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House Transcripts
It's like Clinic Duty for the transcribers
House MD - 3.11 Words and Deeds 
22nd-Feb-2007 11:18 pm
Doc On Duty
Originally Aired: January 9, 2007

Written by: Leonard Dick
Directed by: Daniel Sackheim

Transcribed by: Coby (cobbly)
Betaed by: Heidi G (delsilencio)


DISCLAIMER: We don't own "HOUSE." It's owned by FOX and NBC/Universal, and produced by Heel and Toe Films and Bad Hat Harry Productions. This transcript is unofficial, and should UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be copied or distributed, especially for commercial use.



[Sirens blaring, building on fire, firefighters putting it out, two come running out of the burning building]

DEREK: You ok?

AMY: Yes... my clip woulda veened.

BROCK: What the hell do you think you two were doing?

AMY: We thought we heard someone in there.

BROCK: You NEVER go in without authorisation!

DEREK: Captain this is all me, Amy just followed me in.

BROCK: So torching your ass last year wasn't enough huh? You need to stop trying to prove how tough you are before you get yourself killed.

DEREK: Yes sir.

BROCK: [To Amy] Go have the paramedics look you over.

[Amy and Brock walk away]

RANDOM FIREFIGHTER: C'mon Derek lets get this ladder to the 2nd story. Let’s go.

[Derek goes to get on the truck but stops and starts struggling for breath, he takes off his helmet and puts on a gas mask. Still trying to breathe he puts his helmet back on and starts stumbling towards the burning building, Amy sees him and runs after him]

AMY: Derek! ... Derek!

[She tackles him to the ground before him can make it inside]

AMY: Derek.

[She turns him over and pulls off his gas mask]

AMY: What's happening?

DEREK: I'm... freezing!


[Opening credits]


[PPTH: Cameron is using the stethoscope on Derek's back who has some pretty nasty scars all over his back and chest]

DEREK: I'm fine.

CAMERON: ER docs don't think so. Your temperature is going up and down like a roller coaster. How old are these skin grafts?

DEREK: Last one was about six months ago.

CAMERON: We're gonna run some tests and we'll get a consult with Dr House.

DEREK: I'll be fine.

BROCK: You'll be doing what the doctor said, got it? [Derek nods] I'll check in later.

[Brock walks away]

AMY: Hey, the way you covered for me last night.

DEREK: He's my brother; I know how to eat it from him.

AMY: I'm gonna stop by after my shift ok?

[Derek nods, Amy walks away]

DEREK: [To Cameron] So where is this Dr House?

CAMERON: [Thinks about it] Speaking engagement.

[Cut to House in court]

HOUSE: Not guilty.

JUDGE: And on the charge of gaining control of said medication by fraud how do you plead?

HOUSE: Not guilty.

[Shot of Tritter looking annoyed]

JUDGE: Very well, preliminary hearing is set for the 19th at 10am at which time I'll determine whether there is enough evidence to proceed to trial. The next case on the calendar People versus Williams charges assault 2nd degree with intent to cause injury...

[Judge Davis's voice trails off as House spots Tritter at the back of the courtroom, he starts to go towards him but his lawyer, Howard Gemeiner stops him]

GEMEINER: You’re going to go talk to him?

HOUSE: I was just going to ask him where he gets his haircut.

GEMEINER: [Whispering] They have your signature, prescription log, a security camera video and a pharmacist’s sworn statement saying you stole the dead guy’s pills. You’re already looking at 10 years, you wanna add witness intimidation charge? Go ahead, ask him about his hair.

[House glares at Tritter but stays where he is.]

[Cut to diagnostics office where House is sitting at the table rubbing his leg. Cameron drops a file on the table in front of him]

CAMERON: He suffered 3rd degree burns over 54% of his body a year ago and arrived in the ER last night disorientated and shivering. Twelve hours, his temperature was bouncing between 96 and 102.

CHASE: [To House] Why don't you contest the search of the pharmacy records?

FOREMAN: Yeah you could argue it violated doctor-patient confidentiality.

CAMERON: Except that he wasn't the patient or the doctor, he was the guy who stole from the patient and the doctor. [To House] This was the 3rd time he's been disorientated in the last 2 weeks.

HOUSE: Running into smoke filled burning buildings can be a bit disorienting. Fortunately I have the cure, stop doing it.

CAMERON: He's not in a burning building anymore and he's still shivering.

FOREMAN: A hypothalamic tumour can cause vacillating temperatures.

HOUSE: So could ER nurses who were too busy to notice that a patient likes both hot coffee and cold sodas [Gets up to walk towards his office, Cameron stands in front of him]

CAMERON: He tested negative for Hep C, TB, HIV, Lyme and his tox screen's clean.

[House tries to walk past her she moves in front of him again]

HOUSE: In case you hadn't noticed, not exactly in the mood to dance.

CAMERON: I'm not asking you to dance, I'm asking you to do your job.

[House takes the file and looks around at Chase and Foreman, Chase immediately puts his head down and pretends he's not looking, Foreman just stares back at House]

HOUSE: EKG showed arrhythmia, probably just a mild heart attack.

CAMERON: No chest pain, smoke inhalation already explains the arrhythmia.

CHASE: He was in the burn unit for six months and had multiple surgeries, could be a hospital acquired infection maybe MRSA.

HOUSE: Works for me, draw blood cultures start him on antibiotics, Vancomycin plus broad gram-negative coverage.

[Ducklings start to walk out]

[Cut to house walking into Cuddy's office]

HOUSE: If you called to see the design for my prison tatts, they're still at R and D.

CUDDY: You need to talk to Tritter.

HOUSE: Not according to my lawyer.

CUDDY: Your lawyer isn't going to be able to get the DA to drop the case, Tritter can.

HOUSE: Yeah, you know what else Tritter can do?

[Cuddy slams the file down on her desk]

CUDDY: You're not impressing anyone. You may call yourself principled but what you really are is a stubborn adolescent idiot! This isn't his fault.

HOUSE: I'm not the one who--

CUDDY: [Walking towards House] YOU used the rectal thermometer on him, YOU insulted him instead of apologising, YOU flaunted your drug use in his face and you REFUSED to accept a deal...

HOUSE: I accepted the deal!

CUDDY: Not until after you stole a dead guy's pills.

HOUSE: Allegedly.

CUDDY: Tritter has been opening doors for you every step of the way and you keep slamming them shut. There are no more openings to give House, if you wanna stay out of prison you gotta make one for yourself. [She goes to her desk and brings over a script and puts it in House's hand] It’s for Vicodin, You function better on it. Talk to him.

[Cut to isolation room, Cameron in scrubs taking blood out of Derek's arm]

CAMERON: MRSA is a bacteria that often infects hospital patients, the burns on your chest and arm exposed raw flesh that made you a wide open target.

DEREK: But the antibiotics will take care of it right?

CAMERON: Depends on what strain it is, we will know more once we get the results back from these cultures.

DEREK: So this MRSA thing? Would it make everything look blue?

[Cut to elevator doors opening revealing ducklings]

FOREMAN: He's seeing blue [House still in elevator pops a pill] where'd you get the script from?

[Cue walk and talk]

HOUSE: Cuddy. Wanna know what I gave her?

CAMERON: MRSA wouldn't change his ocular palette.

FOREMAN: Heavy metal poisoning could cause vision changes, particularly thallium.

CHASE: If it was thallium he'd be losing his hair.

HOUSE: [walking into his office] So maybe it’s menopause.

FOREMAN: He's 28 years old.

CHASE: Yes, his age is the reason it's weird that a MAN has menopause.

HOUSE: Male menopause, high oestrogen, low testosterone, explains temperature swings, disorientation, endocrinologically similar to female menopause but without the vaginas and mah-jong tiles. [Walking out of his office again after grabbing his coat]

FOREMAN: [Following House, cue another walk and talk] Male menopause doesn't explain the vision.

HOUSE: Blue vision isn't a symptom, it's a side effect of Viagra, it’s right there on the label, which I have no reason to have read except that I'm a doctor, but then...

[Reaching the elevator]

CAMERON: [Interrupts House] He's not taking Viagra.

HOUSE: You mean he didn't tell YOU he was taking Viagra, and I don't care how sick he is, trust me, he still thinks he's got a shot. Menopause causes temperature swings, limpness, limpness causes pills, pills cause the blueness.

CHASE: He's presenting no other signs of premature aging.

HOUSE: Aging's not the only cause, you said he's got burns to 54% of his body, sure it’s not 55%?

FOREMAN: Burns to his genitals could cause testicular trauma.

HOUSE: Which could in turn cause...

[Ducklings nod, elevator dings]

House: [Going into the elevator] Run a hormone panel, comes back positive pump him full of testosterone and send him home. And stop following me. [elevator closes]

[Cut to Derek's room Cameron is inserting testosterone pills into his arm]

DEREK: Thank god my parents are dead, if my old man heard I had menopause I'd never live it down.

FOREMAN: It’s nothing to be ashamed of, once these testosterone pills dissolve your system will be back to normal.

DEREK: Yeah but till then I'm an old lady.

[Cameron laughs; Amy sticks her head into the room and knocks]

AMY: Ok to come in?

CAMERON: It’s not MRSA, he's not being isolated anymore.

DEREK: Anyone not in a white coat is welcome.

AMY: You're looking better, how you feeling?

DEREK: Good, it turns out I got some hormone thing, they're fixing it right now.

[Derek suddenly sits up straight in pain, and then starts to relax again]

AMY: You ok?

DEREK: Yea I think so I just... [Up straight again]

FOREMAN: Derek you in pain?

[Derek lies down again]

DEREK: You need to get these out.

CAMERON: What's wrong?

[Derek starts trying to scratch them out of his arm]

AMY: [Freaking out] What's going on?

FOREMAN: [Getting something out of a drawer] Looks like an allergic reaction.

CAMERON: [To Derek] Hold on we’re going to get you something to stop it.

DEREK: No just take them out!

CAMERON: You gotta calm down.

DEREK: No get them out! [Grabs Cameron round the neck and starts chocking her] Get them out!

AMY: Derek! Derek let her go! Derek let her go!

[Foreman rushes over and starts trying to pry his hands open]

FOREMAN: 2mg of IV lorazepam stat!

[Nurse comes and injects the lorazepam into his IV and he lets Cameron go]

[Cut to House walking into Tritter's office]

TRITTER: Complaint department's across the hall [House walks over to him] I'm busy, can I just assume that you told me how unfair I'm being and...

HOUSE: [cuts him off] I'm sorry... You could throw a dart at all the adjectives between arrogant and unhinged and I'm sure you'd hit one that describes me. There's a reason I operate that way... I live in pain. Pain that on good days is merely intolerable and on bad ones will suck the life-force right out of you. Doesn't mean that I've handled this right, actually, means I was wrong.

TRITTER: Thank you. I know that couldn't have been easy for you to say. Even if you don't mean a word of it. [Tritter starts to walk away but House follows him]

HOUSE: I'm sorry! You can hook me up to a damn polygraph.

TRITTER: And I'm sure you'd pass. The thing is I've never been interested in what you have to say; all I care about is what you do. I'll see you at the hearing.

[Aerial shot of PPTH]

[Cut to diagnostics office, shot of House from under the table playing with a pill]

FOREMAN: It wasn't the medicine. Contamination and allergy tests both came back negative.

CHASE: And there's nothing to suggest a pulmonary embolism.

CAMERON: And his EKG showed the expected tachycardia from the exertion of the attack ...[House continues to play with his pill, Cameron gets sarcastic] and I'm fine by the way thanks for asking.

FOREMAN: Aggression comes on that fast, it's gotta have a neurologic basis. We should do a CT for frontal lobe tumour and an LP for meningitis.

HOUSE: Great, have at it. [Walks out]

CAMERON: [Follows] That's it, no challenging our theory, no tearing us down.

HOUSE: No need, you got it under control.

CHASE: Where you going?

HOUSE: Upstairs this time.

FOREMAN: To do what?

HOUSE: Check myself into rehab. [Elevator closes]

[Cut to McDaniel Drug Rehabilitation Wing at PPTH]

CUDDY: Did Tritter offer you another deal?

HOUSE: Nope, this is all me. So no slaps on the back? Encouraging words...

WILSON: We are just trying to understand what this is.

HOUSE: I hope this is me detoxing, otherwise I soiled a perfectly good pair of underwear last night for nothing.

CUDDY: So this is for real, this is not just a show for Tritter?

HOUSE: Absolutely it's a show for Tritter, and the Judge, unfortunately unless it's real, there is no show. Hey if it doesn't help my case at least I'll go to prison with heightened senses, all the better to enjoy my strolls around the yard.

VOLDEMORT (Guy who works at the Rehab centre): [walks over to their table] Time’s up, group's starting.

[Wilson pulls out a bag of stuff and goes to give it to House but Voldemort takes it off him]

VOLDEMORT: Going to need to check that stuff.

HOUSE: When I lead the big patient rebellion, Voldemort here is the first to go.

[Cuddy pats House on the back]

[Cut to diagnostics room]

CAMERON: CT was normal, no frontal lobe tumour, LP was negative for meningitis, we're back to square one.

CHASE: What about something vascular, polyarteritis nodosa.

FOREMAN: Brain lesions would've shown up on the CT. Legionnaires explains the chills and temperature; altered mental status causes the aggression.

CAMERON: We would've seen respiratory problems. [Getting impatient with the DDX] We're throwing darts; we need to go to House.

FOREMAN: We need to deal with this ourselves.

CAMERON: He can make the time, Derek's still his patient.

CHASE: The man's life as he knows it could be over. I'd think you of all people would wanna cut him some slack.

CAMERON: We're treating a man who runs into burning buildings for perfect strangers. He didn't ask for what's happening to him. House did everything to himself, he's been cut more than enough slack.

FOREMAN: Right now, House has more important things to deal with.

[Cut to House in group therapy playing with what I would call a chatterbox but I believe Americans call a cootie catcher]

WOMAN: That was the first time I'd seen him in months, I guess I was hoping he'd put his arms around me and tell me he understood, but he said he wasn't ready to forgive me.

THERAPIST: He may never be ready, you're doing the only thing you can do, keep trying. How about you Greg? You thought about how to fix things with people in your life?

HOUSE: No need, people in my life have no expectations of me, makes all our lives easier.

THERAPIST: Apparently not. The first step in recovery...

HOUSE: [cuts him off] Is admitting I have a problem, I've obviously already done that or I wouldn't be here. I've even embraced step 2, I've admitted there's a higher power, may not be a god per se...[Therapist nods in acceptance] but that Andre the giant guy was powerful. Where I start to butt up against it is step 3, surrendering my will to this higher power. I'm sure Andre's ghost has my back and all but my free will, I never leave home without it.

THERAPIST: Kinda like your pills. If you could do this on your own I assume you wouldn't be here.

HOUSE: [thinks about it] True.

[Cut back to diagnostics office and Cameron is crossing off another illness on the white board- sarcoidosis.]

CHASE: [Thinking, suddenly realising something] Everybody lies. [Smiling] His tox screen.

CAMERON: It's been clean every time.

CHASE: Exactly. It shouldn't be. He's had extensive skin grafts which hurt like hell.

CAMERON: Not everybody's House, people can handle pain without any medication.

CHASE: But they do have pain. This guy's worried about losing his job so he's hiding the pain. We find out where the pain is, maybe we find out where the problem is.

FOREMAN: Or he doesn't feel pain.

CHASE: Either way, it's something.

[All three beepers go off]

[Cut to Derek struggling to breathe, Cameron is the first of the ducklings to run in]

CAMERON: When?

NURSE: Two minutes ago pulse is 137, respiration 42.

AMY: He was fine he was just telling me a joke...

CAMERON: Get her outta here!

FOREMAN: No fluid in his lungs.

CAMERON: O2 stats are 85, he's hypoxic were going to have to intubate.

CHASE: [looking at the monitor] It's not his lungs! He's got marked ST elevation he's having a heart attack [Chase injects him with a syringe]

[Cut to House, in his room at rehab, lying on his bed still playing with his toy, Voldemort walks in with some meds]

HOUSE: Pick a colour.

VOLDEMORT: [ignores him and hands him the meds] Medication time.

[House opens it up and reads Voldemort his fortune anyway]

HOUSE: [Sarcastically] You are a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.

[He takes his meds, Voldemort walks out]

[Cut back to Cameron coming out of Derek's room]

CAMERON: He's stable.

FOREMAN: Won't stay that way, his blood test showed troponins and CK-MB up. Chase was right, he was hiding chest pain, he's been having a whole series of heart attacks.

CAMERON: Heart attacks can't cause you to reach out and choke someone.

FOREMAN: Lack of oxygen to the brain causes disorientation, increased adrenalin causes rage.

CHASE: More important question is what caused the attacks.

[Foreman sighs, they look at each other, and then Cameron starts to walk off]

FOREMAN: Where you going?

CAMERON: To see House, we have a 28 year old with clean arteries, no valvular abnormalities, having multiple heart attacks. I'm not going to wait for Chase to give us another breakthrough.

[Cut to House with his head in the toilet throwing up]

CHASE: Maybe we should go.

CAMERON: We don't have an answer yet.

HOUSE: I'm fine by the way, thanks for asking! Whoever came up with buprenorphine to wean off Vicodin should be shot. And then stabbed in the eye [Yelling to Voldemort who is standing just outside the room] I think someone needs to adjust my meds!

CAMERON: The heart shows no sign of inflammation or...

HOUSE: The cause of the heart attacks isn't internal it must be external, something environmental.

CHASE: None of the attacks happened in the same place.

HOUSE: Still must be something in common.

CAMERON: First one happened in an apartment building fire.

FOREMAN: Fire, water, smoke, oxygen masks.

CAMERON: The 2nd and 3rd ones happened here there's no fire, no water, no smoke.

CHASE: His clothes were all different he'd been cleaned.

HOUSE: That's the what's, how bout the who's?

CAMERON: His partner Amy was at all three attacks but...

HOUSE: Anyone else?

CHASE: People don't cause heart attacks.

HOUSE: Well then you should be worried about proving me wrong.

[Cut to waiting room, Brock sitting, Amy pacing, Cameron walks up]

CAMERON: Amy? Could you come with me please?

BROCK: Anything new on my brother?

CAMERON: We're not quite sure yet. [To Amy] Could you come with me?

AMY: Yeah.

[They walk into Derek's room]

AMY: What's this all about?

DEREK: I dunno, they wanted to talk to us together.

[Derek suddenly sits straight up in pain]

AMY: Derek!

[Cameron stops Amy from going any closer, Derek can't breathe, monitors go off, Chase puts an oxygen mask on him]

CAMERON: House was right.

[Cut to shot of outside, snowing, nighttime. Camera pans inside to Amy in a gown giving her clothes to Cameron]

AMY: I don't get it, how could I be causing his heart attacks?

CAMERON: You may be carrying an agent that triggered them. It could be anything. Mould spores, poisonous plant residues, something you picked up at a fire site. Until we identify the agent we can’t let you near Derek.

AMY: I can't believe that I'm doing this to him.

CAMERON: You can't blame yourself for this.

AMY: You know how he got those skin grafts?

CAMERON: He was trapped in a fire.

AMY: We were clearing rooms in an office building fire, the ceiling collapsed and it cut me off from the rest of the group. I kept yelling that I was fine but Derek refused to wait for the team to clear the debris so he took off looking for another access point. He got caught in a back draft. He almost died because of me once. And now it's happening again.

[Cut to a shot of a no smoking sign, camera zooms out to reveal House sitting underneath it smoking, blowing the smoke out of a half open window. Wilson walks in]

HOUSE: You're not my mom, you don't have to keep checking up on me.

[Wilson sighs and sits down]

WILSON: How you doing?

HOUSE: Not bad, considering I just learned that I'm completely powerless.

WILSON: See this big fancy wing? It was built because this program works

HOUSE: Faulty logic. This big fancy wing exists because some people with money think that it works. They wanna believe that they can buy a better world. This is nothing short of idealised despair, let people wallow in it.

WILSON: I don't even know what that means.

HOUSE: None of this means anything. It’s just nonsensical slogans and platitudes.

WILSON: [Getting annoyed] Meaning takes time. It takes work.

HOUSE: What do you think I've been doing?

WILSON: You've been here for two days! Talk about wallowing in it. We all get it, we know how much pain you have. You're here to deal with that and get on with your life.

HOUSE: Right! I should have an affair with a dying patient and move into a hotel.

WILSON: You're a coward house. You find fault in everybody because you're afraid to look at yourself.

HOUSE: Thanks, I was running short on platitudes, you can leave now. [Takes a drag of his cigarette and blows it in Wilson's face. Wilson walks out shaking his head]

[Cut to Cameron talking to Derek]

CAMERON: We tested Amy for about a dozen different agents but they all came back negative.

DEREK: [Smiling slightly] So she's not causing the attacks?

CAMERON: Derek, are you in love with her?

DEREK: What does that have to do with anything?

CAMERON: Amy told me how you got those skin grafts, and the way you're always watching out for her, and I see the way you look at her [Derek looks away and sighs] have you told her how you feel?

DEREK: She has a 6-year-old daughter.

CAMERON: Women with daughters can still fall in love.

DEREK: I know, because she did, with my brother, they're engaged.

[Cut to House still in rehab]

CAMERON: Broken heart syndrome, he's in love and it's killing him.

FOREMAN: Thought that only happened to 80-year-old widows.

CAMERON: Thanks to his menopause and oestrogen level he basically is an old woman, BHS is an acute physical response to an emotional experience, stress triggers a flood of catecholamines.

CHASE: That's a plain old stress cardiomyopathy, not a heart attack.

CAMERON: But if you're too worried about losing your job to get it treated they can develop into full on heart attacks, you think it's a coincidence this started when Amy got engaged?

HOUSE: No I don't, but now that you know the why what are you going to do to stop the how?

FOREMAN: I already put him on beta-blockers and nitroglycerin, no effect.

CAMERON: We need to put him on antidepressants.

HOUSE: Not if you're right. Antidepressants would inhibit his autonomic nervous system, which would only speed up the heart attacks.

CHASE: We could try propylthiouracil, slow down his metabolic rate.

HOUSE: Thyroid effect would only weaken the heart.

FOREMAN: Only other option is blood thinners.

HOUSE: This is not a fat guy with plaque-filled arteries and a swollen heart, he's a guy who's brain is trying to kill his heart.

CHASE: [Running out of ideas] So buy him a girlfriend, make him happy.

CAMERON: [Annoyed at Chase's suggestion] That might make YOU happy. The only thing that will make Derek happy is Amy.

CHASE: So keep him away from her.

CAMERON: He has a myocardial infarction every time she walks in the room, what do you think will happen to his heart when we tell him he can never see her again?

CHASE: He needs a shrink.

FOREMAN: Chase's idea is as good as any, I mean short of frying his brain and wiping Amy out, we're screwed.

HOUSE: [Epiphany] We need Cuddy.

FOREMAN: Why?

HOUSE: So you can tell her why you need to fry a guy's brain.

[Cut to Cuddy, now in rehab room with everyone else]

CUDDY: The guy's heart isn't working and you want to shock his brain?

HOUSE: Electroshock therapy is the only way to erase his memories of Amy and stop the brain’s chemical attack on the heart.

CUDDY: This isn't 1940, the problem can be controlled with antidepressants.

HOUSE: Cameron. [House goes to the fridge]

CAMERON: Antidepressants would inhibit his autonomic nervous system, speed up the attacks.

HOUSE: [Starts pouring himself a glass of milk] LMNO, PTU, blood thinners, none of them would solve this problem. He's got a real-life harlequin romance in his head, were going to pull out the 1940s playbook. Bilateral electrodes, high stimulus sine wave intensity, turning that dial all the way to 11. It's basic brain chemistry, we interrupt protein synthesis altering the neurotransmitter system, the result, no memories, no Amy, no problem. [Takes a drink]

CUDDY: [Thinks about it] Go ahead.

HOUSE: [To the ducklings] You heard the lady, go plug him in [They leave, Cuddy goes to leave as well] Am I really that pathetic? [Cuddy stops and looks at him]

CUDDY: What are you talking about?

HOUSE: If I'd pitched electroshock therapy as a cure for broken heart syndrome any other time, you'd have dug in and maybe tried another 100 useless things first. So either you're actually beginning to trust me or... you just feel sorry for me.

CUDDY: You presented a reasonable argument. You were clear-headed and non-impulsive about it. You never once used the word moron. The rehab's working House.

[Cut to aerial shot of PPTH]

CAMERON: You'll still be able to perform routine functions like walking, talking, tying your shoes [Camera moves inside where we see Cameron talking to Derek] the treatment targets the anterior cerebral cortex. It should only effect your experiential memories.

DEREK: So my parents, my childhood?

CAMERON: If this works, you won't remember them, or your firefighting training.

DEREK: And Amy.

CAMERON: Are you ok with that?

DEREK: I wouldn't miss her right?

CAMERON: Tell Amy how you feel, because if she loves you...

DEREK: [Shakes his head] I won’t do that to her. Or to my brother.

CAMERON: You're effectively killing who you are just to keep this secret.

DEREK: She doesn't love me.

[Cut to House moulding clay, Tritter walks up]

TRITTER: [Looking at what House has made] Caterpillar?

HOUSE: Lower intestine with ulcerative colitis. [Tritter smiles] You crash art therapy classes just for the adrenalin rush?

TRITTER: Cuddy wouldn't get off the phone until I promised I'd come see for myself. I gotta admit, this move I did not expect.

HOUSE: Well don't tell anyone but the photos of smiling people in the brochures, it's just marketing.

TRITTER: Well you're obviously making an effort. So I suppose the next step is for me to talk to the DA.

HOUSE: Which you have no intention of doing.

TRITTER: [Shakes head] No.

HOUSE: So words mean nothing, actions mean nothing, what the hell is left?

[Tritter shrugs his shoulders and walks away]

HOUSE: [Yelling from across the room] You son of a bitch! [Tritter stops and turns around] What about your words, your actions. [House gets up and starts walking over to Tritter] Gotta get House cleaned up, get him to show some humility, when it comes to actually doing something you prove that all you care about is bitch slapping a guy who refused to kiss your ass.

TRITTER: You ever trust an addict? You ever give one the benefit of the doubt? How many times did it work out for you?

HOUSE: Yeah yeah yeah, I get it, so you were screwed over by your mother, your wife, your partner, but you keep sending them Christmas cards while you take it out on everyone else.

TRITTER: No more Christmas cards, no I learned. People like you, even your actions lie [Tritter walks out, while House glares, Voldemort comes up behind House for a look]

[Cut to Derek getting hooked up for the electroshock treatment]

DEREK: I'm scared.

CAMERON: I know, we're going to give you a muscle relaxant so your body doesn't convulse.

ANETHESIOLOGIST: [Puts a gas mask on Derek] Count backwards from 10.

DEREK: 10...9...8...7... [Falls asleep]

[Cameron puts a plastic thing in Derek's mouth while foreman grabs the electrodes and holds them on Derek's temples]

FOREMAN: Go.

[Chase turns on all the dials and pushes the button and the camera follows the electrical pulse through the wire and into the brain]

[Cuts to Derek awake]

CAMERON: What's your name?

DEREK: Derek.

FOREMAN: Heart sounds good.

CAMERON: Do you know what city we're in?

DEREK: [Thinks for awhile] No.

CAMERON: Would you be ok with a couple visitors?

[Derek nods and Cameron goes to grab Amy and Brock]

BROCK: Derek, it’s me, Brock? I'm your brother, and when you get out of here you'll be staying with me. [Brock smiles, Derek looks blank]

AMY: I'm Amy. I'm your friend.

DEREK: I'm sorry. But I don't remember either of you.

[Cut to ducklings briefing House in rehab centre]

CAMERON: We've given him four rounds of electroshock, the charge made his voice a little higher but the EKG and BP are good.

HOUSE: Good.

FOREMAN: Going to give him his last round in the morning, then be at court for your hearing.

HOUSE: Thanks.

CAMERON: I'm going to stay here, monitor Derek.

HOUSE: Thanks for the update. [House sees Wilson walking in] My next condolence call is arriving, I'll see you guys tomorrow

[Ducklings leave, Wilson walks over to House and drops a gift bag in his lap]

WILSON: I got you something.

HOUSE: [Reaches into the bag and pulls out a red tie] Nice.

[Voldemort looks concerned House shows him the empty bag]

WILSON: I figured it might help make a good impression on the judge.

HOUSE: It's not that nice... I had no business blaming you for any of this. I know you were just trying to help me, protect me, that's what friends do.

WILSON: [Surprised] Is this.... an apology?

HOUSE: Part of the program, if you don't like it I can stop.

WILSON: Not at all, it's just so... unfamiliar. Please, keep going.

[House smiles, cuts to another aerial shot of PPTH, looks like morning, camera goes inside shows Amy looking in on Derek, Cameron walks up to her]

AMY: He looks lost.

CAMERON: It's going to take him a while.

AMY: Brock's pulling a double shift. He can't stand to see him this way.

CAMERON: Derek's going to need him Amy; I know the timing isn't great with the wedding coming up...

AMY: What wedding?

CAMERON: Yours. You and Brock.

AMY: We're not getting married, we don't even date. Why would you think we're getting married? [Cameron's jaw drops]

[Cut to court. Assistant District Attorney Velez is questioning Tritter, who is in the witness stand]]

VELEZ: When you first offered Dr House the chance to check into drug rehab how did he respond?

TRITTER: He told me to get out of his office [shot of House looking bored] I warned him that he could end up in prison and lose his medical license. If he was concerned he didn't show it.

VELEZ: So you continued your investigation.

TRITTER: Yes, which is what led me to the hospital pharmacy.

[Tritter and Velez keep talking while House's phone rings]

GEMEINER: [To House] Turn it off.

HOUSE: [Answering his phone] I told you never to call me when I'm on trial.

[Cut to ducklings gathered around speaker phone in diagnostics office]

CAMERON: The memories were false we fried his brain for nothing.

CHASE: Whatever was killing him before is still there.

FOREMAN: We did an MRI [Goes back to House watching Tritter on the stand] There's some slight hypoperfusion in the anterior cortex.

VELEZ: [Still talking to Tritter] What did you find when you checked the pharmacy logs?

JUDGE: Hold on Mr Vickers.

HOUSE: Thanks Your Honour [points to the phone] hard to hear. [Talking to the phone] You test for clotting time and LB function?

GEMEINER: I believe this is a medical emergency Your Honour.

[Back to ducklings]

CHASE: His blood's normal and his heart’s pumping it up to the brain

[Back to House]

HOUSE: But it's not all getting there, something's obstructing the blood flow.

JUDGE: Dr House you were given adequate notice to make arrangements for your patients.

[Back to ducklings]

FOREMAN: There's no hyper-intensity to suggest a foreign body near the region, and no signs of infection or vascular malformation.

[Back to House]

HOUSE: It's lower down.

JUDGE: Dr House, hang up!

CAMERON: [Can hear her voice over the phone, while camera still on House] The cytology on the LP doesn't suggest a tumour.

JUDGE: Dr House! Now!

[House looks at the judge]

HOUSE: [To the phone] Hang on a second. [To the Judge] Does your voice always get that high and annoying when you're angry?

JUDGE: Do you want to go to jail?

HOUSE: No thank you. [To the phone] Set him up for a selective vertebral angiography, I'm on my way. [hangs up the phone, gets up and starts to leave]

GEMEINER: Dr House.

CUDDY: House, sit down.

HOUSE: [Still walking out] Why? I'm bored, there's nothing I can say or do that's going to make a difference here.

JUDGE: If you leave this room I will find you in contempt. [House doesn't break stride]

CUDDY: [To Gemeiner] Get a recess. [Follows House out]

[Cut to House entering the hospital]

FOREMAN: Are you out of your mind?

HOUSE: They said they wanted me there, but I don't think they liked me. His voice isn't high because of the electrical charges; it's another symptom of menopause. [they walk into the OR] His system keeps getting hit by women's issues, so let’s follow the pattern. What might obstruct the blood flow that's more common in women than men? [To Chase] Is the catheter in?

CHASE: Go back to court, we will let you know the results.

HOUSE: Shut up and wire him.

[Walks into other room where Cameron is waiting at the computer to watch the results]

HOUSE: [To Cameron] Centre the image in the interpeduncular cistern, keep it moving at 30 frames per second.

FOREMAN: You think the arteries are narrowing; you're going to need still shots which WE can do without you.

HOUSE: The problem is not how wide the road is, it's a guy with a squeegee on the sidewalk, flagging cars. That's what's causing the slowdown, we find him we find the problem.

[Chase inserts the wire]

CHASE: He's wired.

HOUSE: Go!

FOREMAN: Injecting the dye. Blood's in the capillaries.

HOUSE: [points to screen] There! Mr Squeegee, spinal meningioma, pushing on the nerves to the vocal chords. Creates the voice change and that nerve just happens to live right near the meningeal branch of the vertebral artery, obstructs the blood flow to the brain, brain malfunctions creating false memories, memories cause love, love kills. And we didn't completely screw up; cleaning the slate bought us time to find the real problem. On the other hand, if we'd been better we wouldn't have needed the time. Schedule him for surgery, dig that thing out and he can start enjoying real misery instead of the fake stuff. [Starts walking away]

CAMERON: House [he stops and turns] I just heard that you apologised to Wilson.

HOUSE: Detoxing, I didn't know what I was saying.

[They stare at each other for a couple seconds and then Cameron gives him a very awkward hug while he just stands there]

HOUSE: Excuse me [Cameron lets him go] I have to go to jail. [Leaves]

[Cuts back to courtroom with Assistant D.A. Velez questioning Cuddy]

VELEZ: What is your position at Princeton Plainsboro?

CUDDY: Chief Administrator and Dean of Medicine.

VELEZ: And you're responsible for oversight of the pharmacy?

CUDDY: Yes.

[House walks in]

HOUSE: Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt.

JUDGE: I hope you don't mind that we continued on without you?

HOUSE: I said I was sorry there's no need to be sarcastic. [He sits down, Velez, shows Cuddy a book]

VELEZ: What is this?

CUDDY: That's our prescription sign out log from December 24th.

VELEZ: Does that appear to be Dr House's signature?

CUDDY: Yes.

VELEZ: What has he signed for?

CUDDY: A prescription for Oxycodone in the name of patient Larry Zebalusky.

VELEZ: And did the pills ever reach the patient?

CUDDY: No.

VELEZ: Why?

CUDDY: He was already dead.

VELEZ: And Dr House knew this?

CUDDY: Yes.

VELEZ: So... Dr House had no legal or medical basis for acquiring that Oxycodone?

[Cuddy and House exchange looks]

VELEZ: Dr Cuddy?

CUDDY: He never got the pills.

VELEZ: It's his signature, the log is strictly controlled.

CUDDY: Dr House did pick up a prescription but it wasn't for Oxycodone.

VELEZ: It says Oxycodone, you testified...

CUDDY: [Interrupting] I know. But it wasn't Oxycodone. Dr Wilson informed me that Dr House already tried to steal the pain medication of this patient. Which made it clear to me that Dr House was in a particularly vulnerable and desperate state. So I went to the pharmacy and I swapped bottles, Dr House only got a bottle with placebos.

VELEZ: I understand your impulse to protect a valued colleague.

CUDDY: [Pulling out a piece of paper] I have it right here on the inventory report.

TRITTER: [Standing up] Your Honour she's lying she's obviously forged that report.

GEMEINER: [Also standing up] In light of this new evidence...

VELEZ: If this is real why didn't she mention it earlier?

GEMEINER: I move to dismiss this case.

TRITTER: There is other evidence Your Honour.

JUDGE: Everyone shut up and sit down. Dr Cuddy why are you only now coming forward with this?

CUDDY: [Sighs] I guess I just never expected it to go this far.

JUDGE: [Looks away from Cuddy, a little annoyed] The witness is excused.

[Cuddy returns to her seat]

VELEZ: Your Honour you can't seriously believe...

JUDGE: Dr House please stand [House and his lawyer stand up] my suspicion is your boss [stops herself] my suspicion is you have better friends than you deserve. Rules and laws apply to everyone, you are not as special as you think. But Detective Tritter chose to make you so. Detective, I don't know exactly what's going on here, but I am sure that this man is not flooding the street with cocaine. I'm also certain that knowing Dr House, he must have done something to set you off but you're going to have to live with it. Given Dr Cuddy's testimony I'm not going to allow this to proceed to jury [shot of House looking relieved] case dismissed. Court is adjourned. [House starts to leave] Dr House, you're still guilty of contempt for that little walk out earlier, you'll be spending the night in jail, and after that you’re going right back to your rehab, bailiff take Dr House into custody.

[House gets led off towards his cell]

TRITTER: Dr House. [House stops and goes over to Tritter accompanied by the bailiff]

HOUSE: So should I be looking for you in the shadows? Flinch every time a car backfires?

TRITTER: Good Luck, I hope I'm wrong about you. [Tritter leaves]

[House gets led back off towards jail cell looking a bit confused about his last conversation with Tritter]

[Cut to PPTH, Derek sitting up on the edge of his bed, dressed]

CAMERON: We got the meningioma. Your brain should start generating real memories again.

DEREK: What do I do when I get out?

CAMERON: You have people who love you, they'll take care of you... You start over. [Derek contemplates having to start his life all over again]

[Cut to House lying on his bed in his jail cell, Cuddy and Wilson have come to visit him]

CUDDY: Surprised to see you're not spooning your way through the walls.

[House sits up]

HOUSE: So what do you say? How about a conjugal visit to celebrate?

CUDDY: [Annoyed] There's nothing to celebrate House, you made me perjure myself - [Which she said a little too loudly so she looks around to see if anyone's there and starts to talk a bit softer] fabricate evidence. You make everyone around you worse for being there. The only bright spot is that now I own your ass! When you get out of rehab, you're going to be pulling double clinic duty, giving lectures to students, helping me find donors and pretty much anything else I ask, you got it?

[House nods, Cuddy leaves]

WILSON: [Pulls an envelope out of he pocket, House gets up to the bars] Your buprenorphine. [House takes envelope and starts to open it]

HOUSE: You get these from the pharmacy or from Voldemort?

WILSON: Voldemort, why? What difference does it...

[House downs the pills]

WILSON: [Shocked] That's Vicodin, he's been slipping you Vicodin?

HOUSE: No... He’d be risking his minimum wage job to do that.

[House sits down, Wilson looks exasperated]

WILSON: The whole time?

HOUSE: [Sighs] My higher power said it was ok.

WILSON: Nothing's changed?

HOUSE: Nothing's changed.

[Wilson looks disappointed and starts to walk off but then realises something, turns back to House]

WILSON: The apology, you didn't need to do that to make this work.

HOUSE: [smirks] Believe what you want.

WILSON: [smiling] Goodnight house, I'll see ya tomorrow. [Walks away]

HOUSE: Goodnight Wilson.

[House lies back down]


End



Comments 
27th-Feb-2007 09:11 am (UTC)
man i love you guys- I live in australia where we've only just started season 3... and the reception on my tv is so bad that it's mostly fuzz, so I don't get to watch house except for clips on youtube, so you guys rock!

just one quibble-
perjure, not purger.

thanks!
28th-Feb-2007 03:23 pm (UTC)
hey falmalinnar!
i can really understand you! i live in germany and we haven't finished the second season yet!!! i always read the scripts to! they are sooooo amazing! <3
thank you all sooooo much!
*kisses*
12th-Apr-2007 10:20 am (UTC) - voldemort?
Anonymous
erm... isn't that a guy from harry potter? who is 'voldemort' in house?
13th-May-2007 09:10 pm (UTC) - Re: voldemort?
Anonymous
the guy watching his rehab i guess...
1st-Jun-2007 09:17 pm (UTC) - Re: voldemort?
Anonymous
It is the guy who hands out the pills at rehab, yes. No idea why House nicknamed him 'Voldemort' though... Any ideas?
16th-Aug-2007 12:44 am (UTC) - Re: voldemort?
Anonymous
I'm not exactly a harry potter expert, but I'm pretty sure Voldemort is HP's main antagonist, much like the rehab guy means oppression for House. So in the good-guy-vs-bad-guy comparison it seems to work.

My theory is that House made up this obviously evil nickname to make everyone think he *really* hates the guy, so that nobody would figure out his little trick.
20th-Aug-2009 06:34 am (UTC) - Re: voldemort?
Anonymous
As a big House and HP fan, I will let you all know that Voldemort is basically the ultimate representation of evil. So in house speak the 'bad guy'.
20th-Aug-2009 08:51 am (UTC) - Re: voldemort?
Anonymous
As a big House and HP fan, I will let you all know that Voldemort is basically the ultimate representation of evil. So in house speak the 'bad guy'.
10th-Sep-2011 04:07 am (UTC)
All fixed. Thanks.
23rd-Dec-2011 10:45 pm (UTC)
trying to breath --> breathe
we'll get consult with Dr House --> a consult
dead guys pills --> guy's
Your already looking --> you're
you no what else Tritter can do --> know
to wards --> towards
house's hand --> House's
its right there --> it's
Times up --> time's
cant --> can't
cardio myopathy --> cardiomyopathy
real life --> real-life
wont --> won't
We've giving --> given
PROSECUTER --> -OR
hearts pumping it up --> heart's
lets follow --> let's
causing the slow down --> slowdown
brought us time --> bought
we'd had been better --> we'd been

Edited at 2011-12-24 02:38 am (UTC)
27th-Dec-2011 09:16 pm (UTC)
Ah - here's 20 of the 61 e-mails I got, all in one place.

And all fixed. :D
23rd-Jan-2012 05:43 am (UTC)
doctor patient confidentiality --> doctor-patient confidentiality
maybe its menopause --> it's
Yes his age is the reason --> Yes,
Blue vision isn't a symptom it's a side effect --> symptom,
Its nothing --> It's
Complaint department's a across the hall --> drop a
Aggression comes on that fast, it's gotta have a neurologic basis we should do a CT --> basis. We
plaque filled arteries --> plaque-filled
and a swollen heart he's a guy --> heart,
stop the brains chemical attack --> brain's
This isn't 1940 the problem can be controlled --> 1940,
fire fighting --> firefighting
[To chase] --> Chase
and after that your going --> you're going

Edited at 2012-01-24 12:37 pm (UTC)
29th-Jan-2012 10:30 pm (UTC)
There were a lot of random returns as well. I just cleaned up my copy and re-pasted it. Should be fine now.
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