedown time! Air Chase walks along the aisle, holding out a pillow-case for people's meds, followed by House. He holds it out in front of a passenger, who shakes his head.]

HOUSE: Nothing...

[The neighbouring passenger is of no help either.]

HOUSE: Nothing... [addressing everybody] C'mon, nobody has no meds.

[He stops near a couple, obviously seeing something. He places his hand under the lady's chin.]

CLUELESS WIFE: Excuse me.

HOUSE: Open your mouth.

[He and Air Chase lean in to look into her mouth.]

HOUSE: [standing upright] Where is the acyclovir?

CLUELESS WIFE: I'm not on any meds.

HOUSE: Well, you'd better get some. You've got herpes.

[The husband looks guilty as sin. House looks at him. He holds his hand out for the meds. Hubby dearest reaches into his jacket and pulls out a bottle of meds, which he hands over to House grudgingly.]

HOUSE: What do you know? He's got some. This must be your lucky day.

[He takes out a few pills and gives them to her. She looks at her husband in shock.]

HOUSE: [loudly] This is for real! People are sick! Some of us will be deplaning in body bags unless you cough up.

[Many passengers (even those they already passed), start pulling out their meds and holding it above their heads, calling "Here!". Air Chase starts collecting the meds, which the passengers hand over most eagerly.]

HOUSE: [as the pillowcase starts to fill up] Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. God bless you.


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Diagnostics Office. Foreman and Cameron argue on Fran's case, while Wilson paces about and Chase sits quietly behind Cameron.]

FOREMAN: Her brain is shutting down because of intercranial pressure.

CAMERON: Or her nerves are dying.

FOREMAN: Because of the increased pressure. She has a bleed in her brain.

CHASE: You said the CT showed...

FOREMAN: [finishing] ... no tumors. But if she has an AVM leading to a cerebral haemorrhage, we coulda missed it. She needs a burr hole to relieve...

CAMERON: You wanna drill in her brain because of an invisible bleed the CT couldn't see? We should do an LP to confirm the presence of red blood cells.

FOREMAN: And her brain herniates and then she dies.

CAMERON: Right, better to kill her in the OR. Chase, what do you think?

FOREMAN: [whispers to Wilson] Here's a cliffhanger.

[Chase seems a bit insulted at that insinuation.]

CHASE: I think it'd help to know what she has before we start digging into her brain.

WILSON: Might be better to play it safe to start. Do an LP.

FOREMAN: [under his breath, disgruntled] Sex better be damn good.

[Glaring at Foreman, Cameron and Chase get up and leave.]


CUT TO:

[Flight, First-Class Cabin. House empties the pillowcase, dropping all the med bottles onto a chair. Cuddy watches, reclined in her chair, covered with a blanket. She looks absolutely sick.]

HOUSE: Lotta apples, not many candy bars.

CUDDY: [wearily] Any antibiotics?

HOUSE: Three caps of augmentin.

CUDDY: There're six patients. Give 'em to Peng.

HOUSE: He's allergic to penicillin.

CUDDY: The first aid kit has two epi pens.

[House looks at Peng writhing in pain in his seat.]

HOUSE: If he has a severe reaction, ten epi pens won't save him. [holds out the pills] You take the pills.

CUDDY: He's worse.

HOUSE: He's a guy who doesn't speak English.

CUDDY: [weak but firm] Give him the meds.

HOUSE: [arguing] If it's not meningitis, we're risking his life and flushing meds down the toilet.

CUDDY: Then do an LP on him. If it's clear, you win. If it's cloudy, he gets the augmentin and we risk a reaction.

HOUSE: [nods] Sounds like a plan. Oh, except for the part where we don't have an LP needle. Oh, and the shaking of the plane means I'll probably pierce his spinal cord and cripple him for life, but, [shrugs] I mean, it totally sounds like a plan.

CUDDY: [deadpan] You're right. Let him die. Give me the meds.

[House, not ready to let Peng die, considers his plan of action.]


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Fran's Room. Cameron and Chase prepare to perform an LP on Fran. Cameron turns Fran over onto her side. Chase gloves up, while the camera pans over to a covered cart. Chase removes the cover, exposing a full tray of sophisticated equipment. The camera slowly pans more to the left as we...]


MERGE TO:

[Flight, First-Class Cabin. The airline-available equivalent of the fore-mentioned equipment. There's a napkin, a plastic shot glass, a paper napkin, a packed syringe, a small alcohol bottle and a box of disposable vinyl gloves. House goes over his makeshift "LP kit", then takes off his yellow Hawaiian shirt and tosses it aside. He unpacks the syringe.]


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Fran's Room. Chase swabs Fran's back with iodine and puts the swab back in the tray along with the other used swabs. He picks up the encased LP needle and removes the cover.]


FADE TO:

[Flight, First-Class Cabin. House, wearing the vinyl gloves, removes the cap off the syringe.]


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Fran's Room. Chase prepares to push the LP needle into Fran's back.]


CUT TO:

[Flight, First-Class Cabin. House prepares to do the same to Peng.]


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Fran's Room. Chase lowers the needle towards the desired spot.]


CUT TO

[Flight, First-Class Cabin. While Cuddy watches, House holds the syringe inches away from Peng's rash- covered back. Suddenly, the plane starts to experience turbulence. House's hand freezes. The turbulence stops.]


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Fran's Room. Chase inserts the needle into Fran's back, while Cameron watches.]


CUT TO:

[Flight, First-Class Cabin. House inserts the syringe (sans plunger) into Peng's back.


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Fran's Room. Chase picks up the test tube to collect the spinal fluid.]


CUT TO:

[Flight, First-Class Cabin. House picks up the plastic shot glass for the same purpose.]


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Fran's Room. Chase collects Fran's spinal fluid in the test tube.]


CUT TO:

[Flight, First-Class Cabin. Peng's spinal fluid drips from the plungerless syringe into the shot glass. The sample collected, House raises the glass to see it against the light.]


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Fran's Room. Chase finishes the LP.]

CHASE: Got it.

[He raises the test tube to see it against the light.]

CAMERON: Damn.


CUT TO:

[Flight, First-Class Cabin. House shakes the shot glass gently.]

CUDDY: What is it?

HOUSE: Shut up. Don't get hysterical.

CUDDY: [too late] Just tell me what the hell it is! House!

[House looks like an epiphany has just struck.]

CUDDY: [accusingly] We should have turned back. We should have turned back!

[House, still ignoring Cuddy, stands.]

CUDDY: [frantic] House!

[House opens the curtain and steps into the Economy-class cabin, still carrying Peng's spinal fluid in the shot glass.]

HOUSE: [to Air Cameron] Hold this.

[He hands her the shot glass. She looks less than thrilled to hold it, despite not knowing what it is. He picks up the receiver to the PA system to address the anxious passengers.]

HOUSE: [over PA system, somberly] Ladies and gentlemen, we have a passenger with a confirmed case of bacterial meningitis.

[Shocked murmurs all around.]

HOUSE: [over PA system] And even if we land as soon as possible, the passenger will not survive. It's very likely that some of you have been infected as well.

[Some passengers start to break down.]

HOUSE: [over PA system] As soon as you start feeling symptoms, we need to isolate you in the first class cabin.

[Some people start coughing.]

HOUSE: [over PA system, rattling off the symptoms] Fever, rash,...

[Some passengers start looking for rashes on their bodies.]

HOUSE: [over PA system, continuing]... nausea, and in the late stages...

[He waits a beat. The passengers brace for the last symptom.]

HOUSE: [over PA system]... tremor in the left hand.

[People start panicking heavily, their left hands trembling visibly.]

FRIGHTENED PASSENGER 1: I have that!

JOY: [watching her own trembling left hand] Oh, god.

FRIGHTENED PASSENGER 2: [watching his left hand shake] No!

[The passengers generally start to go to pieces.]

KEO: [worried, to House] What do we do?

HOUSE: Break out the bubbly. [yells] Yo! Listen up!

[The passengers stops panicking for a moment and look at House hopefully.]

HOUSE: [over PA system] Bad news is you have an illness. The good news is, it's not meningitis.

[Sighs of relief all around.]

HOUSE: [over PA system] It's not fatal. It's just embarrassing. It's conversion disorder. More commonly known as mass hysteria.

[In the first-class cabin, Cuddy looks behind weakly.]

HOUSE: It happens often in high anxiety situations, especially to women.

[Clueless wife looks offended.]

HOUSE: I know it sounds sexist, but science says you're weak and soft, [chuckling] what can I do?

CUDDY: House, you're wrong!

JOY: [holding out her trembling left hand, hysterically] Look at my hand.

HOUSE: Yeah, look at her hand. Shaking left hand. What is that a symptom of? Not meningitis. It's basically a symptom of nothing. Put the idea into their heads and watched it happen. Same thing that Peng cruelly did with the puking and the rash.

JOY: The rash is in my head?

HOUSE: Your mind controls your body. It thinks you're sick, it makes you sick.

[Cuddy purses her lips, feeling foolish. However, the passengers still seem flustered.]

HOUSE: [over PA system] If-if you'll all just calm down, your symptoms will soon go away. And to facilitate this process, your flight crew will move through the cabin with a complimentary bar service.

[Keo, a relieved smile on her face, goes to make it happen.]

HOUSE: [over PA system] Thank you and, as always, have a pleasant flight.

[House sits next to Cuddy.]

HOUSE: Still feel like puking?

CUDDY: No.

[House leans across her and raises her chair's backrest, until she's only inches away from him. Then, he opens the window, letting the light come in.]

CUDDY: How did you know?

HOUSE: LP was negative. I came up with an alternate theory and I tested it. Couldn't have done it without you. Rage is a symptom of mass hysteria. Just one more thing to clean up. Peng set off the mass hysteria. What set off Peng?

[They look at Peng, who lies on the floor, still writhing.]

CUDDY: He really is dying.

HOUSE: Yeah. And I haven't the faintest idea why.


[Commercial set.]


CUT TO:

[Flight, Economy-Class Cabin. House adds one more symptom to Air Whiteboard - "Extensor Posturing". The Air Ducklings are seated in the front row, in front of the Air Whiteboard. Cuddy sits at the side, her hair a mess.]

AIR CHASE: What's "extension pastoring"?

HOUSE: It's when you're molested by a priest's cousin.

CUDDY: [looking at the Air(-headed) Ducklings, aside to House] Do we really need these three?

HOUSE: Worried they'll make you look bad? Could be symptomatic of head trauma, cerebral infarction or intercranial hemorrhage. Thoughts?

AIR CAMERON: [arms folded, curtly] How long till we land?

HOUSE: Too long to wait. His head's as smooth as a baby's bottom. No bumps, so I think we can rule out head trauma. So you gotta choose between what's left. Clog or leak?

AIR FOREMAN: [perking up] Errr... you're talking of toilet?

CUDDY: House, is this actually helpful?

HOUSE: Not so far.

CUDDY: What about syphilis?

HOUSE: First of all, he apparently speaks a language that no one else speaks. Which makes talking up the ladies a little rough.

[He pops a Vicodin.]

CUDDY: We're flying out of Singapore. If he has a credit card and a condom, he can get anything he wants.

AIR CAMERON: Eww.

[House looks like he's had another epiphany.]

CUDDY: What?

HOUSE: Condoms. He has focal limb paralysis.

AIR CHASE: His legs got paralyzed by a condom?

HOUSE: No, by cocaine. Was inside the condom, is now spreading through his digestive tract.

AIR CAMERON: [doesn't like the graphic description] Eww.

CUDDY: You think he's a mule.

HOUSE: I think he's a jackass. We're gonna have to operate.

AIR CHASE: [enthused] Cool.


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Operating Room. Fran, unconscious, her head shaved, is wheeled into the OR. The doctors prepare to transfer her from the gurney to the table. The camera pans upwards to the Observation deck, from where Chase and Cameron watch.]


[Observation deck.]

CHASE: They're gonna kill her.

CAMERON: We were wrong. Which means Foreman was right.

CHASE: Maybe Foreman's right about us too. Maybe we should just stop all this. I mean, if it's affecting our jobs.

CAMERON: [brushing it off] It's not affecting our jobs.

CHASE: We had sex in a patient's bedroom. A bedroom we were examining for toxins. Yeah, our judgment's right on the mark.

CAMERON: All right, no more sex at patient's homes. No more sex with cats watching. Anywhere else you wanna cross off the list?

[It's Chase's turn to have an epiphany.]

CHASE: The bowl.

CAMERON: What?

CHASE: [looking down at Fran] Has she eaten since she's been here?

CAMERON: She's been sick since she's been here.

CHASE: What if it's a symptom?

CAMERON: Why would you think...?

CHASE: The bowl was full.

[Chase leaves the room. Cameron still looks confused.]


CUT TO:

[Flight, Flight Attendants Cabin. House prepares a makeshift "scalpel", by taping a razor to a pen. He pulls out a small bottle of alcohol and tosses it to Air Chase. Peng, in his vest and boxers, lies on the floor, still writhing. The Air Ducklings, Keo and Cuddy are huddled around him.]

HOUSE: You're gonna need to hold him down. He's not gonna like this.

[House, carrying a tray of other possibly necessary makeshift "instruments", steps over Peng and kneels down next to him.]

CUDDY: D'you really think he's a mule?

HOUSE: Fits the symptoms.

[House leans over and takes a pair of vinyl gloves from the top of a cabinet.]

AIR CAMERON: You sure he's not contagious?

HOUSE: [gloving up] Pretty much.

AIR CAMERON: Can't be "pretty much" sure. Means you're not sure.

HOUSE: Oh, aren't you clever?

[He lifts up Peng's vest, exposing his rash-covered stomach.]

HOUSE: [motioning to Air Chase] C'mon.

[Air Chase twists open the bottle of alcohol and gives it to House.]

HOUSE: [to Peng] Well, I know you're "pretty much" [looks at Air Cameron] unconscious, but as it's been pointed out to me, "pretty much" doesn't mean squat.

[House forces the bottle into Peng's mouth. Peng gurgles as he ingests the alcohol.]


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Operating Room. The anaesthesiologist gently places a mask on her face. She opens her eyes for a bit, but then closes them as the anaesthesia takes effect.]


CUT TO:

[Fran's Home. Chase, wearing an oxygen mask, walks. He comes up to Harrington's basket, but it's empty. The bowl however is still full. Chase enters the bedroom and sees poor Harrington, lying dead on the top of the chest of drawers. A moment of silence for the cat, please...]


CUT TO:

[Fran's Basement. Chase enters the basement. It's dark, in spite of a single glowing lightbulb. He looks in a corner and sees one end of a pipe, sticking out of the wall. The other end is nowhere in sight. Chase gets up.]


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Operating Room. Wilson and Foreman, all scrubbed and masked up, enter. The surgeons start to clamp Fran's head to the table, so they can drill into her skull. A doctor brings the surgical lights over her.]


CUT TO:

[Flight, Flight Attendants Cabin. While Keo shines a flashlight on Peng's stomach, House, "scalpel" hovering over Peng's stomach, gives Cuddy an unsure look. Cuddy returns the look.]

HOUSE: Okay, hold him tight.

[The Air Ducklings and Cuddy press down on his limbs. Air Chase is on his right shoulder, Air Cameron is on his left shoulder, Air Foreman is on his legs and Cuddy is on his left arm. House is on his right arm.]

HOUSE: The faster we do this, the less likely he is to die of shock.

[Air Cameron presses down and looks away. House's hand shakes as he's about to make an incision.]

HOUSE: Tighter.

[Air Chase pushes down fully on Peng's right shoulder. He suddenly lets go for a second. Peng grimaces in pain. Air Chase reapplies the pressure to the shoulder. Peng seems to relax a bit. House notices the strange response.]

AIR CHASE: Sorry.

HOUSE: Do that again. Ease off, then press down.

[Air Chase does so, raising his hands slightly. Peng starts to groan in agony. Air Chase pushes down again. Peng seems less in pain now. House pushes down his right knee, Peng gives a sigh of relief, but when the pressure is removed, he starts groaning again. House tries it again and gets the same response.]

HOUSE: [to Cuddy] Pressure on his joints relieves his pain.

CUDDY: Okay...?

HOUSE: Wrong again. [looking around] Where's his wallet?

[Cuddy looks puzzled.]


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Operating Room. Foreman uses a marker to draw a circle on Fran's head, to mark the spot to cut. Wilson watches. Foreman incises the spot with a scalpel and pulls it open slowly with a forceps. He then picks up a drill and tests it to make sure it's running. He looks at Wilson, who nods back. Cameron watches from the Observation Deck.]


CUT TO:

[Fran's backyard/Neighbour's house. Chase walks quickly outside Fran's home to a cellar. He opens the cellar door and sees the pipe under it. Chase goes over to a hedge, separating Fran's home from the neighbour's. The pipe is connected the neighbour's house. Chase runs over to the neighbour's door, on which a notice is tacked. It reads:

"DANGER:
PREMISES HAVE BEEN
FUMIGATED WITH
METHYL BROMIDE

NO ADMITTANCE
FOR 72 HOURS".

Chase removes a note tacked on top of the notice and quickly read it. He immediately pulls out his cell- phone and dials.]


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Operating Room. Cameron, on the Observation Deck, listens into her cellphone. Just as Foreman is about to start drilling, she knocks on the glass, getting the attention of the doctors below. Foreman stops the drill. Cameron runs over.]


CUT TO:

[Flight, First-Class Cabin. House pulls out a card from Peng's wallet. He and Cuddy look at it.]

HOUSE: Scuba certification card.

[He hands it to Cuddy and keeps rummaging through the wallet. He finds a piece of paper, which he finds interesting.]

CUDDY: Big deal.I have one of these.

HOUSE: Yeah. You also have a receipt from Tekong's Scuba Rental dated yesterday?

[Cuddy sighs, understanding.]

CUDDY: [to Keo] Tell the captain to drop as low as he can under five thousand feet.

KEO: We're at thirty eight thousand. We can't...

CUDDY: Peng's got the bends.

HOUSE: Went diving yesterday. Like an idiot, he surfaced too quickly. Like a bigger idiot, he boarded a flight which is pressurized to 8,000 feet above sea level. Low pressure is killing him. Tell the pilot to dive until we can club baby seals out of the window.

[Keo starts to leave to inform the captain.]

HOUSE: And get him some oxygen.

[Keo nods and leaves. House sits down, tired.]


CUT TO:

[Fran's Room. Fran lies in her bed, listening to Wilson and Chase.]

CHASE: Fifty years ago, it was one estate. The two homes shared an electrical system. Unfortunately, the exterminator didn't know that. So when they fumigated next door, the poison gas flowed through the old pipe and into your house.

WILSON: The scopolamine patch was masking the effects of the poison. You'll have to stay here for a few more days, but after that you should be fine.

[Fran tearfully touches the bandaged portion of her shaved head.]

CHASE: I'm sorry about your cat.

WILSON: And your hair.

FRAN: [contemplative] For twelve years, Harrington never left the property. I thought I was being punished for going away, but really... I was being punished for coming home.

[Wilson and Chase look at her sympathetically.]


CUT TO:

[Flight, near the exit. The flight's landed.Peng is strapped to a gurney. So he can't do anything but groan when House takes his oxygen mask and puts it to his own face and takes a deep breath. He returns it to Peng's face. He motions to the paramedic to start moving. Peng is wheeled out. House exhales heavily, leaning against the flight attendant's cabinet. Passengers file past him. Cuddy comes up, smiling brightly. She hands him his bag.]

CUDDY: Thank you.

HOUSE: I saved your life. You owe me.

CUDDY: I wasn't sick.

HOUSE: But you didn't know that. You owe me.

CUDDY: I know it now.

HOUSE: Your mind convinced your body to get a rash, photophobia and vomit. How d'you know it wouldn't have shut down your cold, cold heart next?

CUDDY: [smiling, shaking her head] I don't owe you.

HOUSE: [complaining] You're mean.

[Shouldering his bag, he walks off.]

CUDDY: That's how I compensate for being weak... soft.

[She puts on her jacket and goes for her bag. House, entering the aerobridge, sits on a wheelchair, manned by Keo.]

KEO: Just wanted to say thank you.

[Cuddy stops.]

HOUSE: You're extremely welcome.

KEO: I'm in New York every Monday.

HOUSE: [intrigued] Are you handicap-accessible?

[Cuddy looks partly jealous, partly bewildered, as Keo wheels House away.]

CUE MUSIC: "Hope for the Hopeless" by Fine Frenzy.


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Wilson's Office. Wilson looks at the paper Robin had given him. Her number is 609-555-0144. He picks up the phone and dials the number.]

WILSON: [into phone] Hi, Robin? This is, um, uhh, Dr. Wilson, F-Fran's doctor. James. [beat] It was a toxin. We caught it on time and she's gonna be fine. [beat] Yeah, it is. [beat] Uh, listen, I was just wondering if you were coming back in again to visit.


CUT TO:

[PPTH, Outside. Night. Cameron and Chase leave for home.]

CAMERON: Nice catch.

CHASE: Thanks.

CAMERON: Think even House would be impressed.

CHASE: I don't know about that.

CAMERON: [suggestively] Any idea how you want to celebrate?

[She smiles cheerfully, but Chase seems to have something on his mind.]

CAMERON: What?

CHASE: I want more.

CAMERON: [joking] I thought you were getting a little worn out, but...

CHASE: That's not what I meant.

CAMERON: [losing the smile] I know. I was just hoping you'd take the hint and pretend you never said that.

CHASE: I want this to be more than it is.

CAMERON: I thought we were clear.

CHASE: In the beginning, but you can't tell me you don'...

CAMERON: [interrupting] Yes, I can. And I don't. It was... fun. That's it.

[She looks at him ruefully.]

CAMERON: And now it's over.

[She walks away, leaving a downcast Chase.]

[Closing Credits.]

Tags: season 3
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  • House MD - 6.22 Help Me

    Originally Aired: May 17, 2010 Written by: Russel Friend, Garrett Lerner, & Peter Blake Directed by: Greg Yaitanes Transcribed by: Tammy (…

  • House MD - 6.21 Baggage

    Original Air Date: May 10, 2010 Written by: Doris Egan & David Foster Directed by: David Straiton Transcribed by: Jane (poeia)…

  • House MD - 6.20 The Choice

    Originally Aired: May 3, 2010 Written by: David Hoselton Directed by: Juan José Campanella Transcribed by: Tammy (beckston)…

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  • 11 comments

  • House MD - 6.22 Help Me

    Originally Aired: May 17, 2010 Written by: Russel Friend, Garrett Lerner, & Peter Blake Directed by: Greg Yaitanes Transcribed by: Tammy (…

  • House MD - 6.21 Baggage

    Original Air Date: May 10, 2010 Written by: Doris Egan & David Foster Directed by: David Straiton Transcribed by: Jane (poeia)…

  • House MD - 6.20 The Choice

    Originally Aired: May 3, 2010 Written by: David Hoselton Directed by: Juan José Campanella Transcribed by: Tammy (beckston)…