Written by: Doris Egan & David Foster
Directed by: David Straiton
Transcribed by: Jane (poeia)
DISCLAIMER: We don't own "HOUSE." It's owned by FOX and NBC/Universal, and produced by Heel and Toe Films and Bad Hat Harry Productions. This transcript is unofficial, and should UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be copied or distributed, especially for commercial use.
Note 1: House is physically in Nolan’s office for the entire episode and describes other scenes to Nolan. Because of this, cuts between locations are not as clearly defined in the transcript as they usually are. If the same scene shifts from being what House is talking about and back to Nolan’s office, the cuts are more likely to be identified within the usual descriptions.
Note 2: In an interview, David Foster said that as House envisions the other locations he sometimes includes an object from Nolan’s office. This happens once in each of the six acts. These have been identified in the transcript for acts 2, 4 and 6. If you find the objects from the other three acts, please leave a comment as to what and where it is. If I see it too, I’ll add it.
[Open on two armchairs facing each other over a low, round coffee table, which has on it a carafe of water, two glasses on a tray, a round, brass clock and a clunky, ugly green glass thing. The chair on the left is dark gray with a high back. The one of the right is white and fairly modern. Behind the coffee table is a screened fireplace. There’s a clock in the middle of the mantle, framed pictures at either end and a few knickknacks in front of them. To the right, behind the white chair, are the fireplace tools and, further along, a table with several books stacked on it. There is a wrought iron table lamp with a white shade on the table. The walls are covered with framed photos.]
[The room is fairly dark but none of the lights are on. To the left of the armchairs Dr. Nolan sits behind his desk. He faces a wall with semi-opaque glass and the door to his office — which is open. House appears in the doorway. He enters and closes the door behind him. He hangs his cane on the back of the gray chair and takes off his motorcycle jacket, which he throws on an unseen table further to the left. He picks up his cane and sits in the gray chair.]
House: Okay. "Therafy" me.
[Nolan stands, picks up a legal pad and sits in the white chair.]
Nolan: You're late.
House: You're fat.
Nolan: It's unusual.
House: You know how far the parking lot is? My leg's been hurting.
Nolan: Anything been on your mind lately, any particular stress?
House: No. Probably just gonna rain. [He grips his right thigh and looks off to his right, avoiding Nolan’s gaze.]
Nolan: Mm-hmm. You like the new Monet reproduction in the waiting room — the Water Lilies?
House: I was late. I wasn't focusing on the decor, but it sounds appropriately bland and calming.
Nolan: Stress can also make you absentminded.
House: I'm not stressed… Beyond the stress induced by you telling me how stressed I am.
Nolan: Just an ordinary week. [House stares at him but doesn’t say anything.] Okay. [He settles back in his chair, smiling.] Tell me about it.
[House leans his head against the back of the chair. There’s a flash of light and a “whoosh” sound. It’s the automatic doors in the ER opening. House enters.]
House: I had a patient.
Cuddy: House. Good. I have a case for you.
[She grabs his elbow and leads him to one of the patient bays.]
House: [removing his sunglasses] Beer?
Cuddy: Amnesia. She was found jogging in the street, disoriented. She almost got hit by a truck. [She pulls open the curtain around Ms. X’s bed.] The MRI showed no abnormalities. No I.D. on her. Just her jogging clothes and her heart rate monitor. We know absolutely nothing about her.
House: We know she has money. [He picks up a sneaker.] Blaze Outriggers — 400 bucks a pair. People who have money don't just disappear. Sooner or later, someone's gonna show up looking for her.
Ms. X: [looking confused] Can I have something to eat?
Nurse: She just ate 15 minutes ago. She keeps forgetting.
House: You don't eat because you remember it's time to eat. You eat 'cause you're hungry. [He pulls the blanket off her legs and feels her calves.] Her metabolism is in high gear. She is an extreme long-distance runner—
Nolan: [voice over] Why were you in the ER?
House: [still looking at the patient] That's your question? [back in Nolan’s office, Nolan nods] You're a psychotherapist. You're hearing about a great amnesia case, and all you're asking me is geography.
Nolan: [quietly] Just curious.
House: [defiant for a moment, then he drops his eyes] I was avoiding Wilson. It's not something you couldn't have seen eight miles away.
[Cut to the kitchen of the condo. Wilson puts a glass on the counter as House opens a bottle of orange juice. House ignores the glass and drinks from the bottle.]
House: [voice over] Wilson's a processor. I knew there were some things that he'd want to process with me… at length.
Wilson: Sam's moving in.
House: If it's before Friday, your assistant wins the pool. [He takes a bite of his muffin.]
Wilson: I was just wondering what your plans were.
Wilson: In life. Sam likes you…
House: But she wants me to move out.
Wilson: No. I want you to move out. I didn't know things with Sam would happen so quickly. I d–I don't want to make a mistake here. I've made a lot of mistakes.
House: By moving too quickly. Given your usual rate of commitment, I'm surprised you're not already re-divorced.
Wilson: [looking guilty] I could help you find a place.
House: What's wrong with my old place?
Wilson: Nothing. I just thought… You might want to find somewhere new, somewhere…
House: [nodding] Where I didn't abuse drugs and hallucinate.
House: I'm fine.
Nolan: You're fine? [back in the office] Your best friend is tossing you out, and you're fine?
House: Why wouldn't I be?
[Cut to Nolan’s office. House is slouched about three inches lower in his chair than he was before.]
Nolan: You're not feeling a little… betrayed and angry? Wilson bought a two-bedroom condo specifically so that you could move in with him. It wasn't that long ago. You don't feel a little… jerked around?
House: He couldn't foresee Sam coming back into his life.
Nolan: That's a very rational defense of your friend. And, uh, I'm not buying it.
House: Based on what?
Nolan: Based on the fact that you were late, and you didn't notice the pictures in the outer office.
House: Those aren't symptoms.
Nolan: They are to me. And here's another one. You took the case. Hmm? No negotiating, no bargaining. No clinic hours changed hands. Were you looking for something to distract you from the fact that your best friend just threw you out?
House: Case was interesting.
Nolan: It's not organic. It's not mysterious. Most likely some psychologically traumatic event occurred that made the patient's brain choose to forget everything.
House: [slight smile] Or not.
[Cut to radiology. Brain scans are on the light table and on the lighted wall panels.]
House: Here. Loss of differentiation between gray and white matter. [He points to an area on the scan.]
Taub: It's subtle.
Chase: But it's in the area that controls memory. Not likely it's a coincidence.
Thirteen: Bacterial infection?
Nolan: [standing next to House] Do I need to know this?
House: Fine. I'll give you the Cliff Notes version. Chase – MS, Taub – physical trauma. I can tell you why we ruled them out.
Nolan: Or not.
Chase: Then it's probably a toxin, and we need to find it before it kills her. We should search her house.
Thirteen: Good luck with that.
House: Her heart rate monitor has a serial number. The distributor can match the number to the store that sold it. She's a serious athlete. She might have been there often enough to be remembered.
Nolan: Did he really say that?
Foreman: Long shot.
House: Even if the store clerk doesn't know who she is, the store's probably close to where she lives. Just seeing those surroundings might spark a memory.
Taub: You want us to take her there?
House: No. I'll take her.
Nolan: Really? [Back in Nolan’s office.] Uh, it's unusual for you to spend time with a patient, isn't it?
House: Patients are boring… As people. This one I'm sure was no exception, but her situation was interesting. Besides, I was still avoiding Wilson. And no better way to avoid than leaving the hospital.
Nolan: Maybe. Or were you avoiding going home? There's a reason they tell addicts to stay away from old geography.
House: I wasn't avoiding going home. I'd already gone home…
[Cut to House closing the door behind him as he enters the lobby of his building.
House: [voice over] Before I came into work that day. I went straight there from Wilson's.
[He puts the key in the lock and opens the door… several inches before it clunks against something solid.]
Alvie: [from inside the apartment] Hey, take it easy! You're gonna kill me! God, why don't people knock? [His head appears, upside down, at the top of the door.] House, it's you! Where you been? Hold up a second. [He closes the door on House.]
Nolan: [in the lobby] Alvie? Juan Alvarez — you let him stay at your place?
House: Not exactly.
[He opens the door again and it hits something solid again. He edges in. All the furniture is draped and the back of the door is a bright, greenish yellow.
Alvie: I was beginning to wonder if you were ever gonna show up. Su casa, mi casa. Casa!
[Alvie gestures with the paint roller in his hand. House looks around, slowly.]
House: Why are you here?
Alvie: When I left Mayfield, I went back to the old neighborhood. You know, you shouldn't leave the bathroom window unlocked.
House: Yeah, thanks for the safety lesson. Why are you here?
Alvie: Like I said, when I went back to the neighborhood, I found out immigration was looking for me. So I decided to visit my old buddy House!
House: And turn his apartment into a giant prison jumpsuit.
Alvie: Juan Alvarez is no freeloader. I do my part, earn my keep. The first week I made your dinner, but you never showed up. The second week I organized your stuff.
House: My stuff?
Alvie: But still, you never showed up. So this week, since I'm a real good painter, I decided to—
House: Coffee table — where'd you put it? In the bedroom?
Alvie: The paint's not cheap, House. It's a custom color. It's a mix of titanium, yellow, and ochre. Ochre — I don't even like that stuff. It's like a fruit. It's got hair on it. But they say it's a vegetable—
House: You sold my table to pay for paint that I don't want?
Alvie: [embarrassed] I had to sell some other things too.
House: Get out.
Alvie: No, papa, just give the color a chance.
House: Look, I'm going to work now. And when I come back, the walls will be a less exciting color, and you will be gone. [He drops a duffle bag on the floor with a thud.]
[Cut to Nolan’s office.]
Nolan: So Wilson threw you out, and you threw Alvie out — just, uh, another week?
House: Unlike me, Alvie didn't leave. I took my motorcycle to work that day. When I went home to get my car, he was painting the ceiling magenta. So I brought him with me to protect the apartment.
House: To protect the apartment. Whoa. Deja vu.
Nolan: Tossing him out or, uh, sending him to the movies or, uh, locking him in the bathroom would also minimize Alvie's destructive force. But you chose his company deliberately. Why?
House: Obviously because he's a Wilson substitute. You can barely tell the difference between them, especially when Wilson raps about the hood.
Nolan: I'm not suggesting Alvie's a substitute, but he would make a great distraction.
House: From what?
Nolan: That's what I'm trying to find out. Go on.
[Cut to a strip mall. Alvie comes out of a store, talking. He’s followed by the patient and House.]
Alvie: Maybe the heart rate monitor was a gift. That's why no one recognized her.
House: Shut up, Alvie. Anything familiar… Church, grocery store?
Ms. X: Sorry.
[They walk down the street. The patient looks blankly around as House and Alvie talk.]
Alvie: It's okay, Ms. X. Maybe she's never been to this town before, bought the heart rate monitor on the store's website.
House: You know that Puerto Ricans are U.S. citizens, right? Instead of working the case, why don't you contemplate the inanity of an American with American immigration issues?
Alvie: I had a birth certificate. I lost it.
House: So get a new one.
Alvie: I tried that, House. But the town hall had burned down when I was a kid, destroyed the records.
House: There's only one copy?
Alvie: They tried to make me fill out a whole bunch of forms before they'd give it to me. I decided it would be quicker and easier to do it myself.
House: How'd that go?
Alvie: They figured out it was forged. And now, for some reason, they don't believe anything I say. They actually think I'm lying about being Puerto Rican. Told me I had to go to a special hearing to prove it.
Ms. X: What if nothing ever looks familiar?
House: Then someone will show up — a spouse, a friend — to tell you who you really are and what you should be feeling. They always do.
Ms. X: I don't know who that is… But I miss him.
House: What did they say at the hearing?
Alvie: I didn't go. I lied once.
House: Your mother is Puerto Rican, therefore, you are Puerto Rican. All you got to do is prove your mom's your mom, find some documentation—
Alvie: People like that don't listen to people like me. Doughnuts! [distracted and very excited] Hey, House, let's get doughnuts!
House: Alvie, the hearing—
Alvie: Everyone loves doughnuts — glazed, crullers, elephant ears, even doughnut holes. Much better than the sporting goods store. I bet Mrs. X went there all the time.
House: We're not here— [voice over] And then I realized… [to Alvie] You make a good point.
Alvie: Really? I was making that up.
[Cut to the doughnut shop. Bells jingle as the door opens.]
Durdanna: Dozen glazed, dozen jelly-filled? [She points to Ms. X] You want the usual, right?
House: Your old friend, the fried carbohydrate. [to the cashier] She needed the calorically dense food to support the running habit. Do you know her name?
Durdanna: Sandy… Or Shelley. I don't know. The guy she's with called her that once. I just work here.
House: Do you know where they live?
Durdanna: He left a business card in our free doughnut jar. It's up on the wall of winners.
[Cut to a wood house. House rings the doorbell. A yuppie answers the door.]
Jay: Sidney. [He comes out and hugs
[Cut to the living room. Jay and House are seated. Sidney is looking at the running memorabilia on the walls.]
Jay: The police said it was too soon to do anything, so I started calling hospitals on my own. Princeton Plainsboro wasn't even on my list. You really think something around here could have made her sick?
House: Here, work, anywhere she could have been exposed. Why wasn't Princeton Plainsboro on your list?
Jay: Well, I mean, it's a long way to run, even for her.
Sidney: What is it I do besides run?
Jay: You're a lawyer — civil rights, class action suits. It's a stressful job. Running's the way you deal with it.
Sidney: That doesn't sound like me.
House: Do you have any idea what would sound like you?
Sidney: [smiling at him] Good point.
Nolan: [voice over] So what were you thinking during all this?
House: [voice over] That it was a strange position to be in. At that moment, she was more comfortable with me than with her husband. And he was picking up on it.
Nolan: [back in the office] What about you?
House: What about me how?
Nolan: Well, there was a sort of, um, artificial intimacy between you? She had been dependent on you. Uh, did you find that attractive on some level? Disturbing?
House: Those are my two choices? None of the above. She was just a patient. She was interesting.
[Looking at a wedding picture.]
Sidney: So we're really… married?
Jay: For four years.
[Alvie enters carrying a plastic tote filled with cleaning supplies.]
Alvie: Ms. X, you lead a lemon fresh life. Found three different cleansers under the sink. Cleaned out the medicine cabinets too.
Jay: You know, she just won a settlement for some families whose housing development was built on an old methane field.
[Sidney picks up a picture of her in a bathing suit, carrying a surfboard.]
House: Toxic exposure to methane could explain this.
Sidney: [happy] I surf?
Jay: You stopped before we met. You've been too busy.
Sidney: [puzzled] And we're married?
Alvie: All right, it's nothing personal. Bet she didn't think you were her type back when you first met either.
[Cut to outside the house. Alvie and House are crossing the lawn. Sidney and Jay are coming down the stairs behind them.]
House: We'll take her back to the hospital, test her blood and urine and start treatment.
[Sidney falls down the last step or two.]
Sidney: Oh! I'm all right.
[Jay holds her arm. Alvie goes back and gets her other arm and they help her stand.]
House: What happened?
Sidney: I don't know. My foot suddenly went numb.
Alvie: Her pants are wet.
House: Urinary incontinence. [He checks Sidney’s eyes.] She's having complex partial seizures. This isn't methane. And you can leave the bucket. We need to get her to—
Nolan: [voice over] Seizures? [back in the office] This is the second diagnosis you've come up with that has a personal resonance for you.
House: I'm choosing my diagnoses based on personal issues? You think she fell down the stairs and peed her pants 'cause Wilson dumped her too?
Nolan: You're choosing to tell me about this case, so let's look at it. First you were fixated on a harmful toxin from her past, possibly because you're worried about a harmful toxin from your own past.
House: Chase had the toxin idea. Maybe he's obsessed with my past.
Nolan: And–and now you're talking about a seizure disorder?
House: Which is also not a toxin.
Nolan: But which is most likely caused by an old injury to the brain. Wh–why do you see your past as such a threat?
House: Not only am I unthreatened by it, I was trying to get it back.
[Cut to Dutch Hightower’s pawn shop. Dutch is behind the counter, drinking coffee and reading. A variety of items with red price tags, including the clock from the coffee table in Nolan’s office, lay on the counter. House is kneeling on the floor, inspecting his coffee table. Behind him, Alvie is looking through the bookshelves.]
House: There's a ding mark.
Dutch: It's a piece of junk. It was dinged when it came in.
House: Sure, the–the cup marks and the scuffs and the paint and those three chips. This fourth one’s new.
Dutch: I run a pawn shop, not a storage company. Do you want it or not?
[Alvie comes over and puts some books on the table.]
Alvie: That should be it.
House: You said you pawned five books. There's only four.
Alvie: That's all there is.
House: Where's “Approach to the Acute Abdomen”?
[House gets to his feet and comes over to the counter.]
Dutch: Sold it.
Dutch: I can't tell you. It's a law, and should be. Crazy bastards like you try to hunt down their stuff.
House: How much for the pile?
House: [stunned] You said it was junk.
Dutch: No, no. It's your junk. You want it. $500. Take it or leave it.
[Alvie, who is examining a gyroscope, winces slightly. House gives him a very annoyed look as he takes out his credit card and slaps it on the counter.]
[Cut to Nolan’s office.]
Nolan: Why is it so important that you get your stuff back?
House: Unlike the rest of humanity… Who's okay when their belongings are taken. Everyone wants their stuff. That's why it's their stuff.
Nolan: Everyone doesn't pay five times what it's worth.
House: I like my stuff. I hate it when Wilson moves it—
House: This is not about Wilson! [He slams his fist on the table, causing the carafe and glasses to jump. Nolan tilts his head and looks at House. House sits for a minute then taps on the table, breaking his mood.] Say it.
[Nolan chuckles. He picks up one of the glasses and the carafe and pours himself some water.]
Nolan: I wasn't gonna say anything.
[House looks as Nolan drinks his water.]
[Cut to House’s apartment. Pieces of the wall are bright yellow. The rest are putty brown. A section of the ceiling still matches the window sashes, but the area over the piano is a deep red. House and Alvie are in the doorway to the kitchen. Alvie is crouched in front of House.]
House: 31, 31! Hike!
[They’re playing Nerf football. Alvie snaps the ball to House and runs into the living room. House passes the ball. Alvie jumps, catches it and lands on the couch.]
Alvie: First down!
House: One more, you get a touchdown.
[Alvie snaps the ball and runs again. Just as House gets ready to release the ball there’s a knock on the door. Alvie lands on the couch with his hands empty.]
Alvie: Huh! [House, holding the ball, goes to open the door.] House, you can't run for the touchdown.
[House opens the door. Wilson is standing there. He points his finger in full lecture mode. The picture freezes for a second then House and Alvie are back in the kitchen doorway.]
House: And… hike!
[House throws the ball. Alvie jumps to get it.]
Nolan: [voice over] Wait, wait, wait. Wait. [Alvie freezes in midair, having just caught the ball. Cut to Nolan’s office.] You seriously thought you were gonna tell me that Wilson showed up but not tell me what he said?
House: Because I thought you were a smart guy who didn't need the obvious spelled out to him. Wilson noticed that I didn't come to my office all day. He came to find me, wanted to make sure I'm okay — boring, boring, boring.
Nolan: Um, but you thought it was important to tell me about Nerf football? [House stares at him, unamused.] Sorry. Your story. Continue.
[Cut back to the apartment. The freeze-frame unfreezes and Alvie lands on the couch, football in hand. He sort of rolls off the couch to the floor.]
Alvie: House, House, stop! Stop, stop, stop.
House: You okay?
[The crucifix Alvie wears is on the floor. Alvie picks it up and inspects the chain.]
Alvie: Yeah. It was my mother's. She died when I was four. It's all I have left.
House: That's very sad, Alvie. Listen, I set up an immigration hearing.
Alvie: No, House, I'm gonna end up in jail or worse — the Dominican or someplace. Que se yo. Que no.
[Cut to Nolan’s office.]
Nolan: Um, interesting. You present yourself as, uh, not giving a damn about other people's emotions, but your actions indicate otherwise. You dismiss Alvie's story about his mother, but you cared enough to schedule a hearing.
House: I cared for eight seconds. Then I got distracted.
[Cut to the apartment. A phone rings. Alvie tosses the ball to House who catches it and digs into his pocket for his cell phone. He tosses it back, underhanded, as he looks at the caller ID.]
Taub: [voice over] We've kept the patient up for 12 hours now. No hint of seizure-like activity. We should shut this down.
[Alvie takes a swallow of beer and tosses the ball back. House catches it one-handed. Alvie picks up the gyroscope and plays with it while House finishes his conversation.]
House: Try a strobe light, add more stress.
Taub: [voice over] I think there's plenty of stress in here.
[Cut to Sidney’s room. Taub holds the phone up so House can hear her conversation with Jay. Thirteen is standing next to the bed.]
Sidney: Don't we ever do anything but work?
Jay: You run.
Sidney: That's just more work. What about fun? God, how can we be this boring?
Taub: [puts the phone back to his ear] Apparently, without her memory, the patient's personality has returned to what you might call its “natural state.”
[The camera pans to House and Nolan, standing in the doorway to Sidney’s room.]
House: Seems she had a wake-up call while she was at college. Her brother died in a car accident. She decided to make her life mean something. Went to law school. Now that's all gone.
Nolan: The thing that caused the change is gone… So the change itself is gone.
House: Yeah. I knew the psychological aspects of this case would interest you. Bet you got a theory already. What is it?
Nolan: It's not relevant.
House: [deliberately] What is it?
Nolan: Why do you care about my theory?
House: I think he just… bores her. She's at an earlier stage of development. She's looking at her grown-up future, and it puts her to sleep.
Nolan: If he just bored her, she'd hide it to be polite. Their problem is synchronicity. Just like you and me, House, they're not on the same page. He talks to her like someone he shares history with. But from her point of view, he's a stranger forcing intimacy on her. Of course she doesn't like him. He's not helping. He can feel he's losing his wife, and it makes him come on stronger.
House: He almost did lose his wife.
[Behind him, Sidney sits up and groans. She can’t breathe. House and Nolan watch as Thirteen holds an oxygen mask to Sidney’s face.]
[Cut to the MRI. Sidney is in it with only her feet visible from the outside. The entire team is in the control room. One monitor is on Sidney’s face. Most of the team is gathered around the monitor showing her brain scan.]
Foreman: The breathing problem was caused by fluid overload in the lungs.
Thirteen: Diabetes insipidus.
Taub: And the D.I. came from damage to the hypothalamus.
House: [pointing to the image on the monitor] Hypothalamus here, hence the D.I. and incontinence. The amygdala here, hence the global amnesia. And the motor cortex —that's the foot paralysis. What do they all have in common?
Nolan: [voice over. House turns toward the voice] Okay, now you're just doing this to mess with me. [cut to Nolan’s office] What possible relevance does this differential have to your problems?
House: It ends with a diagnosis of spongiform encephalitis. I convinced the team to cut out part of this woman's brain. That's not interesting to you?
Nolan: No. [He has his hand over his face and he sounds weary.]
House: Not even if it's the amygdala? She'll lose all her long-term memory.
Nolan: Well, this is where you tell me that being cavalier with someone else's past has nothing to do with avoiding your own past. The case is irrelevant. You just found it, uh… interesting.
House: [rubbing at his scalp with his fingertips as if he’s washing his hair] Aren't therapists supposed to be nurturing?
Nolan: Nowhere… is that in the manual. Look, you–you've been in therapy for a year. You know when I ask you to talk about anything, I mean anything that affects you —what upset you, what made you mad or relieved or joyful. You want me to believe that this case means nothing? Then, um… why should I listen to it?
[Nolan gets up and goes to the table. He picks up a couple of magazine then puts one back. He returns to his chair, carrying the other. He settles in and opens “Wooden Boat.” Licking his fingers, he deliberately turns the page. House stares at him until the second page is turned.]
House: Are you charging me for this time?
Nolan: [not looking up] Yes.
House: This is ridiculous.
[He gets up and picks up his cane. As he turns toward the door, Nolan speaks.]
Nolan: What's that? On the back of your arm?
[House turns his upper arm so he can see it.]
House: It's just a bruise. And I fell.
Nolan: You remember falling?
House: No. I was drunk… Hence the balance issues. [He reaches for his jacket.]
Nolan: Well, it looks like you fell on the tip of someone's boot.
[House doesn’t pick up his jacket. He looks at the bruise again. He inhales loudly.]
House: I said something that someone objected to.
Nolan: Well, if you don't remember, then how can you—
House: It's usually the way it is when someone hits me. People who kick when you're down are jerks, but they're generally not irrational jerks.
Nolan: You got drunk enough to get into a bar fight and not remember, and you've been insisting that everything's fine? W–why–why go out and get blind drunk? Were you looking for a fight?
House: I don't know.
Nolan: [closing the magazine] What have you screwed up?
House: [puzzled] What?
Nolan: You say that when you've been hit in the past, it's because you provoked it with something that you said, which means you're well aware of the risks. So on some level, you were in that bar looking for someone to hurt you. Logically, people punish themselves for something they did or something they didn't do. So what… did you screw up?
House: [thinks, then shakes his head. speaks quietly] I don't know. [long pause] Okay, there may be a problem.
[House is back in his chair, slumped far down.]
Nolan: All right… Let's talk about Wilson.
[Cut to the street outside Dutch’s pawn shop. Wilson comes out.]
Wilson: I told him your book was contaminated with Anthrax spores. Then I gave him $300. [holds up a slip of paper] The address of the buyer. [pause] Maybe I was hasty in asking you to move out. Why don't you stay with me and Sam for a little while? There's no need to hurry things.
House: What prompted this?
Wilson: Look, the whole idea was that after Mayfield, you wouldn't be on your own. I can touch base with you a lot more easily if you're staying with me than—
House: [grabbing the address] God's sake, Wilson. You really span the chasm from wishy to washy. If you're gonna be an ass, be an ass. Stick with it.
[Cut to Nolan’s office.]
Nolan: Why were you being so hard on the guy, when he was being conciliatory?
House: Come on. Cuddy played on his guilt. She put him up to this.
Nolan: How do you know that? How do you know this wasn't entirely his own idea?
House: Two reasons — first, he wants to create the perfect environment to be with Sam. He's been thinking about asking me to leave for a while. Finally he does it and immediately turns around and changes his mind? No. He talked to somebody.
Nolan: Maybe it was Sam.
[Cut to Sam and Wilson on the couch. She’s on her back with her arms around him. They kiss.]
House: [voice over] Yeah, that's a possibility.
Wilson: I want this to be the last serious relationship I ever have. I want this to be the one.
Sam: Me too. [They kiss again.] Where's House? It's not as meaningful without him. [She breaks the hug, plants both hands on his chest and pushes him away, hard.]
[Cut to Nolan’s office]
Nolan: Okay, um… Not Sam. Uh, that still doesn't answer why Cuddy.
House: Because they've been talking about me. She called me to check on the patient, which she never does without a reason. I asked why, and she said…
[Cut to Cuddy, sitting on her desk, talking to House on the phone.]
Cuddy: She's a barracuda attorney, House. These are the kind of patients we like to keep happy.
[As Cuddy talks, the camera pans clockwise, past the window with brown wood blinds. It stops just before the door to the office when it reaches House and Nolan who are sitting in their armchairs with the coffee table between them. House turns his head to the right to answer her.]
House: Right now the patient's lucky if she can spell jurisprudence.
[House and Nolan look at each other as Cuddy starts to answer. Partway through, the camera cuts to her, still sitting on her desk. House and Nolan are in the background.]
Cuddy: Yeah, but when she gets that memory back, which we are trying to make happen, she'll be able to spell lawsuit. I'm just touching base.
House: Touching base. Wilson used exactly the same phrase. Colluding about me is their favorite pastime.
Nolan: Okay, you think they talked. How do you think that conversation went?
[House looks back to where Cuddy was sitting. The only light is a dim desk lamp.]
Wilson: I'm worried about House.
[The light gets stronger. Cuddy is behind her desk. Wilson is in the visitor’s chair in front of it.]
Cuddy: Me too. Couldn't you have waited? It's way too early for him to be on his own, back in the old apartment. What makes you think he can handle it?
Wilson: I offered to find him a new place.
[House and Nolan listen to this. House seems uncomfortable and embarrassed.]
Cuddy: [voice over] You have to let him back into your condo.
Wilson: [voice over] Sam and I just got him out of the condo.
Cuddy: You know what House is like. He's self-destructive.
[House, who is actually narrating the whole story to Nolan, can be seen — but not heard — saying “He’s self-destructive” to Nolan at the same time Cuddy says it to Wilson.]
Cuddy: [back on camera] Without constant supervision, he's gonna slide back into drugs. If you're not watching him, I've got to.
Wilson: [nodding] Yeah.
Nolan: So they don't trust you. They assume you'll fail. Are these their fears or yours?
[House doesn’t answer. Nolan stands and walks to right wall of Cuddy’s office. He turns on the floor lamps on either side of the couch.]
Nolan: Let's turn on the lights, Hmm? In your brain. Maybe they did talk about you, but… How do you know it didn't happen like this?
[As Nolan heads back to his chair, he passes Cuddy and Wilson who are now sitting side by side in the middle of the couch.]
Wilson: I'm worried about House.
Wilson: It's the first time he'll be on his own since Mayfield.
Cuddy: Now you're being overprotective. House doesn't need to be wrapped in cotton wool. But you know that, or you wouldn't have asked him to move out.
Wilson: Okay. I guess this is really about me. It's just… I feel like a jerk. Sure, Sam and I are gonna want to be on our own eventually, but I kind of sprang this on him. The right way would have been to just tell him to take as long as he needed, that there's no hurry.
Cuddy: So it's not what you did, but how you did it.
Wilson: That matters in a friendship. I need to fix this.
Cuddy: Why don't you talk to him about moving back in? Just touch base.
[The door opens and Taub walks in.]
Taub: We're having a consent issue with the patient.
Nolan: Wait a minute. Taub's not here.
[Taub turns to leave.]
House: Yeah, he is.
[The door can be heard opening again and Taub is back where he was standing a moment before.]
Taub: We're having a consent issue with the patient.
Nolan: What's Taub doing in my imaginary version of a scene with Wilson and Cuddy?
House: Your version needed to be ended, 'cause it's crap. It's all sweetness and light and… faith that I'm gonna choose the right path. Yeah, that sounds like Wilson.
[Wilson and Cuddy are sitting, motionless, on the sofa looking very unhappy. The light on them dims.]
[Cut to Nolan and House back in Nolan’s office.]
Nolan: I have as much evidence for mine as you do for yours. I know Wilson's your friend. So he could be wondering if he did right by you. And I know he wouldn't have asked you to move out in the first place unless he was convinced you could handle life on your own.
House: And I know that he and Cuddy have gone behind my back before to strategize about the House problem.
Nolan: So there's truth in both versions. But you choose to focus on the parts that make you uncomfortable. So… [leans forward] Why are you and Wilson… friends? Do you think this friendship is the best you can do?
House: Wilson is not a consolation prize.
Nolan: There… You're defending him. And a minute ago, he was skulking around in the background like some sort of manipulative Iago.
House: [glowering] He's my friend.
Nolan: So what do you value in him?
House: [thinks] I can say whatever I want to him, and he'll never leave.
Nolan: He's sort of leaving. At least, he won't be around as much… because he's putting Sam first.
House: For now. After the divorce, he'll probably ask me to move in again. I take the long view.
Nolan: You say that to Wilson?
House: Are you kidding? That's the kind of remark that leads people to hit you.
Nolan: Uh, maybe you've been right from the beginning. Maybe this isn't about Wilson.
House: You say that now that I finally agree with you? Do you just argue the opposite of whatever I say?
Nolan: I don't mean the Wilson thing doesn't, uh, bother you, uh, but it sounds like he's the closest you can come to a safe relationship. You'd have to do something major to screw it up. Um, what–what else have you been involved in this week? What would you want to punish yourself for?
House: [thinking] I told you, I don't know.
Nolan: Okay, um, let's approach it from a different angle. Have you gotten any other people angry at you over anything?
House: Well, yeah. That's why I called it an ordinary week.
Nolan: Okay. Tell me about it.
[Cut to Sidney’s room. She’s sitting up and glaring at someone.]
Jay: You'd be losing a part of your brain.
Sidney: It is my brain. Why is it not my right to consent?
[House enters, followed by Taub.]
Jay: I'm sorry, but… I'll take this to court if necessary. All right, Sidney's in no position to make decisions about herself right now. She doesn't even know who she is.
Sidney: I read your consent form, and I understood it. I want the surgery.
Jay: Why wouldn't she? Of course she's willing to risk losing her memories permanently. She has no idea how important those memories are. Does she even know what risk is? She's never lost anything.
House: Without the surgery, she'll lose everything. The prion infection will continue to advance and destroy her whole brain.
Jay: Well, there has to be another way. Please. I'm speaking for my wife, the wife I lived with for four years who isn't here and can't defend herself. [House turns and stares at a monitor.] Dr. House, are you listening?
House: Well, you can stop arguing, 'cause it doesn't matter anymore. Look at the variability in the heart rate. The S.E. has spread into the brain stem.
Sidney: W–wherever it is, you–you can still cut it out.
Taub: No. We can't cut the brain stem.
House: This thing's moving too quickly. Surgery's no longer an option, which I guess means you've won. Congratulations. [to Taub] Put in a pacer and start her on chemo and radiation. It won't cure her, but it'll buy a couple weeks so she can find out who she is before she dies.
[He walks out, leaving a shocked Jay and Sidney.]
[Cut to Nolan’s office. House is rubbing his leg.]
Nolan: That was pretty rough Do you always break the news to your patients that way? Or were you short-handing it for me?
House: Husband was being an idiot.
Nolan: Well, he was asking for it. But, um, to punish him you have to punish the wife too. Why–why did he make you so angry, Hmm? Because he didn't want to cooperate with you?
House: He'd rather risk his wife's life than their marriage. People's brains stop working when they think they're gonna lose someone they love.
Nolan: Your leg hurt?
House: It's all right.
Nolan: Okay. Anyone else you pissed off?
[Cut to a suburban lawn. Someone is cutting the grass. At the front door, House is talking to Harris.]
House: 50 bucks for the book.
Harris: Forget it.
House: You paid $25. That's 100% return.
Harris: That's what I paid. But it's a rare surgical text, nearly 100 years old — plates in mint condition. That book's worth several thousand dollars.
House: $2,000. I'll write you a check.
Harris: Nice try. Face it — I had the wit to recognize something valuable when I saw it. In the great Darwinian race, I get my just reward. You become road kill.
[He steps back in the house and closes the door. House can be seen, slightly warped, through the ornate glass in the door. He turns and starts to walk away.]
[Cut to House’s car. He sits behind the wheel but the engine isn’t on. The passenger door opens and Alvie gets in.]
Alvie: Yo, House, you want to stop by the library? 'Cause I got a book to return. Ta-ka-plow! [He pulls the book from under his shirt. As House takes it, Alvie raps]
Old Professor tried to hoard/slash/hog
You can't stop Alvie with no guard-ass dog
House: Anyone see you?
Alvie: Yeah, prof saw me walking down the driveway. He said the roses need more fertilizer.
[Alvie puts his sunglasses and seatbelt on as House smiles and starts the car.]
[Cut to House’s office. Alvie is by the door, examining the phrenology head.]
Alvie: I didn't know there was a section of the brain just for hope.
House: It's very, very tiny.
Taub: [enters] We used fluoroscopy to guide pacemaker placement in the patient's heart.
Alvie: Hello. [He cheerfully joins House and Taub at the desk.]
Taub: [to Alvie, noncommittal] Hello. [to House] Rapidly progressive dilated cardiomyopathy. This isn't S.E., and whatever it is, it's not just in her brain. It's attacking her whole body.
Alvie: You work for House? I guess we're teammates. Isn't that cool?
Taub: [uncomfortable] Hello.
[As Taub turns back to talk to House, two officers enter the office. The man, Officer Durkee, reaches into his suit pocket for a court order. The female officer, who is behind him, has handcuffs clearly visible on her belt.]
Durkee: Juan Alvarez?
Alvie: What the hell?
[The jingle of the handcuffs can be heard.]
Durkee: We're taking you into custody — deportation order.
Alvie: I'm a citizen. You're disrespecting Puerto Rico.
Durkee: If you're a citizen, why'd you miss your hearing?
[Alvie looks at House whose head is down but he makes eye contact with Alvie. He looks uncomfortable.]
Alvie: You called them?
[They lead Alvie out, his hand cuffed behind him.]
Taub: What's going on?
[Cut to the Diagnostics conference room. Foreman is talking loudly.]
Foreman: We're trying to stabilize her heart. She's still tachy and hypotensive.
[Cut to courtroom. House is on his cell phone, talking to Foreman as Alvie is led in. He is seated directly in front of House.]
House: Brain, heart, and rapidly progressing.
Thirteen: [voice over] Endocarditis — slow-moving infection in her heart throws clots to her brain.
Alvie: [turning his head toward House just a bit] I'm not talking to you. How could you turn me in?
Chase: [Voice over] Her extreme exercise suppresses her immune system, [cut to Diagnostics] allows the infection to smolder.
House: [voice over] Or allows an old infection to reactivate it — TB. [cut to courtroom] Start her on a multidrug regimen.
Alvie: I don't like you, House. [looking back at House] I hate you.
Taub: [voice over] Even I.V. Antibiotics will take time to work.
Court Officer: A gentle reminder — the use of cell phones is prohibited.
House: Give her the first dose directly into the lungs in the O.R.
Court Officer: Before the less gentle arrest for contempt.
House: Put her in an isolation room with U.V. light. And get yourselves tested. You've all been exposed.
[He finishes quickly, closes his phone and sits up politely. The court officer stares at him for a minute before continuing.]
Court Officer: Docket number 4378.
[The judge raps her gavel. Alvie and his lawyer step to the railing. House also stands up and comes forward.]
Public Defender: You are?
House: I am Mr. Alvarez's doctor. [He hands her a sheet of paper, which she unfolds and reads.]
Public Defender: Your honor, DNA evidence proving the matriarchal lineage of Juan Alvarez. [She approaches the bench.]
[Cut to the hallway outside the courtroom.]
Alvie: My mother's DNA was still on that cross?
House: It could be.
Alvie: You faked it? [He jumps on House to hug him.] It wasn't just me. You lied to them too!
House: I'm better at it than you are.
Alvie: I'm gonna repaint your whole apartment now, make the drapes match the carpet now!
[Cut to the hospital. Sidney is being wheeled down a hall by Foreman as Chase listens with his stethoscope. They pass House who then follows them.]
Chase: Lungs sound wet. O-2 sats are dropping.
Foreman: May need to tube her. Grab some I.V. furosemide.
[They turn into the room with the ultra-violet light House ordered for Sidney’s TB.]
House: Wait, wait.
Foreman: She's crashing.
Chase: We need to get her on a vent.
House: There's something on her ankle. [He touches her leg]
Chase: "Eddie would go." It's a surfing phrase. Must be from her earlier life.
House: She tried to get it removed, but they only took off the top layers of skin. The ink is still in the deeper layers. [cut to Nolan’s office] Set off an allergic reaction. She was fine until she started the long-distance running. The ultra-marathoning modified her immune system, set off the allergic reaction. We did a full thickness skin graft, and she'll be okay.
Nolan: So you were right… in the end. It was her past. Did she get her memory back?
[Cut to Sidney’s room. She smiles and smells a huge bouquet of roses.]
House: [voice over] Not yet.
[House and Nolan are standing in the hall, looking into Sidney’s room.]
Nolan: Will she?
House: No way to know.
Sidney: I think roses are my favorite. But I guess I told you that at some point.
Jay: I don't remember.
Nolan: He's treating her as though they just met. He's courting her. Whose idea was that? [House walks off, quickly.] He was doing the opposite of everything he should. Suddenly he's changed.
House: Taub thought it might—
Nolan: [following House down the hall] That was your idea. And you asked me what I thought was going on between them. It's their relationship that's on your mind. That's why you've been thinking about this case — relationships. Lost one with Wilson, gained one with Alvie.
House: Not exactly.
[House enters his apartment carrying a take out bag. He hangs his cane on the molding.]
[He takes off his jacket and takes his cane back. He sees a note on the coffee table, under the gyroscope. He puts the bag of food on the table, picks up the note and sits on the couch, reading it.]
Nolan: [voice over] You gonna tell me what the note said?
House: [putting the note down] Alvie was very grateful that I'd gotten him out of trouble. It allowed him to go stay with his cousin in Phoenix without worrying about immigration looking for him there.
[Nolan is sitting in the armchair from his office, next to the piano/in front of the fireplace.]
Nolan: You didn't think he was gonna stay forever.
Nolan: What happened next?
[Bluesy music plays and House sits on his couch, drinking.]
House: [voice over] Nothing happened next.
[House picks up the empty bottle in his left hand. He looks at the bottle and the glass for a few moments then puts them both back on the table. He gets up, grabs his jacket and leaves — presumably for the bar where he got kicked.]
[Cut to Nolan’s office. House bounces his cane on the floor a couple of times.]
House: That's all I got.
Nolan: [thinking, sighs] Relationships.
House: Bergman. [shrugs] What do you want me to say?
Nolan: I don't know. You're the one who set the theme — something about relationships made you go out and provoke a fight. Wilson and Sam have a relationship. You're not thrilled about it.
House: They're happy. Why should I screw that up? Everyone's happy. Everyone's moving in together — Wilson and Sam, Cuddy and Lucas. Even Alvie's—
Nolan: Cuddy and Lucas are moving in together? You didn't mention that.
House: They talked about moving in together before. It's not big news.
Nolan: Cuddy… [He gets up.] Cuddy. “Approach to the Acute Abdomen”… [He types something into his computer.] Written by Ernest T. Cuddy, M.D. Any relation to your Cuddy?
House: Her great-grandfather. I've had it for years… Always meant to give it to her for a special occasion.
Nolan: Like her… housewarming?
House: It's just a gift.
[House gets up as Nolan returns to his armchair.]
Nolan: A woman you care about is taking one step further away from you and closer to someone else? I–I think I can safely say yes, it's significant if you don't mention it. You were willing to punish the husband of your patient because you identified with him. He was also losing someone he loved.
House: I'm not gonna go out and get hammered because a woman I'm not even with is moving in with someone. That'd be pathetic. To hell with this. When I first came to you, I told you that I wanted to be happy, and I followed your advice. And instead, I'm just miserable. How is this working for me?
Nolan: It takes time.
House: For a year, I've done everything you've asked, and everybody else is happy. I run on my treadmill. You just sit there and watch. You're a faith healer. You take advantage of people who want to believe. But there's nothing in your bag of tricks.
[House picks up his jacket and opens the door.]
House: Whatever the answer is, you don't have it.
[He leaves, closing the door. Nolan sits with his hand on his head, which is bowed.]